[quote=@ERode] [hider=Hidered quote for space] [center] [img]https://i.imgur.com/jFtl0hn.png[/img] [h2]Yu-Ri Yun[/h2] Chinese | Anti-Entropy | 17 y/o | Valkyrie | Human C - Rank | Artificial Stigmata | Mecha-Type | Fire | Fists (Gauntlets) [b]POW[/b] - E | [b]END[/b] - E (-1) | [b]AGI[/b] - C (+1) | [b]INT[/b] - D | [b]HON[/b] - C (+1) | [b]BUR[/b] - C [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsaQu7F7vCs]♪[/url] [/center] [b]Weapon:[/b] [i]Red Star Banishers[/i] [indent]A pair of HAZMAT gloves developed by ME Corp. Ostensibly made to assist in industrial metalworking, its true purpose is founded in anti-Honkai operations in cold-weather conditions. After integration with the Battlesuit Steamwork Rook, Red Star Banishers can store excess heat generated by the Battlesuit, before releasing a super-heated blast of energy in close-range, which can inflict a Burning effect upon enemies.[/indent] [b]Battlesuit:[/b] [i]Steamwork Rook[/i] [indent][b]Features:[/b] Communications, GPS, subspace storage, Honkai Miasma sensors, and machine-human interfaces to allow for effective movement of prosthesis. [b]Time Fracture[/b]: An ability that increases a Valkyrie’s Agility by one level for a single post or about 5-10 seconds, giving them the opportunity to dodge some form of peril and potentially retaliate in the same timeframe. Can usually only be used once per battle.[/indent] [b]Burst:[/b] [i]Inferno Alight[/i] [indent][b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Duration:[/b] 2 rounds [b]Modifier Points:[/b] 6 (+2 Burst Refund On Kill, +1 POW, +1 AGI, +1 END Ignore, +1 AOE) [b]Effect:[/b] Removes safety limiters upon Steamwork Rook, before overclocking motor assist systems via a surge of Honkai energy. This dramatically boosts the Valkyrie’s physical capabilities, as well as generating an explosive amount of heat, which is vented out from the limbs upon impact with physical objects. As well, upon destruction of Honkai creatures, Inferno Alight can break down their forms and convert them into Honkai energy once more, absorbing that energy to continuously fuel the Burst mode of the Battlesuit. With enough foes, it’s possible to keep up this Burst indefinitely, so long as the Valkyrie herself can withstand the strain.[/indent] [b]Skills[/b] [indent]Though her SWARA is incomplete, Yu-Ri was nevertheless once a Disciple of Taixuan and possesses a firm understanding of both the biomechanics and the philosophies behind the East Asian martial arts that she has been trained in. Alongside that are the skills that would have made her a proficient traveller: the ability to pantomine and read faces, a talent for cooking with fire, and the ability to scrap together a shelter out of the local environment. It's not too useful of a skill, when one considers how far civilization has spread, of course, but the romance of a martial artist wandering the lands on foot remains, and she would not let that romance die. In opposition to that romance, however, is the training in science and engineering that she received once she became a member of Anti-Entropy. By necessity, Yu-Ri is able to maintain her prosthetics and her battlesuit by herself during long-term missions using portable tools, but special materials and facilities would still be necessary to bring her equipment up to 100% efficacy once more. She picked up a driver's license as well, though her training there only covered standard civilian vehicles. As part of her rehab, Yu-Ri dances ballet and plays the piano, artistic pursuits no doubt recommended to her by the predilections of her doctor. She doesn't like it all that much though, as it feels as if she's cheating when mechanical limbs are just so much more powerful than human ones.[/indent] [b]Gear[/b] [indent]Outside of her toolbox and a jumble of tech (smartphone, table, power banks, chargers, USBs), Yu-Ri travels light. She's got a set of keys and cards, and her wallet, and that's basically all she needs to get around. Anything else? She can just buy it or make it herself.[/indent] [b]Appearance[/b] [indent]Black hair and ashen eyes, with skin like porcelain. Yu-Ri is beautiful in the way that a doll is: uncannily perfect until she makes a face. And she certainly loves making faces. At a height of 5'4 and weighing 229 lbs if one includes all her prosthetics, she would have been wheelchair-bound without the technology that Anti-Entropy allowed her to prototype, and she knows it. There's an air to her, as such, an excitable air that loves the life she's still able to live. An electric energy zips through each step she takes, and her posture is bold, audacious, relentless. A candle burns, a firework explodes. And Yu-Ri? She ignites, despite the self-destruction that it would entail, for every scar earned is a life saved. Every step forward materializes that future most ideal.[/indent] [b]Personality[/b] [indent]The oath of the Kaslanas had sparked a flame in Yu-Ri once, and she had never stopped burning since. Never stopped, even as the fuel turned black, even as the wood splintered into halves. A reckless courage shoots Yu-Ri forwards and onwards into danger, often with little sense of self-preservation except for a singular metric: how worthy of an end would this be? After losing her ability to live a normal human's life, after years of rehab and treatments to suppress the effects of Honkai corrosion upon her body, Yu-Ri's once-heroic resolve has degenerated into a simple desire to make the rest of her life matter, rather than make the rest of her life long. An ordinary happiness is not something she's interested in, and she obsessively trains and studies for the purpose of being able to snatch an opportunity to leave her mark in the world. To those around her, she appears hot-headed and rebellious, but ultimately good of heart, the sort of person that likely won't make it far in terms of rankings owing to a lack of professionalism and leadership ability, but still someone who could save lives in situations where others would flee. To herself, however? This is her Judgment of Shamash. To overcome her fear of self-immolation, no matter how much of her body breaks down into ash. [/indent] [b]Biography[/b] [indent]Yu-Ri Yun was born in an age of true heroes. What was the point, after all, of reading fantasy novels, when one could read the news instead? What was the point, after all, of watching superhero movies, when one could watch the news instead? Honkai, the scourge of humanity, and the Valkyries who stand against them. Certainly, she wasn't the only child in her generation to wish to become one herself, to defend all that was beautiful in the world. And though she possessed no Stigmata, Yu-Ri knew she didn't need one either. A youthful Kaslana, possessing superhuman strength and an unearthly beauty, had summed it up themselves easily enough. What you needed, before all else, was courage. Courage to never yield. Courage to become Humanity's shield. From there, from that origin, one would gain might enough to reach the heavens and strike down that false god, the vile Honkai! And though the Yun family were but ordinary middle-class business people whom rose out of their farmer-roots, though her parents still wished that she remained in school and became a lawyer or a doctor...well, they had a first son to focus their attentions on, and the School of Taixuan had a reputation not only of safely training their students into fighting off the Honkai, but also a reputation of teaching kids discipline and mental strength. Room and board was cheap, the reputation was solid, and the master of the sect was a fellow countryman. What else was there to worry about then? Even if Yu-Ri fell short, at least she would be able to get it out of her system, that desire to be [i]special[/i]. But Yu-Ri did not fall short. It wasn't talent nor intuition that saw that she reached the top of her class. It was the resolve to continually challenge herself. The foundation she formed as a Disciple of Taixuan was built, brick by brick, through the steps she took to reaching that near-impossible dream of hers: Kaslana. Wholly ordinary, possessing no background and no genetic gift, without any particular talents and empowered only by the innocence of a childhood dream, Yu-Ri sought to reach the same stage as the bloodline of heroes. Years passed. Her SWARA began to manifest. Her dreams were becoming more and more concrete. The Honkai came. It was a scorcher of a summer's day. She was meeting up with her elementary school friends at the aquarium. The sky split, the sirens sounded, and then chaos arrived soon after that. It was madness, in an instant. Panic caused traffic jams, infection cascaded into outbreaks. Her instincts told her to flee, and her training told her to as well. Her Master had been strict about this to every one of the disciples under her tutelage: until one's SWARA was complete, no matter how powerful you were, you could not fight the Honkai. But if she ran now, she would always be running. As her friends ran past her, Yu-Ri advanced. Her hand tore a tire iron out of a burning vehicle, and her gaze set upon the Chariot-class that loomed before her. One step. Two steps. Holding determination in her fist, soul alight with the Oath that was hers to take, she... ...opened her eyes, and thought she was in Heaven. The next few months were a blur of surgeries and explanations, of diagnoses and tears, of admonishments that gradated into praise. They had found her in a pile of rubble, three hours after the incident was resolved by the Disciples of Taixuan and fire support from Anti-Entropy. Her training, incomplete as it was, prevented her from cascading into a zombie, while the surrounding fires were sufficient to cauterize the worst of her injuries. It had been a miracle that she had stayed alive long enough to reach the intensive care unit of the hospital, but the effects of corrosion meant that there wasn't much of her body to salvage at the end of it. Her arms had to be amputated. Her organs had to be replaced. Half of her skin had to be replaced with grafts. She was missing an eye. Her hearing would never quite be the same. Even with the most optimistic estimations, she would never walk again, and the compounding health complications would mean that she would die an early death. Her Master could no longer train her; she praised Yu-Ri for her bravery and then banished her from the school in a single breath. By all accounts, Yu-Ri should have been crushed. Her friends, however, had survived. Survived without injury, survived wholly intact. That alone was all the justification she needed to know that she was on the right path. Life was already too short to begin with! What was the difference between another twenty and another fifty, if old age was going to hit her with migraines and joint pain and crippling debt anyways? Between a never-ending pity party whilst wasting away in a bed, between years of having to be manhandled by her ever-aging parents so she could take a shit, between the inevitability of being helpless to do anything other than squirm and move her head around, there had to be another way! There had to be something else. Her teeth snagged upon the sleeves of her Master as she turned to leave, and Yu-Ri made one last bid. If she could no longer become a Disciple of Taixuan, then at the very fucking least, her Master could introduce her to Anti-Entropy, to the crystallization of three eras worth of human technology, where within forged steel and electric code, Yu-Ri could continue to live a life on her own terms, no matter how much shorter it'd be. She stoked the flames within her, knowing that if it ever died out, she could not ignite it a second time. And though it was a tough sell for all parties involved, in the end, human compassion won out. Without Anti-Entropy's help, she would never move of her own accord again, and wasn't that too great of a shame, to let this spark within a child die out? This child, who faced the heavenly tyrant once, who nearly lost her life in that incident, and who, having survived, wished to try [i]again[/i]? The leader of Anti-Entropy hadn't even been an adult when she faced Finality at its worst and greatest. What ground did they have to stand upon, refusing a child who wished to fight for all that was beautiful in this fracturing world? Documents were signed. Her life was theirs. In Salt Lake City, Yu-Ri began her rehabilitation, her transformation. And years later, she left. She was a Valkyrie, not a Disciple. Her Stigmata were artificial and her limbs were prosthetics. But her aspirations, delusional and self-destructive as they were, remained intact. Her adolescence had yet to end. [/indent] [/hider] [/quote] On the suggestion of the relevant player, reposted from discord to hopefully be helpful to those here. Alright, then to run through my sheet review as succinctly as possible: [b]Appearance/Faceclaim:[/b] Love it. Great image. All around very cool. [b]General info:[/b] No issues here. [b]Stats:[/b] Numbers line up. Min-maxing aside, I know you're being deliberate and ready for the downsides. [b]Weapon: [/b]I should clarify that, by default, you are assumed to be able to inflict your elemental blight, regardless of your weapon's specific capabilities (as long as that weapon channels Honkai energy). If you're looking for a special property, I'd not be opposed to an alteration to the weapon to say it has a +1 to Honkai for the purposes of inflicting the Burning condition. [b]Battlesuit:[/b] Looks good. [b]Burst:[/b] Good stuff. Only thing I'd insist on is a clarification of the explosion size, which should be about as large as a bedroom. [b]Skills:[/b] Looks good. [b]Gear:[/b] Perfectly reasonable. [b]Personality:[/b] Hohoh? *Very interesting.* I am looking forward to seeing how this sort of mindset bounces off the the rest fo the party in character interactions. [b]Biography:[/b] This is the part I have the most potential issues/nitpicks with. Most of it is fine. There's just little bits I'd like to pick at for context. If I had to summarize my issues, it's that you seem to make a few too many assumptions about how public certain sensitive information is, and I'm not clear how much of the information an effective "grunt" like Yu-Ri is being implied to have. [b]TLDR:[/b] Everything but the backstory has pretty much got my full approval, so after we handle that last bit (and the other minor things I've mentioned here), you'll be ready to roll the second we have a character section to drop these sheets. Oh, and also, I prefer the whole sheet be contained in a hider for space saving purposes. [quote=@ERode] And though it was a tough sell for all parties involved, in the end, human compassion won out. Without Anti-Entropy's help, she would never move of her own accord again, and wasn't that too great of a shame, to let this spark within a child die out? This child, who faced the heavenly tyrant once, who nearly lost her life in that incident, and who, having survived, wished to try [i]again[/i]? [b]The leader of Anti-Entropy hadn't even been an adult when she faced Finality at its worst and greatest. What ground did they have to stand upon,[/b] refusing a child who wished to fight for all that was beautiful in this fracturing world? [/quote] Alright, so onto my backstory nitpicks: Firstly, Anti-Entropy wouldn't have accepted her on the grounds of comparisons to Bronya/"having no ground to stand on". She could have received admittance without receiving attention from anyone actually high up enough to have been told anything about Bronya being from a Past Era, much less about Finality. That Bronya is rumored to be immortal (because she doesn't age now) is a public enough rumor, but any oddities beyond that? Not things the lower rungs of the organization make decisions based on. On that note, immortal beings are in this Era established to be a *thing*, with people like Fu Hua being much more in the public eye this go around. The methods of achieving it -or something close to it- are of course rare and successes rarer still, but I digress. Given Otto did publicly rule Schicksal for centuries in canon says something, I think... [quote=@ERode] Her teeth snagged upon the sleeves of her Master as she turned to leave, and Yu-Ri made one last bid. If she could no longer become a Disciple of Taixuan, then at the very fucking least, her Master could introduce her to [b]Anti-Entropy, to the crystallization of three eras worth of human technology[/b], where within forged steel and electric code, Yu-Ri could continue to live a life on her own terms, no matter how much shorter it'd be. [/quote] That Anti-Entropy is the "crystallization of three Eras of tech" just isn't true. At best, they have two (via Bronya), and it's certainly not public knowledge. And they are further still unable to exert their best on a grand stage without inviting extra retaliation from the Honkai. Again, an issue of this being mentioned in what feels like the context of your character's inner thoughts, when she definitely shouldn't know this. AE is fairly young compared to the other major Anti-Honkai organizations with barely more than half a century under their belts, considered an upstart that shot onto the scene with explosive growth (secretly propelled by Bronya taking the helm/exerting more influence). That they are considered perhaps the "crystallization of human ingenuity" is a more accurate way to put it from a common perspective. [quote=@ERode] What you needed, before all else, was courage. Courage to never yield. Courage to become Humanity's shield. From there, from that origin, one would gain might enough to reach the heavens and strike down that false god, the vile Honkai! [/quote] The perception of there being a "Honkai God" generally originates from Herrschers on an insane rant, and since anything to do with Herrschers are basically totally classified from the public eye, that's not information that gets around. That's not to say it's unfeasible that some people would come up with the idea that the Honkai are the judgement of some "god" independently of that, which would certainly be a thing Schicksal would be interested in campaigning fighting against in the name of the "real god". Schicksal's official "religious" position is that the Honkai are demons, not anything divine. That's not the sort of terminology they'd promote being used. They wouldn't even associate the idea of a "false" god with it. After all, there's not really any evidence of a guiding , unifying force behind the Honkai that the public can point to anyway, so using that kind of terminology would just seem like it came out of left field. I'd say it's fair to say the Kaslana certainly spread their own version internally, but externally, they have a responsibility to represent Schicksal's greater interests. So, any talk of "honkai gods" is drowned out by the greater narrative presented by the rest of Schicksal (and other Anti-Honkai factions for that matter). Anyway, compared to the other two nitpicks, this one is more tolerable and can honestly be blamed on an overly chatty/bold Kaslana managing to strike a chord with just the right person (Yu-Ri), so this is fine left as is. But the other two bits I pointed out should be changed. Once that's done (along with the other minor things I pointed out earlier, this sheet is pretty much good to go.