Hidden 18 days ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion

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I am not going to apologize for struggling with anxiety.

I’m not going to apologize for the fact that it happens in public
and sometimes I don’t even know the reason why.

I’m not going to apologize for your anger
because you don’t take the time to listen or understand it.

I’m not going to apologize for the actions or choices you make from your anger,
because again, my anxiety is not something I have to apologize about.
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Hidden 16 days ago Post by Hellion
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I’m not going to apologize for the fact
that you don’t know how to help with it.
Or try to help, because I’ve expressed it many times,
and you just haven’t really listened.

I’m not going to apologize for you not listening.
I’m not going to apologize for feeling hurt.

I’m not going to sit here and hate myself for having anxiety.

I am not going to tear myself apart again because I’m not perfect.

I struggle with Anxiety, and why can't you see that?...
Hidden 13 days ago Post by Hellion
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Staring at my bottle of pills on the shelf,
eyes burning, heartbeat racing.

Palms cold and clammy, grasping around myself,
desperately, holding on to myself,
nails digging in to my skin,
reminding myself that I am real.

It scares me, how easily the thought comes,
to down the entire bottle.

Sleep, sleep, better than I have in years,
tired from waking each day,
to fight off the same demons from the day before,
to get lost in the quiet, forget my fear.

How can my brain be so bright,
but also be...

Hidden 11 days ago Post by Hellion
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I see it in their eyes,
And I can hear it in their voices.
The looks of pity,
Or the wagging of their heads,
Acting as if I am small and confused,
A child in need of help.

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Hidden 8 days ago Post by Hellion
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You’ve told me I was beautiful on the outside
as though I was just another doll to display on your mantle.

But what about on the inside?
Is it only darkness to you?
Am I merely a husk?

An empty, soulless, superficial vessel?
Hidden 6 days ago Post by Hellion
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Since death stole you from me,
I dreamed of your return.
The day you would wrap me in your arms,
and whisper in my ear:

"I'll never leave your side."

But wherever you are now,
I hope I'm making you proud.
Hidden 5 days ago Post by Hellion
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You try to be subtle, but I know the truth.
Even when others are around, you do your
best to ignore me, or pretend I don't exist.

If that wasn't enough, your words speak only poison.
Venomous, like a serpent hiding in the shadows.

As though we were teenagers still. Sticks n' Stones.

But the pettiness has never left you has it?
The sickness seems to carry on throughout your life,
but why do you intend on bringing me down?
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