[center][img]https://images2.imgbox.com/28/b9/ONiA9qc5_o.png[/img]
[color=Green]Bet ya weren’t expectin’ [i]meh[/i], were ya?[/color]
[color=888888]-Elzy[/color][/center]

[color=Green]“Dat da best ya got?!”[/color] [url= https://images2.imgbox.com/73/09/G4Mnyr93_o.png]Elzy[/url] taunted over the howling wind, her mouth curled into a toothy grin. The mangled forms of nearly a dozen hirelings surrounded the goblin girl, whose own diminutive stature allowed her to maintain her balance atop the rain and blood-slicked deck of The Herald of Free Trade far better than any of her larger opponents as the massive galleon violently rocked and pitched on the tempest-tossed, wind-lashed waters of Burgher’s Bay. [color=Green]“An’ ere ah wuz dinkin’ diz’d be a challenge!”[/color]

Long had Elzy been waiting for this day, indeed, this very [i]moment.[/i] All her myriad adventures and journeys across the cold and forbidding land of Ulrania in an effort to break the terrible curse those malevolent faeries had placed upon her had led her [i]here,[/i] to the amulet of transmorgraphic harmonization. Now, just as it was about to leave Ulrania’s storm-wracked shores, perhaps never to return, destiny had granted Elzy this one, final chance to obtain its profound power. And she wasn’t about to let it slip away…

[color=Gold]“AH ha! AH ha!”[/color] her old foe, Grand Burgher Burlonious Burghotho chortled as he sneered down at the goblin girl from his place upon the ship’s bridge, jagged tendrils of lightening arcing across the turbulent clouds above him. [color=Gold]“Thy arrogance merely proves thy [i]ignorance[/i], wretched cur! Thy attempt to invade mine manse was folly enough,”[/color] he continued, his bombastic voice carrying over even the din of the raging storm as the rotund, fur-coated merchant gestured in the direction of Burgherheim, the wealthy trading port’s many lights barely visible amidst the sheets of rain. [color=Gold]“But to think thou couldst purloin mine most prized possession on the high seas, bereft of aid or means of escape, marks thee as an utter FOO-El!”[/color] 

[color=Green]“Yeah? Well, ah don’t see much stoppin’ meh from comin’ up dere an’ pluckin’ dat shiny offa yer fat, fancy pantz neck!”[/color] Elzy shot back through the howling gale, her goblinoid physiology allowing her to endure the biting winds and icy rain in little more than a bikini, granting her an even greater degree of maneuverability compared to her burly, heavily-clothed foes.

Yet, just before she could make her leap, several new opponents rushed up from below deck.

[color=Gold]“Thou hast only faced the most [i]bargainous[/i] of mine hirelings!”[/color] Burghotho taunted from on high, the amulet of transmorgraphic harmonization glowing where it rested amidst the Grand Burgher’s panoply of other gilded and bejeweled necklaces. [color=Gold]“Now, behold mine most [i]proficient[/i] condottieri!”[/color]

[color=Green]“Heh. Ah ain’t seein’ much…”[/color] Elzy retorted, the blade of her readied, water and blood-coated sword gleaming in the light of the full moon as it peered down on the unfolding melee from between the clouds’ ragged edges. 

With an enraged roar, a savage, tattoo-covered brute from the southern jungles swung a machete the size of Elzy’s torso down upon the goblin girl with the clear intent to cut her in twain. With a mighty clash of steel on steel, Elzy met the massive blade with her own weapon and employed the force of the blow, coupled with the slippery deck, to allow her to slide between the brute’s legs. Such was the speed at which the little goblin traveled across the slick planks that she was also able to just barely avoid the subsequent chop of a great axe swung by a bearded berserker from the northern seas, and a hail of spiked disks hurled by a masked warrior from the far-off Lands of Dawn.

[color=Green]“Gonna ‘ave ta do better’n dat!”[/color] Elzy quipped as she finally skidded to a stop just in time to leap up to the bridge before a mighty wave washed across the main deck. No sooner had she landed atop the bridge’s gilded railing then a new threat declared itself.

“Engarde, cretin!” cried a foppishly attired duelist wielding twin, impeccably crafted rapiers as he lunged forward amidst a rapid flurry of thrusts.

[color=Green]“No dankz, pal,”[/color] Elzy replied as she dove under his blur of blades and sent a clawed foot shooting into his booted ankle. [color=Green]“Maybe ya’ll ‘ave better luck wiv da fishez!”[/color] she added as the strike, paired with the man’s own forward momentum, sent him flying over the railing and straight into the path of another deck-sweeping wave.

Now all that remained was Burghotho…

Pursuing the rotund merchant into the captain’s cabin, Elzy found her now-greatly-alarmed foe cowering behind his desk, his back to the rain-streaked windows.

[color=Green]“Enda da line, fatty,”[/color] she told him, her narrowed eyes on high alert for any last-ditch tricks. [color=Green]“‘And over dat trinket an’ ya can keep all diz ovver crap. Dat iz, if diz tub don’t [i]sink.[/i]”[/color]

[color=Gold]“T-Thou thinks thy hast [i]won?![/i]”[/color] Burghotho shouted, even as his hand slid underneath the desktop. 

[color=Green]“Yeah,”[/color] Elzy replied with a firm nod as she stalked forward with all the inexorable certainty of death itself. [color=Green]“Ah [i]do.[/i]”[/color]

She was less than a meter from the Grand Burgher, when, suddenly…

Wait…

This isn’t the right goblin girl.

You don’t want to read the boring story of a refined elven maiden who was cursed to transform into a crude goblin girl every night’s quest to remove her terrible affliction, a journey which saw her compete with the bandit king in a trial of thieving prowess, fight her way through a war between Ulrania’s two largest kingdoms, escape a witch hunt ordered by the miracle-working Priest King of Stennar, battle the warped creations of the reborn Beastshaper, join the assassin’s guild, and finally reach the wealthy settlements of Burgher’s Bay, all while working as a selfless healer by day, and a roguish sell-sword by night.

No, [i]you[/i] want to read about…

[center][img]https://images2.imgbox.com/b0/7e/HKL5kSAg_o.jpeg[/img]
[h1][color=Green]Zoppy[/color][/h1]
[color=Green]Hi! Hi![/color]
[color=888888]-Zoppy[/color][/center]

Zoppy was very happy when Muste acceded to her request. [color=Green]“Dankz lotz!”[/color] she told the illithid with a big smile. Waving as she watched the tentacle-faced being depart, an idea slowly formed in the deformed goblin’s pitiful excuse for a brain. If the outside world really [i]was[/i] full of wondrous things, would it really be so bad if she took a small break from working on her shop to have a look around herself? With this in mind, Zoppy ever-so-slowly made her stumbling way to the cave entrance. Upon reaching the threshold, the emaciated goblin took one, awestruck look at the verdant landscape beyond... and promptly passed out from heat stroke.

Someone might want to drag her back inside…