[center][sub]cw: self harm, suicidal ideation, parental death[/sub]
[hr][img]https://i.imgur.com/39h0Tk1.png[/img]     [img]https://i.imgur.com/OfpTxjr.png[/img] 
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOWU6f9U5ps[/youtube][/center]
[right][b]Interactions[/b]:
[code]Tuyen’s House. 5am.[/code][/right][hr]
Blood dripped down her legs, crimson red drops staining white porcelain, turning pink as water diluted them. There was blood on her hands too. She couldn’t get it off, no matter how hard she scrubbed them, or how much pain she caused herself in repentance. It wasn't really there, she knew that, but she couldn't get rid of it, just like she couldn't get rid of her feelings of self hatred and despair no matter how hard she tried.

Tuyen pointed the shower head to the fresh wounds on her thighs, joining ugly lines that spanned years of time. The burning sensation as the water hit them made her wince, further calming the static in her mind.  But the thoughts never really went away.

Especially not right now. In the weeks since the event Tuyen had only spiraled further. She attended one day of school, then skipped the rest. Otherwise, she only left the house to go to work. 

Until six days ago. 

Then the Shadow had played an especially cruel trick on her. Sleep deprivation had already wreaked havoc on her mind. Nothing felt quite real… So it was even more difficult to tell what was a hallucination and what wasn’t.

For a whole day, she’d been back [i]there[/i]. In the small apartment she shared with her dad, with the peeling paint on the walls and the mismatched furniture. She was younger. Eleven, maybe, with a lighter heart. A year before it happened- before what happened? Losing him felt like a bad dream. Because he was right there as if plucked from her blurry memories. They talked just like they always did. They ate, and she read him the latest short story she finished. He liked it. 

It felt so [i]real[/i]. 

Then it was gone. Back to the bedroom with its pristine walls and handed down furniture, her dark green blanket gripped tight in her hands and a deep emptiness left in her chest. She hadn’t even told him everything she’d wanted to. 

It was the first time since her dad’s funeral that she’d truly considered following him. There wasn’t anyone left for her anymore. Nobody would miss her. Not Min, who’d left for a better future, nor Vicky, who’d been ignoring her for weeks. Nobody. It didn’t seem worth suffering anymore. She was miserable, and she made other people’s lives worse. Maybe if she died she’d be able to go back to the apartment again. 

In the end, she couldn’t quite see it through. She was a coward, and the Shadow wouldn’t let her take the easy way out. Instead she hovered just above that point, her ability to function completely gone. It was bad enough she called off work ‘sick’, asking to be taken off the rota for at least a week. Money wasn’t such a concern when she was barely eating, and a future didn’t even seem possible.

As if realising it had gone too far, the Shadow had been quieter since. Not completely silent, but less present. It wasn’t like it was needed to make her mood drop. 

No, that didn’t take much. Just as she was beginning to drag herself out of the deep depressive pit, her aunt and uncle came home. Then, her aunt found out about the party, and about how she’d been skipping school. Her reaction had been even worse than normal. She said things even the Shadow didn’t think, told Tuyen she didn’t deserve to be born, and beat her shoulder with a shoe for good measure.

It was another first since her dad’s funeral- the first time she almost cried in front of someone. But she didn’t. She had to function again, no matter how difficult it felt, and how leaving her room felt like she was being dragged across burning coals. She had to leave the house again, trying to pretend she wasn’t drowning and make herself look the part too. And tomorrow was [i]that day[/i]. No, it was today, now.

She remembered what Min said when he called her earlier. 

[i]”Don’t take anything she said to heart. Remember it’s the anniversary tomorrow… You know how much she loved her sister. Just be careful, and gentler, please?”[/i]

[color=9777bd][i]She was my mom too,[/i][/color] Tuyen had wanted to say. [color=9777bd][i]Don’t I deserve some kindness?[/i][/color]

But she couldn’t. She agreed, as though she’d ever forget the day her mother died, and like it didn’t affect her just as badly. She knew Min meant well. He’d been concerned about her too, and he was just trying to make her feel better. [color=9494a9][i]She didn’t deserve any sympathy anyway. It was her fault. Her mom’s blood was on her hands as much as those teenagers in the warehouse.[/i][/color]

A buzz from outside the shower brought her out of her spiralling thoughts before the razor ‘slipped’ again. 

Maybe Vicky had finally decided to text her back. It was unlikely… She must be really mad this time. The longest Vicky had ignored her before was a week. In a way it had been harder then, because Tuyen went to school and had to see her everyday, but still– 

It wasn’t Vicky. It was… Kari? They’d talked a few times, mostly when Tuyen was in the library alone. They had a similar taste in books… but couldn’t be considered anything close to friends. So why was she texting her?

It was about a meeting… For magic people? But Tuyen didn’t have magic. Who’d told her she even knew about it? She didn’t want to go… but it would be rude not to. Besides, she wasn’t allowed in the house tomorrow. Her aunt wanted her out all day. [s][color=9777bd]It was so unfair.[/color][/s]

Maybe Vicky would be there. Would she be upset if Tuyen didn’t text her about the meeting? She had to be invited, didn’t she? Biting her chapped lips, Tuyen sent another quick text- the fourth without response. After the first three, she’d been waiting for Vicky to reach out first. 

[code]Are you doing anything tomorrow?[/code]

There. Tuyen took a deep breath, putting her phone back beside the sink. Now she had to actually shower… Shower and deal with the sluggishly bleeding cuts on her legs, then make herself look as human as possible. 
[hr][right][code]Cornell Graveyard. 8am.[/code][/right]
[center][sub]Yeon-Seo Doan née Lee
April 20th ████ - October 14th ████[/sub][/center]

[color=9777bd]”Hi Mom. It’s been a while… Almost two months. I’m sorry I didn’t visit before. I have a lot to catch you up on… Will you tell dad for me? I’m not ready to talk to him outloud yet. I- I just can’t w-without- I’m sorry… I don’t want to believe it. But he’s there with you now. I- I hope you’re together at least.”[/color] 

[color=9777bd]”There was a party last month… Something attacked everyone. I don’t know what it was, some kind of monster, and it killed so many people… Things have been strange since. Everything’s different… I- I’ve- There’s something haunting me. I don’t know what to do, it- it shows me things. Or- Or I’m just going mad. I don’t know. Someone else also- Well, it’s not quite the same. But it’s not just me being haunted… So I think it’s real, whatever it is.”[/color] 

[color=9777bd]”But I’m doing fine, really, I promise. Tell dad that too. He wouldn’t believe it if he was here. You… I don’t know about you. I barely knew you. Dad didn’t tell me what you thought about m- magic. It doesn’t matter. I’m alright, it’s just been strange. I’ll come back sooner this time.”[/color] 

A small bunch of white chrysanthemums was put in front of the neatly kept grave.

[color=9777bd]”I love you, mom. Goodbye.”[/color] 

[color=9777bd][i]I love you too, dad. I miss you.[/i][/color] 
[hr]
[right][b]Interactions[/b]: Vicky [@Atrophy], Tommy & Porter [@Blizz], Daniel [@Drag]
[code]Cornell Highschool. Midday.[/code][/right]
It was strange coming back to school now that it was closed, after skipping it for all of the weeks it had been open. It was unnerving just how quiet it was, the oppressive atmosphere drawing Tuyen’s shoulders towards her ears. 

She felt some relief at the sight of Vicky’s bike chained to the rack, putting her own much more worn one beside it. The relief quickly turned to anxiety. What if Vicky was mad at her for coming along, or upset she hadn’t made more of an effort? Or worse, if she continued to just outright ignore her. 

Hopefully not. She’d even made the trip to Starbucks, suppressing the panic attack from being somewhere with so many people (not that many by most other’s standards) to get the complicated drink her friend couldn’t go a day without. She’d been more careful with it than herself, bashing her knee against a pole to avoid spilling even a little bit of it.

The scrape from that incident was hidden along with the carefully bandaged cuts by the dark green pinafore dress she wore. It fell just above her ankles, layered over a baggy cream sweater that covered the nasty bruise on her shoulder and the other marks on her arms. There were times during the hallucinations when she accidentally scratched herself, and others when she dug her nails into her skin to bring herself out of it. It's sleeves were even long enough to cover her cracked, red hands if she wanted to.

She didn’t want to go inside. She wanted to go back home and hide in her room until she withered away. 

What was worse? Facing her aunt, or whoever was invited to this meeting? 

The Shadow crawled up the bike rack, white eyes narrowing tauntingly. It didn’t need to speak in her mind for her to understand it. She was a coward. She didn’t want to deal with either.

She took a deep breath. It would be no different from school. She’d fade into the background, listen carefully, and maybe learn something that could help her. People would barely notice her. They wouldn’t be able to notice how pallid her skin had gotten in the last month- golden brown turned to a more dull ashy tone. She could just blame the lack of sun recently anyway- she always went a shade paler in the winter. Nobody would think too hard about how it was barely October.

And she’d put on enough makeup to hide the dark bags under her eyes, though she couldn’t use it to cover the bloodshot eyes that went hand in hand with severe sleep deprivation. It wasn’t like anyone would care, especially if she smiled. She looked like she should a month after watching so many people dying- a little tired, a little stressed, but coping. 

Tuyen took a deep breath, finally forcing herself into the building. Thankfully one of the side doors was unlocked, so she didn’t have to try to go in the main door. The soft thuds of her converse on the ground seemed to echo around the empty corridors, causing her to flinch and hurry faster. She didn’t want to linger. 

Her entrance was quiet, especially when compared to Tyler’s. She slipped in practically silently, hoping to go unnoticed, but still smiling in case she didn’t. This warm smile was flashed towards Kari in a polite greeting as her gaze flickered between everyone there in a way that was too quick to be relaxed. 

There were a couple of people she was relieved to see, and many she wasn’t. Daniel and Tommy’s presence was a small comfort where all the others put her on edge. One shared a similar curse to her, and the other had been kind when he didn’t need to be… The rest she barely knew. 

Except Vicky, whose presence brought both comfort and put her on edge. 

[color=9777bd]”Hi, Daniel. It’s nice to see you again,”[/color] she said quietly, under the cover of Tyler trying to draw the attention of the whole room. He looked like he was sleeping better than when they talked before, at least- she wanted to talk with him again about their [i]problems[/i], but now wasn't the right time. Not with so many people around. She couldn't linger, though she went a slightly longer route so she walked past him on the way to Vicky. Avoiding the centre of the room, obviously. She had to talk to Vicky quickly… She [i]wanted[/i] to. She really did. She missed Vicky, but she also understood why she was ignoring Tuyen. Of course she was. She was busy with magic, and probably still upset about that group chat, and upset that Tuyen hadn’t stood up for her more.

[color=9777bd]”Vicky! You’re here… I thought you would be, since you actually have magic.”[/color] Unlike her, was left unspoken. [color=9777bd]“I brought you a drink.”[/color]

Tuyen stopped just to the side of Vicky, speaking quietly enough that only Tommy should be able to hear as well - especially as she stood more in front of Tommy than Vicky. She put the sugar-free vanilla latte on the table beside her friend. It meant she could take it if she wanted it, or ignore it just like she’d been ignoring Tuyen. [color=9494a9][i]Deservedly.[/i][/color] 

[color=9777bd]”Don’t worry if you don’t want it. I just wanted to get it for you, it’s your normal order- unless that’s changed. It’s really nice to see you… Hi Tommy.”[/color] She turned her smile from Vicky to Tommy, before glancing past him towards Porter. She was a little sad that the massive mustelid was away from his summoner… It would be easier to calm down if she was able to pet him again. 

She didn’t sit down, awkwardly standing there as she tried to figure out where she should sit. Beside Vicky would be her preference, but if she gave her the cold shoulder, then she could sit next to Tommy… She’d still be close. Part of it was the selfish desire to be close to her only friend, for whom her feelings were stronger than she wanted them to be, and another part was a less selfish desire to actually be there if another monster appeared. 

Her smile wavered a bit as she actually processed what Tyler said. She didn’t have the confidence to voice her thoughts to the group, so she just quietly spoke to Vicky and Tommy instead. [color=9777bd]”I thought this was a meeting to figure out what’s going on. Did I miss something? Why is he talking about leadership?”[/color]