I've been thinking this over for about half of today and trying to figure out how I feel about trying to DM Phandelver. And I simply don't want to try doing something I've already tried, especially since it wasn't the best experience for me personally. It caused me some real stress, so much I left RPG for days to avoid dealing with the shit that happened.
If anything I just don't really think I want to specifically run this module. I love D&D but god damn running one here is absolutely difficult. I hope everyone understands. I should really try to take a step back and try to review what I as a DM and a person can do. I just don't want to feel like I'm attempting to do something I simply don't have the drive to do at this moment right now.
It's just that I don't like disappointing people and hate failing so much it causes me anxiety, and I want to do it but I simply can't handle the stress. It's causing me real life stress and I shouldn't do it if this is causing me to be on the verge of an anxiety attack. As I have an anxiety disorder.