[color=lightgray][center][h1][color=#B3EBC0]T[/color][color=#B4E7C2]h[/color][color=#B6E4C5]e[/color] [color=#B9DECA]F[/color][color=#BBDACC]i[/color][color=#BDD7CF]r[/color][color=#BED4D2]s[/color][color=#C0D1D4]t[/color] [color=#C4CAD9]M[/color][color=#C5C7DC]e[/color][color=#C7C4DF]e[/color][color=#C9C0E1]t[/color][color=#CABDE4]i[/color][color=#CCBAE6]n[/color][color=#CEB7E9]g[/color][/h1] [h2][color=#B3EBC0]Nolan[/color] & [color=D0B4EC]Lottie[/color][/h2] [h3][color=red]FLASHBACK - 1732[/color] [sub]7 years ago[/sub][/h3][/center] [hr] Another strange day in the grand halls of the Edward’s Estate, its vaulted ceilings and walls painted with heavenly scenes and adorned with ornate flourishes. Even after a few months of being taken in by the Edwards, he still could not get used to this level of excess nor could he get used to the sensation of daily cleanliness. The dirt, grime, and sweat that had caked him only months before were now washed away and the tattered rags that he had haphazardly patched were replaced with clothes that he could only dream of, or to be more accurate, remember when he was still a young child. And food! Heavens above food! Every night he goes to sleep full and every morning there is a meal waiting for him; he couldn’t remember the last time he had a full stomach. But it’s too good to be true, right? Surely, they would want something back from him for everything that they had done for him. While he carried on with the train of thought, his ears caught the sound of a familiar voice talking. Poking his head partly around the corner, Nolan saw that Gideon was speaking to another man with great fondness. The boy could surmise that whoever the man was he was just a friend of Gideon though what caught his eyes was a black haired girl that stood by him. Well, not like he could see that well; his hair was covering his face. The black-haired girl had been teetering on her heels, somewhere off in the clouds while her stepfather spoke with Gideon. Her long hair was swept back into a low, thick ponytail tied with a lace ribbon. She wore a lovely, feminine blue dress that was rather humble compared to most noble women in Caesonia. Her blue eyes drifted by chance toward the shadow at the corner, settling on him only lightly at first, the far-off look lingering a moment in her gaze. Then her face brightened suddenly, in a manner that was unmistakably warm. A kind smile formed on her lips and she approached with careful grace. She stopped a few polite steps away. [color=D0B4EC]“Hello there,”[/color] she said, her tone gentle yet pleasant, as if she was greeting someone she’d been hoping to meet all day. [color=D0B4EC] “You must be Lord Nolan,”[/color] [color=D0B4EC] “My name is Lady Charlotte Vikena.”[/color] she added, and curtsied. When she rose, her smile remained sincere, her hands folded neatly in front of her. [color=D0B4EC] “Duke Edwards was just telling us about you.”[/color] she continued. [color=D0B4EC]“Only good things. Truly.”[/color] She hesitated as a flicker of nerves passed over her expression, but it was gone almost as soon as it came before she offered, softly, [color=D0B4EC]“And I hope… I hope today has been kind to you.”[/color] The hairs on Nolan's neck stood on end as he watched this graceful girl walk over his way and hid more behind the corner. She looked like the very definition of a noble girl, a vision of loveliness that was so foreign to him from his world of grime, blood, and dirt. It felt like just looking at her would sully her honor and it made him feel so small, so filthy by comparison. He could feel his heart beating between his ears, partly out of embarrassment and out of anxiety just from being around someone of the opposite sex. Logically, he knew that this girl was not anything like his masters, or at the very least could make the safe assumption that she wasn't and yet, adrenaline rushed through his veins. He stared at her distrustfully, his back hunched over as if he was ready to make a break for it at any moment. Still, he must be polite and courteous. It was the least he could do to not embarrass Duke Edwards. [color=#B3EBC0]"I-"[/color] His voice cracked and his face flushed red with pubescent embarrassment. His mind went blank; he was desperate to get out of this situation. Before he could register what he was doing, Nolan dashed off as quickly as his feet could carry him. Charlotte furrowed her brows, rooted to her spot momentarily as she glanced over her shoulder at the two dukes. Then, she decisively hurried after him. [color=D0B4EC]“Wait!”[/color] she called, breathless as she struggled to catch up, her eyes wide with alarm. [color=D0B4EC] “I didn’t mean to frighten you!” [/color] She slowed a touch as if to give him room even while following. [color=D0B4EC] “I only— I was just hoping to offer you my friendship, if you’d like it.”[/color] Gods above these clothes were not designed for running! They were designed for making boys feel like dress up dolls for their overbearing mothers, not for street urchins with hair pin survival instincts! He turned his head to look behind and shouted, [color=#B3EBC0]"What do you get from being friends with me?!"[/color] For someone like him, friendship was not something one just gave away out of goodwill; it was something to be traded like a commodity until no one else had anything to give. If one couldn't provide then you were deadweight. Nolan turned a corner and found himself in the library, panting with a bead of sweat dripping down his head. His eyes scanned the room looking for a place to hide when his eyes fell upon one of the plush chairs. Scrambling underneath it, he held his breath and looked around like a stray dog being chased with the threat of being thrown into the pound. However, he underestimated just how big he actually was; his feet poked from underneath the chair. Yeah, he did not think this through. Charlotte had slowed the moment he had vanished into the library. She did not rush in; she hovered in the doorway, hands folded neatly at her waist as her gaze skimmed the shelves—until, inevitably, her gaze locked onto a very obvious pair of feet peeking from beneath the chair. A helpless, fond smile tugged at her lips and she looked away at once as if she had not seen a thing. [color=D0B4EC] “Nothing, “[/color] she answered gently, [color=D0B4EC] “There’s no need for a trade of any sort when it comes to friendship.”[/color] With a sigh, she then added , [color=D0B4EC] “Though, I may not be the greatest authority on the subject. ”[/color] Her fingers fidgeted with her sleeve before she walked up to the shelves. Charlotte began casually looking through the book spines. As she plucked one out at random, she admitted, [color=D0B4EC] “I don’t have many friends myself… People fleeing from me isn’t all too new for me.“[/color] She subsequently opened the book and flipped through the pages to perpetuate the idea she hadn’t seen him for a longer while. [color=D0B4EC] “...I am sorry I frightened you…”[/color] Her lashes lowered with shame. [color=D0B4EC] “If it’s because of all the scandal surrounding my stepfather, I understand… “[/color] [color=D0B4EC]“And you don’t have to come out,”[/color] she added quickly, almost pleading. [color=D0B4EC]“Truly. I can stand here and talk to the books, as I often do. They rarely run away.”[/color] Finally, she angled her body slightly to face his direction. Her smile warmed. [color=D0B4EC] “But if you ever did want a friend, you’ll always have one in me, alright? “[/color] Then she closed the book with gentle finality. [color=D0B4EC] “You can call me Lottie… And if you ever need a safe place at a social gathering… I’m usually near the food.”[/color] Nolan had laid there silently as he listened to Charlotte from underneath the chair. It was a silly thing; he knew that it wasn't secure, but being in such a tight space made him feel safe. It reminded him of the nooks and crannies he would wedge himself in to stay warm and get a good night's sleep though it was never with someone trying to soothe his fears. Except what she had to say was heart wrenching; how could someone so kind be so lonely? The very question knitted his brows together in confusion. [color=#B3EBC0]"It's not your fault."[/color] His voice, albeit small, rang out from beneath the chair. [color=#B3EBC0]"I don't know a thing about you or your stepfather; Duke Edwards is still teaching me of Caesonia's affairs."[/color] He shifted his gaze upwards from below to look up at Lottie, not like she could tell with the way his hair covered his eyes. [color=#B3EBC0]"It's me, I'm just... I..."[/color] His hands balled up in knuckle white fists. She was trying hard to reach him, so he felt compelled to meet her halfway even if it was uncomfortable. [color=#B3EBC0]"The people who owned me before liked to hurt me, especially his wife. On a good day she'd like to hit me to 'relieve her stress.' On the bad days she'd... she'd..."[/color] He could hear his own heart beating between his ears and a chill washed over him, leaving him trembling. Images of the past that were deeply ingrained into him both mentally and physically replayed in his head. Deep breaths, he needed to take deep breaths the way the doctor told him to. Nolan inhaled and exhaled with a shaky breath. [color=#B3EBC0]"These days the sight of a girl makes me feel like I have worms wriggling in my stomach and a sack of bricks on my chest. So... it's not your fault. I'm just not right in the head,"[/color] He lowered his head until his face was only inches away from the floor. [color=#B3EBC0]"It's gross. I'm gross,"[/color] he murmured. Charlotte’s expression crumbled, the front of her brows lifting as her lips parted slightly—her features were caught between surprise and something that looked like she was in pain. His words hit her so strangely she almost forgot to breathe. [i]The people that owned him? …She liked to…hurt… him?[/i] The book in her hands was suddenly all she could think to hold onto, knuckles whitening around the spine as if it might keep her steady. Tears burned up in her gaze anyway, and her mind betrayed her with the image of his sweet little face when she’d approached him—how he’d looked like a startled creature trying to make himself smaller. She didn’t even realize she’d stopped pretending to read. And then his last words registered. [i][color=#B3EBC0]"It's gross. I'm gross,"[/color] [/i] [sub][color=a38ddf]”YOU’RE A MONSTER!”[/color][/sub] The grief-stricken wail of a voice she knew all too well filled her head as Nolan’s had replayed. She didn’t pause to wonder why it came now—she very slowly turned toward the chair, pupils widening, tears spilling down her cheeks before she could catch them. [color=D0B4EC]“You’re not gross, Nolan…”[/color] she finally managed in a whisper, the words trembling as they left her. [color=D0B4EC]“Far from it.”[/color] Her throat tightened painfully when she tried to go on. [color=D0B4EC]“Someone who would try to own you, and harm you, and—”[/color] She couldn’t finish. The sentence locked in her throat like a swallowed sob. Her grip faltered, and the book slipped from her fingers with a soft little thump onto the floor. Charlotte didn’t bend to retrieve it. She just stood there, suddenly sick to her stomach over what she’d heard, and she spoke like she was choosing every word as gently as she could. [color=D0B4EC]“An innocent, sweet boy like you…”[/color] Her voice wavered, but her resolve didn’t. [color=D0B4EC]“I understand why you would feel that way. I do.”[/color] She drew a shaky breath, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her sleeve in a way that was not remotely proper. Still, she kept her distance: hands drawn close to herself, as if even moving too quickly might spook him. [color=D0B4EC]“If it is for your comfort… I will keep my distance,”[/color] she promised softly and earnestly. [color=D0B4EC]“Truly. You don’t have to come out. You don’t have to look at me. You don’t have to do anything at all.”[/color] Her lashes trembled as she tried to steady her voice. [color=D0B4EC]“But if you need someone—even if you have to cover your eyes—I swear I’ll always be here for you.”[/color] She swallowed hard and then looked down at those feet of his with dejection. [color=D0B4EC]“…and that you are deserving of so much more than what’s happened to you.”[/color] Why did she sound so strange? Like she was choking on her own feelings? Nolan lifted his head from the floor and looked up to see tears streaming down her face. She was... crying for him? Why? He didn't ask for this; pity was he never wanted. He didn't want to hurt her; he didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. Gods above he was tired of hurting people. It was the only thing he was good for, the only thing he knew how to do; it was his bread and butter. If he didn't then he would have never survived. No one cried for him and he cried for no one, so why did she? [color=#B3EBC0]"You don't need to do that."[/color] He murmured from below. [color=#B3EBC0]"You don't need to stay away from me, I mean."[/color] Slowly, he crawled from beneath the chair and stood up, smoothing out his clothes that were now wrinkled and mussed with his hands. Nolan looked up at her for he had yet to hit his growth spurt yet though he found his gaze averting from hers. His frame trembled like an autumn leaf about to be blown away by a gentle gust of wind. It felt so silly, standing there like a disheveled, frightened creature in front of someone as refined as her and he made her cry; it only added to his own embarrassment. Charlotte held the book to her chest, her breath catching. Her brows drew together, then lifted at the center in a soft and pained manner while her mouth parted. Then she just looked at him as he spoke all the while tears kept slipping down her cheeks. Her grip on the book tightened as if it were the only thing keeping her steady, Nolan then swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth though only stammers came out. [color=#B3EBC0]"You're... nice. M-maybe too nice to s-someone like me."[/color] He hung his head down and looked down at his shoes and murmured, [color=#B3EBC0]"I'm not worth crying over. Cry for the people who are still chained around the neck or still fighting for scraps on the streets, but don't cry for me. I'm the lucky one."[/color] His voice was shaky and nearly imperceptible, and yet he was doing his best to stand straight like a gentleman just like he was taught to by the Edwards and whatever faint memories he had of his home in Kolonivka. [color=#B3EBC0]"I have food on my plate every day. I mean, I eat off a plate now. I'm dressed in fine clothes, and I sleep in a comfortable bed under a sturdy roof. What right do I have to your tears?"[/color] The boy forced himself to look at Charlotte and a smile forced upon his face that tried to scream that he was happy, that there was nothing to worry about. But if he was fine then why did he feel like he was going to choke? As he opened his mouth to speak, his voice broke again and trembled as if something was about to burst. [color=#B3EBC0]"Everything will be fine; I don't have to be scared anymore. I shouldn't be, right?"[/color] Was he telling her that or himself, that was the question. Perhaps the answer was obvious. Charlotte didn’t answer all that right away. Her lashes fluttered and she gazed down for a moment. She bent down and scooped up the book in her arms—she needed to do something with her hands. Then she tried to swallow her feelings down the way ladies were meant to, like her mother would want her to. But the moment he said lucky one, something in her face betrayed her anyway: her brows lifted at the front in that helpless way, and her mouth tightened like she was holding her breath. She pressed the book to her chest, knuckles pale around the spine. [color=D0B4EC]“Oh… Nolan.”[/color] she finally breathed. [color=D0B4EC]“You do not have to earn kindness.”[/color] she said, very gently and quietly.[color=D0B4EC]“Food and a bed are not a reward for surviving,”[/color] she added, [color=D0B4EC]“They are what you should have had all along.”[/color] Her fingers fidgeted against the cover of the book. [color=D0B4EC]“And you… you are not selfish for still being afraid.”[/color] she whispered. [color=D0B4EC]“It does not vanish simply because the door is locked and the room is warm.”[/color] Charlotte’s gaze softened further and she gave him a small smile.[color=D0B4EC]“Duke Gideon is a good man,”[/color] she promised. [color=D0B4EC]“He will not let anyone hurt you here. Not again. And as for my tears…”[/color] she murmured, voice softening into shyness. [color=D0B4EC]“They are not stolen from those still suffering. I promise. There is enough sorrow in the world, Nolan. It does not run out.”[/color] Her chin lifted the slightest bit. [i][color=D0B4EC]“You are worth crying over.”[/color][/i] Nolan stared at her silently and took in her words. It was an odd sensation, to have his humanity taken into consideration. There was a warmth in his chest that he could not describe and yet, he felt exposed. He was seen by her in a way that he never prepared for or wished, but here he was spilling his guts over a girl he just met. If the version of him from only months ago saw him now, he would be screaming at him to shut up and protect himself before she used his words against him. But she was easy to talk to; it was nice. [color=#B3EBC0]"This is my favorite room in the manor,"[/color] he stated suddenly and for the first time a smile gingerly crept along his lips. [color=#B3EBC0]"I had never seen so many books before in my life. I could get lost in them for hours and hours."[/color] Nolan tilted his head upwards to look up at the shelves upon shelves of books, and his shaggy bangs of hair fell to the sides of his face. Bright green eyes shimmered in the light with tears welling in the corners. He walked towards one of the shelves and traced his fingers along the spines of the books. [color=#B3EBC0]"Well, a lot of these books have words that I don't understand. I have to keep flipping through a dictionary half of the time just to know what I'm reading."[/color] His fingers grabbed a book and pulled it out of its place from the shelf, and turned around with a big grin. [color=#B3EBC0]"This one is my favorite."[/color] He announced with great satisfaction. [color=#B3EBC0]"It's about a sailor that gets falsely imprisoned by three jealous men and then comes back years later as a mysterious, yet wealthy count with vengeance and schemes. He has multiple identities and-"[/color] Nolan cut himself off and his cheeks flushed red when he realized that he was rambling. Nolan lifted the book to hide half of his face and murmured. [color=#B3EBC0]"Sorry, I'm talking your ear off."[/color] Charlotte sniffled once and wiped the last of her tears with her sleeve like she’d forgotten she was supposed to retain an air of elegance. Subsequently, she met his eyes. The shy smile that appeared was immediate and warm. [color=D0B4EC]“Your favorite room?”[/color] she breathed, genuinely delighted. [color=D0B4EC]“Oh, that is—yes. Correct. You’ve chosen perfectly.”[/color] Her eyes dropped to the book in his hands as he described it, and the moment she realized which story he meant, she gasped. [color=D0B4EC]“Oh! That one!”[/color] she whispered, suddenly bright. [color=D0B4EC]“Nolan, it is brilliant. The sheer audacity of him—turning up years later as a Count! “[/color] Her smile was wide, and her tone exceptionally enthusiastic. [color=D0B4EC]“And the schemes. [i] Oh the schemes! [/i]”[/color] She caught herself, lips pressing together. [color=D0B4EC]“You are absolutely not talking my ear off,”[/color] she added quickly, eyes sparkling. [color=D0B4EC]“If anything, I am dreadfully tempted to talk yours off… Oh, and I’d love to help you expand your vocabulary sometime… If you like that is.”[/color] Nolan still held the book over half of his face, his eyes nervously cast down to the floor. [color=#B3EBC0]"I, uh, I would like that very much."[/color] It was a strange feeling, to look at someone and feel a bubbly sensation in his chest. What was this feeling? Was this what it was like to make friends again? So, as they sat there exploring passages, Nolan hoped, though he would never say it, that they really could be friends, at least for a little while. [/color]