[b]Aadya, the Rock Upon a Mountain![/b]

There shouldn't be doubt in your heart at a moment like this. And yet, o daughter of the peaks, and yet.

Curse that Eclair Espoir. Go ahead. You know it will make you feel better, don't you? She did this to you by defeating you, by making your heart race, by making you an inconvenient witness who still knows, deep in her heart, that Eclair must be innocent. And you've gotten nowhere with it.

You've been mocked by peers into silence. Aadya, the meathead. Aadya, who fell for yet another Maid trick. Aadya, sent on a chase she'll never be able to fulfill. And now here you are, without Eclair, standing in front of the greatest challenge of your life. And if I'd come up to you and asked you an hour ago if you and Yuki could fight the Dark Dragon herself, you would have laughed and told me: yes, of course, because we'd both be trying to be the one who lands the final blow! Because together we are unstoppable!

But now your hands are sweaty on the very light of your heart. It's not just your imagination; it's duller than it should be. You hear yourself placing all your hopes on Yuki days ago, and how it hurt her. You are a Paladin of Kel, and you should know better than to hurt the hearts of others. Of innocents. Of your friends.

You do not know if she can win this fight.

You do not know if [i]you[/i] can win this fight.

Your mouth is painfully dry.

Civelia, the Light of Civilization, was in the arms of her enemy, and she has fallen, and now is the moment when stories of the clash between good and evil begin anew. Heron will surely be here any minute. But Sayanastia was disguised as Heron. So maybe Heron's not here at all. Maybe she's busy on the other side of Thellamie, tricked into completing a bug collection quest. Maybe it's just you and Yuki, and Yuki's not ready to be a hero, and you are dull and unworthy and all your training failed to make you a woman who could fight Sayanastia in this moment.

You grip your heartglaive and sweep it into the first drill stance.

"I've got this, Yuki," you say, and step in front of her. Only the two of them, Yuki and Sayanastia, can see your fear. Can see that you will fail. But everyone here has seen you try.

[hr]
[b]Olesya![/b]

Your mother pulls you out of the restroom by your arm. You do not struggle. When have you ever?

You've run, certainly. That was encouraged. It is good for the heir to the Khaganate to be comfortable with riding goblin-beasts, to struggle against strange mirror-eyed folk, to become familiar with the ragged edge of stable reality, is it not? And if you happened to ride with a loyal, devoted, beautiful sluzhanka, well. No one can see indiscretions out in the strange places of the Outside, not when you are careful and keep an ear out for travelers drawn to a place with more observed reality than the norm.

You and I both know that you have gone farther with her than is acceptable, and we both know that Juniper wanted you to. Isn't that a funny joke? I think it's funny, that you were trying to show her the delicate balance of mastery and submission, the hierarchy that must be obeyed to bring order and reason to the dreamscapes beyond the Stones, and she was so eager to learn that you ended up somewhere else entirely. You don't need to be afraid of your strength with her. You don't need to speak when it's just the two of you out there, because she understands what you mean and what you need.

"I fixed," you start to say. I think you've done a lovely job given the circumstances. Sure, you could have called on one of the clan's other sluzhankas to do it for you - you [i]should[/i] have, in order to demonstrate that you are in command - but you weren't thinking and you half-remember what Juniper's shown you about how to paint your lids, how to fix your mascara, how to touch up your cheeks, and getting that wrong seemed even scarier. In the wild, there's usually only one or two scary things to think about at a time.

Your mother gestures with two fingers, as if cutting a throat, as if wiping away words. Your words all crumple into a heap against your teeth.

"The Dark Dragon has struck down the Goddess," she hisses, eyes bright embers. "Now. [i]You[/i] will go and defeat her." She does not explain that this will further make the paladins and the Civils seem toothless, unable to defend Thellamie against the threats that rally against it; she does not tell you that you will be lauded as the defender of the Golden Fawn; she does not even point out that it will solidify support for you as a worthy heir to her throne among the clans. She does not need to. Whether you understand or not, what is important is your obedience.

You want to ask where Juniper is.
You want to ask if she is all right.
You want to explain that you kissed Hazel but then she would ask how it went and if you tell her the truth she'll be angry at you and if you lie she'll be able to tell and she'll be [i]angrier[/i] and if she's angry she won't hurt [i]you[/i], her golden child, so easily led astray
You want to run back into the bathroom.
You want to start crying again.
You want to start a fight you cannot win without suffering any of the consequences of losing.

You nod and your bow comes easily to your hand.