[right][sub][color=lightgray]TIMESTAMP: Late Tuesday Morning 
A [@Venus] & [@Aces Away] Collab
Featuring  [color=dc143c]Mordechai Boaz[/color] & Introducing [color=A1364E]Adora Diamondheart[/color][/color][/sub][/right]
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[img]https://i.imgur.com/Q2Mcs8w.png[/img][/center][hr][hr]
[color=darkgray][indent][indent][center][i]I made a wreck out of my hand
I put it through the wall
I made a fist and not a plan
Call me a reckless wrecking ball[/i][/center]

The [url=https://youtu.be/Dao5P8Mqkzw]song[/url] Mika had shown him years ago filtered out of the tinny speaker of Mordechai’s battered old phone. The one he’d had when he left Edenridge had been wrecked within the first month, and when he met Allegra and the woman noticed he was without, one of her diner coworkers gave him an old Nokia 215 that she was switching out for a newer model. It’s the same phone he’s had ever since, and it has proven time and time again that despite its screen it still remains as unbreakable as the original Nokias. Granted, there were several scuffs and dents in the actual body of it, but it still worked and that’s honestly all Mordechai really needs in a phone. 

He continued his routine of patching up the hole that his fist had made in the wall by his bedroom door, eyes bloodshot and nose and cheeks red from emotional exertion. He’d finished his crying and shaking and self loathing about five minutes prior, and after rubbing the tear tracks off of his face he had slowly gotten up and grabbed the patch kit and got started on fixing up his mess. As he was securing the mesh in place, there was a soft knock on his door before it was gently opened by the very woman whose wall he was fixing. 

[color=dc143c]“Hey Auntie,”[/color] Mordechai spoke up with a scratchy voice, while the freshly showered Adora stood at the doorway. [color=dc143c]“How was your jog?”[/color]

[center][i]I'm just a big ol' wrecking ball[/i][/center]

God, that Russian jackass truly had the worst taste in music.

The first time Adora Diamondheart had laid eyes on Mordechai Boaz and his brother Danny was during the winter of 2011-- nearly ten years ago. Her older sister Tama, along with the members of her Serpent family, had visited the reservation to spend the holidays with her and her mother. As they all filed out of the SUV and went on with their affectionate, enthusiastic greetings, the then seventeen year-old Adora had noticed the two unknown boys nervously exit the vehicle and remain lingering beside it. The older boy’s hardened expression seemed out of place for his young age as he had a protective arm wrapped around the younger one, who clung to him looking scared as ever.

Their hesitation, and the way the older boy’s sharp eyes burned holes into the Native teenager all afternoon, raised questions about their origins. Sometime during that first night, Adora had discreetly approached Tama, eager to know more about the apprehensive, timid new additions to this year’s festivities. Their story had left the teenager in tears. No matter how hard she tried to process it, she couldn’t wrap her head around knowing there were people out there capable of damaging their children in such a cruel, heartless way. It made her angry, sick to her stomach, and determined to show them the way they should be treated.

From that point onward, Adora had taken the Boaz boys under her wing. She became one of their many new protectors-- taking turns in playing the role of mother, older sister and aunt whenever necessary. With patience, kindness, encouragement, sympathy, attention and a listening ear, she had won Mordechai’s and Danny’s trust and their love. They had been there for her after Tama’s passing, providing her with a love and comfort she didn't know she needed. She had mourned Danny’s death like she’d lost her own child. She had worried about Mordechai’s safety since the day he left; praying for his well-being even when she wasn’t a very religious person. She’d breathed a sigh of relief when she’d heard he was back, trying to better himself. And she’d cried tears of joy when they’d finally been reunited, knowing he was safe and back where he belonged. 

Mordechai, Jonie and Maliq: three young men with the future at their fingertips… But forever Adora’s little boys.

[color=A1364E]“It was good,”[/color] came Adora’s soft response, accompanied by a gentle smile and choosing to overlook the activity he was performing. She had learned very early on that bringing attention to the consequences of Mordechai’s overstimulation would only serve to make the young man sink deeper into a negative headspace. Instead, she would do what she always did: display her availability if he wished to speak about what was bothering him and provide whatever support he needed. [color=A1364E]“Can I come in?”[/color]

[color=dc143c]“‘Course,”[/color] Mordechai replied with a bob of his head, starting on the first layer of wall compound and evening out the edges with his scraper. He refused to look her in the eye until he finished his little project, but as she passed him he visibly relaxed, shoulders dropping as the swipes of the scraper went from handyman quality to a painter with a canvas. [color=dc143c]“Ya pass any’a the girls on the way up here?”[/color]

[color=A1364E]“Nope. I came in through the back,”[/color] she replied with a wink, making reference to the French door in her bedroom that led to the side of the house near the backyard that was used whenever someone needed to make a discreet exit. The last thing Adora wanted was to interrupt any emotional conversations being had by her guests, so she chose to avoid the area altogether. Having received permission from Decky to enter the room, the sun-kissed woman stepped inside, closed the door behind them and settled in the middle of the ruffled bed, crossing her legs together. [color=A1364E]“How are you holding up?”[/color]

[color=dc143c]“‘Bout as well as the wall, I guess,”[/color] He laughed emptily while nodding at all the patch marks from years- and breakdowns- gone by. He set the bucket and scraper down, brushing his hands off on his pant legs before dropping down on the bed next to her and flopping onto his back to stare at the ceiling. [color=dc143c]“Still no answers for me, for Danny. Still fuckin’ up an’ hurtin’ everyone around me, but hey,”[/color] He gave the world’s most unenthusiastic fist pump before continuing with a sarcastically sung, [color=dc143c]“At least I’m sober~!”[/color]

Adora's response was instant. [color=A1364E]“Don’t you downplay that shit!”[/color] she hissed at him, grabbing a pillow from nearby and smacking Decky in the face with it. [color=A1364E]“Getting clean and staying sober isn't for the weak. Give yourself more credit than that."[/color]

[color=dc143c]“Thanks, Auntie,”[/color] Mordechai replied to the tough love, huffing and rolling his eyes when she removed the pillow from his face, knowing that there wasn’t any reason to deny her words nor the upcoming conversation, especially since he’s the one that essentially started it.

[color=A1364E]“You’re welcome.”[/color] Adora placed the pillow beside Decky's head and laid face up on the bed beside him, resting her head on the plush surface. [color=A1364E]"Now let's break it down and talk about the rest of it. What do you want to lead with: the lack of answers or how you say you're 'hurting everyone around' you?"[/color]

He turned his head to the side to stare at Adora’s profile, taking in the same look in her eyes that both he and Poppy carried, as well as TNT back home. The look that told of the loss of a sibling, and the fact that they were never far from the forefront of the survivors’ minds. 

[color=dc143c]“I’m just sick of guessin’,”[/color] He started without any warning, returning his gaze to the ceiling to think about the past two years. [color=dc143c]“I always think I’ve finally figured out why he did it ‘til I’m thrown another curveball. I can say I know why but that’ll always be a lie. I treated Charlie like shit, y’know? But Danny, he always chewed me out for it, always stuck up for the guy when I decided ta get physical. I dunno how Hard Times felt about me in the end, but I [i]know[/i] he didn’t hate Danny. I can live with all my unanswered questions ‘cept this one.”[/color] Because that was the root of it all, wasn't it? The fact that he was here and Danny never would be again? [color=dc143c]“I just can’t accept that my baby brother died ‘cause'a some fuckin’ mistake, or ‘cause Charlie was just so fuckin’ [i]cracked[/i] that he ain’t even cared ‘bout who he shot,”[/color] Mordechai balled his hands into fists at his sides, fingers twisting the soft bedsheet beneath them with vice-like intensity as tears of frustration once again stung at his eyes. [color=dc143c]“It was [i]Danny[/i], he was goin’ places, he was gonna go ta college! I never planned ta survive past 18, never really even wanted ta, and if it comes down to me or Danny, I didn’t [i]deserve[/i] ta. But he [i]did.[/i] What kinda failure is the reason that his own kid got shot?”[/color]

There it was. [i]His Kid.[/i] The real bottom of his emotional iceberg, the deepest part of him that he couldn’t even admit to himself until now, in the safety and warmth of Adora’s home and heart; Danny wasn’t just a little brother to Mordechai, he had been his first dependant. His first son. He’d raised Danny, he’d kept him alive and fed when their parents wouldn’t. Danny had been his entire reason for the emancipation, for living and fighting for another day. As much as he never would have said it to the younger Boaz, Mordechai had often dreamt of seeing him graduate highschool, and go off to college, to get out of this cursed fucking town and learn what true freedom felt like. He’d dream that Danny would grow up and have a spouse that made him happy, that he had forgotten all about his horrible past, and even his big brother and the horrible darkness that haunted his every step. Mordechai would always wake up from those dreams with tears drying on his face, but a smile on his lips, refusing to tell Danny what caused the strange reaction. They were some of the only times he felt hope for the future, even if it wasn’t his own.

Sobs filled the silence following his words until, tone strangled in grief and regret, the barely stable man finished by choking out, [color=dc143c]“I just want the one answer, Auntie, why my baby boy?”[/color]

Adora pursed her lips together for a moment, feeling her own mahogany eyes well up with tears even though she tried to remain the rock that Mordechai so desperately needed at the moment. When the news of the shooting at Edenridge High had reached her ears, the native woman’s stomach had dropped to the floor. Her two nephews had already graduated, but the Boaz boys and some of her reservation sisters were still enrolled at the school. The shooter was identified to be Charlie Decker, and her heart had gone out to Mitena at the feelings she was probably experiencing regarding her half-brother. But when the deceased list was revealed and Danny Boaz’s name had been on it, any sympathy Adora had felt had been thrown out the window.

The brunette had felt the same way Mordechai was expressing when she’d heard the news. She had been heartbroken. She had been sad. She had been mad. She was back once again back on that roller coaster of grief she’d experienced at the loss of Tama, Zeti and Quintel. Why would anyone want to cause harm to little Danny, of all people? Why had he, her sister and her lovers met their demise so soon in their young lives? Why had fate decided to play this cruel card on their loved ones like that? The questions had tortured Adora for what felt like forever. But eventually, after years of growth and introspection, she had come to the conclusion that some inquiries just didn’t have any logical answers. It was a harsh reality that she wished she could change, but couldn’t.

[color=A1364E]“I wish I had the answer for you, honey, I really do.”[/color] Adora said in earnest, gently running her fingers through Mordechai’s dark locks of hair while the sobbing man turned into her and hid his face in her chest like he’d done for years. After the Boaz brothers warmed up enough to her to allow physical contact, they’d spend hours curling up to her like kittens, allowing her to shower them with affection. She was glad she was able to provide him that same comfort even now. [color=A1364E]“Tama’s been gone for ten years now, and I still find myself asking that question from time to time. It took me years to come to peace with the fact that there are things that will always be a mystery to us. But what I can tell you, though, with absolute certainty, is that Danny wouldn’t have wanted to see you give up.”[/color]

She took a moment to kiss Decky’s forehead before continuing. [color=A1364E]“It doesn’t matter whether you weren’t planning to live for as long as you have or that you feel like you didn't deserve to. I felt like I didn’t deserve to, either. After Tama died and I went off the deep end, I used to look at myself in the mirror and imagine how disappointed she would be for the decisions I ended up making in my life. But as time went on, I realized that this was no way to live. This was no way to honor my sister’s life. Instead of focusing on the negatives and what I couldn’t change, I decided to focus on the positives and what I [i]could[/i] change. For better or for worse, you are here. You’re alive, and you’re breathing, and you’re still fighting on. The best way you can honor Danny’s memory is by living your life to the fullest and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, not by drowning yourself in regrets. I promise you that there are so many of us who feel grateful and lucky to have you in their lives. I don’t ever want to lose you, too.”[/color]

[color=dc143c]“I just feel so fucking selfish. I can’t regret leavin’, ‘cause I [i]had[/i] ta, but it fucked with so many people just ‘cause I thought I ain’t had any impact on people’s lives,”[/color] Mordechai lifted his head up to look Adora in the eyes. [color=dc143c]“I come back and then Lanie left town before I could even really think’a talkin’ ta her, I wasn’t there for Jade and Poppy and my crew, or Rye. Shit, I left [i]Sunshine[/i] behind, and someone that… I could have had somethin’ more with, too. ‘Cause let’s be honest: me and Lanie wouldn’t'a lasted outside’a highschool even if things did go right.”[/color] He scrubbed at his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing, [color=dc143c]“I left ‘cause it was what was best for me. The first time I ever did somethin’ just for myself, and I’m strugglin’ ta gather up all the consequences before I can even try and start healin’ 'em. I’m makin’ things up with Pops and J, but Christ do I have a ways ta go,”[/color] He finally let go of Adora and rolled back onto his back, the old twinkle lights strewn across the ceiling like mock stars drawing his gaze.

[color=A1364E]“You just said it, babe: you did what was best for you at the time,”[/color] she coincided with him, validating his decision even when she’d been one of the people it had indirectly. [color=A1364E]“I understand you feel guilty about how your leaving affected other people, but you had to do what you needed to save yourself. That was a time where you had to put yourself first.”[/color]


[color=dc143c]“Y’ever hear her, Auntie,”[/color] He asked after a moment of silence of pondering her words, his voice leveling out as the tears dried from his eyes. [color=dc143c]“When you’re doin somethin’ that y’know ya shouldn’t in the big picture but you’re all tunnel vision? I swear Danny’s ghost was yellin’ at me ta turn around before his body was even in the ground. I had more of a life in Edenridge than I was ever able ta see when I was there. I know I wouldn’t’a been able ta appreciate it or even see it if I never left, but my little mental Danny was givin’ me grief the whole two years. ‘Specially when I relapsed and left my kids.”[/color]

Adora shook her head. [color=A1364E]“I can’t say I’ve ever heard her voice. But I have dreamt about her sometimes, in moments that I’ve felt like I’m at my lowest or when I’ve felt like I could use some guidance,”[/color] the brunette admitted in a confession she’d only ever really voiced to Maliq and Jonie. [color=A1364E]“They’re always the same, too. They always start with Tam wrapping me up in her arms with the same love she showed me when she was still with us. Then we sit down by the river, and she braids my hair with red velvet ribbons while we discuss whatever’s on my mind. In the dreams, Tam’s never judgemental. She gives me the same words of wisdom and encouragement as she did before. It’s as if she knows exactly what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. I know it might sound odd to some people, but I’m sure you’re one of the few who would understand.”[/color]

Mordechai nodded in response as he thought back to a dream he’d had of Danny a bit after returning to Edenridge. Danny had returned to him as a ghost, and they had gone to the southie kids’ special spot in Lyon park to wait for Poppy to show up. They’d been lying in the grass talking and Danny had thrown a counterpoint at every self-deprecating thought that fell from Mordechai’s lips, including telling him that he’d left his mark on people just as much as Danny himself had. He’d wanted Mordechai to acknowledge that he mattered outside of his little brother, he’d wanted his older brother to say [i]‘I wanna live, it’s not all on my shoulders, your death wasn’t my fault,’[/i] but even in the dream, his twisted guilt wouldn’t allow him to. So Danny had just asked him to instead think about what he said, and Mordechai had ceded to that request. Then he’d woken up hungover and in the midst of his withdrawals and he promptly forgot about everything he dreamed as he spent the day curled up on the bathroom floor.

But he remembered now, and what Adora had said about her dreams with Tama had unlocked the memory for him. He’d grown a lot since the dream, but he still carried so much guilt that if his brother appeared to him in another dream now he’d give him those big sad eyes that were just a brow furrow away from being disappointed. He wanted to show Danny he could move forward, and everytime he tried something pulled him back again and it was always his fau-

Oh.

[color=dc143c]“It wasn’t my fault,”[/color] He finally admitted in a hushed whisper as he stared at the twinkle lights through the lazily rotating ceiling fan blades, mentally blaming the strobing effect it caused for the fresh tears in his eyes. He could never say it before. Never believe it enough to say it. But Danny would never blame him for it. So he had to let it go. [color=dc143c]“Danny wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t control it, Auntie, I couldn’t control anythin’ that was happenin’. I loved him, love him still, and he would be so fuckin’ pissed if he knew I blamed myself. And he’d be pissed ‘cause he always knew that it [i]wasn’t my fault[/i],”[/color] He looked into her eyes, tears streaming down his face again but voice steady and somber. [color=dc143c]“I have ta prove ta him that I can live for myself,”[/color] the tone tightened with a trace of fear and hysteria. [color=dc143c]“But [i]fuck[/i], I’ve never really done that before.”[/color]

Noting the change in Decky's demeanor from acceptance to fear, Adora tenderly wiped away his tears and resumed her stroking of his hair. She could tell that the young man had reached a breakthrough, but that he needed that little push to step across the threshold. [color=A1364E]“I know it can take some time to fully process the idea of doing something we haven’t before. And it’s totally okay to feel scared about it, too. As long as you find reasons to keep fighting for, don’t lose hope and remind yourself that you’re not alone, you’ll be able to do anything you set your mind to. I mean, you’ve already started making a change when you decided to get sober-- and I bet at one point you thought that was something you’d never do again."[/color] She pointed out, hoping that this accomplishment would help put the rest of things into perspective for him. It was important for the native woman to show the young man how capable he was and how in control of his own destiny he could be. [color=A1364E]“You’re a warrior, Mordechai. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And when you need a little help keeping that in mind, there’s a lot of us out there ready to remind you of it.”[/color]

[color=dc143c]“Warrior,”[/color] Mordechai repeated while pulling his head back to pin her with a searching gaze, wiping the last of his tears away himself. What she said had struck a chord, and logically he knew being sober was a big thing for him, but that was still something he felt he did for others’ sakes first, so the ones he loved didn’t have such a pained look in their eyes whenever they saw fresh tracks. He let out a soft laugh and looked away. [color=dc143c]“That’s what my name means. Mordechai Oren roughly comes out as [i]Warrior'a Ash[/i]. Makes me think Alana might’ve actually had a lil' bit’a hope when she first chose my name; by the time Danny came around, well, Daniel Amos means [i]Bearer'a Burden and Judgement[/i], kinda speaks for itself,”[/color] He looked back at her, face dry but eyes still a bit hazy and red as he spoke of his mother. [color=dc143c]“Makes me wonder exactly what she was on when she had both’a us. Then again, I’m always wonderin’ what she was on and what she was thinkin’ by not abortin’ if she already knew she ain’t want us.”[/color] 

[color=A1364E]“Well, there’s another name I’d like to use for your mother that I’m sure fits her better than Alana, but I’ll bite my tongue out of respect for you,”[/color] Adora replied in a surprisingly sharp tone, the utter repugnance she felt for Mordechai’s mother oozing from her voice and eliciting a smile from the man she was comforting. The native woman wasn’t a hateful person by any means. Her compassionate heart held no room for grudges. That wasn’t to say, however, that there wasn’t a special place in her heart to hold a burning hatred for family members who harmed their children in any way. [i]Those[/i] were people she would not hesitate to put her hands on if she ever came across them on the street. Alana and her equally repulsive husband were definitely on the list. [color=A1364E]“And there’s no use in torturing yourself thinking about whatever she was or wasn’t thinking about, either. If I were to guess, there probably [i]wasn’t[/i] much thinking involved…”[/color] she trailed off, pausing for a moment to let Decky read between the lines before carrying on. [color=A1364E]“But with all of that being said, what actually matters right now is that you’re here, and you’re wanted by people that actually [i]do[/i] care about you, who want you to be happy and who only want what's best for you. I don’t care how many times I have to say it or show it to you, but we do love you, Mordechai. We love you so very much, and we’re so glad you’re here with us.”[/color]

[color=dc143c]“Shit,”[/color] Mordechai huffed and threw his arm over his eyes and reddened face, voice choked up once more as he took in Adora’s words. [color=dc143c]“I think I’m finally startin’ ta believe it when y’all say shit like that."[/color]

[color=A1364E]“Good, because I’d rather you get sick of me saying it than ever let you forget it,”[/color] she declared, pulling Mordechai into another tight hug to ensure without a doubt that her point would be proven.[/indent][/indent][/color]