[hider=Evening Sola 22, 1739: Callum & Riona Part 2][center][h1][b][color=00F8FE]Callum[/color] & [color=DAF6C7]Riona[/color][/b][/h1][/center]
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[color=00F8FE]“As far as I can.”[/color] Cal answered, it was the most he could offer without accidentally lying. [color=00F8FE]“The wall is for me, to look at and remember. Last night, was also mostly for me, to teach myself my own lessons in a way I won’t forget.”[/color] There was nothing left of his fingernails to chew at, he picked and scratched at the wound on his hand as he thought of how to explain it. 

[color=00F8FE]“Yesterday in that room with Darryn, it wasn’t Edin in charge, that was all Alibeth. Cold and twisted and ugly; that was her real face. I have spent my whole life letting myself think that because Alibeth did not hate me as Edin does, that she loved me. That I owed her something for that. So I had to know whether she could even try to care about the things I care about. Show her that every time she, or my family, hurts other people, it hurts me too. But if she has any love for me it is only in the same way that Edin loves mirrors, with the hope that I’ll reflect something back at her that she wants to see, assure her that she is a good mother. She is not and I’ve wasted too much of my life wishing for monsters and parasites to love me back.”[/color] Cal hadn’t needed to do anything to know he hated Edin, it had taken root long before his earliest memories, a natural instinct to reciprocate everything he saw behind Edin’s eyes when Edin looked at him. But severing himself from Alibeth had been like carving out something malignant, painful and messy, and if it hadn’t been like that he would’ve probably found a way to forget what she really was. 

[color=00F8FE]“There is something [i]dark[/i] in my family, it’s in all of us, not just Edin and Alibeth and dozens of dead kings, it’s in me too. They like making other people suffer, and I like making myself suffer, but either way, someone has to suffer. And if I’m not suffering, what if I wake up one day, and I’m just like Edin, not caring about anyone else? So I can’t say I’m not going to do something stupid again, but it is not because I think I’m some righteous martyr. I don’t want to forget to care.”[/color] He stopped as his voice faltered, waiting for the tightening of his chest to relax. It was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth, and it was tempting to try and just leave that as his answer. Except if he was going to accept that they were friends, and he already had, he couldn’t just try and sneak by with half-truths. 

[color=00F8FE]“I care, I do, but it’s not enough to make me a good person. I’m not scared of them anymore, but I am scared of me. I am not built for fixing things, I am built for ruining them. Doing better, for me, I think that looks like doing whatever I can to tear apart the Danrose reign. But if you want change for the better, something good that will last, that’s not gonna come from me. But I would like to help clear the road for it.”[/color]

Riona slipped her hand into Callum’s, effectively intercepting his hand’s—his mind’s—relentless endeavor to tamper with the wound… his wounds. [color=DAF6C7]“Stop.”[/color] She said firmly. They stood there for a few seconds in silence before she smirked. [color=DAF6C7]“If you start bleeding again, you’re going to contaminate the ingredients.”[/color] 

With a tender squeeze, she released his hand, the warmth lingering momentarily. Her steps carried her back to the table where she started removing a few objects from its surface. [color=DAF6C7]“I think we should try the lozenge next time. The process is too sensitive to certain chemicals. And if that burnt sugar smell on you is anything besides actual sugar, I’d rather we not risk blowing up the house.”[/color] 

[color=00F8FE]“I would not blow up a house, well, unless it’s my house.”[/color] He joked back, it just seemed the better way to respond to that statement. [color=00F8FE]“And I wouldn’t come here too far gone and fool around with magic. I am not that stupid. But I am tired and another night is not a bad idea.”[/color] If Riona didn’t trust his current state, he wouldn’t argue about it, not when came to magic.

[color=DAF6C7]“I said we should try the lozenge next time. I didn’t say we shouldn’t try anything tonight. But if you really are tired we can just hang out. Don’t want your effort getting here to be a total waste.”[/color]

It was obvious this time Riona was the one diverting the conversation. She wanted to lighten the mood, but she was also buying herself time to mull over Callum’s words. His admission that his actions weren’t entirely selfless or selfish brought both a sense of relief and worry. His answer confirmed and denied Lady Morrigan’s claims. That meant that the scales could swing in any direction. If Riona told him, would he help her or would he ruin her?

[color=DAF6C7]“The shaking, is it because you drank too much or you didn’t drink at all?”[/color] An unfamiliar jar caught her attention, her hands picked it up for closer scrutiny. Riona’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as she swiveled to Callum, the beginnings of a smile filled with excitement spreading across her face. [color=DAF6C7]“Is this what I think it is?”[/color] She raised the jar of geshrow root. 

[color=00F8FE]“See, I pay attention.”[/color] He could tell from her reaction he’d at least gotten something right yesterday. [color=00F8FE]“If you ever need anything, I can do that. Just think of it as misappropriating Edin’s money towards his own downfall.”[/color] He offered, phrasing it more as an act of treachery than a favor. 

[color=DAF6C7]“The best use of taxpayer money.”[/color]

[color=00F8FE]“You don’t need to worry about me, I’m good. Probably just didn’t drink enough is all. I was at the tavern earlier, but just to pay something off, and then I ran into Farim there. He’s from Alidasht and yesterday I think I made a pretty bad impression, fighting with Ana, so I had to make a better one. I had a few drinks with him and we might even be friends soon. You should hear about his dad, really rivaling Edin for being the worst. Anyway, I am expanding my social circle, and seeing things more clearly now. ”[/color] Callum wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Riona or himself, but he knew he should try not to drag everyone else’s mood down to his. It was a better day than yesterday and that was good enough. 

As Callum talked about how he was actively making friends and broadening his horizons through them, her smile grew wider. [color=DAF6C7]“That’s great. Maybe he’ll be able to convince you to leave Sorian and see the world while you’re at it.”[/color]

[color=00F8FE]“Leave Sorian? Drink around the world, a thousand different taverns in a thousand different cities, running away from all my problems. Stopping by every now and then to remind my family I hate them before continuing a life that is one long indulgent vacation. Would you still be friends with that guy?”[/color] Cal asked, not that he needed an answer to know it wasn’t an option. The guilt, with his tendencies, he’d only rot away faster like that. The palace didn’t feel like a home but Sorian was home. He owed something to Sorian, even if it was just trying and failing, that was better than giving up. 

[color=DAF6C7]“If you don’t tell me what the best taverns are in each place after visiting so many, then no, probably not. [i]Stingy,[/i]”[/color] she joked. [color=DAF6C7]“But I know your other vice that’s stronger: learning. Once you get out of here, you won’t be able to resist the temptation of knowledge. You’ll be too busy learning things that being in Sorian could never teach you… You might even discover solutions to problems this place has.”[/color] 

Riona rolled the jar in her hands before placing it, and all the other stuff in her arms, back on the table. [color=DAF6C7]“Now that we actually have the root,”[/color] she leafed through the pile of notes, [color=DAF6C7]“we have a better chance at the spells you said you wanted to do,”[/color] Riona pulled out the notes mentioning geshrow root and handed them over to Callum. [color=DAF6C7]“We can try one of these tonight or, if you are tired, choose which ones you want to do later. Just remember we don’t have that much root.”[/color] 

[color=DAF6C7]“I’m going to make tea. You got two options.”[/color] Riona said as she started toward the back of the house. [color=DAF6C7]“One tastes Gods awful, but it’ll help with the shaking—useful if you want to work on the spells. The other is some fancy tea Sadie bought for me during her shopping spree. I want to find out if it’s worth the price or overpriced leaf juice. Which one do you want?”[/color]

He looked at the jar and back at Riona, who had suggested making lozenges to aid hungry people. He’d have never thought up something like that, all the good he’d ever attempted was really just a byproduct of something selfish. Even now with a powerful root within his reach, he could only think of things that protected his space and his secrets from prying eyes, or quick fixes for his own problems, or ways to send havoc through his world without a desire to predict consequences. What did other people need that he didn’t? He looked over the notes, trying to find something that wasn’t a selfish whim. 

[color=00F8FE]“Most tea is just overpriced leaf juice, but useful with a bad taste seems fitting, it is what I aspire to be.”[/color] He answered wondering why people even drank tea over just about anything else. Maybe his taste bud were all just shot from drinking, puking, and biting into raw onions. 

He studied a page on purification, his frantic handwriting dragged out the memory of now abandoned hope that he could purify his own blood and erase the lifetimes of guilt, pain, and history that ran through him. But there was no clean slate for him, not if he wanted to avoid repeating the crimes in his family history. [color=00F8FE][i]Stupid Callum,[/i][/color] he thought. [color=00F8FE][i]Stupid Callum, with stupid plans who gets to drink gross tea since I can’t be trusted with my own hands. Pretty sure people only drink tea because it’s slightly better than water.[/i][/color] 

He looked up from the notes. [color=00F8FE][i]Water.[/i][/color] Cal didn’t like drinking water but he knew he could without worrying about getting sick. He had that, anyone with enough money had that, but not everyone. They could change some things around, make the purification work on water instead of blood. Clean up some of the water supply and even though it wouldn’t last, it might help for a while. He put the notes down on the table, he didn’t trust his own ideas, but Riona had gone to make tea and he’d have to wait to hear her thoughts about it. Wouldn’t be doable tonight anyway, but a possibility. He tried not to get excited about the idea while he waited. 

And he decided he shouldn’t be standing around waiting for Riona to serve him tea either.[/hider]