Alright, so, I've finished working on my car so I now have time to finally get this show on the road. Expect the IC in the next few days, as it is already written. I just have to code it, so there should be no delays in the foreseeable future. I expect you all to hold me to that, as well :gray [hr] [@Randomguy] [hider=review]Thank you for hearing out my suggestions and fixing things accordingly. The backstory provides more clarity, and as such, is fine now. I only have one query: Is he against Qunari in general, as in racist? Or is it the teachings of the Qun, and the constant threat of them invading Tevinter he's hoping to put an end to? Either way it's fine, just keep in mind that the leader of The Renthari Blades is Tal-Vashoth. Moving on to Custom Traits, [b]Soulbound[/b] and [b]Sacrificial Prison[/b] are [b]great[/b] examples of what I'm looking for in this section. [b]Arcane Lore[/b] can be assumed, as most mages should harbor knowledge of magic. I won't make any mage waste a Trait slot here. If you're adamant on keeping this, I suggest fine-tuning it in a way that states the knowledge he possesses gives him an advantage of dodging other magic abilities. Something that contributes on the field. [b]Diplomacy[/b], in this RP comes down to what you say, how you say it, and what you have to offer. This is a case by case basis, and won't require any rolls. The only ones who get a significant boost Diplomacy wise, are bards. So it can assumed he knows his way around the political field given his backstory, the rest is up to you. Cooking, I would suggest removing this Trait entirely and either adding it to the end of the bio or in a separate section. Think of Custom Traits as, [b]what is going to help me in the field against other powerful enemies?[/b] The most simple suggestion would be, think of custom offensive and defensive spells that will help in the journey against darkspawn.[/hider] [hr] [@PatientBean] [hider=review]Accepted, throw her into the character section.[/hider] [hr] [@Mjolnir] [hider=review]Both are good to throw into the character section.[/hider] [hr] [@WhiteAngel25] [hider=R]I really appreciate you taking in my criticisms and revamping the backstory. I now get a better sense of who the character is, along with the relations that has influenced her motivations. The skills, binding her weaponry attacks and her Valislin is something that I appreciate and furthers solidifies a unique identity to the character. I may have further comments on the technicalities of Falon'Din's Fury via PM, but nothing that should impact the skill itself. You may toss her into the character section.[/hider] [hr] [@Theyra] [hider=R]As stated above, I appreciate you taking the time to edit your backstory after my initial review. All is well now, and I get an even better sense of who your character is as well as their motivations. A character who simply wants something better to fight for, and wants a purpose in life. I'm interested to see where the journey takes him. Regarding Custom Traits: [b]Telekinetic Barrage, Fist of the Maker, and Tidal Wave[/b] are fine. We can work out the specific ranges later, via PM. The necklace is fine, as well. Just be aware that it gives resistance to [b]damage[/b], but [b]status effects[/b] and [b]debuffs[/b] are unaffected by the necklace. [b]Staff Fighter[/b] is something that can be assumed, given his background and the fact that you dedicated stat points to Heavy Hiter. You can replace this Trait with another or spell or item of your choosing. I have no further comments beyond that. Good revision![/hider] [hr] The only other comment I have for everyone, is: If you haven't already, think of how your character joined The Rethari Blades. This can be a recent occurrence, or they can be an established member as is. Just make sure to let me know what you have decided.