Hidden 1 mo ago Post by Loksfjoer
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Welcome to the Voting and Feedback round for RPGC#38!


I asked for your interpretation of invisibly and that resulted in these stories. The writers did a great job, now it's up to the readers to cast their votes.

Voting and Feedback guidelines

  • Please take your time to read through all the entries before voting for your favourite work. The reasons you base your vote on are up to you, as long the vote isn’t based on whether or not you like the author.
    It would be nice if you could share why you voted for a specific work.
  • Giving feedback is optional but highly encouraged. When giving feedback you should be respectful and constructive. It’s good to point out any flaws or the things you feel could be improved or why you didn't like something, but don’t be mean.
    Make sure to point out what you liked or appreciated in the entry too.
  • Contestants may and are encouraged to vote for and give feedback for the other entries, but don’t vote for your own entry. If contestants wish to withhold a vote and only give feedback, that is good too.
  • The entries are anonymous unless the writer asked to have their name added. That being said, writers may claim their work at any time during the voting period.
  • The entry with the most votes will win, but in case of a tie a Contest Mod will cast the tie-breaker vote.
  • You can vote for entries and post your feedback in this thread, but if you rather have your vote and/or feedback be anonymous you can PM it to @Loksfjoer.
  • The voting period deadline is November 4th, 9:00 CET, which is 8:00 server time (both times are in a.m.).





The Entries











The Invisible Man


How long has it been? To be seen by another. I have been here waiting to be seen. I feared I was forgotten, that time had erased all traces of my existence, and it was all for nought. Do not fear me, do not flee, please stay, stay a little while and humor me. Grace me with conversation, with your presence, anything to stave off the curse of being unseen. I am not what you see, I will not harm you, so please find it in your heart to stay, I will take your pity if it is all you will give me, your goodwill if you are generous enough. But please I beg of you to stay, do not leave me to the darkness of solitude, the grim despair of loneliness, for I can no longer bear it once you have seen me. I know you saw me, our eyes met, and I would ask you to give more than just a passing glance. Though I can offer nothing in return, for I have nothing left, nothing you can take, and thus nothing I can give. I know it is unfair, and perhaps you are used to having more transactional relationships with others. But assure you, I am destitute and alone, a broken shadow of what I once was, and were I to be wearing your shoes, I would not stoop so low to wallow with my wretched self. See, I can understand it, were our roles reversed, and you were the one beseeching me for the mercy of company, I would be repulsed by the unwashed filth and rags. I would never deign myself to be seen with such a miserable cretin, but you look kinder than I am. Younger, better, more exuberant and hale, you would be my hero. Yes, I guess that is what I have left to offer in return for your time spent with me, I would idolize you, worship you, and sing your praises with all my hollowed heart. Would it be enough for you, or would you need more for your time? What is the worth of a measure of respect from a nobody, a poor trade in turn, not worth your time. Perhaps it was better if we had never met. Go on then, turn away from me, do not gaze upon me with those eyes anymore, forget me. Leave me to the shadows from whence I came, I will dwell there a little more, forlorn until the guilt gnaws away at you. Then the day will come when the memory of my eyes, so full of hope at looking into yours in finding a kindred soul who saw me, will haunt your mind and weigh heavily in your heart. A burden you will bear as you go through your life, and wonder if you were the parasite in our brief relationship. For I had given you what little I had left, what hope I had clung to, my belief in you. And when you come to try and find me, I will be gone invisible to the world once more, and time will have erased all traces of my existence. Except in your mind, where you will always see me.
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Hidden 1 mo ago Post by artexercise
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artexercise

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I hadn't meant for mine to be anonymous, so clearly this will give it away. And I will not vote for myself, as a personal rule.

For the other three entries, however:

* The Uncle - I enjoyed it. It did make me feel a little sad, however. The main character has it rough emotionally, perhaps. Could be worse, but everyone has their own burdens, and this was a little insight into hers. The story of her life in three parts. I think it could have used a couple more parts to really delve more into her psyche. A glance at her late teen years or college life as a truly turbulent time that she would have relished that escapism towards her uncle and the stories. And on the other end, when she became an empty nester, perhaps, where escapism might either be a dangerous attraction or to push back against it.

* The girl unseen - Interesting. Definitely had the fairytale storybook vibe which I find difficult to pull off myself. It's short and to the point and there's a happily ever after ending. Made me feel better for the main character. Whenever I look at old fairytales however, some of those characters either do not get happily ever after or it's bought and paid for by some loss and then I'm smacked across the face with an old dead fish called "the moral of the story". I wonder what an alternative telling of this tale would be with a bitter lesson learned.

* Now you see it- Do you? - Fun. A world with the Unperceived, and Perceivers. I feel like there are two stories here. The first part introducing us to Aggie, and the second part where we receive some story within this universe. In the first part I wanted a bit of being shown the world instead of being told about the world (but it helped to be told). In the second part it was all "being shown" the world, but it didn't feel exactly like the same world. In the first part, it feels like a couple of inconsistencies about objects being manipulated by the unperceived, and it seems like there is some vagueness about what it means to be unperceived or a perceiver. This vagueness is carried over into the second part to basically come across as rudeness on the part of the "ghost hunters" (I'm guessing that's essentially what they are). Despite these criticisms, I'm certain this is exactly the kind of idea I would geek out over with friends in my younger years.

So my vote goes towards "Now you see it- Do you?" purely for geeking out reasons. (Like for instance, animals. If I was unperceived, would me dogs bother me the same at their breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Would the cat be spooked whilst cleaning her litter? Could I approach a squirrel outside undetected?)
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Hidden 1 mo ago 1 mo ago Post by Master EffeX
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Just noticed where that fifth entry got off to.
My vote remains as is, but love the existence. The piece itself is rather psychological...at once making you think, and making you feel perhaps manipulated. It almost reads more like...Not sure how to say it. More like prose? Less like a story? Cool submission style, in any case. You win in my book for fully embracing the theme!


The Uncle:
It felt like when the girl/woman would stare off and imagine her Uncle's stories, she would be literally transported there and perhaps disappear in her regular life for that time. I found that to be a fascinating concept. Breaking the Parts into different stages of the character's life was a neat way to do it, too. I liked the kind of takeaway at the end how most people are too busy with their own lives to care about listening to other people's, and the last sentence is one of those that stays with you. However, I'm not sure the story felt the most like an invisibility story to me, as a whole.

the girl unseen:
I liked the setting and the visuals, especially when Lorelei finds the book. I thought it was interesting, too, that time seemed to pass differently for her than for everyone else. That's always a fascinating concept. However, I found a couple of points in the story confusing: At the top it said she longed to be seen and heard, yet the wish she makes is to be invisible. Then when the wish comes true, all the world was said to have faded away to grey, not details, yet she felt excited to be able to go anywhere and she frolicked through the forest. I'm not sure if maybe the greyness was supposed to be only for a moment. It was a simpler story, but had a nice amount of interesting details.

To be seen:
Fascinating concept! And concept within a concept given how the movies seem to be filmed (fun titles). I also like the idea of getting close to this person, mostly not even physically seeing them. Really connecting with the person. However, the perspective of the story is from one who is not among the invisible, so it does come off more as a story about what it's like to know invisible people or be in a world with them, than what it's like to be one. What we do learn of Marilyn's life are details that could exist whether she was an invisible person or not, and I found "'They don't really see me' was a phrase many woman used because of the whole invisibility thing" a bit confusing within the concept which might've made more sense if the idea were explored from the women's perspective: why do so many choose to remain invisible? Is it so they are really seen?

That being said, my vote goes for 'To be seen'!
It's the one that gets me thinking / engaging with the presented world the most.
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Hidden 1 mo ago Post by BrokenPromise
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I wish I had more time to write reviews this time around. But uh, big lol!











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Hidden 28 days ago Post by Master EffeX
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@Loksfjoer So, :) Who won?
(assuming there's been some PMed votes)
Hidden 28 days ago Post by Loksfjoer
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The winner of this round is "To be seen".
Congratulation! I will update the thread accordingly.

Everyone who found the fifth entry: well done! It was intentionally posted this way.
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