[center][b]FOUR YEARS AGO[/b][/center] News broke about Mae’s pregnancy. She was having a girl. [i]Rob[/i] was having a girl. Jane heard it on the radio while she was heading for her morning surf session, during which she completely wiped out and had to go home early. For the rest of the day, Jane paced around her home in a panic. Kody was out of town on a trip with her girlfriend. Dr. Michal was booked for the day according to her receptionist. She hadn’t talked to Mia in two years. Any other bridge she could think of, she already burned. She even considered calling Austin, but she couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone. By 5:00AM the following morning, she hadn’t slept, and with tears in her eyes, she drove out to Crescent Beach Overlook with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her passenger seat that she had picked up from the liquor store earlier. Somehow, for now, it was still sealed. [url=https://youtu.be/MXvthgkZ2yQ?si=trNesle-u-8DjjLP]Stuck on You by Failure[/url] blared in her headphones as she looked over the waves crashing against the rocks. The sun was just starting to come up behind her, illuminating the scene. The wind whipped around her which caused her hair to stick to the tears. Rob was having a child. God, she hadn’t talked to him in five years. But yet, every major life event she became privy to made her spiral. Before she got sober, the news of his wedding caused a week-long bender of cocaine and heroine that she almost didn’t make it out of. But this one stung even worse. Memories of her abortion when they got back to the states from their tour had been flashing in and out of her mind all night. Now, she leaned up against the railing looking down at the water below her, wondering how she fucked up so bad that this is where ended up while Rob was starting a family. At this point, she started sobbing, letting her voice carry and get lost into the atmosphere. Jane wondered when the last time was that she crossed Rob’s mind. Did he have such a reaction when the “Jane’s Addiction” news articles circulated? Probably not, she thought. He’s the one that left her. He’s the one that was done. He’s the one with a wife and child on the way. The press stopped after Jane disappeared and got sober, but as she looked down at the bottle clutched in her first, the thought of a piece popping up about her relapsing this time made her nauseous. She imagined the look of Rob’s disappointment finding out she was using again. She thought of Austin getting the news, although he probably wouldn’t be surprised at this point. On top of disappointing a man she may never see again, Jane already knew that if she relapsed right now, it would only push her even further behind. Rob was making a family. Austin found a career. And Jane would be getting sober for the third time, starting over yet again. She’d be even further away from having a family of her own, from achieving anything more than being a washed up rock star. Jane looked at the bottle again and shook her head. She couldn’t use again. She already had a year sober under her belt. It took all of Jane’s willpower, but she cracked the seal, held it out in front of her, and dumped the contents over the railing onto the shore below her. Leaving the empty bottle on the deck, she headed for her car to go home and hopefully sleep it off instead. [center][b]FRIDAY NIGHT[/b][/center] “Fuck,” Jane muttered as she paced the alley behind the venue. Her third newport in a row was about halfway done, and according to the time, she had about ten minutes before In Bloom took the stage for the first time in a decade. Not only was Jane terrified, but God, she wanted a drink. The last time she wanted a drink this bad was that morning on Crescent Beach Overlook. The rest of the band was in the green room preparing for the set. She would have loved to join them, but she couldn’t tell if she was about to throw up or drink through their rider. When they arrived about an hour ago, a line had wrapped around the bar and down the block awaiting entry, and the sight made her feel faint. Was she ready to face a crowd again? To put herself in the spotlight for the world to see? Solitude, while lonely, grew to be [i]so[/i] comfortable. This, this was uncomfortable to the max. And not being able to have a drink to calm down was causing Jane’s chest to constrict. An alarm on her phone went off, signaling that there was five minutes left. She flicked the cigarette and began warming up her voice, just as Austin appeared at the back door. “You good?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. He must have seen the panic on her face. “Yeah,” Jane sighed. She shook the nerves out of her body. “Let’s do it.” [center]***[/center] “And from right here in Long Beach, for the first time in the years, give it up for In Bloom!” The band filed on stage one by one, taking their spots. Jane forced her legs to move, and she winced as the spotlight hit her eyes. She was shaking, but still waved to the crowd as she settled herself front and center. The crowd went wild, but she couldn’t find it in herself to meet anyone’s eyes. Instead, she used the old trick of focusing on the top of everyone’s heads towards the back of the room. She then looked around her — and behind her — to Rob and the rest of the band to draw some sort of strength from them, then eventually faced the crowd. “Hey, everybody,” Jane said into the microphone. The crowd, in response, greeted her back. “My name is Jane. This is Austin, Sam and Rob. We’re In Bloom, and wow, it’s been a while.” The crowd “woo”-ed. “I’m gonna be honest. I haven’t done this in a long time, and I’m really nervous. So if you know any of the words, sing with me.” She then looked at Sam and nodded, giving him the‘okay’ to play the opening riff to Veins, just like they practiced the day before. [i]”Just like we practiced,”[/i] Jane assured herself. [center]***[/center] “We’re In Bloom, thanks for checking us out!” Jane, along with the rest of the band, exited to stage into the green room, leaving behind a screaming crowd. She found the nearest wall and leaned against it. Her [url= https://youtu.be/uwZVQm1ENqY?si=BAjP3TnG3MlmXhvP]Temples[/url] t-shirt dabbed her forehead which was drenched in sweat along with the rest of her body. It was by no means her best set. She messed up the words during one song, came in too early during another one. Her voice sounded [i]alright[/i] compared to when she had more practice. But, overall, she was happy with her performance. Even more so, she was happy with how Austin, Sam and Rob played. To her, she’d never be able to guess that the band hadn’t played a show together in ten years. “Great job, guys,” Jane panted, giving each one a squeeze on the shoulder as they passed her. Rob was last, and she held on a little longer. Rob invited her to get away for the rest of the weekend to Joshua Tree. Once she confirmed, he said he’d handle the logistics, and they agreed to leave tomorrow morning together. Jane had been too nervous about the show to even think about going away for a night together, but now with the set out of the way, this was her next thing to ruminate and freak out about. Jane removed her hand from his shoulder and smiled at him, attempting to not show one hint of nerves. He kept to himself the entire day as she had (under the guise of vocal rest when really, she was panicking in her room for most of the day) and Jane was starting to remember that he wasn’t the easiest to read. She made a mental note to dig into his mood once they were alone. Austin chugged a Miller Lite that was in a bucket of ice and let out a yell. “Man, that was so sick!” He looked around to the rest of the room as he grinned from ear to ear. “I missed this shit.” She laughed, patting him on the back. “Relax, old man. Aren’t you supposed to tutor a kid on Zoom at 9:00AM?” He rolled his eyes. “Fine, but I can’t wait to do that again and again.” [i]”Again and again.”[/i] They had yet to hear any more details about the tour, but she was attempting to practice patience instead of blowing up Evan for every detail he had so far. Who would be their support? How many shows? Maybe a call to him wouldn’t hurt. They arrived back to the rental an hour later, and she immediately scurried to her room to reach out. “Evan, hi, it’s Jane. Sorry it’s late, I was just hoping you had more info on this upcoming tour.” “Well, we’re currently looking for one to two supporting acts to open for you guys. Once we lock those down, we can start booking dates and go from there.” “Okay, okay,” Jane replied, biting her thumb nail. “Do you think you could look up a sound engineer for me? Her name is Lyla Thomas. She worked with the band years ago, and I’d love to have her back on the road with us.” “I’ll see what I can do,” he said, but it was difficult for Jane to tell by his tone how serious he took the request. “Was there anything else?” “Just…what’s our timeline here?” “Well, I haven’t made too much progress the past 24 hours. I’ve been working with the publicist putting out the MAE fire.” “MAE fire?” Jan shot back, sitting up straight in her bed. “What happened?” “When I talked to you about coming out of retirement, you told me to keep you out of the drama and on a need-to-know basis.” “This sounds need-to-know, Evan.” He sighed. “MAE is putting out a song by Sunday or Monday. Rob actually got her to move the release date from Friday so that In Bloom could have the spotlight for your show. But… the lyrics seem to be about him.” She buried her head in her hands. “Jeez, okay. Have you read them?” “No, no. And we’re hoping it doesn’t impact the band, but her fan base is known to be a tad obsessed.” “Okay, have a good night.” Without waiting for him to respond, she hung up the call and tossed her phone to the other end of the bed. Her head was spinning. It was no secret that Jane’s lyrics could have been about Rob, but she always assumed that him and everyone else wouldn’t think so because their relationship was so long ago. The songs could be about anybody at this point. But for Mae to write a song about him after their divorce, that was a whole different animal. She scoured her memories for every conversation that she had with Rob since she got here, but from everything he said about her, it seemed like they were in a good place. Why now? And… what were the lyrics about? Jane felt herself fuming. Not only did Mae, perfect pop princess Mae, marry and have a child with the love of her life, but now, it seemed she was trying to smother In Bloom out of their second chance. She charged out of her room and went to bang on Rob’s door, demanding answers, but before her fist could make contact, she froze. Would raging about his ex-wife to him help anything? Would he defend her? Would it impact how far they’ve come? After standing in front of his door for what felt like an eternity, she made the decision to retreat and wash off the show instead. She was still heated, but a burning hot shower helped calm her down a bit. After that, it was already midnight, so Jane went straight to bed, even though the urge to rant to Rob was still there. [center]***[/center] The phone alarm went off at 7:00AM, two hours before Jane and Rob were set to leave for Joshua Tree. She was tossing and turning throughout the night with the song and their trip looming. Their relationship had made such progress since they arrived at the rental. They were talking like old friends, they shared a kiss—Jane was afraid to rock the boat by digging into what this song could be about. But on the other hand, if her fans were going to come after Rob and In Bloom, did she not have a right to know? She also couldn’t help but wonder what Rob was expecting from this trip. A weekend away together, in her mind, meant romance…and sleeping together. Jane wasn’t sure if Rob was aware that she’s been celibate since getting sober, and maybe he was expecting her to be more like she was in her early twenties. Her last experience with Jared made her nervous, but at the very least, she knew Rob wouldn’t pressure her in that way. She figured it would just have to be an uncomfortable conversation. If she was willing to sleep with anyone anytime soon, it would be Rob, but she needed time to get comfortable around him again. She was alone for so long, even being around the band again was taking her some time to get used to. Jane worked on packing a bag and getting herself prepared, then she headed for the kitchen to meet Rob about five minutes before they were leaving. She was wearing plain, cropped black t-shirt and a pair of denim cut offs, her sunglasses already on. Austin was head first in the fridge, but popped back out when he heard Jane setting her things on the counter. “Big trip, huh?” he asked, nudging his head towards the duffel bag by her feet. “I guess so,” Jane grimaced, preparing for Austin’s reaction. “What? I’m not saying anything,” he responded to her facial expression. “None of my business.” She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been oddly supportive lately.” “New thing I’m trying,” he said through a smirk as he whisked some eggs that he grabbed from the fridge. “We’re all adults here. You’re sane and sober. As long as it doesn’t affect the band, then I’m staying out of it.” “No matter what’s happened between us, Rob and I have always been able to play a show together.” In reality, if Jane lost Rob a second time, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to look at him again. Austin raised his hands. “That’s all I ask.” Jane heard Rob emerge from his room, and she swiveled around on her barstool to face him. “Ready to head out?”