Hello there. I will be kind to you. Because what is reading and reviewing a stranger's work if not an act of kindness? =)


As requested, I tried reading it with the intention to fault-find, but I think the writing is solid. 

But since you want an input...

Regarding the prose as a whole and its design as a prologue. 

There is a sense that the chapter was partly written to showcase the main character, Mara. It is a good thing, but personally, I'd refrain from showcasing my character too much in a chapter designed to hook the reader to know what the story is all about. Yes, Mara is the Protagonist. But she is an actress in a story, and her time in the limelight must serve the story as a whole. Which I think way it is handled in this chapter is a bit suboptimal 


[u]In the case she was [i]showcased[/i] to show her cunningness, her prowess... [/u]
Then the prose relies too much on its ambiguity, or it feels off

This part:

[quote]After all, he had not considered a beautiful woman with a soft smile, offering hospitality to a weary traveler.[/quote]
This tried to bring the conclusion to juxtaposition, and hinted at how now she has a Death Knight wasted and played like a fiddle. 

Did she lure him in, offer him a wine spiked with something that debilitate? 
But A deathknight – an emissary of the death gods themselves, charged with finding and returning wayward spirits to the underworld – was something her master had dismissed as being too rare and dangerous to even attempt. Now fell to a honey trap? Really? 

Or did she bonk him to senselessness? Like she robbed those schmucks back then? 

-

Which is why I feel the attempt is a bit premature, resulting in the part that "showcases" her slows the story down. Or trips. Some feel like filler, like Obscene Symphony said about her in the rags and modesty. 


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[u]Personal nitpick, but worth considering. [/u]

[quote]When her spell was complete, she would drink. She would be immortal, but more importantly, she would become a font of death essence in and of herself.[/quote]

I'd question the usage of the word 'font' there. I know it means fountain, but as an ESL, I couldn't help but instinctively associate it with... [b][i]letters[/i][/b] the first time I read it. It made me wonder: [i]was the writer trying to convey that Mara has baptized herself as a symbol of death? The herald? Why font? Interesting choice, but it kinda makes the paragraph that are supposed to be the culmination of the entire chapter feels, well, thin. [/i]

Then, it hit me: [i]Oh, she is the "source' of death. Still strange, I'd replace it with a wellspring or something else with gravitas that doesn't feel contaminated by modern usage[/i]. 


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Well, that's all, I guess. High five to the fellow elf enjoyer! Thanks for writing this! 

Also:

[quote]It had been merely 90 years since she’d been born[/quote]

[quote]The tears of a maiden (that, she had provided).[/quote]

Oh... I see what you did there =)