[Yuki Staggers]

[i]Fuck fuck fuck, I can't I can't, I can't. I can't keep moving, I can't keep jumping around and leaving things half done. I can't keep running off with whoever's right in front of me. I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough. Why? Why? Why? Why can't you see it? Why can't you see that I literally cannot stand up right now because I'm already holding someone who needs me? What, do you want me to just get off the ground and dump this vulnerable sleeping woman here so that she can be arrested by the rest of the paladins while I run off with you? Is that it? Only Aadya matters? I. Can't.[/i]

Yuki does not say anything out loud. The look on her face is one of panic, a cat with wide eyes who is caught in a trap and cannot leap to higher ground. And then she shuts her eyes and grits her teeth and cries freely, heaving sobs that make her shoulders rise and fall as her tail falls limply behind her. A tear falls onto Eclair's cheek, and Yuki turns her head into her shoulder so that no more will disturb her friend's rest.

This wasn't fair! This wasn't how things were supposed to be! Is this what it was always going to be like now that she's not the chosen one? Everyone wants and wants and wants and you don't have anything special to give them? Yeah, fuck you, Yuki, you're just one girl and you can't be in five places at once like everybody wants, and everybody expects you to solve all their problems for them. She was supposed to be smart for Aadya and loud for Suli and open for Juniper and, oh god, fuck, where even was Juniper, she hadn't appeared at the ball at all before Yuki left.

It was too much, and it wasn't how Yuki remembered it, and she didn't know how to make everything work for everyone. It was the thing she wanted to know how to do most of everything, but she didn't know it. She didn't know how her parents kept the family together, not really. She didn't know how her grandparents had managed to cross the biggest ocean in the world and build a whole new family there. She didn't know how her aunt always managed to host the biggest New Years potlucks and have everyone come. And she didn't have it in her to figure out out right now.

She tries to wipe her eyes, but there's no sleeve on her shift, so it just leaves dark tear lines glistening on her arm. "Aadya, I-I'm sorry. I can't. I can't get up and go now. I can't. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."