The princess keeps returning to the idea of writing things down, only to shove the thought away and pull the goggles back down instead. There is so much to do. There is so [i]much[/i] to do. Enough so that she can glut herself in it. Roll out of bed in the morning, try not to wake Bella up, wake her up anyway, apologize profusely, and then work until Bella finds her and picks her up and carries her back for dinner and words and hungers. She needs to be hundred-handed. Every person on the [i]Plousios[/i] is working two jobs, and Redana keeps volunteering for more. Let her do four jobs. Let her do six. Let her drag the ship to the Rift herself.

Because if she's working, there's no room for the doubt.

What if you wrote everything down, Redana? But then you'd be admitting that you'll need it. And then you start wondering whether you'll even remember how to read. What if you filmed yourself? But no good. We don't have the materials. You can't divert Isakarot from the vigil on the engines. And what if you forget what words mean? What if you're scrubbed clean? Scrub. Scrub the cables. Dislodge the crabs from behind the Third Hub. Carry a message to Jil, who is herself a hub, who speaks for the Lanterns scurrying crossways and up and down and doing the same work she is. Spin out a plover-cable, make sure the reinforced plating is holding, try not to stare at the mind-annihilating river-scar tearing open the universe.

If she thinks too much about it she might think she's making a mistake. If she thinks too much about it her hands might start shaking. It was easy to be brave on the [i]Tunguska[/i]. It was easy to feel like she was doing something big, and brave, and meaningful, and Bella was by her side. But then the thought starts creeping in again.

What if she forgets how to read? What if she saves everything she is and it doesn't matter, it's lost anyway? What if the Lethe scrubs words away, too, and the ship will breach the other side with all words and sigils and numbers washed clean? Wash. The fountains need to remain clear of crabs, otherwise the flow of water through the ship will be disrupted, and then the water will grow stagnant. She murmurs prayers to her Uncle as she unclogs pipes, and she finds herself resting her forehead on the cool stone, unable to move, letting the water wash over her.

The smoke is everywhere. She lights incense before the altars anyway. Father Zeus, please protect us. Uncle Poseidon, we honor your strength. Cousin Artemis, make our way straight and clear. Uncle Hades... Cousin Apollo, show me the right thing. Aunt Demeter, please keep rot from our food supplies. This is the role of the ship's champion, here where there is nothing left to fight.

(What if there [i]is[/i] something to fight? What if nobody comes back because there are great big eyeless Lethe-snakes writhing through that pinkfire sea and everyone's forgotten how to use plovers by that point in the trip? How can you organize a defense when you might be forgetting the fact of being attacked as soon as you look away? When you forget how to use a sword?)

[hr]

He's staring at the rift, too. Or, no. He's bathing his face in its light. There is concern in his expression, though not fear. Redana stops to look at him, and she could keep running, but she doesn't. Her face is smudged with grease. Her eye flickers and switches off the faint line it's tracing to her next destination. The further away from Tellus she's gotten, the weaker it's been. Or is that just her imagination? Maybe it was something else. The fight with Sagakhan. The proximity to the river. Maybe it's forgetting, too.

Standing next to him is comforting. The warmth suffuses her skin, makes prickles run up and down her arms, cups her cheeks. "Thank you," she says, and clasps her hands together in that way that he likes. He returns the gesture, but doesn't look to her. He is silent, as always. (As apparently always. She hasn't seen him very often at all.)

So it's up to her to fill the silence. Which she does. Eventually. It's hard to tell how long. They took a seat; they both fold their legs, but only Redana hunches forward to rest her elbows on her thighs. She can feel her heart beating through her body. She's warm. Like a fruit on a summer day. Pluck her right off the vine.

"Am I stupid?" His expression softens, and he lowers his eyes from the scar in the sea. "Because... everyone else thought it through, didn't they? Back on the [i]Tunguska[/i]? I thought, if I really, [i]really[/i] believed in Bella, and we wrote everything down, and... what if we forget that, too? What if we're, what if we're [i]babies[/i]? Babies can't steer ships! We're just going to get eaten by forgetting-eels! And it's [i]my fault[/i]!"

He reaches out and takes her hand. It's almost painfully hot. Almost. But she curls her fingers around his hand anyway. The throb of blood fills her head. Her eyes are wet.

"...but if I don't do this," she says to him, to the wound, to her mother, "then Uncle Hades is just going to be that [i]sad[/i] forever. Like he was when he thought I was going to die, on that very first battle at the Eater of Worlds. If I don't do this, then Epistia and Beljani will have become Belistiajani for nothing. I will have dragged Dolce and Vasilly through all this for nothing, and Bella, and Mynx, and stranded Alexa so far from home, and..."

She does not cry prettily. Her fingers squeeze tighter around his hand. The Lethe throbs; rivulets of white sear through it like lightning bolts, almost invisible. Behind them, so very far behind them, the pilots of the monsters have tea forever in the sunlight, and they'd told her, hadn't they, be bold, be bold. There's something special about this crew, this voyage.

([i]You have two shadows[/i], Sir Aeon had whispered in her ear, [i]one taller than the other. Take heart in this.[/i])

"...but they'd still go," she admits. "It's not my fault."

It's not your fault. Is there any enlightenment more difficult? Or so often attained and lost, over and over?

"Just because I started this, doesn't mean..." She wipes her face on the back of her free hand, and then discovers that he has offered her a tissue. "Because Bella, she's going for a wish, now. Her sisters. And Dolce and Vasilly, they think it's possible, too. If I ran away, I'd just be leaving them to face this alone."

The Lethe roils. But Redana looks up at it. Stares, until she remembers to worry that maybe her eye can forget itself.

He leans in and gives her a kiss. One, singular. The faintest brushing of his lips against her skin.

That night, Bella will comment on the sunburn, on the almost red-gold tinge. And that night, they'll sit together and write.

[hr]

[i]MY name is Redana. It's your name, too, if you're the girl with the gold hair and the one blue eye and the one green eye. If that's not you, please give this to Redana instead. Okay, Redana, since you're reading this now. You're from Tellus, which is on the other side of the universe. Don't go back!!

You are going from one side of the River Lethe, which is the very big pink-white awful thing you are going through, or on the other side of. If it's behind you, don't go back!!

You have to keep going. You're looking for a place called Gaia. Once you get there, you'll deliver a message from Lord Hades. If you've forgotten the message, I think really YOU are the message. So just get there and everything's going to be okay, I promise. Once you're there, or maybe once you go back, Lord Hades will offer all of you a wish. [s]You want your mother to change her mind[/s] [s]You want Bella to be free[/s] [s]You want everything to be[/s] You want everyone to be able to choose their life for themselves. Don't forget, please. No asking for a discus that always comes back or more Batrachomyomachia sequels or for Bella to love you (because she does)!!

This is Bella. She's beautiful. You know that. She loves you, and you love her, and you couldn't do anything about it until right before we got to Lethe. So please ask her if you can kiss her again, and if she forgets you, do your best to fall in love with her again. She's mean on the outside but that's because her mother was AWFUL to her growing up, and on the inside she wants to take care of everyone and help the people who can't help themselves.

This is Dolce. He's one of the smartest people you know (but see also Iskarot when I write about him, too). But he's really kind, too. Give him big hugs! He's so soft and fluffy and he makes silly noises when you wiggle around with him. He used to be in charge after you [s]tried to turn the ship[/s] had an argument with him. But then he decided not to be? Jil's in charge now. Please take care of him. Protect him.

This is Jil. She is very good at telling people what to do. Whatever she says, you can probably trust her, unless she's drunk, in which case you really shouldn't. I wish I could tell you more but she hasn't been captain for very long and you've been busy. I've been busy. Mostly you've been working together on ship maintenance.

Oh! Ship maintenance!

[...]

Which is why you should never ever ever let the crabs back INTO the pipes.

...oh. Right.

This is Vasilia. She's proud and dangerous and prickly, but she loves Dolce more than anybody else, and she's really fun to fight with. Not a real fight, but a practice fight. If you forget how to fight, ask her to teach you. She's the best at swordfighting. Bella's stronger than her, but you CANNOT fight like Bella can, so don't even try it.

This is Alexa. You won't find her on the ship anymore, but you owe her SO MUCH. She protected you even though you dragged her on this quest and... maybe we should forget that. But we shouldn't forget Alexa. She's the best at lifting and the BEST at hugs. She's on the other side of the Lethe (DON'T GO BACK!!) and she's looking after Hades' dog. When you come back and everybody is free to be themselves, you go find her, you go give her more hugs, and you ask her where she wants to go and you take her there. Okay? You owe her a lot. She's the reason you made it this far.

[...]

That's everyone. Everyone you're friends with. I didn't mention the Master of Assassins or the Azura on Salib or any of the Kaeri because we were NOT friends and if you forget them, good riddance. Good luck. I believe in you. You're going to do an amazing job, Redana.

PS. if you get in trouble ask the Shepherdess for help. She's you, but from later. I don't think she forgot any of this, so maybe I'm just worrying about nothing? Maybe my eye really can remember all of this? But just in case, just in CASE, please do your best to remember everything here, okay? Study it like it's the Hesperidean Dialogues. [s](Maybe try to forget those too, actually?)[/s] Bella says she's going to "dunk you in the Lethe if you forget those after all the hard work I did" so try not to, and if you do forget but she forgets she said that, don't tell her. This one time. I promise it's okay.

That's all I can think of. Don't forget the gods, either. They're actually your family. Don't trust Aphrodite. Say a special thank you to Apollo. Remember we're doing this for Hades. [s]Her[/s] the god that Iskarot worships is your mother. And Iskarot isn't going to forget her, so you can ask him for an explanation, but if I write her name down maybe she'll be able to come find us immediately? I don't know. I worry about it. It's complicated. You can't go home and see her until you've had your wish. Okay? Please?

Don't give up on Gaia. Don't give up on Bella. Don't give up on swords and adventure. I think if you do all that you'll be doing an okay job of being me. So let's do our best, okay?

- [s]Prin[/s] [s]Redana Clau[/s] Dany[/i]