Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Wow, that’s super, super, super creative - and I can see just how much you’ve researched this concept and how much effort you’ve put into it. I really like Lazlo as a character, he seems fun and weird and like he’s going to be great to interact with.

One of my favourite movies is The Prestige, so I got a really kick out of that and it seemed to really match Hex and some of the elements I hope to work into this RP. If you may please fix your broken hiders - I’m happy for this sheet to be posted.

His powers are very interesting and powerful, but you’ve added enough weakness/reasoning to balance them out.

Massive well done, Bork. This sheet is a piece of art!

Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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@StormflyxI'm not a fan of WIP, so here's just the whole damn thing.



Tear it apart, people. I can take it. Really...


Love love love this sheet and the character.

A really beautiful concept, well executed and your writing is just a joy to read by the way! I get slight Captain Marvel vibes and I love that. You’ve really fleshed her out in the appearance through to the personality and her origin screams classic hero. I like that she’s on the older side, and her relationship with Hex was indeed very interesting! I love that trope of “We don’t get along, but hey - I still owe you” it’s great! And gives a great insight into her character, especially considering her own reputation.

Well done on a great sheet Atrophy, please proceed to add to characters!
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Moved down here as a "finished" product.



I love this guy! One thing that stood out to me on the sheet is his own admission that he probably can’t go it alone, and that he’s always a team player. I really enjoy characters like that because they bring something of a humble perspective and are often the ones that step up when needed before the ‘solo acts’ do. He seems really well rounded, and I love his powers. You’ve balanced them really well - and I can tell from the sheet you have a real understanding of the inner workings of this character.

The line about how he’s ‘Just a man’ really sticks out to me, because often the real heroes are just that - just a man/woman.

I really like ET, I’m excited to see how we go with this one - welcome to the RP.

You’ve also been a massive presence in the discord, asking questions and being interested and I’m glad you have you be part of this!
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Apologies again for redoing stuff, but I keep on getting caught up on wanting to implement Hex in my character's background. This concept is really based on the idea that even someone as lawful good as Hex as to have made a mistake at some point, with the best intentions in mind of course (*cue spooky arcane rituals*).



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I like this a lot, and just like ML you’ve been a great presence in the Discord! Thank you for that, lots of OOC interaction keeps an RP alive.

That said, your sheet is not yet finished.

The things I love about this sheet - I love that Nina brings a touch of goth to the team - a little darkness is always interesting, and your take on her mental state as a weakness is very nice too and I’m interested in how that is going to manifest throughout the roleplay. Your writing is lovely, and I can tell that you’ve put a lot of work into this concept.

My only feedback is 1, to finish the sheet! The origin needn’t be the length of a tome, but definitely emphasise on what you’ve already done. The next one, is that she probably wouldn’t have been acting as a vigilante in Cedar Fort, if that was the case then Addison would know about her already and would have just gone to her instead of sending the message. Maybe make Autumn Hills in another state, where Addison woudn’t be aware. The main concept of this RP is that our supers our coming out of retirement, they probably aren’t actively working that much.

I’m curious about the powers, and I’ll wait for a completed origin before I suggest any changes, but otherwise this is looking really good! :)
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Name: Benedict Longinus (Benny)

Alias:



Age: 43

Powers:




Weaknesses:




Appearance:




Equipment:
His outfit: It is actually a cleverly pieced together outfit designed to be easy to remove and interchange parts. Layers of plain colored scarves, gloves, pants and shirts, with specially designed breakaway shoes. Everything about his outfit is specially designed for escaping, rather than protection or style.
Hidden Knife: Concealed on his hip. 5 inch blade, tempered steel.
Brass Knuckles: Concealed under his layers of gloves.

Origin:



Personality:



Misc Facts: Benedict is always left handed, this remains between every transformation. The parody image of his foes is always slightly taller or shorter than the individual he is transforming into.

Relationship with Hex:




A really basic, succinct sheet that gets the job done and this is a concept that I really enjoy. You’ve paid attention to small details and I like the layout of the sheet too - presenting the two sides of him. It’s really well thought out and you’ve clearly worked at this one for a bit. I’m already looking forward to the levels of chaos he’s going to create amongst our team, and obviously we’ll have to work quite closely together once I introduce my own villain... ;)

Nice one LeeRoy, post him when you can!
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Great sheets DJ.

I’m just going to say though, that starting with 2 characters is going to give you extra work to do so really think about it! (Saying that, kudos for writing up 2 sheets my man!)

I will allow it, since The Tower and The Beacon certainly do work as a pair. I like that they’re very different to each other and compliment each other well - I get the sense that they do have a strong relationship - and the work you’ve it into developing some history for the UK has not gone unappreciated. I’m also really excited to see how much your writing has improved since the last time we were in an RP together, you’re really adding all of these little details now that you didn’t before and I enjoy that a lot.

The Tower seems particularly strong, and maybe it’s just hyperbole in the sheet but I might tone down his actual level of strength. Several hundred men is a lot haha. Unless it’s several hundred tiny dudes :D Or is it several hundred Dwayne Johnson’s?

Happy to post them, but do think about whether you’d maybe just like to start with the one now.
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i do hope this is acceptable... been trying to make this concept work for a little while now.

Edit: Reworked and renamed to be less OP sorry about that, sleep deprivation does funny things to me.



This is different to the sheet that I saw yesterday, so I’m glad you’ve scaled the powers right back. That said, I’m not completely sure this character really fits the ‘cyberpunk’ themes of the roleplay. I’m getting less of a superhero or villain vibe from this character, and more of a horror roleplay character and concept. While I’ve given people some creative freedom with their lore on characters - this one does stretch that a little. Voids to other worlds might be a touch too much for us to manage within the universe we are building.

I think it’s a really creative idea for sure, but possibly not right for this setting. The sheet also feels unfinished in that the origin is simply a bullet point list.

We can try and make Isaac fit the universe more, but it might be changing the essence of the character you’ve thought of a bit too much. Right now, it’s a no - but if you’d like to discuss alternative ideas I’m all ears.

Hidden 2 mos ago 2 mos ago Post by Naril
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Naril Tinker, builder, hacker, thief

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Withdrawn!
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by ReusableSword
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ReusableSword The Mighty.

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@Stormflyx
Sorry busy day today.

Yeah i some how missed the history issue i was supposed to finish that but it looks like i forgot... air headed sometimes.

I know hes a bit more horror inspired and that the void stuff isnt too cyberpunk. I geuss i just read warlock and cult then thought of that one.

Im willing to change him up a bit.
Hidden 2 mos ago 2 mos ago Post by Moskau Spieluhr
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Moskau Spieluhr A Traveler of the Binary Seas

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Draft 2:



-

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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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I like the sheet, I like fiery heroes and Yaz is that. The powers and weaknesses make sense, and I'm happy with them. I like her reactions to cold, perhaps even doing something with a weakness to prolonged exposure to water might be interesting as well? The appearance section that you wrote was lovely too, and I got a very clear picture of the character. I liked the perspective you took for writing the origin story too. A nice sheet all round, and she brings a power that I was worried we wouldn't get.

My main issue is how much you've written Addison into it, Addison may be more NPC than PC, but she's still my character and much of her is deliberately in mystery - the relationship you've written with her goes off of the assumption that she isn't already married or something and takes a bit of agency out of my story. I would ask you to remove that element completely from the sheet, or just rename the person in the relationship and forgo a relationship with Hex as I'm not *too* hung up on it at this point. Addison idolised Supers, but never knew any personally, certainly wasn't almost married to one.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Took me a little over a week, but I got him written up.



This is a great sheet man. It's an improvement on what I already thought was a great writing style you had, Rtron. It makes me super happy to see this, like with DJ :) You always listen to feedback, and then take it on to your next projects. It's also always nice to see a familiar face.

I like that you went old old, it's refreshing and you really took that 'jaded superhero' theme to the extreme, didn't you haha. A fantastic origin story, so well executed. I enjoyed reading Eli go from villain to reluctant hero, to hero for hire, to villainous again, just through a whole cycle. It feels very real - and I'm so interested to see where his allegiances will take him when we bring the 'Reality Bringer' in - and since we have a character like Benny....

I'm really happy with this sheet, and you can post it in the character section. And also be proud of this one, you killed it :)
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role model Drunk With Odd Memory, High On Knowledge

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Name: Fred Enado
Alias: Electronica
Age: 45













Some facts
He prefers light beer
His Electro custom suit was his best
He invented Lit Up shoes
He doesn't skip exercise
He likes simple detective books

Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Stormflyx
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Draft 2:



-



Great changes to the sheet.

It's not cyberpunk in the slightest, but actually I really appreciate that point of difference. While everyone else is with their technology, Nina has all of this experience with otherworldly happenings. I'm wondering how it is that I can incorporate it all into my own storyline for the rp and it does worry me only about 2% because my plans are already pretty wild. So yeah, thank you for your patience too, I've been pretty slow in gettinf back to you and you've been very active and helpful in our discord!

Also, just wanted to take a moment to tell you how beautiful your writing is in the sheet, I think Nina will really add a nice layer to the game :) accepted!

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Name: Fred Enado
Alias: Electronica
Age: 45













Some facts
He prefers light beer
His Electro custom suit was his best
He invented Lit Up shoes
He doesn't skip exercise
He likes simple detective books


Alright,

I think we still need work on this one, it's a little scattered and not quite to the level of the other characters just yet. Coming face to face with someone stronger isn't a weakness unique to him, so I'd like you to really think about what his weaknesses are. Look at some of the other sheets for good examples. ET sheet has good ones.

There are parts in the CS that should be elsewhere, you have a short sentence about Fred killing someone and then he was reprimanded. That's only the power section, so keep it succinct to powers. Tell the death story in Origin. It just helps to keep the sheet coherent, so that later if I wanted to check what the powers were, I can pick it out - I don't want to dig through.

I know what he wears, but I don't know what he looks like - how he moves, what kind of expression he has... what's his posture etc. Little things that flesh out an appearance section beyond eye and hair colour are my crack.

I'm finding the sheet to be a little hard in places. I think strip Fred down to his very basics - he's an electric hero, lets build from that. I'm not sure who this character is, really. I need to be confident that you do too, so thay you'll enjoy playing him enough to go the distance of the rp.

If you can work on the appearance, weaknesses, powers, and personality section we can look at working him in.

Also, I'm not doing this to be discouraging of your efforts - what you have here is a cracking start and more than a lot of people can do! But I'd be doing you, the rp, and myself a disservice by accepting the sheet as it is now when I believe there's a lot of ways we can flesh this out and make Fred more well rounded and with more depth.
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role model Drunk With Odd Memory, High On Knowledge

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It's my first Advanced since forever ago. I will try and mend it.
Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Sewer Rat
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Yo wait. Holy fuck! I remember the interest check! Dude, I had no idea, are you still accepting? @Stormflyx
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