Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Hellion
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I am not going to apologize for struggling with anxiety.

I’m not going to apologize for the fact that it happens in public
and sometimes I don’t even know the reason why.

I’m not going to apologize for your anger
because you don’t take the time to listen or understand it.

I’m not going to apologize for the actions or choices you make from your anger,
because again, my anxiety is not something I have to apologize about.
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Hellion
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I’m not going to apologize for the fact
that you don’t know how to help with it.
Or try to help, because I’ve expressed it many times,
and you just haven’t really listened.

I’m not going to apologize for you not listening.
I’m not going to apologize for feeling hurt.

I’m not going to sit here and hate myself for having anxiety.

I am not going to tear myself apart again because I’m not perfect.

I struggle with Anxiety, and why can't you see that?...
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Hellion
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Staring at my bottle of pills on the shelf,
eyes burning, heartbeat racing.

Palms cold and clammy, grasping around myself,
desperately, holding on to myself,
nails digging in to my skin,
reminding myself that I am real.

It scares me, how easily the thought comes,
to down the entire bottle.

Sleep, sleep, better than I have in years,
tired from waking each day,
to fight off the same demons from the day before,
to get lost in the quiet, forget my fear.

How can my brain be so bright,
but also be...

Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Hellion
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I see it in their eyes,
And I can hear it in their voices.
The looks of pity,
Or the wagging of their heads,
Acting as if I am small and confused,
A child in need of help.

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Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Hellion
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You’ve told me I was beautiful on the outside
as though I was just another doll to display on your mantle.

But what about on the inside?
Is it only darkness to you?
Am I merely a husk?

An empty, soulless, superficial vessel?
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Hellion
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Since death stole you from me,
I dreamed of your return.
The day you would wrap me in your arms,
and whisper in my ear:

"I'll never leave your side."

But wherever you are now,
I hope I'm making you proud.
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Hellion
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You try to be subtle, but I know the truth.
Even when others are around, you do your
best to ignore me, or pretend I don't exist.

If that wasn't enough, your words speak only poison.
Venomous, like a serpent hiding in the shadows.

As though we were teenagers still. Sticks n' Stones.

But the pettiness has never left you has it?
The sickness seems to carry on throughout your life,
but why do you intend on bringing me down?
Hidden 28 days ago Post by Hellion
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A week ago, I could smile,
And not have to worry about people seeing through it,
Because it was real.

Now,I’m fighting to keep my demons at bay,
To keep the dark from getting back in,
Because I’ve grown used to living in the light,
To laughing, feeling that joy once again.

But today, I am too tired to fight,
I’ve been taking care of myself for so long,
That I sometimes forget that I am all I can rely on,
I am who I have to take on this battle with,

But I’m just so tired, And some days,
All I can think about is not fighting anymore,
Snuffing out my spark.
Hidden 22 days ago Post by Hellion
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You are the drug in my veins.
And I'm waiting to feel it again.

Your poison I cannot deny.
Words that hold only lies.

You are the drug in my veins.
And I'm waiting to feel it again.

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Hidden 14 days ago Post by Hellion
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I crave intimacy right about now.

The kind with comfortable clothes,
and soft sheets.

With warm arms wrapped around me,
And your body pressing against mine.
Fingers placed on my hip,
Or the sensation of fingertips
Running across my exposed skin,
Sending chills down my spine,
But reminding me that I’m safe all the while.

Gentle kisses that slowly grow,
Until we feel as though we both might
Burst from the taste of warmth and sunset
Passing between our lips.

Hidden 13 days ago Post by Hellion
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The light is so distant. Much further than before.

You offered me that light so freely as a child.
A light I held in the dark places of life,
when I was afraid.

You were there to blot out the nightmares.

But you were taken before your time.
Before I was ready to say goodbye.
I continue searching for that light,
the one you promised would never go out.

I can't do this alone. I won't.

I need you with me as I enter the shadows.
Hidden 10 days ago Post by Hellion
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I find myself fallen into a maze;
The flowering vines along the walls
Had tempted me to enter.

I awake from my dreams to see
The beauty of the maze twisted to
Fears beyond hope.

I look back, my footprints stolen;
No memory remains.
Did the devil lead me here,

Hidden 1 day ago Post by Hellion
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I dreamt of you last night.
Not because I wanted to though.
I have no control over that.

You invade my mind like a plague,
spreading your lies and deceit
before leaving like you always do.

Abandoning me to my own
darkened cell as I drown in tears
that should never be shed for a
demon such as you.
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