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6 yrs ago
Current Off Hiatus?
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7 yrs ago
"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
7 yrs ago
RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
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8 yrs ago
The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
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Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

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With an exaggerated groan Penny helped heft Trent up to his feet. She heard her name and turned, her face doing little to hide her shock at the state Stacey was in. She swore under her breath. When did she start running a daycare? Fortunately, Odessa was there working part-time. Penny was almost used to the woman’s uncanny ability to seemingly appear next to Penny whenever she glanced away. Almost. She still jumped and dropped a hand to her bag, but it relaxed upon recognition.

“Hey, be careful about warming him too quickly,” said Penny. Stacey wouldn’t really be able to play with chilblains. She glanced at Stacey and gave him an affirmative nod with a confident smile, “Don’t worry. You’re going to be okay. We are all going to be o”—a building exploded and wiped the smile right off of her face—”kay.”

Penny turned her head to avoid getting the dust in her eyes and happened to catch sight of her friends just in time for Hagan to activate his barrier. It was wrong. Her stomach sank as the sight of it filled her with a familiar dread that visited her almost every night. A whirlwind of dust swallowed them whole, and when it settled the Apparition was wailing. It was one of the most awful sounds Penny had ever heard. She steeled herself and fished out a handful of change before thinking the better of it. She massaged her temple. The shriek had drummed up her migraine yet again so that it rapidly pulsed with pain as if set to the bassline of a techno beat.

“Get out of here,” said Odessa.

”But—”

All of you.”

Penny returned Odessa’s stare with an unblinking one of her own, and then winced as the thing cried out again. Damn it. She’d give Odessa this one. Penny felt like even with having one of her arms tied behind her back she could still help take this thing out, but there was more to worry about than a grudge match. Besides, her friends knew what they were doing. They could handle themselves.

“C’mon, let’s go,” she said, turning her back on the standoff and looking for a place they could hole up while Odessa and the others got all of the glory. Penny rolled her eyes as she heard Finley speak up from behind her. That thing had easily sunk a cruise ship. Hiding behind a car wouldn’t stop—another scream kicked her right in the skull. God, why won’t that thing shut up? Penny shot an angry look over her shoulder and then let out a choking noise as if she had just been stabbed in the gut. It sure felt like that way. Her eyes welled up and as they reflected the geyser of Caelea’s blood lacerating the sky.

Her arms dropped to her side dead. She never even had a chance to draw. The knife in her gut twisted and shot a numbness through her body as she watched her friend get split in two, yet somehow her feet shuffled forward on their own. It was like they were drawn to the carnage. A simple protest wouldn’t stop them, and anybody stupid enough to touch her would get a sharp elbow. Smoke threaded between the two halves and made it one, Caelea’s body twisting and jerking unnaturally as it sewed itself back together. A huff escaped Penny’s throat as that thing fucking dared to smile at them. Hagan flipped out. Zoey froze. Odessa hid.

Penny stopped. She had felt something tickle her fingertips. It was the felt tip of a marker. She didn’t know when she had grabbed it, but she had drawn on herself. What was the plan here? Judging by the glyphs, it had been a stupid plan. She was between the two groups now, meaning that Penny was close enough to see from the look on Odessa’s face that she was fucking up and not far enough away from Hagan’s rampage to truly be safe. The thing that was once Caelea continued to grin, only it wasn’t grinning. It was baring its teeth. Penny realized she had been baring her teeth, too.

So that was it. She had planned to kill it. She could, too, although she might not walk out of the fight. It disgusted her. Not the thing that was once Caelea, but the fact that she would kill it with there being a shadow of a doubt on whether Caelea could possibly still be in there somehow. Hagan had come back. Zoey had come back. Maybe Caelea could come back. It was a stupid, childish thought. An impossibility, really. She still had to consider it. Penny took a step back, and then she shouted a singular command. It worked for all of the strangers, really, but she meant it only for that fucking thing that was once her friend. She really hoped it would understand her, and she really hoped Caelea would forgive her for not being able to do what she should do. The second Penny shouted was the second her tears finally burst free.

Penny had yelled, “RUN!”
penis


Ladies and gentlemen, our featured GM. Perhaps if you were as articulate as this your RPs would get recognized.
Maysah began to think that perhaps getting catcalled into catching a bullet would be a mercy as Void continued to filibuster. This kind of lecture was largely wasted on her, and it was largely based upon assumptions that she knew not to be true. They were going up against one of the Big Six. Any yuppie with slicked back hair and a seat on the board of one of those companies was a lunatic tripping off of a power fantasy. Besides, she had ruined her career fighting corporations like these. She didn’t need to know every which way they’d screw her because she had already been through them all.

Her brow furrowed into a v-shape and it stuck there as Void kept talking hypotheticals upon hypotheticals. Was he attempting to make a point, or did the sound of his own voice mend his precious ego that had been wounded by getting shot down? They had been inventing ways to kill her for over twenty years. She had been shot by guns, blasted by hand lasers, thrown around like a ragdoll by a mutated scientist, and just hours ago was practically hit point blank by a miniature nuclear warhead. Yet, somehow she had survived long enough to ironically get talked to death by this man here about all the possible things that would, yet again, fail to kill her.

A short huff of air, the death of a stifled laugh, escaped from Maysah as Void went on to threaten her with EMPs. She’d love to see if an EMP would be able to counter-out a perpetual EMP. She squinted her eyes shut tighter as a hand went up to cover a smile. Yes, how could big bad Stardust even dare to think about hurting the poor innocent make-believe single mom who had, in this dumbass scenario, just tried to murder her with a magical bomb?

Another hand went up to her face as she started to shake in her seat. Oh, oh, alas, these poor innocent civilians who willingly punched the clock to work for an evil empire, oh, how the world will weep for them and cry out why, Stardust, why!? Yes, yes, this was it, this was her start of darkness, all because she didn’t let a man harass her. What a monster! What a frosty bitch! Damn it, Stardust! Why did she murder this man because he had negative pick up game? Why couldn’t she just take the compliment? Alas!

Arbiter spoke up, telling her not to go killing anyone. Wow, thanks for the support. Glad she followed him to Denver. She shook her head as he continued on business as usual. She couldn’t take it anymore. This was why she never could be part of a team. She lowered her hands from her face. Her cheeks were red. Tears were pooling at the bottom of her eyes. Void was still there, but it didn’t matter anymore. The corner of Maysah’s lips twitched.

And then she exploded into a howl of laughter. It was an uncontained, uncontrolled, full on laughing fit complete with blown out equine heehaws and sharp snorts. Maysah doubled over as she smacked the table and flopped back in her seat. She didn’t know what exactly it was that got her but goddamn did it get her. The lack of real sleep didn’t help. She wiped at the tears flowing freely down her face, caught one look of Void, thought for a second that he was actually about to start fucking talk again, and erupted into another laugh session. It was uncomfortably long for everyone involved. Maysah was in actual physical pain by the time she had wrestled it down to a soft chuckle.

“Holy shit. Holy. Shit! I haven’t laughed like that in ages. Oh my god. Thank you,” she said, mostly to Void. It was the first time her partners heard actual glee in her voice. “Are you sure you aren’t a hero? Because that? That was just an incredible speech. Seriously. Bravo.” She lifted the drink he had gotten her in a mock cheers. “Really, I take it all back. I have seen the error of my ways. I was in the wrong. I’m totally going to fuck you now.”

And with that Maysah sneered, turned the drink, and poured it right onto the floor. She set the empty glass on the table, snatched up Hex’s notebook, and stared Void dead in the eye, “Since you’ve been doing this kind of thing for years I doubt you’ll need to study up. Besides, the lady needs another drink.”




"... Why does it sound like you're making this sound easier than what it is?" said Hagan with a groan.

“Hagan, I make everything sound easy,” said Penny with a smirk. What, would he have rather heard that the thing after them would probably just one shot their lifeboat and if they didn’t die on impact then they would surely die from exposure before making it to shore? That probably the only person who would be quick enough on the draw to react to that thing charging currently only saw the world as an abstract swirl of lights? Sometimes it was better to be dishonest.

Penny closed her eyes as she tried to visualize the world through sound. She never had the chance to even try, because the very next second the Apparition bull rushed the lifeboat and utterly pulverised it. She threw her arms up to shield her head as she was knocked about by the boat being torn apart. The noise was horrendous and her stomach rose up to her throat. She opened her eyes to see swirls of gray and black in front of her. It was then that her stomach dropped and she swallowed her scream. If they were going to all die together, she wanted to at least go out with some bravado.

She heard a girl speak as she braced to hit the water.

The hit never came. Instead, Penny felt herself lying uncomfortably on some asphalt. Her blue eyes fluttered open and were immediately hit by the yellow sun. For a split second she was certain that her eyes were still broken before they adjusted to the glare. She let out a sigh of relief that got cut short as a basketball bounced overhead. Penny let out a startled bark as it phased through her face. She shot up to a sitting position as a kid ran through her body towards the hoop, a small pack of children following through her a moment later. Penny glanced around in wide-eyed confusion and then let out a nervous laugh. Either they weren’t real or she was a ghost, and if she was a ghost then her head wouldn’t still be ringing like it was. Fake kids it was then.

Could be worse.

Could be real kids.

Penny stood up slowly. Her whole body hurt with a kind of dull pain. She put her hands on the small of her back and stretched. Pops rang out from her body like an uzi, but Penny felt like it almost made her feel worse. She huffed and dusted her clothes off as she looked around to see signs for Paradise this and Paradise that. Her face wrinkled in disgust. The city had yet to live up to even a single iota of its name, but at least there was something in it keeping her alive. She played back the girl’s words in her head. Didn’t want to be lonely anymore? Wanted a place where everyone could be happy? Clearly they didn’t know people that well then.

Penny noticed the second yellow sun that dipped up and down on the horizon. It was Isla’s beanie. She locked the girl’s words in her memory, dipping around a group of kids playing soccer despite knowing that her presence wasn’t going to interrupt anything. She was with the two others who had been on the lifeboat. Penny recognized them by their clothes, and she was just within earshot to catch their names. Trent was the small, scrawny one who had been taking a dirt nap and Finn was the even smaller, even scrawnier one who had been poking at him.

“You and I have a different definitions of fun,” said Penny lightly as she neared the group. Although, Penny’s definition certainly wasn’t normal. She would’ve had a blast kicking that thing’s ass again.

Penny stopped a few paces from the strangers and folded her arms. Her eyebrow twitched as the boy, Trent, rolled onto his back and let out a choked cry about wanting to go home to the other boy(?) Finn. Penny pushed back the spontaneous annoyance. She couldn’t blame the kid. She wanted to go home, too. She took a few more steps towards them all and squatted down on her haunches next to Trent. She noted the sigil on his shoulder, but it was rougher than the other ones she had seen. Maybe it was just a shoddily done tattoo.

“Well, you ain’t getting home like that. Can you stand?” said Penny. She thought about giving him a hand. The quicker he was up, the quicker they could join the others. Now that Penny wasn’t around them she felt tense. For all Penny knew, she could be helping up the next Sharon. She hesitated at the thought, and then offered Trent her hand so she could pull him up. “C’mon dude, I gotcha.”




“She'll ring your bell if you fight her."

Taylor made a good point. An excellent point, really. Vashti never really thought of violence as something that would be used against her simply because it was something that she’d never use herself. Harsh words, cold shoulders, and stink eyes made up her armory, not fists and knives and bats. Still, it didn’t stop Vashti from throwing another stop motion out with her hand toward Taylor, leaving her wide open for a sucker punch. Let Madison hit her. It’d prove her point, even though Vashti no longer remembered what point she was trying to prove. It didn’t matter. She’d still be right, and being right would be a victory.

Vashti took one combative step forward as Madison started to speak and then the world was suddenly whisked away. Vashti was surrounded by darkness and drowned by silence as a chill went through her spine. At first she thought she had been knocked unconscious. She had stepped up to Madison, and Madison had slugged her out. As quick as the thought came it went, and with its departure came sound again. Vashti could hear her own breath. It was rapid and heavy. She deeply inhaled and held it to shut herself up. If the Leviathan had been stirring around, there was no doubt in her mind that it would’ve unleashed itself then.

She slowly exhaled as Claudette began to apologize and Herik started to strategize. Vashti knew that Claudette owed no apology—if anyone should be sorry, it should be Vashti. She had allowed a drunk girl to get to her. Likewise, she was aware that the best person to go get help would be herself. She was the tiniest second to Taylor, and it would separate her from Madison which would probably do them all good right now. These were the smart, logical things that Vashti’s mind thought of and quickly trashed in favor of letting loose.

“Are you kidding me? If you had a mute button the whole time why didn’t you use it on her when we were up there, you stupid fucking bitch?” said Vashti to Claudette, her words rapidly flying out of her mouth like a drumroll on a snare. There was no cymbal crash at the end, just the quiet choking sound of a voice breaking as its owner’s brain finally caught up with its words. The darkness of the elevator hid the look of horror on her face. She stepped back and found the wall waiting for her. Softly, and sounding as if she was at (her own) funeral, Vashti said, “Claudette, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I just…”

Vashti just didn’t have an excuse. Not a good one, anyway. Better to end it there then to continue burying herself. “Sorry. This is my fault. Herik, if you can actually get that door open I’ll go.”

At this point, she was certain that nobody would protest with her going, but almost everybody would have a problem with her staying.




Penny held her breath and closed her eyes as Odessa lowered them, only opening them again as her feet touched the top of the lifeboat. Her vision was slowly improving, but she still couldn’t make out the details of Odessa’s face. She plucked the marker from her mouth, brushed a strand of blonde hair from her face, and mouthed an I owe you to Odessa as the girl let her go. She followed after Odessa as Hagan, who was impossible to confuse for anyone else even with her poor eyesight, popped open the door for them. Her heart caught in her chest as he asked them about Caelea and Zoey. Weren’t they supposed to be with him? She was about to holler at him for leaving them behind when she heard a shout that was unmistakably Zoey.

“You two just saved Hagan’s life,” said Penny, lightly hitting the big guy’s arm with the back of her hand as she followed him to the controls. Technically, that would be again for Caelea. Penny looked down at the swirl of instruments, levers, and wheels and then shot Hagan a grimace. Maybe she would’ve been able to figure all that shit out if she could see straight, but in her current condition she’d likely end up leaving them all dead in the water. Penny sighed and fought the urge to ask Zoey for a cigarette, subconsciously chomping on her marker again like it was a tarry cigar. Surely one of the others was smart enough to figure it out.

Thinking of the others, Penny turned and did a quick headcount. Then she did it again. Something was off. Had she really hit her head that badly to forget the number of people that were on the cruise ship? She kept coming up with one extra person. No, two of those blurry outlines were different. Penny felt her stomach drop. Someone was missing. Her heart raced. Obviously, Odessa was there, as were her friends, Stacey and his guitar, and Isla and her yellow beanie, which would mean...

“Where’s Lilith!?”

She was about to run to the door when what sounded like a geyser erupting exploded over top of the groaning of the sinking ship. Water pelted down like heavy rain and pinged sharply on the roof above them as the lifeboat rose and dropped with the roll of a wave. Penny could only make out the haze of dark smoke but Zoey’s curse told her that it was the same Apparition from before. Son of a bitch, didn’t they already take care of that thing? Penny followed after Hagan, readying some coins in her hand. She stomped it before, she’d stomp it again. Penny tossed the handful up as she prepared to let loose a salvo on the Apparition.

Instead, she felt her head nearly split in two as the coins clanged harmlessly against the flooring of the lifeboat. The marker followed after, dropping from her mouth as she let out a yelp. A sharp pain had shot through her eyes. It was as if they had just been driven through by railroad spikes. Penny grabbed her head as her vision swam and went black. She slammed her eyes shut and grimaced. She only kept herself standing by grabbing Hagan’s arm with her other hand and sharply digging in with her fingers. It probably hurt like hell, but she didn’t let go. If she let go she knew she feared that she would faint.

Slowly, Penny drew in a sharp intake of air and steeled herself as the lifeboat’s engine kicked alive and began racing away from the Apparition. At least that was what she was hoping it was doing. That bastard was fast. Penny let go of Hagan’s arm and drew her hand away from her face, trying to wipe the tears from pain away with discretion. She took a step to the side to clear the doorway and steadied herself against some kind of wall harness. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder to make sure that the group was okay. The color drained from Penny’s face as she quickly turned back towards the wall, snapped her eyes closed, and pressed her burning forehead to the cold metal.

“Hagan, that thing’s nothing. It can only move in straight lines. When it charges, yell at them to juke the wheel and we’ll dodge it,” said Penny, lifting her head from the wall. She didn’t want him to worry so she spoke with a measured calmness, forced a smile, and attempted to make eye contact. She hoped she succeeded, but there was no way she could tell. The world around her was a shattered kaleidoscope.




Vashti looked at Herik with a raised eyebrow and a half-smile as he suggested they take Madison to a diner. Food might sober Madison up, but she couldn’t see someone that drunk sitting around long enough to eat. Even if she did, Vashti could only imagine the amount of chaos she would cause for the other diners in the meantime. Vashti chewed on the inside of her lip. Herik was thoughtful, kind, and utterly incapable of seeing the bigger picture. If Madison had chucked a bottle of water, imagine the mess she’d make with a hoagie. He would probably end up getting banned for life just for bringing her there.

“I've saved the lives of many people that thought it was a good idea to swim under the influence. Don't want to make an example out of Madison," said Herik.

“We don’t want that,” said Vashti, although her tone almost made it sound like she was asking a question as she watched Claudette and Taylor struggle with getting the drunk girl even to the elevator door. She had to block the door from closing with her foot several times as Madison accused Vashti of intending to harm her for the second time. Vashti rolled her eyes and squelched a sigh, trying her best to keep some kind of smile on her face. She was managing to scrape by until the drunk girl kicked her in the teeth with a pointed question.

"... The fuck are you again?"

Vashti’s face darkened as the forced smile was dropped instantaneously. Her arms crossed and her brow furrowed as she felt a knot twist itself in her stomach. Vashti, who was used to being cold in even the hottest of weather, felt a heat swell up to her face as she wrinkled her nose as if she had just smelled something disgusting. Claudette, smart enough to recognize the faux pas, began blubbering some kind of excuse for her friend’s behavior. Vashti wanted to believe her. Truly, she did. She was even trying to convince herself that the question wasn’t about what it obviously was about. It wasn’t working.

“...You’d love her if she was sober,” said Claudette.

“Yeah? And when is that?” said Vashti, her tongue lashing out with a fury as she fired off a withering, slit-eyed glare at Claudette that told the other woman that the question wasn’t one to be answered. She bared her teeth as her nails dug into her ribcage. Sure. It would be really impressive for Madison to keep her asshole comments to herself when she wasn’t drunk. Nobody ever accomplished that before. What an awesome person, right? Vashti scoffed and broke her staredown from Claudette. She wasn’t the one to be angry at. Vashti didn’t want to be angry at anyone one.

She just couldn’t stop herself.

“I’m really sorry but I must’ve misheard you, Madison. Could you repeat your question?” She wasn’t able to keep her irritation from seething through any longer. The elevator’s door closed as it started to descend and already the temperature in the metal tomb was at a boiling point. Vashti held up a hand to silence Claudette, who was surely going to try and intervene. “And please, be specific. What exactly do you mean?”

Her temper had already overflowed. It smashed against the levee, and only Madison’s words would stop it from breaking through.




Penny couldn’t see exactly what happened next, but she sure did feel it. Something grabbed her by the collar as she was about to plunge through the doorway and into the rising water. She stopped with a sudden jerk and bounced upwards as whatever had a hold of her wrapped itself around her waist for a better grip. She smacked back against the metal flooring with a sharp gasp, hitting it hard enough that the wind was knocked out from her. Penny was in a daze but it felt like she was being dragged up by something. Her vision still a blur, she found herself pressed up against what felt like a cold, marble statue. Her stupor began to fade as she made out Odessa’ face through the fuzziness.

"... You are really pretty, y' know?"

Penny couldn’t quite make out Odessa’s facial expression, but she had to be joking.

“Yeah, well, you really take my breath away,” she said. Well, she tried to say it. What actually came out was sharp, painful gasps for air. She held onto Odessa’s freezing body as the girl lifted them beyond the threshold. Normally she would be uncomfortable with this sort of closeness, but given the circumstances she didn’t even notice. She sucked in one final, massive breath of fresh air and exhaled deeply to center herself. Penny could breathe normally. Now only if her eyes went back to normal.

Penny kicked the watertight door shut, knowing it’d have little to do to stop the sinking but would at the very least prevent them from falling down the hallway if another shockwave hit. She continued to collect herself as Odessa scanned their surroundings. They were sinking at an alarming rate, yet there was something surreal about sitting on what had once been a wall. She cast a look out over the horizon that they were becoming dangerously close to being underneath. Paradise, looking like nothing more than an amorphous black blob, was waiting for her. She stood up despite the pain in her head and the ache in her body. There was no time to rest.

Odessa grabbed onto the railing and held out a hand for her. Penny accepted it without hesitation and quietly uttered an earnest, “Thank you.”

With Odessa’s help Penny was able to make it onto the railing of the boat and see the lifeboat descending into the water below them. Rather, she saw the shape of something bus-sized and guessed it had to be the lifeboat. She sighed with relief. The others were safe. Now they just had to find a way to get down there. Penny doubted she’d be in any condition to walk if they jumped to the lifeboat. They could possibly survive a drop into the water, assuming they didn’t freeze to death. However, surely Odessa could just lower them down with vines.

“One second,” said Penny. She grabbed a marker from her bag and held it between her teeth like it was a dagger and she was a pirate about to scale the side of a ship to ransack. She wrapped both of her arms around Odessa and spoke through gritted teeth, “Okay. Don’t you fucking drop me.”




Vashti grimaced and drew in a sharp breath as Madison suggested she was planning to harvest her organs. She raised her hands in innocence and took a step back as Madison drunkenly slurred at her. Vashti could smell the alcohol on her breath. It made her eyes water. Thankfully, Claudette stepped in to both hold up Madison and back up Vashti. “She’s Vashti,” she interjected as Claudette tried and failed to remember her name. It was cool. Seeing as how Madison was already sinking back down to the ground before Taylor swooped in to help, Claudette clearly had reasons to have been distracted.

"But, I only party with hoodrats an' hoodrats only... you... look like the only partying ya' do is a bar mitzvah!” shouted Madison.

Bat mitzvah but yeah, I’m actually in college so...” Vashti made a drinking motion with her hand and stepped past the other girls to lead the way to the elevator. The moment her back was to them her face tightened with sharp irritation. Vashti realized long ago that wearing her headscarf in public gave her a secret power: it quickly let her know who was an intolerant asshole. She had been teased and insulted for a culture that she didn’t even really identify with for years until she was able to bury her false identity in college. Vashti figured by now she’d have a pretty thick skin about the whole thing, but she didn’t. The least Madison could’ve done was make fun of the right fucking religion.

Vashti sharply inhaled. Cool it. The girl was drunk. There was nothing more embarrassing than getting in an argument with a drunk person, because the drunk person at least had an excuse for their dumbass behavior. She pushed through the glass doors leading inside to the elevator and shook her hands off to her sides as if she were flicking away the bad energy like it was water. She hit the call button and turned back to the girls.

“I’m a bit more wild than a hoodrat,” said Vashti. She looked amused but her words were peppered with saltiness. The others might notice, but she doubted Madison would sense the change. Hell, she doubted Madison would be awake by the time they were in the parking lot. “We can drink warm forties and do whippits behind the 7-Eleven if you want, but trust me: what I have in store for you will be the best night of your life.”

The elevator dinged. Vashti stepped in and turned back to the girls with a shark smile. She had no actual clue what she was going to do with Madison once they were away from the meeting, but throwing the girl in a bathtub full of ice did now sound appealing.
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