I give people too many chances. Even still, after all the heartache I've been through and the healing from these people I've done... I give people a billion chances thinking "they just need one more chance, they're not like [i]them[/i]". And yet? I get proven wrong [i]every goddamn time[/i]. And still have the audacity to believe/hope there's better out there. Be it in relationships, or even just in friendships...

The relationship that broke me in 2022 still haunts me and has forced me to believe that I'm here to love others but no one's out there that'll love me to the same degree that I would love them. And that's not me throwing a pity party or anything. I just... I'm tired of giving people 200% and only receiving 40% in return. At any given time. Bad days are a given, and I am a very understanding person... but to constantly only be giving 40%..? Why.. [i]just [b]why[/b][/i]. Even with friendships, too. I've been taken advantage of by friends, especially during the questionable years for me when I was still figuring my sexuality out...

I tell myself that I don't want to make new friends, yet find myself doing the most when a new prospect for friendship arises...
I tell myself that I'm comfortable with the idea of never loving someone again... then find my golden retriever gf-ass remembering the [i]high[/i] that I was on when I was in love with that girl in '22.

I just... really wanna cook for my person. Dote on them. Show them a love that they never thought could exist. Slow dance in the kitchen at 2 in the morning to [i]our song[/i].

I want friends who will be as devoted and loyal to me as I am to them. Who will be there for me, and rather than tell me "you can get through this", just tell it to me straight like "yeah this shit sucks" and be right there with me knee-deep in shit.. As Kevin Hart once said, "[i]Your[/i] bullshit is [b]my[/b] bullshit".

[i][b]I'm just fuckin tired of getting played.[/b][/i]

29 years [sup][s]as of the 18th this month[/s][/sup] of this shit, and I am [b][i]TIRED[/i][/b].