[color=lightgray][right][sub][color=ff1313][b]Trigger Warning:[/b][/color] Drug use, Sexual harassment/assault
[@LovelyComplex] & [@smarty0114][/sub][/right]
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[img]https://i.imgur.com/JDgHxLA.png[/img]

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[indent][indent]As Jamie strutted away from the media wing and towards what was becoming a regular morning rendezvous, he did his best to give off an air of importance and urgency. He was a co-editor on the school paper, the source of all things salacious and scandalizing, and he wanted people to think of him as such. He was secrets, he was shame, he’d do his best to bury your name; they might as well just call him Mr. Beverly Hills. He wanted anyone who tried to read his face to assume he was going through a very long, very important to-do list. In a sense, he was.

When he’d texted AJ a few weeks ago, after dumping him in exchange for a senior year full of solitude and sad movies, Katie had called him an idiot. [color=ba314c]“Why the fuck did you guys even break up if you were just gonna pull this shit?”[/color] were the exact words he remembered, actually. She wasn’t wrong. This was messy, whatever [i]this[/i] was. At this point, the boy who was supposed to know everything, pretty much only knew two things to be true: dating AJ Tyler had made him feel like the most boring person on the face of the Earth, but fucking him had made him feel like the most exciting.

So yeah, he was playing a game that would probably get him and AJ hurt. Sue him. Everybody else in this school had a good time, he should know, he reported on it. Why couldn’t he?

The baseball shed (what Jamie had lovingly nicknamed, The Place Virginities Go to Die) was far enough away from the school and unused enough in the fall that they were rarely bothered. Jamie could see AJ as he approached, leaning against the wall with a Starbucks bag and the same devil-may-care smile that had been so intoxicating the first day they’d met. [color=31ba9c]“You know me well, Tyler,”[/color] Jamie said, smiling as he sidled up to AJ and took the bag and a cup from his hand. [color=31ba9c]“You get all the boys breakfast, or just the cute ones?”[/color] Jamie said, smirking as he unwrapped his breakfast sandwich.

[color=ff4500]“Neither. I get you breakfast because who else is going to know your order to the T, Trouble?”[/color] AJ coolly responded, lightly smoothing a piece of flyaway hair on Jamie’s head. As his ex schmoozed his way into his heart, like he always did, the taller boy of the two stared attentively. His charming eyes were dilated but hidden by his Ray Ban sunglasses. His gaze, if it could be seen behind the veil went from caramel to cocoa, from warm to eager, from sandwich to Jamie’s smirk. He smiled wildly, amused at how quick his former lover reported to him. It was almost as if they were dating. It was almost as if nothing changed between them. As if Jamie didn’t break him and now continues to string him along. It was almost as if Jamie cared. [color=ff4500]“One bacon gouda, heated for an extra twenty seconds, venti white mocha, and a birthday cake pop.”[/color]

AJ wasn’t blind. A fool, sure, for love. A hopeless romantic, yeah, because his parents were living the dream and he aspired to find someone to fit him like a missing puzzle piece, just like the love they shared. A dreamer, of course, because life was meant to make dreams a reality but blind? No. The rose colored glasses were off and he could see Jamie for what he was and it frustrated him to no end. It made him have a storm of emotions, from anger to sadness to even regret. If they never dated, AJ would not feel such low lows. If they never dated, AJ could be in ignorant bliss and not know what it feels to really, deeply love someone, to the point that you hand them a knife and expose your heart to getting stabbed, so many times. If they never dated, AJ would have room to think about [i]anything[/i] else. But here he was, stuck in a repetitive, unhealthy cycle, in denial of their end, praying for a new beginning. Ideally, with Jamie at his side.

Truthfully, he hated what they became. He hated how he felt most days. He hated that he had to keep what they have a secret. He hated this. Especially recently when their affair escalated, both sexting at random times of the day and meeting up for quickies. Now, his nights were being impacted and he was unable to sleep. He was staying up all night thinking about their next meeting, like some sort of drug. It was intoxicating but not in a good way. 

Jamie was given the world, which included AJ bringing him breakfast, and doing other boyfriend things. All he asked of him was to keep their situationship on the down low and to not put the pressure of a label on what they have. Not only does this allow Jamie to have other lovers in his life but it allows him to only gain and never lose. Feel no pain. At least not to the extent that AJ felt pain. He fucking hated this and needed to call quits. Not because he wanted to but because he had to. AJ knew he wasn’t doing okay and it was only a matter of time when his friends would intervene and stir more drama than needed. 

It was all fun and games and part of AJ hoped there would be a chance they’d get back together but the moment Jamie said he didn’t want to define what they were, what they have, that’s when AJ began to fall down, down, down into his dark place. Nothing he could say or do would ever change Jamie’s mind. His first love made up his mind. Jamie didn’t love him. He loved how AJ made him feel. But AJ himself? Yeah right. Why would he love someone like him? Jamie had made it clear that they had nothing in common and perhaps Jamie was right. Jamie thought he knew best and AJ knew it was time to give him exactly what he wanted. The reality of them finally moving on. It was senior year and he wanted to make this a good year. For both of them.

With sleep deprivation as his drive, AJ made an executive decision that it was time to have a necessary meeting. Prior to coming here, to their ‘special’ place, the Gearhead gave himself a pick me up and was more ready now than ever. He was confident in his ability of setting things straight and making boundaries known. Most importantly though? He was locked the fuck in, with nothing but positivity and growth on his mind. Whatever came from this would be nothing but good for each person involved. It was the only way for either of them to be happy. Building distance between him and the gossip boy, AJ glanced at his watch, counting the seconds to when the first bell would go off, and leaned against the shed, relaxed and ardent, [color=ff4500]“So! How’s your morning been?!”[/color] He nearly shouted. 

Jamie grinned and took a bite of his breakfast, eyes traveling up and down AJ’s form. There was something…off, about him, but he couldn’t quite place it. A nervous energy that he didn’t understand. For a moment, something tugged inside him, and he almost asked, and then he reminded himself what this was. What [i]he[/i] had asked for it to be. [color=31ba9c]“It’s been fine. Mom and Dad are still out of town. I finished that article I was telling you about, the one about funding disparities between arts and sports programs? No one will read it, but it’ll look good in the portfolio. Let’s see, one of the freshmen spilled her coffee on Trixie, and–OH! Ethan’s throwing a party tomorrow night, after the dance. Risky Business themed, whatever the fuck that means. I’m supposed to be spreading the word.”[/color] 

He stepped forward, oblivious to the distance AJ had so purposefully put between them. He set his coffee on the ground and let a hand come up to play with AJ’s hair, doing his best impression of someone who was confident, cool, and did not overthink every single thing he did. [color=31ba9c]“How was yours?”[/color]

When Jamie breached AJ’s space, the Gearhead thought to himself. One last kiss wouldn’t hurt. Instead of answering the question, he brought his hand to his lover’s chin and lifted it. Leaning in, his lips pressed roughly on Jamie’s. It was full of yearning, hunger and desire, like it always did, but there was something more to it. AJ’s freehand slid around Jamie’s waist and pulled him close, not caring that the sandwich could interfere with their intimate moment. He was desperate and it could all be felt in one single kiss. AJ knew, if he kept to his word, this could be their last. If he stood firm and didn’t give into this want, this feverish dream, he would be in control and what they have would be all in the past. What they have would be a wonderful memory and they’d stop doing things they’d regret. If he pulled back, maybe he could move on. Maybe he could get over Jamie Callaghan. 

He breathed in Jamie’s scent, wishing he wasn’t taking the rational route but knowing sometimes the right things weren't the easiest things to do. He pulled away. A moment of silence passed between the two and uncomfortably, AJ gently pushed his ex a short distance further away, so he could think straight. Rather than acknowledge anything Jamie said about his article, about the coffee incident, and about the party, he revealed his true intentions for meeting at their spot, in the early morning, for breakfast, [color=ff4500]“This has to stop. Me and you? All of this, Jamie? Needs to stop.”[/color] This might be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do in his life but if there was one thing AJ didn’t want to do anymore it was worry his friends. His high would carry him through this and truth be told, he was thinking more clear than he ever would while sober. 

Jamie blinked. The confidence he’d possessed only moments ago seemed to fade immediately, leaving his head spinning and his heart racing. [color=31ba9c]“What the fuck?”[/color] He took another step back, knocking his coffee over as he did. This wasn’t happening. He had done [i]so[/i] much work to keep this from happening. He had built walls, and drew boundaries, he had kept AJ at an arm's length so that it wouldn’t happen. He had dumped him first, for fuck’s sake. 

Now he was right where he’d always feared he would end up, when Katie had introduced them last year. Getting left behind by AJ Motherfucking Tyler.

[color=31ba9c]“That’s fucking…did you just bring me out here to wine and dine me before you…oh my God. Oh my God.”[/color] Jamie spun around, ran a hand through his hair, and took a breath while he processed this sudden blow. When he turned around, whatever rage had been spilling out from him was tamped down, present only in the deep blue eyes that had begun glaring at AJ. [color=31ba9c]“Why? Where is this coming from? I thought…I thought this was good,”[/color] Jamie said, uncertainty creeping into his voice. He didn’t want to lose this, lose AJ. He had thought he could make it all work, that this way would be better for the both of them and…God, he had been an idiot.

His heart rate escalated. This was all so frustrating and if he didn’t make things clear now, Jamie would continue his own self destructive patterns and unfortunately the one that got burned was AJ. [color=ff4500]“Good for you. This has always been good for you,”[/color] AJ snapped, unable to keep it in anymore. He tried this casual on-and-off relationship and it just made him hate himself because he knew when he saw Jamie he didn’t want casual. He wanted commitment, love, and a future together. He wanted Jamie to be his. [color=ff4500]“I’ve played this game, Jamie, we’re doing this dance, but what the [b]fuck[/b] are we?”[/color] 

Clenching his fists, AJ, his eyes still hidden by sunglasses, stepped forward and watched the boy he loved break in an anxious panic. [color=ff4500]“[b]I. Can’t. Do. This. Anymore.[/b] You’re the one that fucking broke up with me and then weeks later you call saying you miss me but yeah, fuck me right? I’m the one at fault? Honestly. We both could use an actual break and you need to figure out what you want because clearly it isn’t me, Jamie, and I’m sick and tired of you lying to my face like you give a damn.”[/color] That last part forced AJ to stop and breathe. His behavior was getting increasingly erratic. Awake and wired, not letting the sadness bring him down, he brushed away the disappointment in Jamie’s face and focused on himself. How could he have fallen so far?  

Jamie pursed his lips. A laundry list of responses ran through his brain, but he settled for, [color=31ba9c]“Fuck you.”[/color] He turned to leave, took five steps before he decided he had more to say, and spun around to look at AJ. [color=31ba9c]“Pro tip, next time you dump your fuckbuddy, don’t make out with him right before you do it.”[/color] With an embarrassed huff, Jamie turned to leave for good, storming back towards the school. Coffee spilled, breakfast ruined.

[color=ff4500]“Like you are qualified to give advice on breakups,”[/color] AJ barked and when Jamie turned on his heel, walking away, he felt a sudden urge. Letting his impulse take over, he rushed to his ex, grabbed his shoulders and forcibly turned him back around, [color=ff4500]“Don’t give me that shit. If I didn’t care, you wouldn’t want to be fuck buddies. You want me? Fine.”[/color] With the high taking over, he tightened his grip. With ease, he twisted Jamie around him and shoved the boy against the shed wall. [color=ff4500]“This is what you want right?”[/color] He hissed. There was no love behind his tone, only frustration and spite. He nipped at Jamie’s neck, digging his teeth, and creating a hickey. Intentionally, he made it painful. He had to leave his mark. [color=ff4500]“Fine. I’ll fuck you.”[/color] He angrily growled. 

[color=31ba9c]“AJ, what the fuck,”[/color] Jamie shouted, shoving AJ back and ducking under his arm. He stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. He’d seen AJ angry plenty of times. They tended to have that effect on eachother. But nothing like that. That was new. His hand came up to rub at his neck while he shook his head, eyes trained on AJ. [color=31ba9c]“Yeah, I’m the one who needs to figure my shit out?”[/color] he scoffed, and turned around again, doing his best to mask pain and uncertainty with a cold disdain. Doing his best to pretend like the boy he loved hadn’t just shattered his mental image of him in five seconds flat.

[color=ff4500]“For someone who is afraid of getting left behind you sure love running away!”[/color] AJ called out, hiding the shake behind his voice and the water in his eyes. This was for the best. He knew it and one day Jamie would thank him for this. Feeling his pocket, making sure he had his bag with him, AJ gave a sigh of relief. Not even watching Jamie leave, AJ turned the other way, heading the opposite direction, with one goal in mind. He needed another hit.  
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