Knowing that even with the repercussions he would face just having her back in his life didn’t seem to faze him made her feel a bit more at ease following him back to his room. As he let go of her hand, she missed the warmth, missed the feeling of having him close and without holding his hand she found herself fidgeting as she stood. Fingers fumbling with the end of her sleeves, a hesitance to join him on the bed because she was about to tell him the whole story. After telling him everything he may very well hate her, he may decide that in the end she was not worth any kind of hassle.  

Hearing him agree to the promise she let out a shaky breath before joining him on the bed. Wincing at the mention of Ethan she could hear the pain in his voice, he had to have been distraught seeing a scene like that. Seeing her like that. Biting the bottom of her lip she reached out instinctively grabbed his hands in both of hers gently, hoping the touch alone would remind him that she was physically here alive and well. [color=f49ac2]“I understand if after this you hate me, if you even hate Jacob, but I need you to promise me you won’t fire him. He’s a decent man, he cares about your safety and would never let anything harm you. I don’t want what has happened to jeopardise your safety.”[/color]  

Squeezing his hands gently as she took a deep breath readying herself to explain everything, [color=f49ac2]“That note I left you in the hotel was cowardly, but... I didn’t want to leave you. E-Ethan. Blackmailed me. Promised me he’d end the rebellion and his obsession with trying to kill you if I returned to the districts.”[/color] Glancing down at her hands that where holding his she wasn’t sure if she could look at him, she didn’t want to see the hate or disappointment in his eyes. [color=f49ac2]“I was stupid enough to believe it. I didn’t want you to worry about me, I didn’t want your reputation to be brought into question because of me. I was an idiot to even believe for one second, he’d let things drop if I returned.”[/color]  

Trying to explain parts of why she did it, so he could understand her thought process, but the guilt was evident in her voice because she knew she would have hurt him. [color=f49ac2]“Jacob followed you when you came to visit me in me the hotel. I answered thinking you had forgotten something, but there he was. Our secret out and he knew you’d been lying to protect me. I’m not sure what he would have done, or what could have happened, but I said I wanted to go back to the districts. Jacob agreed to take me back, he believed it would be best for you. To not have someone like me bringing you down, he didn’t know about the blackmail... maybe I should have told him then? Maybe it wouldn’t have ended up like this. I wasn’t thinking straight as all I cared about was protecting you.”[/color] Reaching up Iris gently caressed his cheek with her hand, blinking back the tears in her eyes because she knew that she had still be a cause for his pain regardless of how everything had panned out.  

[color=f49ac2]“I...”[/color] Swallowing hard Iris felt the tightness in her throat, the hesitation to talk about what happened next. In truth she couldn’t remember everything fully, there had been a lot of pain, things that may not have even happened. [color=f49ac2]“What happened next... well.”[/color] Cringing because she wasn’t even sure she could put it into words, [color=f49ac2]“I... I should have died. I felt it. I... I.”[/color] Iris could feel her voice cracking as she hung her head in shame, no longer able to hold back her tears as the emotions started to boil over.  

[color=f49ac2]“All I could think of in that moment was that I let you down, that I was so powerless to help you with anything. That all I had done to you was cause pain.”  [/color]