[hr] [center][img]https://i.postimg.cc/8zfY3hBF/Untitled-design.png[/img][/center] [hr] [color=gray][center][h2][i][b] Imposter Syndrome[/b][/i][/h2] (( ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ: [@FourtyTwo]/Lady Liberty, [@Ezekiel]/Ikret | ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ: [@SonnetNSunbeam]/Asteroid ))[/center][/color] Blackstar couldn't help glancing at Ikret's wingspan as the other woman subtly seemed to show them off while answering her question. The accepted glass in her hand glinted and sparkled, like every other part of her. It was adding to the glare in Blackstar's vision but she was trying not to think about that. Ikret leaned slightly towards her, and Alaine thought maybe her smile softend -- but she couldn't be sure. She was becoming more and more aware that her nerves were obvious, so maybe Ikret was just trying to keep her from exploding. Nobody wanted to deal with that. [quote][color=#40B4C4]“It’s on loan from an agent..well, my ex-agent, so it’s sort of an ex-loan.”[/color] She giggled. The act of drawing closer wasn’t just to whisper, with Blackstar in close, the shining beacon that was Nadia and all her wing span was a rather considerable body block for incoming attention. [color=#40B4C4]“You look grand as well, trust me, these things become a lot more enjoyable once you work out just how much better we are than half the room.”[/color] She winked, the more mischievous nature returning to her expression.[/quote] [color=gray]"Ah, hah. Right."[/color] Alaine nodded faintly, smiling nervously back. Better. Yeah. Try worse. Try worse than everyone there. Try horrible, lying, murderous [i]monster[/i]-- She felt a small pinch of pain in her hand and realized she'd been clenching one fist behind her back so tight that her nails were biting into her palm. Alaine quickly loosened her fingers, brushing her hand casually through the tulle train of the dress as she turned with Ikret, carefully keeping out of the way of those impressive wings while also eagerly accepting the distraction they provided. She did appreciate that. Apparently her distaste for the situation was way more obvious than she'd been hoping, because both Ikret and Lightning Girl seemed to have immediately picked up on the fact she was trying to hide behind everyone... and she had to say she was a little touched by the way they fell right into the role of distraction for her. Girl's girls. That was what it was called, right? Maybe that was the wrong thing. In any case -- it was appreciated. As they made their way over to their table, Alaine was already beelining for the seat next to Asteroid. Screw trying to be Miss Independent -- not twenty minutes in and she was already throwing aside her initial determination not to depend on his gravity to keep her sanity. Was that pathetic? [quote][b]"Oh.....I heard stories of you. You were in DTLA a while ago, I believe? Ikra?"[/b][/quote] The voice wasn't directed at her, but Blackstar felt her heart immediately drop to the soles of her feet all the same. [i]Calliope[/i]. A quick glance around Ikret's shimmering wings confirmed the guess, and Blackstar was quick to begin subtly backing away as the winged heroine turned to regard the ancient muse. Blackstar had never paid [i]too[/i] much attention to heroes growing up, aside from a loose favoritism for Lady Liberty -- especially these West Coast heroes, as she'd lived largely on the East Coast most of her life. But she [i]had[/i] heard of the Hollywood Six, and she did know what made them Hollywood Six material... and aside from Black Rose, who Alaine was sure could pretty easily figure out her identity with a little research -- she felt the most apprehension about Calliope. Calliope's powers were hard to describe exactly, she knew that from the promo and stories she'd seen over the years, but Alaine knew for sure that the muse would be able to make her say things she didn't want to reveal. It was one thing when Jet made her feel so comfortable she blurted her name or took off her mask. It was another thing entirely to be influenced-slash-charmed into spilling her secrets to someone who had far too much power and far too many connections. Just the idea of fessing up her deepest, darkest secrets to a table full of her team and [i]the[/i] Hollywood Six made Blackstar feel nauseas again. She tried to give herself some reasons why it wouldn't be the end of the world. She wasn't a bad person. She wasn't a planet-level threat. She didn't have anything against the Six or anyone else there at the Gala. [i]But you stabbed some innocent old man and left him to die without trying CPR or calling 911. But you killed some petty thieves who were probably just down on their luck and didn't deserve to die. But you slaughtered over twenty people in cold blood because you decided you couldn't risk them knowing what they knew, even when half of them probably didn't even know the stuff you killed them over.[/i] That was a slippery slope. She knew it. John knew it. If she'd murder a whole compound of gangsters because at least [i]maybe[/i] five of them knew who she was and where her family was, what would stop her from killing one or two people who knew the same or started to figure it out? She knew how her brain worked. She'd rather stop the threat at the beginning than let it grow. [i]But she wouldn't kill anyone just for that.[/i] But she had. [i]And what about Jet?[/I] Jet knew her face and her first name. Lightning Girl was close to getting that information too. [i]But that was different.[/i] She trusted them. She just didn't trust herself. And [i]that[/i], she was well aware, was an extremely dangerous weak point. Getting ahead of Ikret and Calliope, Blackstar made her way to the table -- only to see Asteroid getting up and heading the other way. Not bothering with an attempt at gracefulness, she plonked herself down in the chair next to where he'd been and immediately scooted her chair an inch closer to it, hoping no one would notice amid the movement of others taking their seats. She didn't immediately feel better, if only because her mind had subconsciously created a placebo effect out of Jet's physical proximity and he'd just walked off. It was enough to help her take a few subtle, deep breaths though, being seated; there was still too much noise, too many voices, everything bouncing off the walls and ceilings like a giant echo chamber, but she knew she had an outlet for the energy threatening to start boiling over. If she could just feel out that signature, gravitational pull, wherever he'd gone-- [quote][b]"Ah, there you are. Blackstar, right?"[/b][/quote] The unfamiliar voice made her lowered gaze snap back up as Lady Liberty dragged a chair right up to her, and Blackstar just stared for a second as her careful concentration was whipped out of her control again. Her eyes were still ablaze, stars still crowding her vision and her head, but she managed a quick smile. It was fake, but she hoped the other heroine couldn't tell. [color=gray]"Ah-- yeah."[/color] What if she could tell? She was a pro. What else could she tell? What would the others be able to tell? Obviously Ikret and LG were onto her already. Through the stars, Blackstar spied other well-known figures approaching the table. Her hands started to tremble, the looming sensation of being an imposter creeping up her spine like sentient tar. But Lady Liberty was holding out her own hand for a shake, and Blackstar sucked in a breath and held it for just a second, long enough to hopefully keep herself from shaking for the brief moment of contact. She reached out, meeting the other woman's extended hand and giving a very quick handshake indeed. [quote][b]"Lady Liberty, at your service. Don't be scared, I promise, just saw your name on the guestlist and had to meet you......just wanted to say hi to the person I keep seeing in the leaderboards who ain't the usual folk."[/b][/quote] Oh, wow, that was terrifying. Leaderboards could be seen by other branches? Well yeah, duh, that made sense, of course they could be. Alaine's mouth still felt dry, but now her throat felt tight too. [i]Breathing.[/i] She needed to steady her breathing... [color=gray]"O-Oh, hah -- I'm honored."[/color] [i]I'm a liar.[/i] She was breathing too fast, she was going to make herself start hyperventilating. She struggled to swallow, trying not to think about it too much for fear of making it worse. Liberty's midwestern accent seemed to carry a tone of easy charm, disarming in her reassurance that there was no need to be starstruck or scared. As if she had to tell people that all the time. Being one of the Hollywood Six probably did make her that much more intimidating... for normal reasons, like being in awe of meeting your hero or feeling like you'd never be able to live up to her example. Alaine was just scared Liberty had been in the game long enough to know a fake when she saw one. [color=gray]"Oh, no, sorry,"[/color] Blackstar started, feeling the urge to lift her hands in an apologetic gesture but instead forcing them to stay down in her lap since they were still shaking. After a split-second hesitation she adjusted her chair, turning it to face Liberty a little better. [color=gray]"I'm just, uh... I don't love crowds. And it's been a long week."[/color] That was close enough to the truth. She backed it up with another small smile as her hands started to fidget, gently tugging again at the borrowed bracelet. Liberty's energy reminded her of Lightning Girl. Liberty just seemed... more refined, in a sense. Or a little more in control of her enthusiasm. They were both cheery and charismatic and seemed excited to be there, that was for sure. Her accent was vaguely familiar too, a western flavor of southern that, kind of like Quickdraw, reminded her of the old western channel. And her dad. And home. And-- [i]For the love of God, [b]stop it[/b][/i], she begged herself internally. [i]Focus on something else.[/i] Jet was back. She knew it somehow, even with her back turned. It made her release the breath she'd been holding in her lungs for a painfully long time. She was aware of other new voices joining the conversation at the table, the one nearest her catching her attention because she heard him say "Blackstar". That made her nervous, especially since he was seemingly talking to Asteroid behind her. But it'd be rude to try and be listening to that conversation while Liberty was talking to her, so Alaine forced herself to stay focused on the heroine in front of her instead of the chatter behind her. [quote][b]"It's cool you're making so much hype. You join SDN, end up posting similar metrics to me by week two....you are quite somethin'. Someday you should show me how it's done if this is how good you are out of the gate, hey? Where were you before this?"[/b][/quote] [color=gray]"It's just beginner's--"[/color] She faltered mid-reply, taken off guard by the question thrown on to the end. [color=gray]"Uh, just beginner's luck."[/color] She was breathing too slow now. She wasn't getting enough oxygen. Logically she knew there was no way the room would run out of air, but her lungs were trying to convince her it was. There were a million ways to answer Liberty's question, and she didn't know which one was the right way. She didn't want to be rude and deflect or dodge it, nor did she want to tell the truth -- but, maybe Liberty wasn't actually asking [i]where[/i] Blackstar had been before like [i]that[/i], just where she'd worked before. But maybe she [i]was[/i] asking it the other way. Maybe she was asking where on earth Blackstar had even come from. She was acutely aware of her thudding heartbeat again and struggled to recall if Lady Liberty had super hearing. [color=gray]"This is, uh -- this is my first hero job,"[/color] she replied after another brief pause, choosing to take that as the question Liberty had been asking. The gold chain of the bracelet was digging into her skin. [color=gray]"I haven't been anywhere else. Oh -- I mean, I did a little, um, promo? Practice? In some of the northern counties. Shasta, El Dorado."[/color] Blackstar shrugged slightly, feeling a touch out of breath. Casually she lifted a hand to brush her fingers over her hair and make sure it was still in place, but she also used the bracelet to see if the glow from her eyes was still there. It was. Which didn't surprise her, given she could still feel her heart pounding and see her hand shaking as she dropped it again. Maybe the shaking was contributed to by a lack of food and sleep on top of... everything else. That definitely didn't help the anxiety. She was such an idiot, she should've thought of that and put a little more effort into getting some rest... at least she'd had lunch with Jet earlier, and at least that was long enough ago that she was in no danger of vomiting it up as the idea of letting something slip accidentally crossed her mind again. [quote][color=#40B4C4]“Liberty! If it isn’t the second best rack in the room.”[/color][/quote] Blackstar would've scoffed at that if she wasn't so unnerved by the proximity of Calliope just beyond Ikret. [quote][color=#40B4C4]“Don’t tell them anything, you’ve got them running scared with those numbers.”[/color][/quote] [color=gray]"Beginner's luck,"[/color] Blackstar croaked again embarrassedly, clearing her throat and leaning back in her seat. [i]Breathe breathe breathe breathe [b]wait[/b] too much breathing, too much, too fast, [b]wait[/b] there wasn't enough air-- she was gonna suffocate-- she was gonna pass out--[/i] The stars, the screaming cosmos, the fear tugging at at everything in her. The cosmic energy in her body wanted to [i]go[/i]. Just when she thought she might completely lose it and ruin everything -- there it was. [i]Gravity[/i]. He was doing the thing, that reaching out thing, and she could feel it. If it were a physical hand being extended, she would've grabbed it like it was a lifesaver and she was in the ocean in a middle of a hurricane. But it wasn't physical, and instead of an overt reaction, Alaine's response was subtle. The foot she'd had hooked around the leg of her chair relaxed, she stopped tugging the bracelet so hard it dug into her skin. One deep, careful breath proceeded an evening out of her breathing in general, and she felt herself settle slightly into her seat. Very casually, she scooted her chair back a bit towards Asteroid's. She wondered if he could feel her the way she could feel him. Was it a conscious thing he did, that reaching out? Or was it like her, where maybe some of his powers just did their own thing? Alaine's eyes were on Lady Liberty, Ikret, and Calliope, feeling like it would be rude to turn away since she wasn't sure Liberty was done with the conversation yet. She didn't bother adding any comments of her own for the time being, content to put her energy towards orbiting that point of gravity. Circling, finding the right speed and distance, the right pull. Little by little, everything started to slow down. The light smoking from her eyes steadily began to dim, and if the other women were content to exchange their friendly -- or, not so friendly? -- banter without her, the light would probably fade entirely.