[color=lightgray][right][sub]TIMESTAMP: Tuesday, July 21st || After [url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/5428519]Back Home[/url]
Introducing:  [color=228b22]Hiroshi "Ross" Takahashi[/color]
FT: [color=#428DA2]Nadine Navarro[/color] & [color=E4DF9B]Mr. Beau[/color] [sup][@BrutalBx][/sup]
Small FT: [color=e7b13e]Eloise Anderson[/color][/sub][/right]
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[color=lightgray][indent][indent]In the week since he returned to the town he once called home and after an 8-week stint at a rehab facility in Boston, Hiroshi didn’t know how to feel about being back. He didn’t know [i]what[/i] to feel. For the entire week, he felt numb (for a lack of better words). Just a short few months ago, he still had everything going for him. He was about to finish up his final year at MIT. He was going to graduate, be someone who his family could be proud of: his mother, his father, Monica, and Matilda. Everyone he felt like he had ever disappointed, graduating with that degree from such a prestigious school would make up for all of his shortcomings that he had in his life.

But he couldn’t get a handle on a growing problem. It made him erratic. Act meaner than Ross was ever normally like. To those who knew him before his addiction, he was a sweet person, but whether from stress, the pills, or just a toxic chemical solution of both, he became somebody nobody recognized. He first had an intervention from his friends at MIT and when that didn’t work, his family got involved. They staged a more aggressive intervention, one that actually worked. There were hard truths stated. Some he knew on some level, but others were a lot harder to swallow than most of the pills he had been shoving into his body in the past couple of years.

It resulted in a do or die ultimatum. His life was out of control and this was the last resort. And even though he was receptive to the process at the time, being back after just a week, it saved his life. Rehab saved his life and helped him get to the root of the issue of his addiction. Why did he start using? What made him turn to it? He couldn’t cop out and say that he wanted to focus for school and be the best. That wasn’t owning up to anything. He couldn’t heal unless Ross stared it into the face and he did. It was the most terrifying experience in his life, but Ross acknowledged the real reasons why he first turned to it. Why he kept going back to that oni and embracing it, submerging himself in it.

When it all came down to it, Ross felt like a disappointment to himself and to his family by not being the best. He put too many expectations on himself. And it all started in high school. The first person whose name wasn’t Takahashi that he hurt was Nadine Navarro. 

Ross was horrible to her and even more so the last time he saw her. How was he supposed to make [i]that[/i] right? In addition, Ross heard some truly horrific news. He was staying with a friend at a Kori Plaza apartment until he could get on his feet. Through some of his family and generally others that he surprisingly had good faith with, he heard about Nadine’s father, Reymond. His phone wouldn’t stop blowing up about it. About how he suffered a “work-related health problem”. Eventually the group chats that he was lurking talked about it in further detail about it being a stroke.

What should Ross do with this information? Was he someone that Nadine wanted to hear from? The last impression he left on her was far from perfect. He made her cry and that will be an image that has haunted his sobriety for two months and especially in the week since he returned. He needed to make amends, but part of him felt genuine pain for Nadine and maybe this could be the start of rebuilding a bridge with her in some way. He had to make the first step. He knew he had to. If nothing else, Ross needed to do it for himself so he could tell himself he wasn’t going to run away from these problems that plagued his soul.

So in a series of text messages, Ross took that step.

[quote][color=#428DA2]Nadine[/color]
[color=228b22]Hey..Nadine. It’s Ross. Not sure if you still have my number saved or not… [/color](1 of 5)
[color=228b22]But I heard about your dad. I’m really sorry.  About everything…If there’s anything I can do…[/color] (2 of 4)
[color=228b22]What am I saying? I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, much less hear from.[/color] (3 of 4)
[color=228b22]But, if you ever wanted to get some coffee, talk about it. Or you can just block my number right now. You owe me nothing, but I just thought I’d reach out.[/color]  (4 of 5)
[color=228b22]Anyway, if I hear back from you, call or text me anytime. Or if not, then I understand. 
Ross. [/color](5 of 5)[/quote]

His heart started to beat like crazy. He hadn’t felt this kind of high since he was actually high. There was no better high for a recovering addict than doing the right thing and attempting to make amends. 

Having finished cooking and after making sure her father got some food in his system, Nadie put away the breakfast and lunch she used as a distraction while she waited for her sister’s arrival. Both her father and sister were now sound asleep in their rooms and she was left to herself to either think or game. Surprisingly, Lolly wasn’t online. That was… weird because Lolly was always online. Amity was a busy girl and had a strict streaming and gaming schedule, so Nadie knew when to expect her fiery, chaotic Lyon friend. Marco had been busy as of late too and that was likely due to him getting in a relationship. He wasn’t the best liar and the last time they all gamed together, Lolly could hear a boy in the background. She immediately interrogated Marco and in time he pleaded the fifth, which was enough for the three girls to learn that their dear friend was no longer on the market. 

With no close friends to play with, Nadie started up Sims to brainlessly play ‘house’ with her longest lasting family in the game. As she waited for the screen to load, she grabbed her phone to text Lolly to make sure she was okay or if the girl actually passed out at her desk. Before she could get to her friend’s name, she was suddenly bombarded by text messages. When she saw who it was from, having never gained the courage to block his number, her heart sank. He was simply named ‘Ross’ in her phone and now that she actually could read his name, feelings of the past flooded her senses.  

Why was he messaging her? 

Placing the phone down, not reading his messages, she leaned in her gaming chair, clasped her hands together and placed her lips against them, deep in thought. If Daisy found out he contacted her she would lose her mind. Was it worth getting her heart broken again? She never did hate him. Not really. What they had in highschool was… strange, but deep down, she knew she admired him. He was the smartest person she ever knew and that pushed her to keep studying and trying her best to match him in all subjects. They were competitive rivals, not enemies but on graduation day it made her realize that the idea of friends she had inside her head was all one sided. 

He hated her. 

She could feel tears well up in her eyes. Nadie was already dealing with so much and she had no one to lean on. Her squad, the Smile Riot Gremlins, they all thought she had everything together. If anything, they needed her and she couldn’t burden them with her silly insecurities and imperfections. Her sister had moved to the Philippines and after the shooting, there was a fire in Daisy’s eyes that Nadie would never want to hold back. Her mom, Jaya, couldn’t stand her for choosing her father over her but in Nadie’s head, it wasn’t even like that. Her decision to stay in the states wasn’t about which parent was better or not. It was about not leaving her father alone and not losing the small group of friends she did have. Edenridge was her home. Sure, she loved her culture, she loved her roots, and she loved her mom but leaving Edenridge… that just wasn’t something she wanted to do. 

At the time she made that decision, she thought she could balance college, take care of her workaholic dad, run her mom’s cleaning business she left behind, and still have some sort of social life even if it was mostly in the virtual world. It turns out young Nadie was far too ambitious and she burnt out, fast. Her life now consisted of keeping up with the house, making sure her father remembers to eat, still running the cleaning business that she’s pretty sure is falling straight to the gutter with only the Quinns left as employees, and… she dropped out. She was trying to get a PhD in Computer Science. She was a smart girl and IT was a stable career path but it all became too much. So, she sat down with her father and he said it was okay for her to take a break and focus on her mental health. Her mother didn’t like that, of course. And from that point on, she hadn’t been back to college since. 

The unrealistic expectations her mother had on her always seemed to put her between a rock and a hard place. Nothing she ever did was good enough. She could never win against her mom. Eventually, Jaya did come to terms that her daughter would stay with Reymond and decided to use that to her advantage to keep Navarro Cleaning running. Nadine Navarro was barely staying afloat and all she had was her gaming friends to make her feel like she was worth something. She was good at hiding behind a mask but even strong people need hands to hold and shoulders to cry on. 

[color=428DA2]“Stop it,”[/color] Nadie scolded herself, wiping the tears that started to trail down her cheeks. She needed to get a grip. Ross was probably just trying to troll her or something. If she was that afraid of him messaging her, she would’ve blocked him a long time ago. Her eyes went back to the phone, his messages waiting for her. Why didn’t she block him? Another long minute or two passed. This was ridiculous. All she had to do was ignore him and be done with it. Why couldn’t she just move on? Controlling her breathing, giving herself an internal pep talk, she reached for the phone and opened up his messages, finally reading it.

Her mask was completely gone as her eyes trailed down the thread. Frowning deeply, she stared at every sentence, every word, and every period and felt a deep ache in her chest. He sounded like he wasn’t doing good, like this act in itself took a lot of courage to do. He sounded like he needed help. He sounded like he needed her. 

[color=428DA2]“What are you even saying?”[/color] Nadie asked herself out loud. [color=428DA2]“Ross doesn’t need you. He never needed you.”[/color] Her phone was back down on her desk. [color=428DA2]“Why… why should I?”[/color] Still, Nadie knew that ignoring him was going against her nature and that he deserved a second chance, if that’s what he was seeking, no matter how much he did hurt her. One of her faults was being too forgiving and maybe this was one of those times where she should block and ignore, for her own sake. If she did respond, would he hurt her again? 

Grumbling to herself, Nadie went against her better judgment and picked up her phone again. Throwing all logic out the door, she texted back:

[quote][color=228b22]Ross[/color]
[color=428DA2]Are you free now?[/color]
[/quote]

There was nearly no hesitation. Less than three minutes and Ross sent another series of text messages.

[quote][color=428da2]Nadine[/color]
[color=228b22]Yes. I’m free now![/color] (1 of 2)
[color=228b22]Is there a place you would like to meet up at? Could be in public if that’s what you’d prefer. Or whatever you like![/color] (2 of 2)[/quote]

[quote][color=228b22]Ross[/color]
[color=428DA2]I need to get ready…[/color] (1 of 2)
[color=428DA2]Beau’s in 20.[/color] (2 of 2)
[/quote]

Ross was out of his friend’s apartment. At a corner store just half a mile away, past Lyon Park. His cravings were more than just out of the anxiety he was feeling. It was old habits coming to say hello. In rehab, he learned how to quell that particular thirst with something sweet. So he got about five twinkies. The cashier gave him a dirty look and he fibbed, saying he was getting them for a couple friends. Something about how eating five twinkies by yourself just seemed odd to some people. He had one hell of a sweet tooth growing up, but now it was to put his cravings to pop a pill - any that numbed pain - with the spongy goodness with a cream filling.

As he exited the store, his phone buzzed and he saw Nadine was actually willing to see him. He wasn’t a religious man - not in any sense - but someone above was looking out for him. Deep down, Ross didn’t feel like he deserved a second chance. How could he bring himself to think that? He hurt Nadine to the point of tears. That was the worst part of it all. He remembered exactly what he said to her. It came to him when sobriety officially did. Unlike the past where he would take a couple antidepressants that he scored rather easily from a dealer that lived in the same dorm he did, Ross was forced to face what he had done. Rehab was supposed to be about healing and he did somewhat, but nothing could heal him of his guilt.

Not even the second chance Nadine was seemingly giving him.

It took him a few minutes to exit the abyss that was his mind, but Ross finally texted back.

[quote][color=428da2]Nadine[/color]
[color=228b22]Heading there now![/color][/quote]

There was no turning back now. As soon as he crossed the tracks, Ross had a lot to think about. What would he say? Should he even say anything? Just…so many thoughts going through his mind right now. Too many thoughts to even it out, so he just focused on getting to Beau’s as soon as possible. The last thing he wanted was to be late to what might possibly be the most important (and equally as terrifying) meet up in his life.

Since she lived at Pleasantview, Nadine was only five minutes away from Cafe Rochambeau. She took ten minutes to freshen up, tiptoeing back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom that was right beside Daisy’s room. She didn’t want him to comment on her dark circles so the first thing she did was wash her face and do her make up. When she was done with that, she spent the next six minutes throwing an outfit together and putting it on. Two minutes to do her hair. One minute to spare where he would hopefully be there waiting for her. She wasn’t planning on getting there on time. The least he could do was wait until she was ready and now she was. Nervous and [url=https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D3-8SsuUIAAVre7.jpg:large]ready[/url] to see the boy that hurt her in highschool. 

Quietly, Nadine exited her apartment, leaving the two sleeping people to rest, hoping she didn’t make too much noise to wake them up. Truth be told, she couldn’t believe she was doing this. Her heart was in the driver’s seat leading her to a boy she knew she had conflicted feelings for. It was time to meet her tormentor. Man, she was in over her head. Daisy was going to be so disappointed in her when she found out and Nadie knew: Daisy would find out.  

[url=https://i.pinimg.com/564x/fc/56/c0/fc56c0ea685d9d432327ad42c1378d2c--ryan-potter-ryan-oneal.jpg]Ross[/url] had already found himself in a booth and with no twinkies remaining. Taking the journey in the state he was in had made him hungry. His anxiety always triggered his hunger and even though they were empty calories, they did the job. Not like he came to Rochambeau with the intention of eating anything. As he was right now, even if Mr. Beau offered him anything, he wouldn’t know what he might want. He sat in the booth, hands on the table, fingers interlocked with each other and just stared into the distance of the other side of the booth. Pondering. Thinking about what he would say when Nadine showed up.

[color=228b22][i]Yeah, what [i]can[/i] you say, Ross?[/i][/color]

He was the one who reached out first. He was the one who texted her and set everything in motion. [color=228b22]“Maybe this was a mistake after all…”[/color] Just as he had half-decided he wasn’t going to go through with this, he heard the bell above the door ring and there she was. And whether it was the fact she was actually here or how she looked even more beautiful than he had remembered, Ross parked it, frozen in place with literally nowhere to go and nothing he could do but wait for the moment of truth to come in the form of his high school rival.

The moment she stepped into the cafe the smell of warm, baked goods and coffee filled her nostrils. She didn’t indulge in dessert often, constantly reminded by her friends that gamers have unhealthy habits, but today, maybe she could treat herself. She didn’t want to overeat or her mother would comment on her weight but the cafe smelt delicious and she didn’t want Ross to think she was nervous. She was, but he didn’t need to know that. 

Burying her nerves, she found Ross sitting and staring, she waved at him and smiled, before making her way to her former English teacher, [color=428da2]“Hi, Mr. Beau. Is that your ma’s Beignets I’m smelling?”[/color] 

[color=E4DF9B]“Miss Navarro!”[/color] Beau greeted the young, Filipino beauty with his usual toothy smile. He dusted his sausage like fingers on his apron after placing down a jar of strong cinnamon and turned to the main point of the counter. [color=E4DF9B]“It is always a pleasure to see one of my favorite valedictorians enter my shop and humble me with their presence.”[/color] Nadine had always been a fantastic student and a pure pleasure to teach. Antoine remembered her speech and just how moved he was by her words. He also remembered how difficult it initially was for her thanks to a certain other student of his, who happened to be sitting in a nearby booth. [color=E4DF9B]“And yes, your nose is right. You are smelling the Lord’s second greatest gift to us. The first being love, of course.”[/color]

He leaned down on his elbows as his chestnut eyes drifted over to Ross. Such a talent, such potential. It was a great tragedy that the young man had fallen deep into the throes of addiction. Though from what Beau had heard, Ross was slowly climbing out of that fissure steeped in darkness and was on the way back towards the sunlight and sobriety. [color=E4DF9B]“What are you having, Miss Navarro? The gentleman in booth three has already covered the cost.”[/color]

[color=428da2]“Well,”[/color] Nadie took a moment to look over her shoulder back at Ross, who still looked dumbfounded. Clearing her throat, she brought her attention back to Beau, interlocked her fingers together, and politely answered, [color=428da2]“I was thinking a half a dozen Beignets so me and my…”[/color] she hesitated, not really knowing what to consider Ross at this time. A friend? An associate? An acquaintance? [color=428da2]“...peer could have some leftovers to take back to our families. And two hot cocoas. Please.”[/color] As she looked away from Ross and straight at her teacher, she averted her gaze. Although her anxiety and fear was buried behind a mask, someone as wise as Beau could see right through her. Nadie didn’t know if she was doing the right thing but at this point, she was already here and couldn’t turn back.  She needed to commit and make sure her poker face was on point.  

[color=E4DF9B]“You got it, Mon Cherie.”[/color] Beau reached to the side and picked up some tongs with one hand and one of the many wicker baskets that Colleen made in her spare time. As he began to fill the container with his mothers famous Beignets, he again watched the body language of both Ross and Nadine. Their rivalry was one that stretched for years, four years that he had seen at least. Hell, he and principal Payne, rest his soul, had a running dollar bet as to whether they would get married. If they ever did, Antoine would leave a dollar and change at the poor man’s grave. 

[color=E4DF9B]“There ain’t no need to be nervous, Miss Navarro.”[/color] Beau began as he placed the basket down and began to mix up the drinks. The steam from the milk frother began to rise up from behind the counter whilst the former teacher watched its temperature. [color=E4DF9B]“Mister Takahashi is in the exact same boat as you and I don’t mean one of those fancy mega yachts down at Collin’s Port. He’s in a rubber dingy, white knuckling because he doesn’t know how the next two minutes are going to go.”[/color] Putting the piping hot milk jug to one side, Beau dropped several teaspoons of cocoa powder into some mugs before pouring in the contents of the jug. [color=E4DF9B]“There ain’t no waterfall at the end of that conversation. Not if you don’t want there to be.”[/color]

[color=428da2]“I just,”[/color] Nadie spoke quietly, shy and sheepish, which wasn’t her innate nature. Always the ambitious, driven spirit when she wants to reach her goals. Sadly, as of late, Nadie had no goals. She didn’t know what she was doing with her life. All she knew was, she was running a business she didn’t care about, her father was sick, her mother was crazy, and her sister was worried about her. [color=428da2]“I don’t know what he’s been through and I don’t want to say anything to upset him.”[/color] Somehow, Nadie was twisting the narrative and blaming herself for how they fell apart, as if she could predict Ross taking out his frustrations on her in the past.

[color=E4DF9B]“Baby girl, ain’t that just a regular conversation?”[/color] Beau smiled as he placed the two mugs of chocolate onto a tray and began adding extras. He swirled some cream on top and sprinkled atop some cinnamon and orange zest. [color=E4DF9B]“All we do is dance around each other, never knowing whether the next step is right or wrong. We can’t predict that. We shouldn’t want to. What happens next? Well that’s just one of life’s great little adventures isn’t it? And if I remember rightly, Miss Navarro isn’t afraid of a little adventure.”[/color] Antoine finished the chocolates with some marshmallows before sliding the tray down the counter to Nadine. [color=E4DF9B]“You got this honey but if you don’t, quack three times and I’ll pull the fire alarm.”[/color]

Easing her shoulders, Nadie gave a genuine, earnest smile. She knew one of her biggest flaws was bottling everything up. It was nice to get a piece of advice before she embarked on this journey where the destination was unknown. There was no use in thinking of the outcome. This wasn’t like a math formula or a scientific hypothesis. This was life, her life, and she had to be focused on the moment, taking this conversation one second at a time. [color=428da2]“Thank you, Mr. Beau,”[/color] she appreciatively said. Her eyes closed, as she took a deep breath in and out. She totally got this. All this was, was a regular conversation. That’s it. 

Opening her eyes, she asked one last question, [color=428da2]“Actually, can I get a small cup of powdered sugar please? Knowing Ross he’s going to want to drown his beignet in pure sugar…”[/color] She grimaced at the thought. Their sweet intake definitely was NOT compatible. She liked sweets, don’t get her wrong, but not as much as Ross did.  

Beau let out a small bit hearty laugh, Payne definitely owed him a dollar. [color=E4DF9B]“Sure thing Mon Petite.”[/color] He reached under the counter and quickly poured the requested powdered sugar into a small takeaway cup and handed it over to Nadine. [color=E4DF9B]“Good luck.”[/color] 

Holding the tray, Nadie gave her former English teacher a little nod before turning to face the booth that Ross was sitting at. Internally, she was continuing her pep talk from where she had left off, moments before her conversation with Beau. Externally, she hid her chattering teeth and kept a small smile on her face. After another short moment, she was at the table, placing the tray in the middle of it, right in front of Ross. [color=428da2]“Still with a sweet tooth?”[/color] she inquired. Her brown eyes met his and they were closer in proximity, which they hadn’t been in years. 

Ross watched Nadine approach the table. He took slow breaths, inhaling and exhaling before she sat down. If she was going through with it and not deciding to back away, then he couldn’t either. When she sat down, putting the tray of delicious-looking beignets and one cup of hot cocoa for each of them, Ross smiled. First at the tray of food that had his mouth salivating, but then at Nadine. Four years was a long time to go without saying or speaking to someone under normal circumstances, let alone to someone he hurt more than he had ever hurt himself. [color=228b22]“These days, it’s become my top food group.”[/color] He said quietly. The air was tense with the ghosts of the past and Ross felt their weight on his back. 

[color=428da2]“That’s not very healthy,”[/color] Nadie teased, grabbing her mug of hot chocolate and holding it with both of her hands. One of her habits was if she wasn’t keeping her hands busy with writing or gaming or cooking or whatever, she needed to hold something. It’s why she clasps her hands together so much. Whether she was holding herself or a mug in this case, she was given a sense of security. There was a brief silence that surrounded them as she took a sip of her drink. When she placed the mug down, keeping her grasp tightly around it, she casually asked, leading the charge, [color=428da2]“So how are you?”[/color]

He couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape through his mostly closed lips. He didn’t think he would feel anything other than the dread and weight he felt up until now, but Nadine was the same as she always was. Despite everything, she still teased. Either she was the same before it all or she was just really good at hiding it. Like Ross was doing. Like Ross was [i]trying[/i] to do. He took one of the beignets and dipped in the hot chocolate. He needed a sweet fix. The twinkies weren’t lasting long enough. As he took a bite, he was in heaven, if not for a short moment. WIth a semi-full mouth, he tried to say, [color=228b22]“In heaven at the moment,”[/color] then took a drink of his cocoa to wash it down. [color=228b22]“Sorry…I mean, it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of Mr. Beau’s Beignets. Too long…”[/color] Yeah, because he hasn’t been himself in years.

As much as Ross wanted to, he didn’t pull his gaze away from Nadine. He couldn’t do that. [color=228b22]“I guess the only way to answer that is to say I’m feeling…reflective of the past. It’s been on my mind a lot lately.” [/color]

Nadie watched as he dipped his beignet in his drink and devoured it. He ate the same, at least. Releasing her mug, she grabbed the cup of extra powder and pushed it toward him, just in case he wanted it but hadn’t noticed it. One of Nadine’s traits was that she was constantly attentive to everyone around her. She knew how to make someone feel seen. Simply through an observation, she could get a good read on them. 

Right now, that was exactly what she was focused on. How he looked at her softly, deeply, and desperately. What he was feeling. Any telltale sign that showed his intentions. In his eyes, the windows to his soul, she saw his humanity and she didn’t look away. She couldn’t. [color=428da2]“What exactly?”[/color] she forwardly asked, before adding context, [color=428da2]“has been on your mind?”[/color] 

There was an eerie quiet following her question. Ross took another beignet, this time adding more powdered sugar on it. Be it a byproduct of his sobriety or the tension building in the air, he devoured another in silence and washed it down with another giant sip of his cocoa. [color=228b22]“Well…”[/color] He bit his lip, biding his time, but also making sure he didn’t screw this up. Ross had practiced what he was going to say to Nadine so many times. When he first addressed his demons in group, Ross avoided the core issue of it all. He avoided talking about it or at least never owned up to it until one person told it to him straight.

Conrad was his name. He helped Ross understand why he needed to take rehab seriously and look deep within. The issues were within himself. He used because he couldn’t handle the harsh realities that he wasn’t the perfect son or brother. He blamed himself and he didn’t want to feel that disappointment. The results were catastrophic. He had to face them head on. Just like he did in group. Just like he was doing now. [color=228b22]“I keep thinking to that day. Our graduation. It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. Like a broken record.”[/color] Ross could only imagine what might be going through Nadine’s mind when he brought up [i]that[/i] day. [color=228b22]“I wasn’t well that day, Nadine. Or that entire year. Not for a couple years after the fact. I don’t know if you ever heard about it from my family or maybe through the grapevine, but.”[/color] He paused only because everything in him was playing a game of tug of war in his mind. Telling him not to do it. Some part in the jigsaw that was his mind was trying to convince Ross she wouldn’t believe him. Maybe she wouldn’t, but this wasn’t about whether or not the person he hurt the most believed him. He had to say it. He had to attempt to make things right. [color=228b22]“…I’m an addict. I’ve been an addict since junior year.”[/color] His stomach felt like it was sinking into a never-ending hole and god, his heart was on fire. This was the first time he ever uttered the words ‘I’m an addict’ outside of group. It was terrifying, yet in a way, liberating.

Part of her knew he was going through something since then. Part of her never wanted to ask because it never felt like her place. Once he said those hateful words to her, on graduation day no less, her very reality seemed to shatter, like a broken mirror. Nadine chose to block him out. Any mentions of him by people around her or on social media, she ignored. She didn’t want to hear his name. She couldn’t handle it. Everytime she did, she felt so much pain because what he did to her, how he treated her, felt like a stab in the back. Their friendship wasn’t perfect but she never thought he would ever push her away like he did. Back then she made herself believe she meant more to him but boy was she a fool. 

[color=428da2]“You hurt me, Hiroshi,”[/color] Nadie defeatedly whispered. [color=428da2]“You fucking hurt me…”[/color] she broke contact with him to look into her mug, trying her best to not cry. She didn’t like crying. She didn’t like being seen as weak.  [color=428da2]“What do you want me to say?”[/color] she asked the air, aimlessly just like she was in her life.  [color=428da2]“I don’t know what to say.”[/color] A teardrop fell into the hot chocolate. 

He never wanted to be the reason she cried again. All those nights he laid awake, replaying the endless loop of that night on repeat, Ross had promised himself over and over again: [color=228b22][i]I’ll never make her cry again. If I ever get that second chance, I won’t be the reason[/i][/color], yet he was about to be. In his mind, he wanted to say something. Do something, but then those words that Conrad had always told him: The road to recovery is about your recovery as it is about those you’ve hurt. 

Those words became his philosophy and it remained true even now. [color=228b22]“You don’t have to say anything. Or you can say everything you have been bottling up for the past four years.”[/color] Ross kept his gaze on Nadine. He saw her pain, the tear falling down her face. He knew more than anyone that letting it out was the best thing, but only she could make that decision. Only thing Ross could do was be the person he should have been all those years ago. [color=228b22]“So let me ask you, Nadine. How are you? What’s on your mind?”[/color]

Grabbing her mug once more, not taking another sip, just doing it to hold it, Nadie stammered, [color=428da2]“I… I’m okay, I- I think.”[/color] She wasn’t okay. Who was she trying to fool? With her heart on her sleeves, she shook her head, in disagreement with herself. [color=428da2]“N-no. No, I’m not okay. I haven’t been for… awhile.”[/color] 

As much as Nadie wanted to gain the courage to look up at him, she couldn’t. She was ashamed. [color=428da2]“I’m, I’m sorry. I- I don’t know what I did and I know, I know you just told me what you were going through… but I don’t understand, I don’t understand what that has to do with me.”[/color] She squeezed her eyelids shut, hoping she could keep the tears in as she tried to speak her mind, terrified of the repercussions. Terrified of his reaction. [color=428da2]“If winning valedictorian meant that much to you. I- I would’ve turned it down. It isn’t like I’m putting it to good use. It isn’t like I’m anything anymore and maybe I, I was always nothing. I’m sorry, Ross.”[/color] The tears escaped, her watery eyes no longer able to hold tight, as her breathing continued to be choppy. She proceeded to cover her face. Why was seeing him this hard? Why did it hurt so much? 

Ross thought if he told Nadine what was happening with him back then and how he was trying to come to terms with his disease, then it would provide some context. But that wasn't the whole truth. His addiction was just the accelerant, but the root of it all was far deeper. Maybe he was afraid to say it out loud, even now, or just he didn’t know before now how he would let it out. In his own weakness, again, Ross was the reason she was crying. Again, because of him, Nadine was crying. Unlike last time, he could do something about it.

[color=228b22]“That’s..I mean, I thought if I told you it would somehow absolve me of the pain I caused you. I thought if I told you it would be okay, but nothing is okay. Valedictorian did mean something, but it wasn’t the only thing.”[/color] Ross had always enjoyed the time spent competing against Nadine. From the moments they shared against each other in debates, on tests for top marks, to even those moments at parties where they were more than just rivals. More than their grades. [color=228b22]“I have always admired you. You pushed me to be better and I think I did the same for you. Debates were fun, if not frustrating. But somewhere along that line, I put too much pressure on myself. I was slipping. I thought if I didn’t succeed, if I wasn’t the best, I wouldn’t be anyone worth being proud of. At some point, I lost sight of who I was and focused only on winning and I thought if I took a few pills every now and then, I could devote all of my time and energy to studying, increasing my test scores and being the best, but I know that’s not how it works.”[/color]

Ross lowered his head in shame, shaking off the emotions that were coming to the surface and he raised it. He had to face Nadine even if she wasn’t. [color=228b22]“When it was announced you won and I didn’t, I..I don’t know, I thought my dreams of making my family proud…making myself proud ended there and I abused the pills. Took other stuff that messed with my brain chemistry. I became erratic and emotionally irrational. I said so many hurtful things to you - things I can’t ever take back or make right. If I could, I would take it all back right now.”[/color] His lip quivered and as much as he wanted to leave it there, Ross felt like he had to say one more thing…no, he [i]needed[/i] to say one more thing. [color=228b22]“You were never nothing, Nadine. You have always been the best of the two of us. The better student. The better test-taker. And the stronger person.”[/color]

The more he talked, the more her breathing settled. The more she calmed down. She sat still, her face buried but she was no longer crying. She was listening to his words. When he said he’d take it all back, her hands dropped to her skirt and she glanced up at him. Her make up was hardly flaky because it was waterproof but her eyes carried so much heaviness, so much weight. Nadine was tired. [color=428da2]“That’s a lie.”[/color] No longer stuttering, she shook her head in protest. [color=428da2]“I don’t think you realize how many hours I spent trying to understand things just so I could keep up with you. But not even that, I get an A-minus and my mom is giving that look that I hate so much. You didn’t have to try. Everything came so easy to you. I wanted to be better because I didn’t want you to leave me behind and in the end, you didn’t…”[/color] she stopped herself, realizing what she was about to say. 

[color=428da2][i]You didn’t want me.[/i][/color]

There was heat suddenly coursing through her body. Her cheeks kissed pink as her heart skipped a beat. What was she saying? 

As she opened her mouth to backtrack, the bell of Beau’s entrance went off and a small goblin girl came stampeding in, rushing to Nadine’s side. [color=e7b13e]“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY NADIE?!”[/color] The next moments happened so fast, like a blink of an eye, that no one who was already in the cafe could process it. Lolly was quick to gather all the beignets on the table, throwing them right in her backpack, making sure to side eye Ross as she did so. Once she pulled Nadie to her feet,  she was rushing out the door with her friend in tow. Well, not really. She was pulling Nadie out with her, giving her little to no choice. How dare a stupid boy make her friend cry! 

Nadie tried to protest but it was a losing battle. 

[color=428da2]“Wait… Lol-”[/color] They were out of the cafe, the door shutting behind them, and just like that, Nadine was gone. 

[color=228b22]“What in the great heavenly Buddha was that? Or who [i]was[/i] that?”[/color]  Like a storm, Ross heard an obnoxiously loud, kinda short girl come in, yell something at him, steal all the remaining beignets and take Nadine, leaving him with so many questions. Who was that? Why did she seem to have a problem with Ross? What was Nadine going to say before she was cut off by the tiny stranger? Ross had so many questions that he needed answered. 

[color=E4DF9B]“Never a dull moment,”[/color] Beau deeply sighed, wiping down the counter as he waited for his next customer. He would’ve said something if he had the time but Miss Anderson came in as fast as words could fly. Glancing up from the counter, he muttered to himself, [color=E4DF9B]“I knew she could do it,”[/color] before raising his voice, grabbing the attention of the gentleman who sat at booth three, his former student, [color=E4DF9B]“Mister Takahashi, don’t forget to pay.”[/color] 

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