[@Randomguy]

[Hider=Cadmus Laenas]So, for custom traits there should be a list of 5 specific traits relating to your character. These can be physical abilities, magic spells, magic items, and so on. So, while it is fine to indulge in multiple schools of magic, they will require one of the five slots to create a specific ability. This is to place limitations and stop any deus ex machina. moments by pulling out any spell or ability.

While I have no problems with the skills, traits, and equipment itself the way it is formatted should be adjusted. I don’t consider staves to be magical items for mages, even with a simple enchantment, so that is fine staying in the equipment section. The Soulbound ring, however, is a good example of a Custom Trait that uses one of the aforementioned five slots and a good example of explaining its bonus’ with the lore.

I would also suggest, if you’re adding a skills section then also add a weakness section. This can be something mental, not just physical. Just to avoid your character coming across as only having positives and no negatives.

I notice the stats have been edited, so, you’re fine here.

Background:

1. My problem starts at the second paragraph. While I have no problem with Laetans becoming a Magister, there are no canon characters as stated in the first line of the OP. Maevaris Tilani does not exist in this roleplay. I can provide you NPC Magisters you could have been an apprentice of.

2. So, I admittedly had to read over the “arrested for blood magic” part to get a sense of where you were going with this. If I have it right, he wasn’t locked away for blood magic but it was instead a cover up to move him out of the way politically, correct?

Blood magic is legally accepted within Tevinter, and often associated with power and status. As such, it isn’t using blood magic that will get you in trouble but how you perform it. The most common being, using an unwilling person. I implore you to dig deeper into this section and flesh it out, as I feel you’re on to something. Try to create a more in-depth plot where he was actually framed for something horrendous involving blood magic.

The Grey Warden part is fine, just be aware he’s in the same position as Dean whereas he has no idea where they are currently.[/hider]

[@Theyra]

[hider=Keten Jarul]You’ve acknowledged the same Custom Traits and spells issue as above, via Discord. I won’t harp on it, and instead wait to see the edits.

Stats have been edited, and are fine now.

Backstory:

1. I know I vaguely hinted that the last occurrence of a Blight was 20-30 years ago, but it wouldn’t be a big enough outbreak where people would have to flee cities. The Wardens are known for being more adept at containing the blight quickly in this universe, which is why there is more of an emphasis on finding them. I would suggest removing the blight aspect entirely.

2. As stated by the first line in the OP, canon does not exist as this is more of an Origins reset. The Inquisition is in the third game, and as such, is far removed from this point in the timeline. I would also suggest removing this entirely, or at least switching the Inquisition to another group he was a part of.

3. I would suggest re-working the backstory and go more in depth on the actual events or teachings of the Qun which separated him. I would also go more in depth on the “finding something better to fight for” aspect which is what highlights him as a character beyond just having a merc background.

Another suggestion is to highlight his relationship with Lahra more, who was killed on a mission. Perhaps this plays a part in him wanting something better to fight for?[/hider]

[@WhiteAngel25]

[hider=Raeretha]
Evasive Maneuvers: This can be achieved by having high stats in both Reflexes and Rapid Blows, and a rogue’s general style of fighting. While I won’t deny it, I feel you can come up with something better than this that encapsulates your character’s identity. But if you go along with this, just be aware that you don’t disengage from a fight, you just avoid the damage and are still considered in combat.

Murder of Roses: I’m personally not familiar with “Murder of Crow” so I just need more here. How does she go about activating this ability, mainly? I would suggest she drops a concoction using underground flora that gives this effect.

Rain of Decay: So, looking up Rain of Decay, it seems to do AOE damage over time necrotic damage. I’m going to say no to the necrotic damage as that ventures into deep, deep, mage territory that can only be learned by a select few. I have one main suggestion for this.

Give this slot specifically to the bow. Make the bow magical and able to split one arrow into a magic elemental effect. Ice to slow enemies and create difficult terrain, or it bursts into fire to give the same feel as the original ability. Just be creative here.

Stats have been edited, and are good.

Backstory:

1. Make sure to acknowledge that her Vallaslin is made from stabilized, red lyrium powder instead of pure red lyrium itself. That would be extremely fatal, even to the Falon’Din’sil.

2. While I have no major issues with the backstory itself, I have no real sense of who her character is or what her motivations are beyond being a curious character. Perhaps go more in depth on her connections within the slums? To highlight more aspects of her personality. Maybe a friend, mentor, or lover sparked her curiosity of the surface world and building relations? And now she wants to repay them by defeating the blight and sending them help, based on the relations she made that was inspired directly by who she aims to help? Something even that little will give us more of a sense of who she is.[/hider]

[@PatientBean]

[hider=Fleur Duvaincourt]
Butterfly Mask: Hello to you too, Lune :hehe (I like this a lot)

Performer At Heart: I’m assuming this works in combat as well? Up to you, I would just like it stated if it does.

Dual Chained Daggers: This is fine, it would just be considered a custom weapon but nothing game changing enough to take up a slot. I would suggest either adding a magical effect or shoving it into the equipment list and going for a new ability altogether, perhaps another bard/musical ability… or keep it, all three options are fine.

Stats are looking great!

Background: I have no issues, and in fact is a perfect example of a backstory that both highlights her character and gives the GM team enough to work with to further flesh out the world. Nice work!

Overall, good CS and no major corrections are required.[/hider]

[@Mjolnir]

[Hider=Vae]
Exsanguinate: This is fine, just be aware that while it has the possibility to ignore resistances it comes at a price of imbuing it with more mana. I.e It takes more mana to pull this off on a higher ranking Templar as opposed to a regular warrior.

Blood Bond: This is fine, and actually a great support tool, just be aware that it can also backfire to a degree if someone is experiencing damage over time. I.e Someone being set on fire while tethered would still be felt and people may get distracted by it. (Just for clarification, is the tether something that is visible and can be broken? Or just invisible blood magic? Either is fine, I’m just curious)

Forestall the Fade: I just want to acknowledge that this is a massive upgrade from the prototype initially sent to me. Hats off to you for listening to the criticism, and finding a more suitable workaround that still has major benefits with a major downside. I like it a lot.

Nice strengths and weaknesses, as well as stats. Nothing to offer further.

Backstory: Another great backstory that highlights her character, and gives the GM team something to call back on down the road. I love the additional information on how she joined The Rethari Blades as well, good job.

Overall, good CS and no major corrections are required.[/hider]

[Hider=Rasaad]
I have zero corrections or suggestions. A relatively simple character, but still has depth to him. I love his relationship with Saara and I love the moment of hesitation before defecting the Qun. Abilities are solid, as you show a good understanding of the risks his playstyle comes with and how to compensate for it. All in all, you know exactly who this character is and how you want to play them. Great CS![/hider]