[center][h3][color=yellow]Gruyere Emmentaler Caerphilly Yarg[/color] & [b][color=00ff66]Granny Siri[/color][/b][/h3][/center]

"Six bits," Siri scowled. Most bakeries, that would get you six loaves of bread, or six ales from an alewife.

"Oho, an appraisal?" Gru acted surprised, but inwardly he was already chuckling. When it came to the art of haggling, Siri would find that this cheesemonger was no amateur. She no doubt thought herself wiser and more discerning than the average customer, stubborn, suspicious, a shrewd dealer, and nobody's fool. Well, everybody thought that, so in truth she was exactly the same. Negotiation was like a timed game of cards, a race against the customer's patience as both parties played their hands in turn. Flattery, downplay, theatrics, aspersions, compromise--nothing was off the table. Gru had an ace up his sleeve, though: only he knew what this product was really worth, and in trying to seize the initiative, Siri had made a serious faux pas. It was on the vendor to set the starting price, not the buyer. If this crone thought she could wrest control away from him, she was going to get the business.

"Well, madam, I've dealt with my fair share of highway robbers, and let me tell you, I've gotten better prices from them! At least do me the courtesy of inspecting my wares before you lowball..." He snapped his fingers. A gang of his rats, who'd already retrieved the gouda in question, hurried forward. As one held the parcel wrapped in eye-catching crimson velvet, the others worked together like cheerleaders to toss the carrier up so he could dunk the cheese into Gru's waiting hand. "Thank you, darlings." He unwrapped the cheese, allowing Siri to see what she'd be buying. It was half a wheel, medium-sized, the cheese a pale yellow encased in summery orange rind, both of which contrasted nicely against the darker, richer cloth.

"Ahh, yes. That color. That aroma! This is an artisanal cheese, you know," Gru explained, using gestures to aid his speech. "And I do save the best for myself. In its pristine state, I'd price it at twenty bits easily. But since I'm in a bind, and you're clearly not to be trifled with...let's say it's half off. Just ten bits, now that's a steal, eh?"

"That's not a wedge," Siri sniffed, glaring suspiciously at the half-round. "I don't want all that. Four bits for a third."

"Hm?" Gru scratched his chin. Well, that was one way to simplify things. He could do worse than four bits for a sixth of what had originally been, in truth, a twelve-bit cheese at most. He did not save the best for himself, after all; that was just poor business sense. Some might call it cheating to charge more for the lesser part of something, but that was just basic supply and demand; the less of something there was, the more valuable it became.

Still, none of that changed the fact that the Siri's price for a wedge of cheese had dropped by one third, and that left a bitter taste in his mouth. "What's this? A peek at the goods, and your offer goes [i]down?[/i]  The cheek!" With pursed lips and narrowed eyes, he crossed his arms. A moment later he raised his finger, as if he'd gotten a brainwave. "Well, look at it this way. If you're willing to pay four for a third, then ten for three times that is a bargain! You can never have too much of a good thing, you know. And my cheese keeps. "

Siri glanced down at the cheese critically, taking in its appearance, then turned to scowl back at Gru. 

"I don't have time for this," Granny stated. "I asked for a third of that, not a half-round of cheese I'd have to carry with me! If you're not interested in giving me what I'm asking for, then I shall have to go without. Good day!"

She turned with a huff, clearly offended.

"Now, now, whoever said I wasn't interested?" Gru interjected, an apologetic look on his face as he held out one hand beseechingly. "Surely you can't begrudge a desperate merchant's attempt to upsell. Here, here." He produced his personal cheese knife, and with a single expert cut he parted one third of the half-round from its two fellows. "If I must, I must. One wedge of gouda. Four bits."

Siri turned, watching as he sliceed the massive wedge from the half-round, then handed over the four bits from her belt pouch.

This would be a month of eating for her, saving the rind for the soup pot. But then this wasn't for her, was it?

"Thank you, Gru," she said grudgingly, slipping the massive wedge into her basket with the other things. "You coming to services on the day of rest?

After stowing his knife, the cheesemonger snapped his fingers. His rats accepted Siri's payment on his behalf and raced her coins back to his lockbox on the Chuck Wagon, along with the remainder of the gouda wheel, bound for its resting place on the dry storage shelf. This transaction did not please him. He did get twice what he figured that piece of cheese would actually be worth, but her initial offer of six convinced him that he could get more. In the end, he lost even that. It seemed that when the years piled up, old folk didn't just grow hard of hearing, but also deaf to reason. Well, no matter; this was a learning opportunity. He would dial down his perceived level of Siri's patience, and dial up his efforts to be accommodating.

Starting right now. "I see no reason to refuse. Are we not all wanderers, after a fashion? As a man of business, I'm keenly aware: it pays to pay our respects." He held his palms upward in a show of openness. "Yet who knows what tomorrow might bring. We may well die of plague or thirst before this blasted wagon train gets moving again." He hung his head despondently.

"We are all but dust in the wind," Siri intoned, then offered a cookie from her basket. "May you soon receive what you seek the most, in His will."

Wouldn't that be nice. Right now, what Gru sought most was milk. As goals went that was more attainable than most, but as long as the Pilgrim's Caravan remained in this accursed Emerald Forest, his simple desire might as well be a wish upon a star. After a moment, he gingerly accepted the cookie with a wry smile. A price of zero needed no negotiation. "And you as well."