[center][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/231110/8d749d906d93af45726a04f7ecf5f219.png[/img][/center][hr]A pit grew in Jannick’s stomach as the seconds stretched on without an answer. Oh Mother, he cocked it all up, didn’t he? He had probably broken whatever fragile trust he’d built with Holly over the past months, left her feeling alone, unprotected, at probably the worst time in her life to abandon her--

[i]Click.[/i]

Jannick’s eyes widened as the door slowly opened, panic briefly replacing his guilt; suddenly any plan he had went out the window, as if he didn’t expect to get even this far. Inside, he was relieved to find Holly looking clean and comfortable in everything fuzzy she could find - and was suddenly very aware that he was still in his uniform, his hands and face still smeared with sticky dried blood. Honestly, it was fitting; he felt like he belonged in the gutter, and he looked like it too.

Holly turned away before he could see her face, already chattering about coffee. Jannick’s gut twisted again at the sight. It was the same thing she always did when things were tense: divert attention, change the subject, whatever it took to avoid a real fight. That convicted him more than any insult she could throw at him; at least if she was giving it back, he’d know things weren’t so dire. 

[color=9A906B]“No thank you, it’s fine--listen, we need to talk,”[/color] Jannick pursued Holly toward the dining area, scooping around in front of her to cut her off. Remorse tinted his words, although he tried to speak as delicately as he knew how. [color=9A906B]“Could you just listen for a moment, please?”[/color] 

[color=e0faac]“I can listen.”[/color] Hollyhock still didn’t turn to face Jannick. Instead, she had been digging around for various items in cupboards–a satchel of tea leaves, a plastic tube of instant coffee powder, a mug, and a can of condensed milk.

Jannick frowned as Holly blew right past him, but he supposed he had no right to be surprised. When she agreed, however, he stood a moment dumbfounded, once again apparently forgetting everything he’d planned to say. He took a few breaths, opened and closed his mouth a few times, changed his mind a few times more, before deciding that the sound of Holly banging around the counter was counterproductive to his efforts and took a step forward, putting his hand on top of the can she was fiddling with to make her pause. 

[color=9A906B]“Thank you,”[/color] came his delayed response, and he once again stepped back, hesitating for a second before coming up with what to say. 

[color=9A906B]“I’m sorry I yelled at you,”[/color] came his initial confession, the thing that had been weighing foremost on his mind. He shook his head. [color=9A906B]“I don’t blame you for running, I had no right-- I-- You handled tonight perfectly. Really, you did,”[/color] he insisted, trying his best to catch Holly’s eye. [color=9A906B]“This is on me; I’m the fuckup here, seriously. I should have followed you, but…”[/color]

Growing frustrated with his own inability to articulate, Jannick suddenly huffed, pacing a small circle and rubbing the back of his neck. No, no, this still felt all wrong. Some lame apology didn’t feel adequate for the guilt he was feeling. It ran deeper than being mean to Holly or failing to keep track of her; he needed to do something serious. 

When the thought dawned on him, Jannick took a deep breath and set his jaw, as if bracing against the very idea. [color=9A906B]“Okay…”[/color] he said, mostly to himself, taking another deep breath to steel himself for what was to come. 

After a second of mental preparation, Jannick did what he hadn’t done for many months, and for many years before that: slowly, as if easing himself into it, he sunk down to one knee, elbow on his thigh in the perfect (if a little stiff) image of a Knight kneeling before his liege. He bowed his head. 

[color=9A906B]“Scion Hollyhock, I took an oath to protect you, and tonight I failed.”[/color] His face burned with embarrassment, but he powered through; he needed to do this. [color=9A906B]“I have no excuse. I was inept and cowardly, and I’m sorry. I only pray you’ll forgive me, and believe me when I say it will [i]not[/i] happen again.”[/color] Jannick kept his eyes on the floor, half afraid to look up, wallowing in his own guilt. He embraced the feeling; it felt just, the least he deserved for such a screw-up. 

Hollyhock stood in silence as Jannick gave his apology. It was palpable–another moment like the one at the door. While Jannick didn’t see it, he could hear it–the clattering of items being placed on the countertop, the huff of Hollyhock wondering what she should do, the sound of fingers running through hair, and the shuffling of approaching slippers.

[color=e0faac]“Criminy,”[/color] her informal words broke the silence, [color=e0faac]“you were really dressed down.”[/color]

Her shadow waxed around him as she squatted in front of her kneeling templar.

[color=e0faac]“Six months together and this is what you think of me?”[/color] 

She rubbed the back of her neck as she looked away once again. Her thinking caused her to exhale again. She wasn’t going to run away this time. Not when someone was in front of her vomiting his guilt out. She faced him with resolution.

The Hollyhock in front of him was one that had cried her heart out alone. One that had eyes swollen and red. One that had exhausted herself out of shaking.

[color=e0faac]“I’m not a baby that needs to be coddled with affirmation,”[/color] she began, [color=e0faac]“and if I’m being a gobshite, I won’t hate you if you throw me over your shoulder and treat me like a sack of potatoes.”[/color]

With more vigor, she addressed the apology that came with Jannick’s position.

[color=e0faac]“If you think I’d suddenly be fine if you were an action hero, I’ll cane you. Right now, I feel like I’ll wake up from a dream. But that dream isn’t that I’m alone and in danger. It’s that people ‘round me are being shot and that bloody hands are grasping at my dress–I think you’d be a fool if you want to accept all of that.”[/color]

She looked away once again, this time with an embarrassed flush.

[color=e0faac]“‘Sides. I could have communicated like a normal human earlier.”[/color] It was difficult to tell if she was talking about her nodding and running off in the ballroom, her making a smug expression and running off to try to reclaim a drop of normalcy, or both. [color=e0faac]“Instead you have to deal with me always acting before I think.”[/color]

Jannick suffered for a while - rightly, he thought - while Holly contemplated her answer, nearly jumping at every little sound. When at last the silence was broken, he very nearly laughed; quite the dressing-down indeed, although Irina couldn’t say anything worse to him than he could say to himself. But hearing Holly’s normal attitude return, bit by bit, was a balm on his nerves. 

He nodded humbly as she spoke, more open than ever to her criticism, although when she finally stooped to meet him, his heart fell. Her eyes were red and puffy, and he knew she’d never look quite the same even after the swelling went down. The horrors she described would stick with her, in some capacity, forever; that he knew quite well. 

Jannick shook his head, but didn’t stand. Honestly, his legs were a little shaky, and he wasn’t sure if he could. But his joints complained about the position, so instead, he just shifted into a sitting position, remaining at eye level with Holly. [color=9A906B]“In this case, acting without thinking might have saved your life.”[/color] 

Before she could retort again about banal affirmations, he held up a hand. [color=9A906B]“I’m serious. I’m not here to inflate your ego; when you’re in danger, I want you to run as fast as you can.”[/color] He shook his head again, this time at himself. [color=9A906B]“I don’t need to be an action hero. But I do need to be able to keep up; I’m going to get better with my Blessing, I promise.”[/color]

There was silence for a moment. Jannick leaned his head on his arm, wondering what else there was to say. He didn’t usually have to deal with victims after the incident was said and done; usually the social workers picked that up while he was still picking through a crime scene. And he was too young when he left home to have much experience comforting his siblings - not that anything this catastrophic had ever happened to them, for a mercy. 

[color=9A906B]“I’m sorry this happened,”[/color] he said finally, shaking his head. The images still lingered before his eyes, too, and he knew they’d never go away. [color=9A906B]“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Holly.”[/color] 

[color=e0faac]“Shaddup,”[/color] Hollyhock said as she shot up to her feet and kicked Jannick’s knee. Though, it was difficult to call it a kick. The lack of malice and her oversized plush slippers made it more like he was being assailed by a teddy bear.

Again, she turned away so Jannick couldn’t see the expression on her face and shuffled back to the counter.

[color=e0faac]“Now do you want some tea, coffee, cofftea, or are you [i]really[/i] okay?”[/color]

Jannick cracked a tiny smile at the kick. He doubted Holly was really okay - he noticed her hiding her face - but he expected she wouldn't be for some time. He was shell shocked for a long time after his first disturbing call as a newly-minted knight, and that was without being shot at. But he wouldn't force that out of her now; truth be told, he didn't really know how. 

Instead, he got to his feet, groaning like an old man. [color=9A906B]“Never had ‘cofftea’ before, let's try that.”[/color] 

Three parts coffee made from instant mix. Six parts tea. One part condensed milk.

It was sweet–brutally so.
[hr][right]Collab with [@OwO][/right]