Hidden 12 days ago 9 days ago
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This was originally a thread to call out a specific guy who was looking for fights in a weird way. He left. So now it's a general open challenge thread.

I don't take this shit super seriously so if you want to try it out let's give it a go.

It is Ranked though, even though it clearly is not Ranked, and I have a perfect record. Zero Ranked Losses. I'm so fucking good.
Hidden 25 days ago 7 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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From the Myriad Mountains of Moldova the Masses Celebrate their Courageous Champion. Tis that Fabled Folly of Fortitude. The True Testicular Torment of Tunisia. The Unabashed Undefeated Unfathomable Ubermensch of Uganda.

Here steps the Masked and Mustachioed Muscle Man of Moldova! The Pinnacle of Perfection. The Definition of Devastation. The Embodiment of Entitlement. The Personification of Pretty Good. The Asymptote of Amazing. The Apex of Awesome. The Veranda of Victory.

They call him Danger!

Danger Fontaine.
Hidden 24 days ago Post by Steel Legion
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Are you having fun? On MY board?

Have a free bump.
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Hidden 23 days ago 9 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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Marbled Musculature Makes its way to the ring, Moving with a Measurable and Miraculous Momentum. Momentarily to Massage the ear holes of the Tantalized and soon to be Traumatized audience with his Melodious Mouth Movements. His voice I mean. I mean his voice.

"Kawaler Knight!" he calls into the night, to the knight.

"Bub! Wherefore art thou bub? Deny thy agent and forsake thy share of the pot!"

Seizing the opportunity, and to distract from how little sense his ramblings make, the Masked and Mustachioed Muscle Man of Mount Magura, Moldova hits a muscley pose. Abs hard as hell. Chest also very hard. Biceps, those are hard too. Basically he's hard as hell all over.

"Today, foe, your condescending pride hath thee most fucked. Verily thou art well and truly fuckethed."

He pivots around to show the crowd his back muscles. They are also hard. He's quite strong. Really. You would be impressed by how strong he is. I guarantee it.

"My bureaucracy is matched only by my virtue and also my very full and healthy head of hair. It's all under this mask. It's very luxuriant I assure you. Come fiend. Test Thy Might against my Miraculous Musculature and Mighty Mustache. Look upon my Works and Weep. And then get in the ring so I can beat you up. That's how it works. Come on let's go. I've run out of semi-clever things to say!"

He was ready for the fight to begin. He had a hot brunch date the next day. Omellettes and mimosas until he puked. Couldn't wait.
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Hidden 22 days ago 9 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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"Villian! Verily thou Vexeth me so!"

Danger, Danger Fontaine paced back and forth in the ring, dramatically pivoting on his heel every time he turned around and swishing his red cape. Kind of like Batman only not at all like Batman. Each time he imagined how his golden locks would be dramatically flipping to and fro if he wasn't wearing a mask, and if his hair was blonde instead of brown, and if he wasn't also very bald.

Moderately Melodramatically he pointed down the ramp and Said Some more Stupid Shit.

"Visionate my Virtuous Victory, Vagrant Knight.
To Versus anon, thou must put up a fight!
"

As a bit of a bonus to his countless fans that last bit rhymed. He put a lot of effort into the dumb shit that came out of his mouth. True fans would appreciate it, but to truly understand his Carelessly Convoluted but Certainly Captivating Comedy would Require a like Really Really just super high IQ. Like double Big Brain status.

He held the overly theatrical pointing pose a bit longer than necessary, giving the millions AND MILLIONS of fans plenty of time to take pictures of his visage. Who could blame them. Who wouldn't want to capture a moment of such a life forever. Frame it and put it on your mantle. Tear all those shit ass drawings your Dumb shit Definitely Disappointing, yes I mean you Dylan, kids did off your refrigerator and replace them with something as glorious as Danger, Danger Fontaine.

"We will battle on a float.
We will battle in a boat.
We will battle in this ring.
We will battle on a swing.
We will battle in your garage.
We will battle in the quaint Derry 4 bedroom 4 bath summer home of Nigel Farage.
I will win and you will lose.
Socks are always sold in twos.
"

That last part was for the ladies. As was the truly back breaking and Herculean butt flex he maintained throughout it. Always got to give back to the fans. That whole shit rhymed too, Danger never disappointed the fans. Even just now fans rhymes with fans.

"Where is this alleged valiant rogue
That all the stories hath foretold?
Dareth he not to faceth me in mine ring?
Dareth him to faceth the king?
That is me. I'm the King I was referencing just now.
No, not you, thou art a cow.
Perchance awareness of my WikiFan article did reacheth his doors?
Perchance he decideth he doth wanteth no more?
Further references to some shit talking past.
Cometh he to face his judgement at last?
"

Danger, Danger Fontaine then did the patented thing that Dwayne Johnson used to do when he was The Rock in like 2001 or something. The like "Come Get Some" hand gesture. He didn't look as cool. And he wasn't as charismatic. And he wasn't as handsome. And he didn't have a future in Hollywood. And he didn't have a kind of plain but very loving and supportive wife he would soon cheat on and end up marrying some bimbo years later who would then probably take him for all his money and start spreading rumors about what a dick he actually was when the cameras were off. But it still kind of sort of looked cool if you squinted really hard.
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Hidden 21 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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Well this just seems weird now but I promise it was once very funny.
Hidden 15 days ago Post by Sniblet
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“Hark!” Cries a voice from the audience. “His foe cometh! THE MOLE-MAN cometh!”
A claw rises from the cold unfeeling Earth, -this- close to skewering Danger Fontaine’s prancing foot. The crowd collectively gasps.
“THE MOLE-MAN!” Cry some. “MOLE-MAN!” Cry others. Proper noun or not, verily, one may confirm by mere careless observation this to be true, Mr. -MAN cometh.
How did he know where to emerge? How do MOLE-MEN navigate the surface from beneath it? So many questions that will soon, surely, have answers - further, what do MOLE-MEN look like? Who invited one here? Do they ever suffocate down in the dirt? He hasn’t moved since breaching the surface with the one claw.
Hopefully MOLE-MAN is okay.
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Hidden 14 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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I'll put up a Character Sheet for Danger this weekend.

Prepare yourself for the most seriously seriousest fight of your life my G.

It is about to get real. Really real. Up in this mug.
Hidden 14 days ago Post by Sniblet
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I am appropriately full of dread
Hidden 14 days ago 11 days ago Post by Sniblet
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Hidden 12 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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Weekend was too busy for me to alter this much but this is my dude.

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Hidden 11 days ago Post by Sniblet
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Oops, I was picturing a colosseum, looks like THE MOLE-MAN has actually burrowed into a wrestling ring in the present day
One does lose track of a lot of things down there in the dirt
Hidden 11 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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We could do Colosseum too if you prefer. He'll just climb some statuary to drop an elbow.
Hidden 11 days ago 11 days ago Post by Sniblet
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I'm preferring the image of THE MOLE-MAN accidentally burrowing through the building's foundations into a wrestling ring and being very lost as a coach steps up and basically adopts him for the fight
Hidden 11 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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I'll do a goofy intro to my guy doing an open challenge. Mole Man pops up. Danger accepts the challenge but being a man of honor and dignity and wanting to get His Money A Manager for Mole Man Must First Materialize.
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Hidden 9 days ago Post by Sniblet
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This is going excellently. Better than I ever imagined. I'm invested. I truly hope Adrian and Geoffrey turn out okay.
Hidden 7 days ago 7 days ago Post by BangoSkank
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Giuseppe and Annaliesse are really the stars of the show. I hope they work out their differences. Tandi, Randi, and Ghandi are good kids. They deserve a good family.

I'll post more today or tomorrow. I really didn't expect such a rapid back and forth. I usually post once or twice a week. It's been fun as hell though; and I love that you caught that stupid shit I was doing with the names for the announcers. I read that thing you did with "Astonishing" and had a dumb idea and wrote it down in my phone before I went to sleep...and then I got FOMO. Didn't want to wake up in the morning not remembering my dumb ass idea right.

Next up I see them pulling a Spanish Announcer table out of the crowd. Then some Mole Men show up to take over announcing duties while Alejandro and Guillemot bitterly bicker about where their Make Up Dinner will be. Something about Danger Danger being confused and/or infuriated. Maybe an interference. Maybe another song. Maybe a guest spot. Maybe a little Fourth Wall Fuckery.
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