[center][u][h1]Meeting the Sun: Part 3 [/h1][/u][/center]

Place: Tavern near the Queen’s Gate, Ersand’Enise Academy of Thaumaturgy
Time: Velles 2nd, Orrendes (Afternoon going on Evening)
Thank you [@Force and Fury] for this collab

Esmii noticed that she and Sven were the only ones left in the room. Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain from her wrist and remembered she had hurt it when she fell. She started to rummage through her bag, remembering that she had a bandage in there and, on finding that bandage, she began to wrap up her wrist, as fast as possible, to ease the pain, and so she can carry on with what she needed to do, because right now she can’t heal herself and no one else can help her at this point.

After her wrist was bandaged properly, she moved onto her knees and faced the bed. Then she slowly starts to stand using the bed to steady herself. She then climbs back onto the bed, and looking at Sven, she tries to shake him to see if he will awaken, she also talks to him, to see if he will wake to the sound of her voice. [colour=#b08cc9]"Sven, please wake up for me, I’m sorry for the trouble I have caused you, I know it’s all my fault, but please open your eyes, I need you to be ok."[/colour]

Sven had been drifting in and out of consciousness for at least a few minutes. Vaguely, he had felt the sensation of heat, and then one of shouting, alarm, and movement. He knew he had been attacked. He had the incomplete sense - almost as if he had viewed it from outside of himself - that he had killed. Roslyn was not well. This, he knew. Esmii was sitting there by his bedside, crying and blaming herself and, though he did not consciously register it, the sensory input was enough to finally pull him from the last bit of it. Feelings stirred inside of him at her words and his eyes flashed open.

Esmii didn’t notice that Sven was starting to wake up, as she was lost in her own thoughts, and you could see she wasn't in the moment as her eyes were glazed. She then turned herself around and slid off the side of the bed. Now she sat on the floor, resting her back on the bed, bringing her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her knees and tucked her head into her arms. She felt useless and helpless, and didn’t realise she was voicing what she was thinking.

[colour=#b08cc9]"Maybe my moila (brother) is right, I am useless and stupid, and all I do is cause trouble and problems for others, like I did for my Aluu (father) and Aloi (mother). Why did I have to get closer to it, I knew I needed to stay away from the aberration as I am influenced more by it, and yet I still stupidly walked closer and was controlled by it. Look what I did, Rose and Sven are suffering so much because of me, and all I have is a headache."[/colour] Tears started to stream down her face again, which made her head hurt more, but she felt like she deserved it. [colour=#b08cc9]"What should I do?"[/colour]

Sven slid off the far side of the bed, his head still fuzzy and pounding. He did not completely know what he was doing and what had happened, much less where he was. Everything was bad. He’d… it started to come back to him. He’d… he’d killed a girl: ripped her limb from limb. She’d tried to help them and she’d sacrificed herself and she was dead. He stumbled away. Faintly, through the thickening headache and tinnitus, he thought he could hear crying, but it might’ve been his own. He thought he could sense sadness, but… he’d killed someone. He’d viciously murdered a person in cold - or perhaps hot - blood. Some of [i]her[/i] blood was still on him. Roslyn was missing. She was crazy and she was missing. Esmii was wallowing. He wanted to feel something, but all that he could feel was fuzzy and empty. He was… out of empathy. He half turned. [color=385403]”You should get up instead of making him right. We have our friend to find.”[/color]

Esmii, still deep in her emotional thoughts, managed to hear a voice, she recognises the voice, however she cannot tell if it is real or just her imagination. Following what the voice says, her body quickly responds on its own, by standing up and moving in the direction of where the voice came from. Suddenly she comes to an abrupt stop, as her face makes contact with Sven’s back. She stumbles back, giving her head a little shake, snapping back to reality, her gaze slowly shifts to the figure's face. Her eyes widened with joy, on realising it was Sven and he was awake. [colour=#b08cc9]"Sven, you're awake, Thank Reshta."[/colour] She walks back over to him and gives him a hug. Then she stands on her tiptoes and kisses him on his cheek and asks him, [colour=#b08cc9]"How are you feeling my love, I was worried."[/colour]

She impacted his back and it forced him to twist about. Sven was not in the mood for hugs. He was not even thinking about much of anything except the look on that yasoi woman’s face when he’d ripped her arms off. [i]That[/i] was burned into him. He shook his head, and started walking again. Esmii was safe, at least. Roslyn wasn’t. She’d gone aberration mad and she was missing and… it was nothing more than a distraction, but he needed one, and maybe he could do some good, at least. 

Then, Esmii was there to intercept him, standing right in his way as he was about to exit. He tried to shake his head. He tried to shake her off. On some level, he didn’t [i]want[/i] to be touched right now. He didn’t want to be held. He just needed to not think about what he’d done until he could take some time and unpack it. He needed to do something to make up for it. Esmii was safe. She [i]was[/i]. Now, Roslyn needed help. [color=385403]“Bad,”[/color] he replied shortly, [color=385403]”but we’ll deal with that later. For now, our friend needs help.”[/color] He made sure to keep moving.

Esmii noticed that Sven right now didn’t want to be touched, she knew something was different, she tried to hide the sadness on her face, as she didn’t want to make him feel worse. While she fiddled with her clothes she said. [colour=#b08cc9]"I’m sorry, I should have asked you before I hugged you."[/colour] Still fiddling with her clothes, she spoke again. [colour=#b08cc9]"Right now Rose isn’t on her own, Sun King, the person who’s room this is, and who helped me to get you and Rose here, is following her. He said for me to stay here with you, as I am drained."[/colour] 

Esmii showed Sven her wrapped up wrist. [colour=#b08cc9]"I overdid it with my magic again, and when I tried to stop Rose from jumping from the balcony I went dizzy and fell to the floor and hurt my wrist. I'm so useless. Sun King followed her right after she ran."[/colour] She looked at the floor. Esmii took a deep breath, and she raised her voice, so he knew that she was trying to be serious, she knew she needed to talk to him and she knew with how she was feeling she couldn’t stop him but she at least had to try. 

[colour=#b08cc9]"We need to rest, we are both not right and you know it. Also I need to talk to you about things that happened to you in the last mission, as I think they are linked to what happened today. And why I have been acting strange lately, I need you to listen, it’s important. And after we have talked and rested, we can help look for Rose, because if you collapse again I can't carry you, like you can if I were to collapse."[/colour] Then she slowly walked backwards till she was in front of the door. Her eyes looked onto his, as she was trying very hard to stand her ground and not budge, even though she knew he could just pick her up effortlessly.

She just [i]wouldn’t[/i] let up. It all [i]had[/i] to be dealt with right this moment, when Sven needed to just… not think about it for a bit longer. He [i]knew[/i] it needed to be dealt with, but… For some reason he couldn’t explain, he was just… out of emotional energy. He needed to recharge, [i]badly[/i] He heaved a long, vexed sigh. [color=385403]“Now ish [i]not[/i] a good time for me,”[/color] he growled. [color=385403]“If I collapshe, leave me there.”[/color] He made to go around her. He just [i]couldn’t.[/i] He just… hadn’t comprehended it all. The berserker rage was happening more and more often now, but it wouldn’t happen a mere hour or two after the previous incident. That much, he knew. 

He needed to be outside, doing something, working through his feelings through [i]action[/i] not sitting in someone’s guest room, having what was sure to be a long, emotionally wrought conversation with Esmii. [color=385403][i]Please, just understand me,[/i][/color] Sven begged inwardly, but then it struck him: he was wrong. This wasn’t about him. This was about her and the damage she’d suffered and the further damage he could cause her. She needed him. Heart heavy, he rubbed at the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. He would have to summon the strength. [color=385403]“I’m… shorry,”[/color] he grated, [color=385403]“for my shellfishness.”[/color] He found a nearby sofa and let himself collapse onto it. [color=385403]“You’re right. Tell me what’sh wrong. I’ll try to lishten.”[/color]

Esmii sighed in relief, as Sven went to sit down, she thought to herself [colour=#b08cc9]Is his Eskand stubbornness rubbing off on me?[/colour] She slowly makes her way to the sofa he collapsed on, with no room for her to sit with him she moves a stool closer to the sofa and takes a seat. Thinking back on his facial expressions, tone of his voice and how he acted, she wondered if he remembers everything that happened this time. Then she holds one of his hands, and says, [colour=#b08cc9]"Sven you aren’t being selfish, and you have nothing to be sorry about, I’m just worried about you."[/colour] She took a second to think about what to say and continued.

[colour=#b08cc9]"There are two things that I want to talk about, the main thing is about you, and the other is to do with me, but you are more important. This strange force that you have, I have noticed it’s showing itself more often. The first time I saw it was when we were in the monastery. Just before we escaped, you were angry but seemed to have some control."[/colour] She takes a short pause again as the next bit she is going to talk about, hurts her and she begins to tightly grip her dress, the grip is tight enough for her hand to turn white. [colour=#b08cc9]"The second time the strange force appeared… was when I thought you had died… but then you suddenly got back up and you defended us."[/colour] When she had finished talking about that memory, her grip on her dress eased.

Then she thought about what had happened today, [colour=#b08cc9]"You remember what happened at the gate don’t you?"[/colour] She held his hand with both of hers, and continued, [colour=#b08cc9]"She attacked you first, and you defended yourself, if you were hurt I would have done the same, as she was not of sound mind and her fate was sealed from the moment she started to draw from it."[/colour] She thought again about what to say, then she simply said,

[colour=#b08cc9]"If these moments of rage are starting to become more frequent, I want you to know that I am here for you, I will be at your side. I will do everything I can to help you figure out what is happening, and how to control or prevent it. Also do you know if you had anything like this happen, when you were younger or before you started school?"[/colour] Her tone was determined, she just wanted him to know he isn’t alone and that she loved him.

Right now she was trying to stop herself from hugging him, as she knew he didn’t want to be hugged. She took a deep breath, as she was worried she would annoy him. She was also wondering how to tell him about what had actually happened to her in the last mission. Just thinking of Dmitry frightened her, and she unknowingly dug her nails into her arm out of fear. She tried to hide her fright from Sven like she had tried to in the past.

It was... a more thoughtful response than Sven had anticipated, but he[i]*still*[/i] did not want to do this - not right now. He could [i]*not*[/i] be in here dwelling on it. That violence wasn't him, but... it was. It had always been there: in the tapestries that hung on the walls in his family's ancient castle. They all depicted men who looked a lot like him, huge and towering, besting various foes, man and beast, in often brutal ways. It had always been there: in the way he had thought it might be so easy to just... break the kids who'd teased and annoyed him when he was young. How many times had he fantasized about hurting them in various ways? It had always been there: in the rage he'd felt when people hurt or abused small things, weak things, and animals who couldn't defend or speak up for themselves. How he'd hated their smugness, how he'd wanted to wipe it off of their faces with... well, he'd wanted to do it peacefully, stridently so. Hadn't he? 

Yet, there'd been a little part of him - a savage little part he'd always denied - that had almost [i]*hoped*[/i] that it would fail, because they wouldn't actually learn anything from his words. They all laughed at him when he spoke, or were laughing in their heads. He knew it. He could sense the way that their chemical signatures changed when he opened his mouth. He stood there, awkwardly for a second, not wanting to be corralled, trapped in here, even with Esmii. [i]*But this is about her feelings, not [b]**yours**,*[/b][/i] he reminded himself. [color=385403]“I have alwaysh had violenshe in my shoul,”[/color] he admitted. 

Sven thought of the colossal black set of armour that stood behind the Jarl's chair in the Great Hall, polished by old Ms. Ljundberg when he'd been small, before she'd retired. Mother, as Lady of the house after Father had died, could not be seen doing that sort of manual work herself, so it had fallen to Astrid instead. How it had stood there, terrifying and enchanting him in equal measure as a boy! It had remained in place for some eight hundred years since legend held it had been worn in battle by Kol of Sturmreef at the Second Battle of Relouse, where he near-singlehandedly carried the Eskandr effort before being slain by Hildr the Red, patron saint of Kerremand. Nobody had grown large enough to don the armour since and Sven couldn't help but see the metaphor in it. 

Yet, those had been fleeting thoughts, [i]*guilty*[/i] ones. Where most boys had learned swordplay, hunting, and strategy, in addition to their mathematics, Avincian, and rhetoric, his idle times had been spent reading by the great bay window in the sewing room, while his mother, sisters, and other ladies chatted and did crochet. His days had been otherwise filled with tutors in all of the modern sciences, philosophies, and skills that his mother had thought would turn him into a different sort of lord, one day. They were all soft, kind, thoughtful things, of beauty and creation, taught by one third daughter of some minor house or another. How greatly he had studied herbs and medicines, sewing, binding wounds, administering - not ruling - his lands with compassion and understanding. He'd had his history lessons but, he suspected, the heroes had been very different from those that most boys learned about. He had, as a child, soaked these lessons up like a sponge.

Yet, always, had Sven gravitated outside. The plants and animals of the region and how they all worked so well in a perfect, delicate balance, came to fascinate him. The formation of the ores in the ground and the mountains and those great eruptions of fire and ash from the distant volcanic peaks: how those had excited him!

Then, there had been dragons, and they were the one thing that was not kind and soft and thoughtful that he was allowed. How he had [i]*loved*[/i] dragons!
More than once, when they could see how his eyes lit up at the fiery breath or at those tales of epic struggles between heroes and the great beasts, the adults around him had tried to steer Sven away, but this had been his bottom line. His violence had come out in kicking screaming, [i]*raging*[/i] tantrums when they threatened to take his books away, and their kindness, softness, and thoughtfulness had caved to his violence. Before he had left for Ersand'Enise, Sven had stood before the armour of Kol with his mother and asked her why she had always had it shined so diligently if she hated what it represented. She had told him that it was a reminder of where they'd come from and a warning not to return for, rich as his legend had become, Kol had brought ruin upon his kingdom, in the end. [color=385403][i]*But do we not stand, ourselves, on the precipice of ruin, mother?*[/i][/color] he had thought, though he had not dared to say it. That, then, he knew, was the root of his current problems. He saw, in Esmii, something a little bit like his mother. She was kind and soft and... delicate. 

He sighed. [color=385403]“I’m… shorry, Esmii, but that violence hash been represshed for ash long ash I have lived.”[/color] He shook his head. [color=385403]“This... ish how it ish eshcaping.”[/color] His cheeks flushed with shame and his hands balled into fists. He breathed again, deeply: in and out. [color=385403]“I... need shome outlet.”[/color] He shook his head again, clenching his jaw so tightly that it hurt. [color=385403]“I need [i]*shomething*[/i]."[/color]

Esmii sat and listened intently to what he had to say. She then thought for a while, she knew that what he was saying was the truth. She also knew that this is part of him. From her own experience she knows there are some things you can’t escape from. She wanted to help her beloved. Seeing his face, she could see the sadness in his eyes. She clearly knew that he was ashamed of himself, but this wasn’t his fault. [colour=#b08cc9]"My love you have nothing to be sorry about. I want to help you, after the trials and school, maybe we can find a way to help you."[/colour]

She then thought of her past. The time she spent in Mycromi with her family. The constant bullying and mockery from the other Yasoi, treating her like dirt because she looked more human, however her family were treated better as they were seen as full Yasoi. She wasn’t even safe from the Yasoi children her own age, as they pretended to be her friend and often beat her. Even her own moila (brother) who was sick of all the other Yasoi laughing at their family behind their backs, tried to take matters into his own hands. His attempt was luckily unsuccessful, however the scar on Esmii’s waist is proof that he tried.

She came back from her memories, she was determined to help Sven. [colour=#b08cc9]" It might be hard and take us a while, but I will stay by your side. Hmm maybe something to do with dragons might help."[/colour] Her tone was soft and comforting. Noticing that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened to him anymore, she decided to change the topic.  She took a deep breath and said. [colour=#b08cc9]" I have been keeping something from you that happened in the last mission, when we separated. I wanted to tell you as it has made me more worried and scared. But I didn't want to cause you more problems. I’m sorry if I have caused more problems for you lately. I always seem to cause the people I love problems, but I need to talk about this."[/colour] She was scared of this topic and also scared in case she had caused problems for Sven, as her grip tightened around her arms, she didn’t notice her nails were digging into her skin.

He sat on a nearby sofa, all but throwing himself onto it. [color=385403]“You tell me and I'll lishten.”[/color] He tried to offer a supportive smile.

Esmii lifted her head up, and on seeing him smile, she tried to smile back, however her hands were still tightly grasped round her arms. And even though it terrified her, she thought about what happened and what she wanted to say, then began. [colour=#b08cc9]"When we split up into teams, the team I was in with Marz, Rose, Khaliun and one of her mercenaries. We met a Sanguinaire called Dmitry, who we saw ripping the Volti members apart, then licking the blood from his hands after."[/colour] Saying this made her remember him doing this, she felt nauseous, she could also remember the sight and smell.

She took a few minutes then continued. [colour=#b08cc9]"After that his attention went to us and after the conversation we had where Khaliun didn’t side with him, he attacked us. He went for Marz first, as he could sense or smell mana types. He was able to bite Marz, and after this his attention went to me, as he landed close to me, and told me he knew my mana type is Moodcaster, and began to target me.  He tried to bite me twice, however I was able to dodge him once, and the second time I didn't dodge in time but my wand helped me. However after that his anger got the best of him and he just wanted to kill me and get my blood that way."[/colour] recalling this  caused her to tremble in fear and tears ran down her face.

[colour=#b08cc9]"Since then, I’m scared to go out at night alone. I can’t sleep, even when I'm with you. I keep having nightmares of everything Dmitry did but the worst part is I keep reliving the moment you dropped to the ground I couldn’t breathe, I was too weak to help you, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry."[/colour] All of her fears took over, she could no longer talk, she was trembling and crying too much. She didn’t want him to see her in this state, after what he had just gone through. She stood from where they were sitting, and began to walk towards the balcony to get some fresh air and see if this would help her to calm down.

Sven walked up behind Esmii, quietly, and wrapped his arms around her. [color=385403]“You take ash long ash you need to become shtrong.”[/color] He gazed out across the cityscape as he held her. He was still afraid of what he'd done. It was coming back to him, now, and a growing feeling of guilt had taken root, but it was clear to him that it was not something he should burden Esmii with. [color=385403]“For now, I have strength enough for both of ush, and I intend to shtart ushing it.”[/color]

[b]FIN[/b]