Leah was staring at her phone, with an incomplete message waiting to be sent.

She went out, did the basic motions of the days before the break began, and made sure she wasn’t forgetting some big and important assignment that had to be sorted out before January. Next, she went back to her dorm and read a book. She meant to before the break started, since it was one she’d taken from the school’s library. And just when she had time to schedule that talk with Whitehall, she contemplated finally looking into the SuperLink stuff April was telling her about. She didn’t.

She was procrastinating. Leah wanted to do it, but her heart and mind were on two different pages. She wasn’t quite sure why, and thinking about it wasn’t doing much. So she just sat at her desk, with various things strewn about, staring down at her phone. With a message she really, really needed to send.

She felt tempted to organize her rock collection, suddenly.

[color=ffcb00]”Ughhhhhhhhhhh.”[/color]

Sabine had gotten to work a bit on managing the social media for the team. It was hard given that some of them had never used it before, some had but to varying levels, or the ones who had were not equipped to bear the brunt of the impact of their win. She had also managed things with April and the Hex Girls and she felt she was in a better spot.

But she had still not spoken much with Leah after the party. And there was definitely still some awkwardness there. A hole that needed to be filled or it would give people twisted ankles until filled.

She had situated herself with school stuff, booked an appointment with Dr. Whitehall, and made her way back to her room to drop off some stuff before she went to go get some coffee when he heard the telltale groan of her girlfriend.

She swung into the room, setting her bag down on her bed. [color=A2797E]”I recognize that groan. I’ve let off a few myself since our win. Want to talk about it?”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”Huh-”[/color] Leah whipped her head around and visibly relaxed a bit when she saw her girlfriend. [color=ffcb00]”Hey… Do you ever feel like you’re beating your head against a brick wall just to get yourself to do something you really should do?”[/color]

Did Leah read minds now? [color=A2797E]”Every day since I started my period. Probably even a bit before. Comes with being a woman on Earth. Possible even outside of Earth. I’m sure Asgardians and the Kree and all of them deal with it too. Why, what shouldn’t you do?”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”I [i]should[/i] be talking to Whitehall. I [i]shouldn’t[/i] be dreading it. But I [i]am.[/i] No idea why, even though this was my idea.”[/color] It felt like she was just being lazy, and she recognized that, and yet was still too lazy to stop being lazy.

[color=ffcb00]”I’m, uh, apparently not nearly as fine as I think I am. Sort of had a moment when we were in New Orleans where I almost couldn’t breathe, and… Yeah. Dumped a lot of shit on She Hulk about it.”[/color]

Sabine had known something was up, but perhaps she was too focused on other matters. [color=A2797E]”I mean, therapy isn’t for everyone, but if it helps, why not?”[/color] Leah had been dealing with things and rather than be there for her she went off and did her own thing, focused on her own matters, and took on things for the team overall. She hadn’t thought to check.

[color=A2797E]”I’m glad She-Hulk was there for you. I know a lot happened after the contest, but I don’t know what happened during. I was sort of being worked on and comforting Danni. I should have checked in on you. But I am here now if you want to share.”[/color]

She did.

[color=ffcb00]”When I stormed out, before they won the Contest, I ran into the locker room. And I guess that was a panic attack or something like it, because I was just [i]really[/i] tempted to dig a hole in the ground and not come back up.”[/color] Leah may have had them before, and she wouldn’t have known. That sort of thing was new to her. [color=ffcb00]”I genuinely, [i]seriously[/i] expected the Young Avengers to make a move, and after Dorian gave his little speech… It felt like I just fucked up [i]really[/i] bad. I get paranoid too easily.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”For what it’s worth, I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I cared about the contest, but not like Dorian or April or Danni did. I haven’t been training for this for years. Hell, I spent many years hating the idea of being a hero because no one ever saw me as one. So when all that happened I felt it wasn’t the right moment to hit them when they were down. But that was my decision, not yours. I can’t imagine what you were dealing with and I should have been there for you. I know what panic attacks are like and they are scary, but they don’t make you a failure. I know I sound like Whitehall, but it’s valid to have those feelings.”

“Plus it sounds like there’s no hard feelings with the Young Avengers. And at the end of the day, we won, in large part due to you. So feel your feels, but also enjoy your victory.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”Doesn’t really feel like mine,”[/color] Leah admitted. [color=ffcb00]”The only reason I was there at all is because you guys deserved to win. It wasn’t personal for me. You were right, though. They were in pretty bad shape, there wasn’t any reason for me to keep pushing. That’s why I left before they finished.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Leah, it is just as much yours as everyone else’s. Regardless of what happened after, you fought hard against the Hex Girls and the Young Avengers. We would be in worse shape if you hadn’t been there.”

“But you are right. This fight wasn’t for me either. I was there for the team, but I was going to be okay whether we won or lost, and I definitely didn’t expect to win. That just means you need to find something you want. What is it that you want Leah and I don’t mean for others. What do you want for [i]yourself[/i]?”[/color]

Leah didn’t have anything immediate to say to that. She spent most of her life just making compromises and pushing people away, hoping things would work out.

[color=ffcb00]”I… Don’t know, I guess. You guys are happy, aren’t you? That means I am too.”[/color]

Sabine shook her head. [color=A2797E]”I am glad you want what’s best for us, but it is okay to want things for yourself that are outside of what others want. I know this is new territory for you with your dad and the school, but seriously you have to start thinking about what it is you ultimately want for yourself and your future. It isn’t healthy to put all that on someone else’s shoulders because that’s when you start chucking rocks at people accidentally. You also don’t need to decide now, but at some point I want to hear what it is you want for yourself Leah. Outside of me, outside of April, outside of the others. It’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes.”[/color]

[i]April?[/i]

[color=ffcb00]”Well, uh. Hmmm.”[/color] There were things Leah liked to do. She wanted to learn more about magic and about where she came from. Did those count? Probably, but those things were a bit harder than winning a contest. Magic was complicated, and she hadn’t found a damn thing about Jotunheim that wasn’t told in three different versions.

Yeah, maybe she did need a life.

[color=ffcb00]”I’ll think about it. Is it cheating if I say I want to be a hero with the rest of you one day?”[/color]

 [color=A2797E]”I’ll allow it, but was that decision made because you want to be a hero or you want to be there when everyone else becomes one? And maybe not everyone wants to be a hero. Or perhaps what a hero looks like is different for everyone. I mean gods, I’m starting to think what that looks like for me is vastly different than everyone else.”[/color]

But that was her own mess, this was Leah’s time. [color=A2797E]”We have plenty of time to figure that out for you also. I’m there for you. You have a lot of people there for you and I know you are there for them. But allow yourself moments to be selfish and do what you want to do, not because someone else wants it, but because you want it.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”Fuck, now [i]you’re[/i] a therapist.”[/color] Leah sounded amused. [color=ffcb00]”I’ll try. But I do want to actually be a hero. That’s what brought me here. Came for that, stayed for other things.”[/color] Like her friends. Her new life was built here. She cared about these people, and it was starting to dawn on Leah that, yes actually, she should take more time for herself. Therapy was one way she was trying.

[color=A2797E]”What can I say? Whitehall knows her shit. As long as you try, that’s what matters most to me.”[/color] She walked over and hugged her girlfriend. [color=A2797E]”I [i]am[/i] sorry I got so angry at you. I think part of it was anger at myself. I biffed it during the contest. I wasn’t at my best and there was so much going on. But I think I found my groove. Max helped me, April helped me, and weirdly enough, the Hex Girls helped me too. So onward and upward.”[/color]

Leah squinted. And wrapped arms around Sabine. [color=ffcb00]”The Hex Girls helped you? Those assholes? Didn’t they cheat?”[/color]

Sabine debated on telling Leah everything, but she also felt like it wasn’t her secret to share. [color=A2797E]”Yeah, they did, but it was for a good reason. Reasonable. They admitted it and admitted they do it every year, but I think part of it is the pressure they get from their teachers. Apparently one of them called the entire team a bunch of pathetic losers and I don’t know about you, but they fought hard. Also, they weren’t the ones that pretended to be your dad. I am 100% positive about that.”[/color] She knew Leah had the means to find out who and she didn’t want to admit she knew who it was. Let Leah determine that for herself.

[color=ffcb00]”Well, I trust you. So if I ever see them again, I [i]won’t[/i] kick their asses.”[/color]

Leah spun around in her chair to face Sabine, and pulled her into her lap. [color=ffcb00]”They [i]did[/i] fight pretty hard. That girl with the hands almost got me as hard as America did. They had a decent chance of winning, you’d think being wizards would mean they had a bit more imagination though. I’m surprised they didn’t summon demons or zombies or something.”[/color]

Sabine had to laugh, Leah was closer to the truth than she realized. [color=A2797E]”I think we dealt with enough summons to last us a bit. That reminds me, I know you don’t really use social media, but there’s going to be some blowback for our win so I want to prepare you. Do not let it get to you, I will handle it. I need to get with Danni and Dorian to figure some things out.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”Hey, I’m not scared of some nameless armchair superheroes.”[/color] She was smiling. [color=ffcb00]”Fuck them, if they ask, I’ll tell them they’d lose too. Wasn’t one of the Hex Girls hitting on you in the fight? I’ll be surprised if no one asks about that.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Yeah, Thuy. I am sure there’s a bunch of theories going rampant on those sites about it, but as you said, fuck them. There’s no one else that compares to you.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”They were… Okay. Hot, kind of.”[/color] Leah felt a bit warmer admitting something like that. [color=ffcb00]”But yeah, you’re [i]way[/i] hotter.”[/color]

She hugged Sabine a little tighter.

[color=A2797E]”I know. They asked about you also. I told them you satisfy all my needs and then some. Could tell they were a little jealous.”[/color] She leaned into Leah more, embracing the warmth she felt. [color=A2797E]”The holidays are coming up. We should do something festive. Watch a bunch of cheesy holiday movies and eat tons of ice cream and popcorn. Make it a tradition. What do you think?”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”I think that would be fun. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve never done Christmas before?”[/color]

Sabine mocked a shocked face. [color=A2797E]”What? No way! You mean to tell me daddy dearest never dressed up as Santa Clause with a bag full of gifts? Well, that just means we have to make up for lost time. I want hot chocolate, I want presents, I want mistletoe. The whole nine yards!”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”You’re too short to hang that over my head. I might do it for you if you ask me nicely, though.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”I could tell you where to put it if that’s how you want to be,”[/color] she said, sticking her tongue out. [color=A2797E]”We can even do something with She-Hulk if you want. I’m not about to spend my holiday with my own family.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”I bet she’d [i]love[/i] that, actually. I know she’s gonna want to do something for Christmas. I’m not sure what, though. I bet Murdock might show up, at some point.”[/color]

Leah paused, then continued. [color=ffcb00]”That would be fun. She’d like you.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Well, I think your heart just grew three sizes this day!”[/color] She chuckled. [color=A2797E]”Oh, that’s a holiday movie reference. We’ll add it to the list. But yes! I would love to do something with her. I still need to shop for presents! I’ve been so busy, but I have gotten some good promotional stuff from businesses working with me after the contest win, so that makes it easier.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”I haven’t given any businesses or corporate rats the time of day, really.”[/color] That was Jen’s field of expertise, not hers. [color=ffcb00]”We’re all pretty much rich now, I can go shopping with you if you want.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”You want to go shopping with me? It’s a Christmas miracle!”[/color] She kissed Leah, savoring the moment. [color=A2797E]”I’ll even treat you to some hot chocolate. Or maybe some egg nog. Have you ever had it? It sounds gross, but it is actually delicious.”[/color]

[color=ffcb00]”I don’t think so. You’re spoiling me, really. I’m being treated [i]right now-“[/i][/color] She leaned up and returned the kiss. With interest.

[color=A2797E]”Well, Santa is going to have to avert his eyes because I think we’re about to be put on the naughty list.”[/color] Sabine waited a minute. [color=A2797E]”Are you getting these references? Whatever, kiss me again.”[/color]

She did. For numerous slow seconds.

[color=ffcb00]”…I am [i]so fucking glad[/i] you’re my girlfriend, you know that?”[/color] She pulled Sabine closer, until there was no space between them. [color=ffcb00]”Everything been so stressful and crazy lately, and I’m learning a lot of things thanks to that- You and April and Andy and- And everyone makes me want to be a better person. Fuck. I love you so fucking much.”[/color]

Sabine nuzzled into Leah’s neck, letting everything else outside this moment fall. Forget it, this is what mattered. [color=A2797E]”I am so happy I have you. I love you too.”[/color] The contest didn’t matter, the problems didn’t matter. Right here and now, the moments of joy, is what mattered most. Sabine forgot it, but was happy to be reminded.

Sabine made Leah’s heart thud in her chest like a hammer against an anvil. It always did, and she was a bit more aware of that given the closeness they had at the moment. 

[color=ffcb00]”…You know how we were just talking about me speaking up when I wanted something?”[/color]

Leah stood up out of her chair, and lifted Sabine up with her. She was suddenly carrying the shorter girl like a small dog.

[color=A2797E]”About time. Get what’s yours!”[/color] Sabine may have been a little off-put by the princess comment the Hex Girls leveled at her, but she had to admit, it was nice to be taken care of.

She walked over, hot blonde girlfriend in her arms, and swung the door shut. And then she locked it.

[i]Click.[/i]