[center][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/231110/8d749d906d93af45726a04f7ecf5f219.png[/img][/center][right][sub]Collab with [@Hero]; took place before Bianca’s chat with Justinian[/sub][/right][hr]Whatever measure of remorse Jannick had felt from his encounter with Hollyhock was smothered as he withstood Dame Irina’s assault. Anger wasn’t the right word for it - it didn’t feel complete enough to describe the deep-seated rancor simmering conspicuously beneath Jannick’s practiced neutral stare. With each word uttered in his direction, Jannick slipped further and further down into a chasm of bitterness, resentment, and (worst of all) humiliation that seemed to always have lurked somewhere in the back of his mind, but now yawned indignantly before him. What he would usually have pushed aside or buried under a new layer of cigarette butts, he was now forced to face head-on. 

Dame Irina paced before him like the living embodiment of every little wound that had slowly killed his faith. Espousing an uncompromising philosophy of putting the Scions’ lives before all others, Jannick was almost astounded at her callousness; bit by bit, his suspicion that the Goddess, whose existence could (regrettably) not be denied, was revealed in Irina’s lecture as every bit the cold, heartless spectator to humanity’s suffering that Jannick had long suspected Her to be. 

He had to wonder how the Ordo Templi got things so perfectly backwards. Every one of them was once a knight, tasked with the protection of the innocent and the pursuit of justice. Hell, the motto of the VPD was [i]“Scutum Inopi”[/i] - “the shield of the helpless,” ostensibly named for the Goddess’ special tenderness toward the poor. But Templars, supposedly the best of the best of the Federation’s knights, were meant to put blinders on and focus only on one person in the whole world, no matter how the bodies stacked around them. Jannick couldn’t wrap his head around it.

And Irina’s heartless prattling was made even more intolerable by the fact that she was [i]right[/i]. At least when it came to his performance review, Jannick couldn’t fairly deny anything she said: he [i]did[/i] feel helpless in the midst of the attack, he [i]did[/i] abandon Holly (as much as he wanted to argue the inverse, he knew it ultimately wasn’t reasonable), and he probably [i]wasn’t[/i] nearly as capable as he should be by now. If even Ulysse, renowned for his skill, could be taken out by their attackers, Jannick (and by extension, Holly) didn’t stand a chance. 

Jannick left his debriefing with a huff, sweeping rudely past the attendant at the door with only the merest glance to pick up his armour crystal. He squeezed the stupid thing angrily as he stormed through the halls, tempted to throw it at the nearest wall and smash it right there on the spot. Instead, he managed to control himself enough to pocket it, immediately replacing it with the next best thing: his box of cigarettes. 

Fuming, he managed to find an exit on the first try, but was stopped by a pair of palace guards.

Jannick huffed. [color=9A906B]“I’m just going for a smoke.”[/color]

[color=gray]“The palace is locked down for the night,”[/color] one guard replied, [color=gray]“I’m afraid I can’t let you out.”[/color]

[color=9A906B]“Dude, I’m a [i]Templar[/i],”[/color] Jannick complained, indignantly producing his crystal for identification. 

[color=gray]“I’m sorry, we’re under orders not to let anyone pass.”[/color]

Jannick gave the man a look that could curdle milk. [color=9A906B]“Fine,”[/color] he gave a haughty shrug, putting a cigarette in his mouth and pulling out his lighter. [color=9A906B]“I’ll smoke right here.”[/color] 

The guards looked conflicted for a moment as Jannick lit up, but as the first puff of smoke curled up toward the finely decorated ceiling, the quiet one caved. [color=gray]“Okay, okay,”[/color] he surrendered, earning an annoyed look from his chattier companion, [color=gray]“just be quick, and don’t wander far.”[/color]

Jannick stuffed his lighter back in his pocket, cigarette still defiantly in his teeth. [color=9A906B]“Damn right, [i]‘okay’[/i],”[/color] he growled as he passed, shoving past the first guard on his way into the dark. 

The cold night air was bracing, but Jannick welcomed it; at this point, his face had reddened with anger, and the cold gave him some small mite of comfort as he paced the snow-covered ground, mercifully invisible to the swarm of security staged on the driveway some distance below. This appeared to be a side entrance; Jannick hoped he wouldn’t be disturbed. 

The door behind Jannick opened and out stepped a weary looking Bianca. She shuddered slightly against the cold, pulling her shawl over her bare arms but not making any further attempt at covering herself. Her eyes were much more focused on Jannick’s cigarette, though she did give him a small smile.

[color=salmon]“Mind sharing one?”[/color] She ended up asking, arms crossed to help her brace against the night’s chill. [color=salmon]“I’ve lost all of mine.”[/color]

Jannick turned toward the sound of the opening door angrily, ready with a profanity-strewn retort for whichever guard thought it was a good idea to jump up his ass before he even finished his first cigarette - only to see a woman in his place. Jannick was ready to turn right back around and pretend nothing happened, concerned about insulting whichever noble apparently used this as their smoking spot, before he realized that the woman was kinda familiar. He didn’t really know her, but he recognized her from the debriefing - or rather, he recognized the dress, which also surprised him until he remembered that female knights probably don’t consider their Templar uniform “party attire.” 

He looked the woman up and down suspiciously, not sure whether he should be angry or embarrassed, and all around annoyed at his own confusion. He came out here to smoke and take his anger out on the snow, not to chat with random women. But, he supposed, she might be gone faster if he just gave her a cigarette and got it over with.

[color=9A906B]“Sure,”[/color] he eventually grunted in reply, digging out his pack of cigarettes and tossing it to her. He gave her another questioning sidelong look as he did so. [color=9A906B]“Better be quick before you freeze to death.”[/color]

Bianca didn’t make a show of hiding how relieved she was that Jannick had given her a cigarette; Her eyes brightened considerably and she shuffled closer, ignoring the cold biting at her arms as she caught the pack. She plucked one with an unsurprising speed, offering the pack back as Jannick had his lighter waiting. That first smoke warmed her better than any heat could, and she made sure to turn her head away to avoid exhaling in his direction.

[color=salmon]“I will. I didn’t mean to intrude, but…I needed this,”[/color] She sighed, poking her lower lip with her thumb. [color=salmon]“It’s been a night.”[/color]

She was content to remain silent and smoke in peace, but she couldn’t help herself. The pair didn’t interact often, but she wasn’t looking forward to returning to her room. [color=salmon]“How do you do it? I mean, with Scion Hollyhock,”[/color] She clarified. [color=salmon]“You’ve been her Templar for less time than I have with mine, but you seem more…composed.”[/color]

Jannick raised his eyebrow when the woman - Bianca, he thought - decided to make small talk. He had to suppress a groan; this was truthfully the last thing he wanted right now. So much for fending her off with a cigarette.

Her comment, however, almost solicited a cold laugh. Almost. [color=9A906B]“Yeah, I’m doing [i]great,[/i]”[/color] he replied sardonically, flicking the butt of his cigarette into the snow and readying a fresh one. [color=9A906B]“Even bagged myself a private audience with Irina. Next she’ll give me a medal.”[/color] 

Bianca tried not to smile too much, not wanting to insult him. It sounded odd, but she was sincere. [color=salmon]“I meant more your relationship with your Scion,”[/color] She continued. [color=salmon]“The few times we’ve seen one another, I’ve noticed your relationship with one another. She can be a handful sometimes–Elizabeth was constantly keeping us in the loop of her woes in the group chat–but you’ve handled things with grace.”[/color]

She frowned, staring at her cigarette. [color=salmon]“It’s been five years and I can’t get my Scion to listen to me. And now everyone knows it,”[/color] She sighed, perching the cigarette back between her lips.

Jannick frowned. The image of Holly, bloody and on the verge of tears, came back to him as Bianca sung his praises, along with the creeping root of guilt that had taken the backburner during his ordeal with Irina. Her praise fell upon him like blows, each word beating him down a little deeper. 

[color=9A906B]“Yeah…”[/color] he mumbled noncommittally, staring down at the snow as his cigarette rapidly shrunk. He was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. But he felt just as guilty saying nothing. 

[color=9A906B]“She’s a good kid,”[/color] he eventually blurted out, surprising even himself. But he felt a strange need to come to his Scion’s defence; Holly seemed to have an iffy reputation as a Justinian-tier escape artist, but even in their few months together, he knew she was more than that. [color=9A906B]“I mean, you know, she really isn’t that bad. Can’t blame her, really. I mean, I already wanna kill myself anytime I have to take her to an interview, and she’s been doing it since she was a little kid.”[/color] 

That much got a genuine laugh out of Bianca. [color=salmon]“It takes a while to get used to. Better than drills but worse than any actual training,”[/color] She replied cheerfully. [color=salmon]“It’s so different from being a knight or even a regular Templar. It’s a lot harder with a lot more complex rules and duties, more power with more responsibility…it’s a dream many won’t see within their lifetime.”[/color]

Jannick found himself nodding along with Bianca until she got to that last bit. Ah, there it is. That little barb of guilt, older and more insistent than the one he got from being an ass to Holly, stuck into his side once again. And again, just like earlier, he felt the Mother’s eyes on him, knowing his heart and finding it lacking. 

He glared up at the stars, willing Her to go scrutinize someone else already. 

[color=9A906B]“We certainly are lucky…”[/color] he replied, although it was probably clear his heart wasn’t in it. Suddenly, the fear of being found out - and subsequently ejected from service for apostasy - struck him, and hot on its heels were Irina’s harsh words to the other two lady Templars. 

[color=lightskyblue][i]“I don’t care if every other Templar on earth is dead - your responsibility is to your charge. Everyone else in the world is ancillary.”[/i][/color]

[color=9A906B]“Big responsibility,”[/color] he mused darkly. He thought once more of Hollyhock, alone and scared in the ballroom, with only one person in the world tasked with her rescue - and now doing the same in her room inside the palace - and felt that responsibility heavy on his shoulders. 

Bianca finally looked at Jannick, taking the cigarette away from her mouth and contemplating. After a few seconds, she took another smoke and decided she was brave enough. [color=salmon]“I don’t know if you remember the kerfuffle that arose when Dame Sara was chosen. Many argued that she wasn’t qualified or didn’t have sufficient background. Ultimately, Commander Fyodor himself put the dissenters to rest by informing them that he was no fool and had considered her flaws. He sees things in people and uses his experience to pluck out the capable. He can tell who can do what just from a glance and can read people like a book. It’s why he’s the one choosing Templars and assigning them.”[/color]

She almost stopped to smoke again, but hesitated. [color=salmon]“It’s a shift, going from protecting the many to protecting only one. It almost seems selfish,”[/color] She told him. [color=salmon]“But ultimately, we’re the ones that can.”[/color] 

Jannick glanced at Bianca, raising an eyebrow. Was she trying to give him a pep talk? She wasn’t [i]wrong[/i], but he didn’t really think the platitudes of an after school special could really grasp the situation he was in. For the better, maybe - she was probably shooting in the dark. 

But she still got a little lucky. Not that he’d admit it. [color=9A906B]“I suppose there’s no other choice,”[/color] he commented gruffly, taking one last drag of his second cigarette. [color=9A906B]“We’re deep in the shit now, and they don’t have anybody better.”[/color] 

Jannick flicked his cigarette butt away once more, the glowing end making it an impressive distance into the darkness before it was snuffed out in the snow. [color=9A906B]“Don’t stay out too long,”[/color] he said by way of parting pleasantries, sauntering back inside. 
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