Of course she's had the glove off before. Of course. For personal hygiene reasons, mostly. But she feels [i]naked[/i] without it. Her arm, suddenly bare, suddenly cut off from her goddess, her...

"I'm sorry," she says, hands folded, looking down at the floor, the picture of shame. "I really thought you wanted me to... to..." She reaches up, rubs a cheek, sniffles loudly. Was it her? Was she making up the feeling in her heart all along? Giving her an excuse to have someone else, someone who was more dangerous and physical than Jade, jealousy from seeing Jade claim whoever she wanted? Was she a [i]bad girl[/i]?

She doesn't deserve to have her goddess save her this time.

[i]She can't touch Dolly. When she advances, Valynia drags her a step back, and without the glove, without the memory weave, she can't TOUCH Dolly, she can't hold her, she can't try to reassure her, she can't do anything. "Let her go!" She can't touch Valynia, either. Not without her priestess to be her hands and her eyes and her ears. (She can't see herself through Dolly's eyes. Her only eye is a security camera. A distant sense, an impersonal view of the room. Her only body here is thin light, a reflection of a reflection.)

"You are the one who doesn't deserve her! You don't even know her! You-- Dolly," she says, hyperaware of the pirate. If she begs, the whole universe will know. If she crumbles, falls to her knees, that will be all that she is. Everything is collapsing underneath her feet. Is the entire station shaking? "Dolly. Take the glove back."[/i]

Was Jade wrong about her the whole time? She'd tried her best, she really had, and now she's here, so useless that she's being kidnapped again, fighting the urge to melt into Valynia's arms, her goddess staring at her, and...

And the feeling of waking up and knowing that Jade's already awake, watching her sleep like she's a bird on the other side of a window. Of being able to fall and know, [i]know[/i] that Jade's going to catch her. Of being pushed to her limits in the mech, making her heart sing. Valynia never tried to give her the universe. But did she deserve the universe?

One finger traces the outside of the glove's wrist. Worry throbs through her, turmoil, anger, and the intensity of Jade's roiling heart, and she jerks her hand away, as if she had been bitten. It's overwhelming. It's like drowning.

[i]Dolly jerks her hand away from the glove. A moment of aching, of worry, of heartache, and then nothing more. A moment of pain, real pain, not just the activation of nerves to make her bride squeal. Pain she'd caused, again, by not being good enough. By not being like Whispered Promise, that effortless confidence and careful touch, that frustrating power in those deliberate hands. Her surprise just made Dolly cry earlier, her attempt to give Dolly a gift just led to this, and now she's hurting her bride.

Her greatest fear, right in front of her.

"You can't take her! Not again! She's not yours, Dish-- pirate! She's mine! She promised!"[/i]

She'd promised. And she was failing that promise. And that should give her the strength to stand up and lift her head and be better. But she's frozen like a bird before a snake. If she opens herself up before her goddess, Jade will bury her, and Jade will see right through her, and their cuddles and basking and deliberate teasing before fighting Ada seem so far away. Like there's a window between her then and her now, and all she can do is press her face against it and yearn. Yearn to be worthy of Jade's love. To be the focus of that overwhelming attention, to not want anything else.

Valynia pulls her towards the door, and she leans back into the pirate's grasp despite herself.

[i]Jade falls to her knees. Her palms rest on the floor, feeling nothing. "Please!" She sobs. Her eyes are focused on Dolly's face like it's that first morning, listening to her Dolly sing alone in the kitchen. "Dolly, don't [b]leave[/b] me!"[/i]

"You'd have Ksharta," Dolly says, her mouth dry, trying not to look at Jade doing something which she'd never done before. She's embarrassed for her goddess, aware that she wouldn't want anyone to see this, crushed under the realization that it's her fault that pushed Jade this far. "And Angela. And the cult. And you could pick someone better. Someone who deserves you."

[i]"I don't want them! Not like I want you!"[/i]

Her hands curl around the glove, and she squeezes it as hard as she can. "How do you want me, Jade?" She asks with her mouth and with her heart.

[i]"I want you like this," Jade says, and envelops her in need, throwing herself around Dolly, so aware of Valynia pressing against Dolly's back that it's like they're entwined together. "I want to make your dreams come true and I want you to want me too. I want to touch you like she can, to give you more miracles, to be your goddess, to make you happy, I want to make you feel safe, I want to make you feel beautiful, I want... I want Seven Quetzal. I want you to think I'm strong. I want to shine for you."

Then she lets go. She steps back. She forces herself to pull back her essence. "But I lost. Now you know." That she's not strong. That she's not shining. That she's half-a-goddess. That she's still stuck on that tree in the underworld. And now Valynia is going to make everyone know. She's lost anyway. She's lost everything. Angela Victoria Miera Antonius will wrench herself free. Ksharta Talonna will turn up her nose and trot away. The cult will abandon her idol. Nobody will bother to worship a weak, pathetic goddess unable to be strong and smite her enemies. And each loss will hurt, will hurt terribly, but she'd flay herself of everything if Dolly would just step forward.[/i]

"You're already strong," Dolly says. "And you deserve so much better than me. But..."

She struggles against Valynia's grip. If what Jade needs right now is to be held, then she's going to hold her goddess in her arms and hold her tight. It's the least she can do to deserve being loved by a goddess.