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The seconds ticked by like hours as Alja stood in front of Leaves' door.

She'd been here so many times now. Couldn't count the times she'd thrown open the door of the chapterhouse, rampaged by Aag and Luci and Pris sitting by the table planning a raid or something, and pulled Leaves out to go paint the town. But now that oh-so-flimsy piece of wood that she could probably shatter with a single punch might as well have been a mountain range, for all she felt she could cross through it. She lifted her hand to knock again, and for a moment it hung trembling in the air.

But a moment later, it fell back to her side. She laughed then: a bitter, mirthless laugh. [i][abbr=Idiot][color=#D1FFFC]Ama[/color][color=#D1FDFA]dan.[/color][/abbr] [color=#D1FBF8]Cow[/color][color=#D1F9F6]ar[/color][color=#D1F7F4]dl[/color][color=#D1F5F2]y,[/color] [color=#D2F1EE]chi[/color][color=#D2EFEC]ld[/color][color=#D3EAE7]i[/color][color=#D3E4E1]s[/color][color=#D4DCD9]h[/color][color=#D4D7D4],[/color] [color=#D5D5D2]i[/color][color=#D5D3D0]d[/color][color=#D5D1CE]i[/color][color=#D5CDCA]o[/color][color=#D6CBC8]t[/color][color=#D6C9C6].[/color] [color=#D6C7C4]T[/color][color=#D6C6C3]h[/color][color=#D6C4C1]i[/color][color=#D7C0BD]s[/color] [color=#D7BEBB]i[/color][color=#D7BCB9]s[/color] [color=#D7BAB7]w[/color][color=#D8B6B3]h[/color][color=#D8B5B2]a[/color][color=#D8B1AE]t[/color] [color=#D8AFAC]y[/color][color=#D9ADAA]o[/color][color=#D9ABA8]u[/color] [color=#D9A7A4]d[/color][color=#D9A5A2]e[/color][color=#DAA3A0]s[/color][color=#DAA09D]e[/color][color=#DA9C99]r[/color][color=#DB9895]v[/color][color=#DB9491]e[/color][color=#DB928F].[/color][/i]

She should've come here so long ago now. She should've come here literally the day after what happened. She [i]knew[/i] Leaves would take it hard, damn it all. She knew full well. But she was too [i]scared.[/i] Too [i]afraid[/i] to face her, after she'd failed her so utterly and completely. She didn't know what she would say. She didn't know if there was anything she [i]could[/i] say. What would it even be? [i]I'm sorry I let everyone die?[/i] Just thinking about it nearly set her laughing again. It was just so...grossly inadequate. No, there was nothing she could say that wouldn't just make it worse.

God, but she should've tried anyway.

So, standing there dead silent in front of her best friend and first real love's door--and feeling a metaphorical but equally as painful door slamming closed in her heart--all Alja could do was let her huge form sag, and drop her head in shame. Her voice came out in a soft, mournful whisper: 

"[color=d1fffc][abbr=I'm sorry, love.]Tha mi duilich, mo ghràdh.[/abbr][/color]"

She stood there for a few more seconds. Just staring at the ground, drowning in her self-pity. Then she sucked in a sharp, harsh breath. [i][color=d1fffc]None of that, Alja Frostguard. There are other people that need you. So don't you fail them too.[/color][/i] With steps still leaden but carrying on nonetheless, she fought her way back up the stairs, scraping her way back through the entrance to where Luci still stood. it hadn't been very long, after all. At a questioning look, she shook her head, then smiled sadly. "[color=d1fffc]If I were her, I wouldn't talk to me either.[/color]"

She lapsed into silence. She knew she said that she'd talk to Luci after she visited Leaves, but...all the wind had gone from her sails now, and it was hard for her to bring herself to talk much at the moment. And Luci, gorgeous saint that she was, must've noticed it, by the way she tilted her head towards the door. She didn't exactly look the happiest, and Alja gave her a rueful look. "[color=d1fffc]Later. I promise.[/color]"

Then she shoved through the chapterhouse doors again, determined that it wouldn't be the last time.

Thorinn was hot and humid as ever. She started sweating almost immediately. Her jaw was clenched as she walked, first slowly, then faster, back the way she'd come. [i][color=d1fffc]Don't you fail them too.[/color][/i] And when she finally arrived back at the Laughing Worg, she was met with...

...With Captain Everrandis looking none-too-pleased. With Sieg looking like he'd just been hit with a mental freight train, and Sif looking like she'd just seen her brother be run over by said mental freight train. With Artemis nowhere to be found. And with Seele hugging an absolutely [i]shattered[/i] Graves.

She slowed to a halt, staring at the scene almost dumbly. [i][color=d1fffc]What in the blue FECK just happened here?[/color][/i] Then she shook her head quickly to chase the cobwebs out before she walked slowly over towards the ones she was closest to. There was nothing wrong with Sif or Sieg, obviously. She wanted to talk to Captain Everrandis to figure out what the hell happened here. She wanted to know where Artemis was.

But they simply weren't her top priority.

She approached slowly, hesitant to disrupt them. But in the end, her worry won out, and she came in from the side, laying a gentle hand on Seele's shoulder. "[color=d1fffc]Hey. Sorry I'm late.[/color]" A pause. "[color=d1fffc]Would you, uh...care to fill me in on what happened here, Seele?[/color]" She let her eyes play over the scene again before returning to Graves, with a look of deep concern on her face. "[color=d1fffc]Seems like I missed a [i]lot[/i].[/color]"