For the sake of politeness I will not turn away. I will not, as they say, 'take my ball and go home'. You are within your rights, and more importantly within my rules to have shown me what you have. What can I rightfully complain about? 

...In this first place I can note that you have immediately attacked the weak point in my declarations. Namely, that they are separate from my request. I cannot say that this motley 'me' is anything other than 'myself'. She is not a lie. She is recognizable. She may even in her way be something I 'need to see'. But her presence here constitute deep maliciousness on your part. It is easy to turn my nature against me. What is the secret of this 'me'? What has lead her to this point, and how has she turned so completely Aestivali, so... Timtam? What about her represents a proper direction for me to travel in? How is she more successful than I am? Why this affectation, why this movement?

'I' am very Timtam, in 'my' way. And [i]I[/i] could dissect 'me' endlessly. That is a trap. What 'I' have to teach myself exists mainly in the aggregate. And that I think is the first shape of the trap. Which is why 'I' am here, in the first place my vision falls. My eyes may not be shut, but I may turn them where I will.

...And in turning, find 'myself' bound tightly in chains of maidly devotion. Am 'I' wearing anything beneath those scales? What a question. Of course not. 'My' body is part of the canvas that 'I' am attempting to paint for the Aurorae. An extraneous bit of clothing would only mar the perfection of 'my' efforts. But if the first 'Eclair Espoir' was a total enigma to me, or perhaps a negation of my identity, this one does not feel half so difficult for me to inhabit. 'I' have decided that 'I' may best serve the Dreamers by loving them with all of 'my' heart. 'I' must therefore live with total commitment for their vicarious experience. 'I' have bent all of 'my' tricks, skills, and priorities toward Their health and adoration. And 'I' am failing because 'I' have lost sight (in 'my' devotion to them no less) of 'my' roles as maid, as knight, and as detective. 

A fractal pattern sliced down to a single point. Truly I do not think it matters which piece of myself I were to attempt to hold above the others, were I to try I would end up here. But for the moment I have passed the test. I will not linger longer on failure or speculation. My eyes refuse to shut, so I may turn them where I will.

...Am I allowed, however, to express frustration at how many of 'myself' so far seem to represent some manner of failure state? These are not paths that I can travel so much as dead ends that I must prune if I am to walk any manner of path at all. What are these 'me's? Mere reflections of Timtam. One sacrificed in the name of assimilation. One sacrificed in the name of denial. One sacrificed in the name of fruitless conflict, which is a lesson [i]I have already extolled without your help.[/i] Any idiot can see plainly on her face that she has no focus at all on 'my' attentions. Continue to twist the knife, why not? All of 'my' focus is on defeating her, and all of [i]hers[/i] is...

Is...

Hm. That look in her eye. I really must not allow myself to be to enthusiastic in my speculation. But even still. That is a look I was only just commenting on. That is... interesting. How hypothetical are these instances, I wonder? Are these simply fantasies, or must they necessarily draw from our essential cores? Our Radiance, I suppose. A dragon's mask? That is very interesting indeed. My eyes will not be compelled to shut, and I will turn them where I must.

...'I' am playing children's games. 'I' am dressed in a manner that suggests that 'I' do not choose 'my' own clothes. Not that [i]I[/i] do either, by and large, but it is still. Different. And yet, hm. For the first time in all of this panoply, I think that 'I' am beautiful. I can smile at the way 'I' have tucked away 'my' notebook. I am endeared to the vision of 'myself' as 'I' turn and lift my knee and count as is proper. There is real power here, I think. Perhaps I once shone more brightly than I do now.

Perhaps I shine so brightly now that my childhood self would lift a hand to shield her eyes. Did I ever experience youth? Or was I merely young? To answer your supposition with some of my own, the answer is that so much has changed between then and now that I might as well be standing in the same spot. My eyes will not shut no matter anything, so I should turn them toward something else.

...Is this the negation of an earlier vision? No, not the negation. Say rather antithesis or antipode. But I had beheld a maid who was no knight, and now 'I' am a knight who is no maid. But 'I' am also once again a reflection of Timtam, her aesthetic preferences and priorities, her presentation, and even her struggle. There is room to wonder if her struggle matches mine more than either of us realize. And if it has taken a toll on me, as it obviously has on 'me', what has it done to her? Surely not enrich and empower her. Not if the woman that I knew had any truth to her at all. 

I will admit that I fear conflict with the Civils. I fear that it is inevitable, and I fear that inevitability looks exactly like this: a string of victories that dull the blade and dim the lights, ending ultimately in defeat and a final guttering out. Who you fight matters even more than how: opponents you cannot temper your heart by hammering yourself against them might as well be poison. I have said and will say again that I am capable of fighting the entire world and winning. If I am allowed a single prayer, it is that this boast will not be tested. Regardless, my eyes remain clear. I shall turn them elsewhere.

...What I behold is an impossibility. What I behold is the truth. I have little and less to say about this. What I have asked of Mayzie is so grossly unfair that I should be turned into golden dust for the audacity of coming even this far. Kiss her? Wake her? Do not be absurd. If she should fall asleep I will always choose to let her rest. Forever if I must. Even if the choice should cost me everything. That is the way that I can love her. The way that does not require her to love me back. My eyes are open just for her sake. I wish that they never needed to turn away.

...But they must. I have seen something I was not meant to. And though I meant to continue this dance a while longer, to be patient and probing until I was satisfied that I had the information I required to move forward, I must regretfully step away. It is true that this vision could be anything, other than false. It could be the simple future, or a trap, or a possibility that has not and may not ever come to pass even if nothing is done to prevent it. 

But I cannot believe that. I will tell you my conclusions, here and now. In the first: I am now completely certain, having witnessed this, that Ruthmoreness was more or less correct. No... that is not accurate. Timtam is not herself an anti-maid, but she has gathered others toward her under a new banner which stands in opposition to the Aurora. 

There is another dragon seeking maids. One that I do not know.

In the second: I am equally certain that Timtam caught my eyes. That she is aware that I have witnessed this moment, for all that she has guarded against that exact possibility. Having said that I am confident she will respond. For this one moment and in this singular circumstance I am ahead of her movements. She must move, and she must try to take that idiot with her. If anyone is to save that foolish, inept assassin and passable mount then they must go now, while the sympathetic connection holds and it is possible to leap into the Outside and arrive precisely here. 

In the third: that it must be me. Only I can arrive with due speed. Only I have the strength to turn this mottled assortment of shadow maids aside. If it came to final blows I know that I would lose today. I am aware of the ridiculousness of declaring, over and over and in so many fresh forms that I must separate myself from Timtam's motions and cease to fling myself after her if I am to catch her in the end. But this is different. Today I do not move with the intent to settle things. Today I move in defense of an innocent. There is no possible way that I can fail. There is no possible way anyone else can succeed.

And so I am leaving. I am going to save that nameless moron and I am going to bring her right back here. I will only be gone a moment; you need not stop the party on my behalf. And I am going to show Timtam my disgust. The blades that we wear on our hips must never be sharpened. That was our law. To have broken it is...

Unforgivable.