[quote=@Zeroth]
[@OwO] I've got some feedback for your character! As you all work on this collab, just let me know whenever you feel like you need something and I'll try to chime in when I see stuff.
[hider=CS FEEDBACK]
To be part of the "generation," 37 is a little too old. The range I'd like characters to aim for is going to be right at 30 at the eldest, and around 24 at the youngest (since 14 is the age at which they'd attend the Collegem, and I doubt anyone wants to play through the childhood phase).

To fit with the theme of the "Failed Generation," despite being a talented person, I think in addition to an external incident that has partially blinded her, she should also be "lacking" in something the Kaides would normally believe necessary. The Kaides wouldn't give even a prodigy any "special treatment," to make it easy for them to progress in life, but they WOULD be more encouraging and amicable towards them---so for her potential to be cut short because of something outside of her own control, due to the betrayal, wouldn't necessarily be a "failure" on her part.

Maybe as a child she lacked a "killer instinct," or maybe she let her talents get to her head and became lazy? Maybe she was seen as too kind or naive, and that trusting nature was what made her vulnerable to an "obvious" betrayal? You could take it any number of ways, but I think the idea to aim for is having the rest of the family grumble "She COULD'VE been great, but her [insert weakness] made her vulnerable. That's why she fell for such petty tricks."

Graduating at 19 would imply that she Awakened her Aura, which is one of the hard-limits none of the Player characters were able to accomplish until after age 21 in their First Life. Without Aura, completing the Collegem's curriculum before age 21 becomes impossibly difficult, because it requires performing at a level that allows you to receive acknowledgement from the Instructors and skip over their classes.

I like the idea of being a caretaker, both for an old warrior and for kids who went on to be decent-to-above average themselves---because that means she would have learned a lot that she couldn't use back then, but can now.

The 4 Experience being spent on Skills works out, so other than what I've listed above this CS is off to a good start![/hider]

[/quote]

This didn't really appear, but her being so old only happened after I tried to fix the timeline--her being 20/30 is closer to the original. Which is very funny--hoisted by my own petard.

As for her failure, point, I'm thinking that maybe she was completely unable to form bonds with people who weren't her siblings. AKA, while she was talented and put in effort, she was simultaneously an awful leader, awful friend, and an awful subordinate.

And that leads into her failure and why she damaged her vision and body. It was very much a steps on rake moment where the betrayal would be completely obvious to someone who could trust what others tell her.

And I can cut the graduated bit.

I'll fix it when I get home from work.