> Be Diaofei
> Get tossed into a bathtub full of ice
> Request status update

[b]The Body:[/b]

In the past 24 hours I have obtained the following inputs:
6 packets of salted snacks (chips, peanuts, twisties)
4 cans of beer
2 bottles of wine
1 bottle of mead
Some water from melted ice cubes
3 hours sleep

I have the following outstanding issues:
Weird burning pain in the back of head
Blood loss
Kidney stolen
Limited hypothermia
Muscle cramps
Dehydration
Hangover starting to manifest
NEW: DROPPED INTO FREEZING WATER

Recommended course of action: sink into the soothing embrace of death <3

[b]The Brain: [/b]

I have been [i]betrayed[/i]. Nobody has ever felt this way before in the history of the world, except maybe Linkin Park. 

What's worse is that I was warned, repeatedly and at length, that exactly this would happen. Friends, colleagues, supernatural entities - my entire social circle told me that this was a terrible idea, that she was only flirting with me because of my status as River-Guardian, that foxes could not feel love. I was not humble when I told them they were small minded bigots and that Actia and I were destined to be together forever. I was wrong in the most dramatic, grating and public way possible, and despite being trained in universal compassion [i]I [/i]wouldn't forgive me. 

So I have spent the past few hours marathoning the Kill Bill movies while trying to summon enough magical energy to engage a ritual circle. I know my path forwards: It is to be a cool, confident badass who punishes the wicked spirit, regains her chi, and buries the wicked spirit under a bridge for 1,000 years. I need this spirit to realize that I am deadly serious and so highly trained that mere physical deprivation means nothing to me.

Recommended course of action: Stand up, unamused and unaffected by the ice, and stare the shark goddess down to establish the depths of my conviction.

[b]The Soul:[/b]

I'M SO SAD
OH NO SHE'S HOT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE
SHE COULD PIUT ME ON THE SHELF
JUST TELL HER YOU FORGIVE HER SHE COULD HAVE MY OTHER KIDNEY IF SHE ASKED
I'M LETTING HER DOWN I HAVE A RESOPNSOTISNTMBITLIY TO NOT LET HER DOWN AND ALSO NOT DIE
WHY DIDNT THTEY WARN ME THAT ALL THE ANCIENT SPIRITS WERE GIRLS THAT I'D HAVE TO TALK TO

Recommended course of action: Say something really poetic, honest and meaningful, to impress her with my sincerity and build a relationship of trust and increase the number of girls who like me from 0 to 1.

[b]The execution:[/b]

Daiofei hits the bathtub and sinks into it. The ice is old, partially melted, and so she slides through to the chill bottom almost without friction. 

Then in one sudden motion she stands up, feet set against the tub. With poise and grace she says, "Like the swan said to the tiger, I may have failed every responsibility I've ever had in my life, but -" she didn't know how to close that out. "- but I... can't get fooled again. Won't let you down again. Hey by the way are you a campfire because -"

Actually, now that she thought about it, she was going to go with the Body's plan, that seemed way better than whatever this was.