Yeah wow, I can only imagine how much pressure there is at that level and how it could become a slippery slope as far as body image issues :/ The perfect ballet body. Makes me think of Black Swan. That, and toes and feet being in pain makes me think of that movie.

Oh, Amish and Mormons are super different! Mormons live just like we do, just minus the beer and diet coke haha. They come in all varieties really, whereas Amish all live a single certain way, with no electricity or much interaction with the outside world beyond what is absolutely necessary. Fundamentalist Mormons, especially the ones they show on reality tv shows, look more “Amish-ish” heh x) With old fashioned dress and stuff. 

Ketch, huh. That is pretty unique…and quite ketch-y… *is shot* xD Oh man, you could make endless puns. But I actually really like unique names! Someone named Faust sounds like he will be important. I like Julian, and Remy, idk if those are that uncommon though. Remy is the name of the adorable little boy I babysat for a weekend, who would run and jump in my bed at night x) The most unusual name in my family is Hiram, pronounced HI-rem. It’s a very Mormon name, my dad says. I like it. 

Heh, I don’t know what any of those words mean! x) Well I’ve heard “pirouette,” but I’m guessing that my definition, which is “to twirl around or something,” is a little less technical than yours lol. Ah man, splits are not impressive? I was gonna be like, hey, hey, [i]I[/i] can do the splits too! Well…I [i]pretty[/i] much can, close enough haha xD And it’s easier with my right leg in front of me. You probably have a name for that. Hm, yeah there might be some soccer lingo that’s unfamiliar to you. Fullback, dead ball, wall-pass. I think most are pretty self-explanatory though, but maybe that’s just because I know it. Yours sound more elegant x) What do they mean btw, I’m curious. 

Aww, that is really sweet of you to say! You look up to me? I don’t know what to say, I have a huge, stupid smile on my face haha xD I’ve always wanted to have a little sister to boss around and give unsolicited advice to <3 But seriously, that really means a lot to me. I had a little heart flutter when I read that, lol. 

And that doesn’t sound weird to me, I know exactly what you mean. I genuinely like listening to other people’s problems and trying understand their perspectives and feelings. I easily take on the role of counselor and I enjoy doing it. But sometimes, like you I’m guessing, when I’m the one who needs to vent, it seems like I find out that most people don’t really care to listen the same way I do, and I become a little bit disillusioned/disappointed with them. I also think that I don’t put nearly as much effort in expressing my own problems as I do in listening to other peoples’. I don’t really want everyone to know everything about me anyway, just a special few, once I feel can trust them. It’s ok to only have a few close friends. Better than having ten shallow ones. American culture, and I guess Western culture in general, champions the goddam extrovert xD I put on the extrovert mask easily at work and at school, but it wears me out after a while and I have to go be alone and daydream to recharge. Having really good conversations is also energizing. It makes me really grateful to have Simon, my old roommate and you around. I just need to remember this when I get into a lonely mood..

It was for a Zombie Fest being held in the town where me parents live! A town Halloween festival thing. So they had stuff like jello brain eating contests and carnival style games, a haunted house, a Michael Jackson’s Thriller performance, and of course the costume contest! This was right when the Walking Dead was super popular, so people really got into it x) 

Girls can’t wear shorts because it’s “distracting for male students”?? What kind of sexist bullshit is that?? I can’t believe how poorly worded that is. It’s like saying, we can’t let the girls get in the way of our male students being successful. Or that, if a guy harasses or ogles a girl, it’s [i]her[/i] fault, instead of his lack of control. I’m sure that’s not what the school meant when they said that, but honestly someone should have looked at that more carefully. I mean, I can understand having a “must be past the fingertips rule” on shorts and skirts, and you’re right, there should also be a rule for guys about sagging pants. 

I can’t imagine anyone I’d consider a friend even at a basic level making plans with someone else right in front of me, unless they’re freaking siblings, or childhood friends or something special like that. I hope I’ve never done anything like that. I can remember feeling out of the loop sometimes in high school, so I know how you feel. It’s like, why does there have to be a popularity contest [i]within[/i] your groups of friends?? Do you think they could be wanting you to invite yourself? You shouldn’t have to though, it’s common curtsey for crying out loud to either invite everyone or make your plans in private. That’s so rude of them. Screw them, you should make some better plans. Sorry, they’re your friends so I shouldn’t say that xD It makes me mad for them to hurt you like that though.

It feels really good for you to say that you’ll be here to listen, so I shouldn’t feel alone. I honestly feel really lucky to have randomly met you on this site. The same goes for me btw, I’ll listen to whatever you need to get out. And I say, don’t stress out too much about the future, or think that you’ve screwed up just because you haven’t followed some specific, textbook path. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who will tell you that you’re not good enough or look down on you because you don’t fit [i]their[/i] standards, and it’s a pain to have to tune them out sometimes. I’m sure you already know that and it still probably still won’t stop you from feeling anxious about the future, but that’s ok to do every once in a while and totally natural. People who [i]aren’t[/i] at least a little anxious about the future are the ones in trouble. Just keep doing stuff you like, do it as well as you can, and surround yourself with people that actually appreciate you. That last one is so important because you unconsciously start view yourself in the same way that the people around you view you. So ditch the assholes and look for the good ones, because it has a huge effect on you. I think that can be hard to do, especially in school where you feel stuck in your clique and there aren’t a lot of decent options anyway. Well, [i]I[/i] know that you’re smart, understanding, and ambitious, and of course there must be a bunch of other people in your life who see that too. You’re gonna be more than ok. 

Wow, I can only imagine how difficult that must be to have on your mind :( I’ve never dealt with having a suicidal friend. What you said you wished you could scream at her, that was really beautiful. And wonderfully worded too. I kept rereading it. I hate that you have to deal with something makes you so sad like this. She’s really lucky to have you. I bet you can feel what other people feel without even trying, can’t you. And on top of that, you have your own feelings added in. That’s a lot to feel at once, and it’s such a rare quality to have. Don’t feel selfish. Clearly you’re dealing with this in a way more mature, unselfish way than your older cousin ever could.

How does Booker fit in for me? Uh oh, ok, please don’t think I’m a psycho haha xD Not that every character I write has to be all about me (as self-absorbed as I am lol) but, I think Booker is sort of like a concentrated version of some of the things about my personality/desires that scares me. Like if I had absolutely no filter as far as wanting to dominate and control and manipulate people to do what I want them to do. Maybe a little bit of that has been good for me because it makes me competitive and pushes me to be one of the best in my design classes. It gives people the impression that I’m more confident than I really am. It gets channeled into motivation for good stuff. I’m certainly not saying that if my moral filter were gone, I would be magically be charming enough to manipulate anyone I wanted…but I think I do already use some of my intuitive understanding of people – their motives, what they want, how they like to be flattered, what makes them feel guilty, how to get them to do a favor for me, especially at work – and I abuse it sometimes. Not being ugly helps make it easier (just to show you how [i]completely[/i] vain I am also). I have a horrible impulse to play mind games with people to see if I can get them to like me as more than a friend or to feel guilty in a way that favors me. 

This sounds so evil. My brother would readily agree that I’m “evil” hahaha xD But I’m not, I’m a pretty laid back, understanding person. So why should I have a secret urge to dominate and manipulate? …I hope I don’t scare you away. It’s ok if you stopped looking up to me x) The girl I mentioned before – the one who would tease me in awful, amazing ways until I became obsessed with her – she showed me what it’s like to be on the opposite end of this and it sucks.

Ironically, having someone who I really admire start to like me and then later on become disinterested or disappointed in me – that is like my worst nightmare. Which is basically the dynamic between Charlie and Mila at the moment, haha. And Mila is used to being the one to leave/drop people, not the other way around. It’s just another reason why this RP is so interesting to me. 

So the difference between Booker and Mila is that although they both have the compulsive desire to dominate and manipulate people, only Mila is capable of feeling guilty about it and wanting to suppress it. Booker just thinks its kind of fun to see how much he can make someone love/obsess over him. They both do it out of loneliness. Booker is too self-absorbed to actually fall in love though, like Mila can. But that also makes her more vulnerable in a way.

Welp, there’s my obnoxiously long Russian novel about my characters and about myself. I should give you the Spark Notes so you don’t have to read it all x) Send me yours, I’d love to read anything you write about Charlie or Lisette, whatever you feel like sharing. I eat this stuff up. Haha, I’m really glad the feeling is mutual! I had hoped it wasn’t one-sided x) 

Yes, let’s save the ending for another day. It’s too soon to think about it now!