[quote=@AriiBird] Here's my character sheet, let me know what you think :) [hider=Character Sheet][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/OPPwz6h.png[/img][/center] [center][i]"We're the same, you and I. I'm your mouth and your my eyes."[/i][/center] [center]Names: [color=5f84b7][b]Areya Pierre[/b][/color] (left) & [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia Pierre[/b][/color] (Right) Species: Elvish + non-human Age: [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] is 21, [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] is ageless Gender: both are female[/center] [center]--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/center] [center][h1]Apperance[/h1][/center] [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] -- A small doll that has red hair and blue eyes. She was made to be Phynnia's height when she was nine (9) years old as Phynnia is unable to see clearly. She is then as short as 4'9" (roughly 144.8cm) and weighs about 63.9lb(28.58kg). [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] -- A young woman in her early 20s. She has dark blonde hair and unknown colour of eyes. Her parents asked her to keep her veil over her eyes until the day she dies. She has respected their wishes and keeps it on. Her height is roughly 5'3" (160cm) and she weighs about 120lbs (54.4kg) [center][h1]Peronsality[/h1][/center] Both girls are quite reserved and not known to throw tantrums or speak loudly around others. They are not shy, they would just rather enjoy being with each other than having to be with others. They will make friends, but also keep them distant enough to not reveal too much about them. They are quite smart and know how to work around problems. [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] has more expressions than [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] (obviously because she can see and [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] cannot). She has learned a lot about the world and how expressions work. [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] is cheeky and can make a mess of herself. While she is reserved, she can be blunt and quite harsh towards others. She has a medical condition that makes her lack the emotion capability to feel pain, sadness, etc. The same medical condition also affects her eye sight. [center][h1]History[/h1][/center] [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] used to live in a town near Gloomminister. Her life was full of riches, which is why she was able to obtain [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] as her helper and, soon, a sister. She had many toys and dolls alike, but none could ever compare. One night, [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color]'s father comes home with a dejected look on his face. He sits down in a char, slumped. Her mother, the loveliest elf the young girl new, comes in asking the father, "What's wrong with you?" Her father slowly looks up at her. His eyes looked tired, and he had a white face. He only mutters, "We're bankrupt." After that, nothing was the same. [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] still had her parents, but they didn't look like they loved each other anymore. [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] had become a punching bag for a while, getting hit in the face (which is why she's unable to talk properly anymore). Eventually, [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] was able to attain acceptance to Glimminister. [color=5f84b7][b]Areya[/b][/color] came along as an assistant to [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] (they can't be apart since that's the only way [color=c162a7][b]Phynnia[/b][/color] can see and do things.) [/hider] [/quote] Ooh, slightly spooky, very original. I like the idea, but it could do with a little polishing. First of all, it's not a major issue, but there are a couple of pretty noticeable typos scattered in it. (Personality and Appearance are both misspelled, and both being headings it's pretty noticeable. As well as Gloomminster being spelled as 'Gloomminister' as well as 'Glimminster'.) It's a bit of a nitpick and not a major issue, but it's a quick fix and would improve it. One of the reasons we do a draught is to just catch those little things, so a read-through for typos would be greatly appreciated. We all do it (especially if you're on mobile, I get it, it's a bitch) and there's no issue, but I would greatly appreciate it. Next, her backstory is a little vague, I have a couple of questions I'd appreciate being answered: 1) Why did her parents ask her to wear a veil over her eyes? Is it for religious reasons? So she has access to magical powers (it lets her see possible futures could be one idea)? It says at one point her parents asked her to wear it until the day she dies, is that because she's deformed? It's somewhat implied she chooses to wear the veil and that's why she can't see and then later it says she can't see because of a disability. 2) Why can't she feel sadness or pain? Pain isn't an emotion for one. Are pain and sadness the only issues? Does she struggle with empathy or similar? I somewhat understand the inability to feel pain as it adds to her delicate, porcelain vibe, but what purpose does her inability to feel sadness serve to her as a character? 3) It's implied Areya sees for Phynnia, but if Areya can't speak, how does she communicate with Phynnia? Do they have a telepathic link? That's fine, but if so please state it. Also, does Areya look like a human girl, or is she noticeably a doll? Does she have chipped paint, and wooden joints? Is she visibly made of porcelain or something? And it's implied Areya is fully sentient, please just confirm that, or is she puppeted somehow by Phynnia? How does Phynnia view Areya? As a possession, a servant, or a sister? 4) What's she studying at Gloomminster? Could be anything! Get creative! Telekinesis to help 'feel' the world around her? Alchemy to help her father get out of debt? 5) About her father, does Areya or Phynnia feel resentment towards him for his mistreatment of Phynnia? Are they still in contact with him? It's optional, but it might help improve depth by saying what her father did, how they were rich, and why they suddenly lost it all. Either way, really like the idea of the character, but it could do with a little bit of polishing, and then it's ready to go! Thanks for your interest. And please take this all in the best way possible, I really like her, but there are a few unanswered questions is all. :)