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[hr][right][sub]Location: Coven Household[/sub][/right]
[right][sup]Time: 09:10PM[/sup][/right][hr]
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[color=red]TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM[/color]
Carlisle was exhausted, shattered, tired and completely out of it. While he had been trying to put on a brave face for Lilith. He wanted nothing more right now to curl up into a ball and go to sleep for a very long time. He watched as Lilith and Miles walked away together. A sigh escaped his lips. He didn't know what to do or think regarding the Lil and Miles situation. His brain had been overload with information over the past few hours, and his poor brain was in no state to process it all. Hearing Kirstie's exclamation about how lame the party was just caused Carlisle to sigh heavier. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her. 

[color=00FFFF]"When you are all done partying see yourself out. I will deal with everything tomorrow"[/color] Carlisle declared to the rest of the party goers. He then began staggering off towards the stairs, leading upto the second floor in the entrance hall. If a gone tried to speak to him or see if he was okay he would just wave them off. He didn't want to know right now. Unlike healies, there was nothing to deal with rapid exhaustion. He was going to need to rest. He could deal with the barrier tomorrow. Right now there wasn't enough energy in his tank to be able to do anything magical. 

It was a slow and steady climb, and Carlisle looked to be struggling as he held onto the handrail as if his life depended on it. Well actually. It kinda did. He would stumble into the master bedroom. His new Coven bedroom. It was a nice little suite. He then moved forward and climbed onto the bay window to the side of the bedroom. It gave him a nice little view of the front of the Coven. From here he could look out onto the stars and the treetops. He used to sit here as a teenager when he needed to unwind and relax. It was a safe space for him to ponder and reflect. And boy did he have alot of that to do. 

There was no more denying it. He was [i]broken.[/i] Lil and Miles was the final item that had destroyed the fragile and vulnerable psyche that was Carlisle's mind. He was in two minds: He wanted to be happy for his two best friends. But at the same time he wanted to scream and demand that Lil loved him back. He wanted his happiness. He was fed up with being second best to Miles. But Miles had sacrificed so much for him. At least in Carlisle's mind. 

Before he could ponder more, his eyes drifted downwards. They settled on two people lying on the ground and staring at the stars. Once his eyes made out the forms of Lilith and Miles kissing, his heart hurt again, feeling like it was shattering in two. That should have been him. He should have been making out with Lilith and enjoying the stars. Yet here was, sitting alone in his bedroom, barely hanging onto his life. He was a failure. He was a fuck up. He was such a fuck up that his own best friends had decided to leave him alone when he was at his weakest. He couldn't blame them. But if Lil or Miles had eyes as black as the void and struggled to climb the stairs, he would have been there the entire time. Regardless of what happened before hand. 

A lone tear ran down his cheek. His broken form curling up more into the fetal position as he struggled to keep looking out the window. He was both repulsed and enthralled by looking at Lil and Miles getting comfy. His brain really couldn't figure it all out. With a whimper, and another tear, Carlisle watched as Lil and Miles went off into the night. Pressing his forehead against the window pane, Carlisle began to bawl his eyes out. Whimpers, became howls, the music from below hopefully disguising his emotional weakness. 

It hurt. Why would it not stop hurting? How did he make himself feel better? His hand gripped the opposite wrist and he began to dig his nails into the skin. The pain he felt caused him to lightly gasp. It hurt, but it felt good. It felt right. This was his punishment. He deserves it. He would keep pressing harder, nails pushing into the skin as his head still stayed resting against the window. He just kept applying more pressure, until a lone, tiny speckle of blood began running down his arm. He gave a heavy releasing exhale. Did it make him feel better? A little bit. Was it enough? No. 

And this was the duality of Carlisle, he wanted to be there for his friends, while also caving their skulls in. He couldn't decide which path was the right one. And he wasn't sure that he wasn't ever going to be able to. The only thing he could think of, was that he was certainly to blame for it. Everything was his fault. Wiping the blood stain on his shirt, he moved over to the bed and collapsed on it. His thoughts are still running around his brain like super cars. [i]Does it ever get easier to deal with? Rejection?[/i] He pondered. He couldn't change the outcome of tonight. Lilith had rejected him. He was going to have to learn to deal with it. But not tonight. Tonight he wanted to have his moment. Have his paddy, and release his emotions. Pulling his legs to his stomach as he lay down across the entire bed, Carlisle rested his head awkwardly on a pillow and once more began to cry. He would continue this for a good hour, before eventually the exhaustion kicked into overdrive and Carlisle cried himself to sleep. In a household full of people: [i]Why did he feel so alone? [/i]
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