[color=808080][right][sub][b][u]TIMESTAMP:[/u][/b] Dream Land @ Natalia's Bedroom || Noon | Friday, July 23rd, 2021
A [@BrutalBx] & [@Venus] Collaboration
Featuring [color=7B68EE]Natalia Belmonte[/color] & [color=D3D3D3]Charlie Decker[/color][/sub][/right]

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[indent][indent]Of course his room was the typical organised mess that it always was. His clothes, which mostly consisted of flannel shirts and dark jeans lay strung across the floor in crumpled heaps of adolescent laziness whereas the things he was the most passionate about, his books and his records were nearly tidied away. On the far wall was his bookcase, filled to the brim, overflowing even with classic literature and modern masterpieces. Whenever anyone was deemed worthy enough to enter his sanctum sanctorum, the one question he was always asked was if he had read them all? Of course he had and more than once.

For him, literature was life. Ancient words in dusty books written by long dead, uneducated men and women were the lifeblood that livened his soul, that set his mind on fire and made everything make sense. He took care of those books like they were his children. The same could be said of the vast collection of vinyl records he had sat in several boxes, alphabetised of course near his window. The amount of noise complaints that he had could fill one of his beloved books but luckily the police had very little care for a teenage boy playing his music too loud on the Southside. 

The bed wasn’t made, it never was and the curtains were drawn, which it only ever was when he didn’t want to be disturbed. The rest of the time, he left them open so he could easily make his escape next door to Poppy’s. Though, of course, Natalia knew all that. She had spent enough time in his fortress of solitude to know where everything was without him having to tell her. She knew where he would be before she even opened the door; sat at his desk, head down as he scribbled onto a bit of paper, pouring into his words the thousand and one burning thoughts that ate away at his brain like a wild beast, if he didn’t get them out he would explode. That’s just the way it was.

When she entered the room, he didn’t raise his head, he didn’t turn to look, he remained silent as he scratched away at the sheet filled with his innermost commentary. After a few more quiet moments, Charlie placed his pen down and turned in his chair to face the girl with the galaxy eyes.

[color=D3D3D3]“Hey.”[/color]

[color=7B68EE]"Hey, Char."[/color]

Ever since witnessing Charlie's premature demise, Natalia's nights had hovered between periods of insomnia and periods of lucid dreaming. In the times her body gave way to exhaustion, her dreams were often similar. She'd enter the Southie boy's room to find her friend sitting by his desk with his head down and a pen in his hand, scribbling away about whatever topic had inspired his musings of the day. She'd lay down in his bed, and he'd choose to stay in his desk chair or lay down next to her, allowing them some time to cuddle. No matter where Charlie opted to be, the rest of the dream was always the same: she'd open her heart out to discuss whatever situation was at the time, the young man listened to her and provided her with his wise advice once she was finished expressing herself. She'd wake up from these dreams momentarily at peace with herself, and with a clear head about how she needed to proceed with whatever was bothering her. But reality was as quick to set in as the tears that followed, and she'd spend anywhere between minutes or hours curled up in a ball in a corner of her bedroom, sobbing uncontrollably while wrestling with the guilt, grief, regrets and sadness that often engulfed her when it came to the topic of Charlie Decker.

[color=7B68EE]"What's the topic of the day?"[/color] She asked her friend, crossing the room and making herself comfortable by lying on his bed.

[color=D3D3D3]“The great duality of man and the importance of finding normalcy in the smallest of things.”[/color] Charlie followed the Italian beauty, rotating his chair so that he could face her when she took her place on his bed. She looked tired, worn down but that always seemed to be the case when Natalia strolled through that door. He was the symptom of a greater problem in her life which he could only try to provide a solution for. [color=D3D3D3]“Also you’re totally hooking up with my little sister, so that should make for an interesting chapter.”[/color] His face was plastered with that goofy smirk that had been seen by so rare a few while he was still alive. Whenever Charlie smiled, it was infectious and freeing, [color=D3D3D3]“She’s kinda great, right?”[/color]

Natalia couldn't help but grimace at his words. The topic of her involvement with Mitena wasn’t something she had expected to discuss with him so soon. She’d hoped to ease into it, slowly building up to it before putting it all out there. But she should’ve known Charlie better than to think he wouldn’t just want to cut the chit chat and get down to it.

[color=7B68EE]"So you know about that, huh?"[/color] she sheepishly asked the dark-haired man in an attempt to stall the conversation, a telling hint of pink on her cheeks. Of course he knew about that. He was a part of her. He went where she went, saw what she saw, felt what she felt.

[color=D3D3D3]“I mean, who do you think sent you to her in the first place?”[/color] Charlie pushed himself up to his feet, his tall frame nearly hitting the lightbulb above him. In one stride, the once aspiring writer made his way from the desk to his bed and stood over Tal for a second. He could read her like her book, a skill that he never really learned but something that just sort of was. He always knew what Natalia needed. They were connected that way.

Sitting down on the bed next to her, Charlie brushed a loose strand of her dark hair away from her face, her big green eyes meeting his dark ones. [color=D3D3D3]“Hi.”[/color] He said quietly. [color=D3D3D3]“Don’t do your Tal thing where you don’t say shit. You’re here with me. You’re safe.”[/color]

The girl next to him shot him a half-smile and nodded, shifting around so her head would be on his lap. [color=7B68EE]"I know. You know I trust you. It's just… I've got a lot of thoughts and feelings about what happened those days… I don't even know where to start."[/color]

[color=D3D3D3]“Well.”[/color] Charlie began as he gently stroked Tal’s soft temple with the tips of his fingers, tracing the freckles that he adored on her alabaster skin. [color=D3D3D3]“Let’s try and boil this down to a base, pure form.”[/color] The lanky boy adjusted his position on the bed to allow for Natalia to be a little more comfortable as she rested on him. He leaned himself back against the backboard of his bed as his touch moved to a spot just behind her ear. [color=D3D3D3]“I already know that you're being eaten alive by your guilt. No need to open that specific can of beans just yet, so why don’t you just tell me how you felt when you were with her?”[/color] Charlie used his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. [color=D3D3D3]“Forget all the other pieces that were screaming and focus on the one that whispered. Was there a connection?”[/color]

[color=7B68EE]"Well, yeah,"[/color] Natalia confirmed nonchalantly, picking at a strand of frayed fabric on Charlie's dark denim jeans. [color=7B68EE]"She's without a doubt the most beautiful girl I've laid my eyes on. I looked like absolute garbage and could barely string two words together the first time I saw her in the longhouse bathroom. Yet she looked at me like she’d just found a $100 bill on the ground, took me by the hand, snatched me away into the night and made me feel things I never thought I would in the first place. I wouldn't have let it go anywhere if I hadn’t felt there was a genuine connection."[/color]

[color=7B68EE]"But it's all really fucking scary too, Char. She was talking about setting my world on fire, wanting me to be her next adventure and how she'd chase me to the ends of the Earth and all that-- and as much as I want to believe she's telling the truth, a part of me just… can't do it…"[/color] the girl admitted tearfully, the fear she felt about these emotions ringing clear in her voice. [color=7B68EE]"I want to see where things could go, but I'm fucking terrified of getting disappointed again. Any time I catch feelings for someone, I end up being the one that falls the hardest and getting broken up with. I couldn't get Niles Sinclair to love me. I know that split was on me: that I should've been kinder and more understanding of him. I shouldn't have expected or demanded so much from someone still dealing with the loss of his mother. I understand that now in a way I wish I didn’t. But it doesn't change the fact that I still got hurt. I couldn't get Creed and Jokes to stay with me, even when it was literally the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I couldn't stop Kylee Grimm from up and ghosting me and then acting as if the time we spent together was worth horse shit. I couldn't even give [i]you[/i] enough reasons to give me a chance. Every person I've fallen in love with has just left me and eventually moved on with someone else-- like I'm just a pit stop along the way but never the final destination. I’m never the person they want to be with forever. I guess I’m just [i]that[/i] insufferable."[/color]

[color=D3D3D3]“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance….Oscar Wilde.”[/color] Charlie quoted, as he so often did. [color=D3D3D3]“Life and love are series of exploits like pages in a book. Every page is a new adventure with its own beginning, middle and end. Every person in your life is a page. Some will make you laugh and some cry. What matters is what you take from those pages.”[/color] The indigenous boy drifted his fingers over Natalia’s soft arm as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. [color=D3D3D3]“Every lesson you learn from a failed love is to teach you something about yourself, so that you can love yourself."[/color]

[color=7B68EE]"'Love myself'?"[/color] Natalia repeated with a disbelieving snort. [color=7B68EE]"Char, honey, I know that to everyone on the outside it might [i]seem[/i] like I'm this strong and confident force to be reckoned with, but I don't think there's anyone out there who hates me more than I hate myself. The only thing I've learned from all those pages you're talking about is how terribly flawed I am, to smoke weed and to be bitter at fucking everything."[/color]

Charlie sighed a little through his nose. The poor girl that had curled herself up into his lap was truly in a great amount of pain. [color=D3D3D3]“In that case, you know where my stash is.”[/color] He opened his eyes and looked up towards the ceiling, a specific section which was loose was the focus of his gaze. [color=D3D3D3]“Though if you want it, you’re gonna have to go up and get it. Use your rangy ass to stand up there and find some roll ups that are about three years old.”[/color] He let out a soft laugh while the girl joined him. Only Charlie could be deadly serious and talk absolute nonsense at the same time.

[color=D3D3D3]"I can’t promise that Mitena is the right person for you. I don’t have that power. What I can tell you is that she has the best heart and that she wants to give it to you. Whether you give her yours? That is beyond my spooky ghost powers to predict….so is eating. I’m not allowed to eat anymore. I miss bagels with salmon.”[/color] He joked as he wrapped Tal’s hair in ringlets. 

Natalia momentarily smiled at his joke, but her face was quick to return to its solemn state. [color=7B68EE]"I just… I don't want to get hurt again. I've spent so much time picking up and putting back the pieces of myself-- which feels impossible most times, because I'm nowhere near whole and I don't think I'll ever be-- that I don't think I have it in me to fail at this again. And it’s not like I’ll be any good for her either, Char. She deserves someone way better than me. I've got nothing to offer the poor girl except a whole lot of baggage and trauma and insecurities. She'll always be too good for me, and I'll probably never be good enough for anyone else, either. It's just… It’s just something I have to get used to."[/color]

As he stroked her face and hair, Natalia turned her head slightly so that he could see deep into those beautiful green eyes. As he watched the quasars explode into a million tiny specs of ethereal emerald, with the tip of his thumb he tenderly touched the corner of Tal’s lip. [color=D3D3D3]“I mean now you’re just talking silly.”[/color] Charlie began. [color=D3D3D3]“Do you really think there’s such a thing as a whole person? Cos there’s not. We’re all just puzzle pieces that we mostly stick together ourselves until we find that one missing piece, that one person or persons that makes us complete. There isn’t a whole person until that point.”[/color] He leaned down and kissed the top of Natalia’s forehead. [color=D3D3D3]“I’ve seen your heart. You’re a lot stronger than you know, Tal. And as far as being good enough and carrying baggage? You literally just described everyone who ever lived. Though not all of them are Stargirls.”[/color] He laughed a little as he traced the soft freckles on her face. [color=D3D3D3]“Stargirl; just a bit pretentious though isn’t it? She definitely doesn’t get that from me.”[/color]

The Belmonte girl laughed right along with him, taking hold of the hand of his that was free and interlocking her fingers with his. [color=7B68EE]"Says the one who can't go two sentences without speaking in metaphors,"[/color] she teased back. [color=7B68EE]"I think it's cute, though. Unique. I've never heard someone call someone else Stargirl before."[/color]

Charlie’s eyes sailed to a book that sat on his shelf: Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon. It was the story of one man’s trip across America, avoiding big cities and interstates, the living world and the pain it causes. [color=D3D3D3]“Stars are very important to our people. We have so many legends and stories that we live and learn by. Maybe-- no, [i]I’m sure[/i] she’d be happy to tell you about them.”[/color]

Natalia was quiet for a moment, pondering her friend’s words and reading between the lines. [color=7B68EE]"So you think I should give her a chance?"[/color] she asked Charlie, letting her facial expression show the real, deep-seated anxiety she felt about allowing someone new into her life and potentially giving them the power to further break her. [color=7B68EE]"Even if she ends up breaking my heart by running in the opposite direction when she finds how truly fucked I am? When the novelty and the initial attraction wears off, and she’s left with the mess that I am? Because as much as I want to try again, I don't think I can handle more heartbreak right now, Char. I really can't,"[/color] she admitted, her voice breaking as tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. 

[color=D3D3D3]“Okay.”[/color] Charlie spoke defiantly. [color=D3D3D3]“Come here.”[/color] He guided the crying Natalia up to a seated position and pulled her gently into his arms and warm embrace that the woman was quick to return. Looking into her big green eyes, he softly wiped away her tears. [color=D3D3D3]“Listen, I can’t promise that she’s the one-- I wish I could. God, I wish I could. But from what I’ve seen and what I know of my sister, she’s a kind, selfless and deeply connected person. She feels so much and feels everything so intensely.”[/color] Charlie’s fingers danced across Tal’s neck as he smiled at her. [color=D3D3D3]“It is this humble writer's opinion that you give her a chance. Let her take you to places you’ve never been, places you’ve never seen. Magical places that will fill your heart the way you need them to. But first, you have to go to her. Drive that blue highway to that Native reservation in the middle of nowhere and find your Dolcezza.”[/color]

The green-eyed girl nodded in between sniffles, wiping away any tears her friend hadn’t managed to catch. From the first conversation they’d had in the outdoor bleachers of the old Edenridge High School, Charlie had proven his ability to see beyond the veil the Belmonte girl used to hide parts of her true self from the world. His words had the power of penetrating her defenses and instilling only positive emotions in her heart. The more she and Charlie spoke about Mitena and the feelings blossoming between the two girls, the better and more confident Natalia felt about everything. She wasn't undeserving of love. She wasn't too flawed. She was a brave woman who deserved to try and find happiness with someone who desired to give it to her.

[color=7B68EE]"So you're not mad about it?"[/color] she asked him, mustering up the strength to face him for the answer to one of the questions that haunted her the most. [color=7B68EE]"You're not upset that we’re into each other even after what happened between us?"[/color]

[color=D3D3D3]“Why would I be upset? Because someone’s making you happy? And that someone happens to be my sister?”[/color] Charlie brushed some loose raven hair from Natalia’s face as he let out a light chuckle. [color=D3D3D3]“Tal, what happened with us, you’re always going to carry that weight with you. I can’t change that. Allowing yourself to be happy? That will. Allowing yourself to feel what you felt for me for someone else? That will. And I’ll always be here if you need a pep talk. Apparently since my death I’ve mellowed the fuck out.”[/color] The native boy held the green eyed girl tightly. [color=D3D3D3]“Go be happy, Stargirl.”[/color]

The dark-haired girl held Charlie just as tightly, allowing herself to indulge in the solace that only his embrace could give her. That was one of the things Natalia missed the most since he was gone: the warm feeling of his arms around her holding her close after sharing his well-intentioned wisdom. No matter how many times she dreamt of him, it could never replace the real thing. She would’ve given anything to ease his burden and provide Char with the same comfort that he always gave her when he was still alive-- but that was impossible now. Thankfully, she still had a chance to do right by him by bringing happiness to his surviving sister’s life.

[color=7B68EE]“Okay.”[/color] Tal mumbled with a sniffle, gently pulling away from Charlie and wiping her teary face again. [color=7B68EE]“I guess I’ll go ahead and get ready so I can head out to the rez and see Mitena.”[/color] She told him with a small smile, slowly getting out of the bed and standing up, facing him one last time before she departed. She would never get tired of that tender feeling that filled her chest whenever she looked at her friend. [color=7B68EE]“Got any last words for me, Char?”[/color]

Charlie directed a smile at the befreckled beauty, his black bangs hanging over his sleepless brown eyes. His tanned skin was warm and full of life that had never been there whilst he was actually alive. He sat and drank her in: the way she stood in that doorway like she had so many times before. It always hit him in a certain kind of way-- a way in which his heart melted. With his lanky long arm, Charlie reached out and took a hold of Tal’s hand, lightly pressing his lips to her knuckle, only to be interrupted by a thunderous knocking at the bedroom door. [color=D3D3D3]“Miss you.”[/color] He spoke quietly, his words hushed but not hidden, as if it was fading out and being overcome by the knocks. [color=D3D3D3]"I think someone is ready for you.”[/color]

Before the young woman could do anything other than squeeze the hand of his that held hers and blow him a kiss, the world around them began to transform at a rapid pace. The piles of flannel shirts and dark jeans disappeared from the floor, which was now a well-preserved dark oak instead of the worn laminate from before. The bookcases that had rested against the walls were replaced by a mandala tapestry, and posters of artists like Billie Eilish, Post Malone, Lil Peep, Halsey, girl in red and others. The bed remained unmade and the curtains remained drawn, but the dark bed sheets and linen drapes were now a beautiful shade of periwinkle that matched the blue, purple and white tie-dye comforter that kept Natalia warm. The thick, battered notebooks on the desk vanished, their place now occupied by a sleek MacBook Pro and empty snack wrappers. Tal continued to watch her dream’s surroundings give way into reality in silence, smiling at Charlie’s figure as it faded away into the void… Until she was the only thing that remained inside the room.

Now fully awake, Natalia lay face up and still in her bed for a long moment after, trying to ease into the feelings that always came rushing after her dreams with Charlie. Eventually, she found the strength to shift her body to lay sideways and grab the nearest pillow resting near her, holding it as tightly as she could against her chest and bracing herself for the incoming impact. And as wave after wave of emotion slowly began to crash into her, Tal buried her face in the pillow and began to sob.

[indent][indent][color=7B68EE][i]Miss you too, Char. I really miss you too.

Thank you again for everything.[/i][/color][/indent][/indent][/indent][/indent][/color]