Incorrect Quote Generator: Brutrumukk and Jub Edition

Jub: *Answers phone.* Hello? 
Brutrumukk: It's Brutrumukk. 
Jub: What did he do this time? 
Brutrumukk: No, it's me, Jub. It's actually me. 
Jub: What did you do this time?

Jub: *Turns on the kitchen light* 
Brutrumukk: *Sitting at the table, eating bread* 
Jub: It’s four in the morning. 
Brutrumukk: Turn the light back off.

Jub: Hey there demons, It's me, ya boi. 
Brutrumukk: Jub, NO!

Brutrumukk: Let's all agree that goin' up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. 
Jub: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Jub: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group. 
Brutrumukk: Really? Then why is yer 'and stuck in a vendin' machine? 
Jub: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

Jub: Is something burning? 
Brutrumukk: My burnin' love for murder of course! 
Jub: ...
Brutrumukk: ...
Brutrumukk: An' the kitchen is on fire.

Jub: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container. 
Brutrumukk: Shovel the pasta into yer face. Do it. Put it in yer face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

Brutrumukk: I just ended a five year relationship. 
Jub: Oh no, are you okay? 
Brutrumukk: It's okay, it weren't mine.