Time passed by slowly. At least it felt that way. Kaelyn hadn't moved from that spot on the floor for what felt like hours, although it was just minutes. She stared a bare spot on the wall and zoned in on it. Plain, bare… empty. She looked around and could see her drawers were open, clothes tossed about, shredded pictures except for one. Even amidst the scattered, crowded mess, emptiness consumed her thoughts. All the sunlight in the sky could not pierce through the shaded window to her heart. Her mind wandered from one thing to the next. She had said everything and done everything to hurt others the way they had hurt her. But… vengeance didn't heal the old wounds that scarred her memory. Instead they only re-opened them and created new gaping wounds. Kaelyn breathed in. She breathed out. Tears forced their way from her eyes.

[i]Stop crying…[/i] But, the droplets did not stop their flow. Streaming down her cheeks softly.

[i]Stop crying…[/i] Kaelyn closed her eyes tight, shaking her head and wiping at them with a swift hand. Kaelyn didn't cry, Kaelyn didn't get like this ever. All the terrible things, all the tough moments of life. She wasn't supposed to let them get to her. She couldn't. She had to move through it and overcome it by herself. Alone. Kaelyn put her face in her hands and curled up in a ball.

Why couldn't she be normal? Why didn't hurting Landon and Katrina bring her peace? Why did her father kill himself? Why did her mom love drugs more than her? 

The questions and images flooded her mind like a raging waterfall breaking through the dam she put up to protect herself. Her walls were breaking around her, shattering into millions of pieces. She could see her father hanging from the rope tied from the ceiling. Her mother's tears… She could see the beer and alcohol everywhere, the drugs. Her mothers angered yells and the abuse she took from her mother's boyfriend. The depression.

Kaelyn shook her head trying to get rid of all the imagery. It didn't work. She could see the moments at camp flash through her mind. The stars in the night sky, easily seen in the secluded and peaceful wilderness. Bright orange flame flickering from burning wood. Friends huddled up around the campfires, laughing and smiling as they watched the moonlight reflecting off the soft, clear water of the lake. She could see her friends, Colton, Gwen, Brooke, Nicole… Landon; with his arm wrapped around her. All of the smiles and the laughter. But, it was contrasted with the bitter memory of Kaelyn and Landon facing off at each other on the beach. Sadness rolling from their eyes and hateful words falling from their mouths. She walked away as he stood there. 

[i]He didn't love me… He couldn't have. He didn't know all the things about me.[/i] Kaelyn justified her actions in her head. But what if he did? What if he still does? She tried to deny her feelings for him for so long, but by herself she could not hide from the fact that their was a love she felt for Landon. One that only the two of them could know and share. It was too late to change the things she'd done now. By now, Kaelyn knew he must hate her. But, he still hurt her. So she felt she was right. He had left like all the others.

[i]Why does everybody leave me?

What's wrong with me?[/i]

Kaelyn started shaking and let out a deep wail. She couldn't take it anymore. She lifted her head and grabbed the pills. Effortlessly, she poured some more into her mouth. Disgusted, Kaelyn tossed the bottle to the ground, pills spilling out across the ground adding to the mess of her room. She wanted the numbness to take over her body. To feel nothing. 

The effects slowly came to her… Kaelyn couldn't feel, but something wasn't right. She felt cold, and her heart was racing more than usual. Kaelyn got up and went to the bathroom and shut the door. She turned on the shower and let the rising heat steam up the room to keep herself warm. It helped a little, but only seemed to slow down the effects. Kaelyn felt a bit dizzy and slumped down next to the tub and stayed there.