"Mayzie, I..."

Force eyes closed. Force deep breath. Force slow sip of champagne. Force tasting notes: the dry elixir, the floral burst, the bubbles popping against the tongue. Swallow, delicately. Force exhalation. Force eyes open, meet her gaze.

"The first time we knew each other, I fell in love with you. It was a child's love, and I was such a coward that I could not express even that. But I have been lucky enough to get to know you a second time and I, I do feel a flame stir within me again."

Stupid. This is stupid. This is the least romantic confession in the history of Thellamie. And every moment spent on this inevitable rejection carries me farther away from the inflection point where my decisions buy me time to act. But I. But I!

What is a Maid-Knight's duty if it is not this?

"I am terrified. I have thought and I have gathered all the evidence I could, but I cannot pierce this mystery. I don't... know what it is you wish for. And so I cannot grant it. I don't know if you would ask me to go, and not return. I don't know if you would ask me to set aside my colors and my mission and remain at your side instead. I don't know what would become of me in either case. I do not know. I simply do not know what to do."

Clench empty hand tight at side. Feel heat rising in cheeks. Drain glass to shut self up, forget to savor. Regret instantly. What happened the last time you drank with her, you idiot?

"...At the end of the night I am going to ask you again. If you will let me. Whether there is a path that we can walk together, and whether that path stays still or chases the horizon. I believe in the vows that I took, and the colors that I normally wear. But I know that I am not unique or special in that regard. It does not need to be me. Except tonight, it does.

"There are faint traces in the air of an incense both exclusively used and developed by the Order of the Aurora. It has powerful soporific effects, though it is not inherently dangerous. Only, all members of the Order have returned to the Manor. It can only have been lit with ill intent. And there is another question eating at the edges of my mind, about why my face is on wanted posters. What is the act that they say that I committed? What is the point of manipulating all the actors thus? Something dangerous is happening beyond the lights of this party, Mayzie."

Reach forward, cut self off. Set glass on ground instead. Grasp wrist with opposite arm and squeeze. Turn away.

"I am going. I will return, and I will do whatever you ask of me after. I will pay any price. I will make any recompense. But I cannot live with myself if, knowing what I know, I allow anyone here tonight to come to harm. And I... believe. That if you believe me, you would not forgive me either."

The first step. The second step. The third. I have spent so much time on this childish need to be understood and loved that I may have cost myself my window. But I must act. I must.

I [i]have[/i] to know.