((Collab with [@AndyC] .))

[quote=@Letter Bee]
So Raven was walking to his Colonel's new quarters, asking through the intercom, "Hey, Colonel; mind if we have a chat, just like old times?"

Old times that would never return, old times that were gone forever. But the Colonel had dreamt of being a hero and despite everything that's happened, he managed to make some progress towards being one. So if let in, the Mechwarrior would say, "I can't stop thinking about what happened to that town. I also can't stop thinking about how our Lancemates don't care about the innocent people who've died not just in Keahi, but literally on this entire planet due to that crisis that a lot of ordinary people - Not just us, not just fighters - are caught up in. We were there when mercenaries proved themselves greater heroes than most standing military forces. I was there when you dreamt of becoming heroes - ideal warriors - just like the Kell Hounds, and that dream is actually close to being fulfilled."

He breathed in, then out, before saying, "But the others don't care. I think of them as friends and kin, but they still don't give a dang about the local population, including our employer at times. And that might lead to trouble."
[/quote]

[color=Olive]”You’re making an awful lot of assumptions about your lancemates, Rivers,”[/color] Colonel Wayne responded, giving his old comrade a hard glare. [color=Olive]“Having some gallows humor or responding to comms chatter isn’t the same thing as not caring about what’s going on. These are the same lancemates who risked their lives to save the South Nui Awa dam. That had the potential to make the massacre at Keahi look tame, and do you know how many civilians ended up KIA during the fighting there? Hell, do you know how many civilians have died as a direct result of any of the Green Knights on this deployment?”[/color]

The Colonel didn’t wait for River to answer. [color=Olive]“[i]Zero.[/i] That’s because we are [i]not[/i] the Crimson Fists, and we are [i]not[/i] some thrown-together band of bloody-minded sociopaths. Daschke, Tarak, Ziska, Saarinen, I didn’t hire them just because they can shoot straight. I hired them because I trusted that they could get the job done and get it done right. And so far, I haven’t been proven wrong about any of them.”[/color]

[color=Olive]“Lately, though, I’ve been having my doubts about you, Raven,”[/color] Gaius continued, turning for a moment to gather himself. Experience aside, it was never easy to come down on a long-standing friend. [color=Olive]“After your outburst during the supply raid, I was a hair’s breadth of pulling you from active duty. I might have done it, if we hadn’t been in such a desperate situation. Since then, you’ve had more than a few breaches of op-sec and comm-sec. And now you’re questioning the integrity of the people fighting alongside you.”[/color]

It wasn’t an easy thing to say, but the Colonel came out with it.

[color=Olive]“You’re emotionally compromised,”[/color] he said. [color=Olive]“I understand why, don’t get me wrong. But you’re too close to this one, and it’s causing you to lose your composure. It’s not wrong to care about the situation, or about our people. But if you get too wound up in your emotions, you’ll be at risk of becoming a liability.”[/color]

Raven nodded, and said, “Understandable. Then, in that case, it might be best if I request to be pulled away from active duty, assuming I am not as necessary as I used to be.”

He then followed up with, “I managed to rally myself in the Dam mission. But then this happened; I did my part to secure a win, but all victory brought was a slight boost and then I was empty again. But now I’m tired and weary of more than a decade of combat. Colonel… Old friend, we’ve fought against pirates and slavers and that damn Marian Hegemony and now there’s a new war, and then all this happened. And now my wife and son are lost and so are most of our civilian contingent and I - After this crisis is done, I’m quitting Piloting; if Andrew is still alive, he can have the Shadow Hawk, and if he is… Gone, Sunny, or any of the next generation can have it.”

Raven’s shoulders slumped down, his face slackened, and his head bowed down, all bravado collapsing as he said, “I’m out of gas.”

[color=Olive]”Easy, Rivers,”[/color] Gaius responded, [color=Olive]”I said I was [i]considering[/i] pulling you, not ordering it. We’re all tired, we’re all strung out, and we still have a goddamn army to fight our way through before our business is done here on Espia. But we’ve gotten three big wins against our enemies since the start of the coup, and plans for another one in the works. We’re going to get our people back. We’re going to put the rest of the Crimson Fists in the dirt, along with what’s left of the Heavenly Sword and Premier Federov if we can pull it off. And we’re going to see our business through to the end. Once that’s done, [i]then[/i] we’ll discuss what role you want in the Knights, or if you want to go your own way.”[/color]

In truth, the Colonel had been getting worn thin himself. While their situation was far better than when they’d started, they were still a far cry from toppling the NPDRE, and the Crimson Fists still had them outnumbered two to one even without the entirety of the Espian Guards backing them up. If Federov, Malenkov, or the so-called ‘Crimson King’ managed to find their base and launch a coordinated attack, there wasn’t much the Green Knights could do from being wiped out. To say nothing of what he could do if their enemies decided to execute their hostages in Fort Tie Shan. Still, brooding about it wasn’t going to produce any solutions; the only way out was to push forward.

[color=Olive]”I want you to talk to Doc Yuri about combat fatigue and follow her instructions,”[/color] Colonel Wayne said. [color=Olive]”Get some rest, clear your head. We’re still going to need you in the fights to come, but only once you’ve got your head back in the game. In the meantime, we’re going to get the Shadow Hawk repaired…and maybe give it some extra punch, depending on what those junkyard scrappers manage to salvage from our most recent kills.”[/color]

Raven could only look up and smile and say, “Done. I’ll hop to it at once; sorry for troubling you.”

[i]There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to wait.[/i]