Status

Recent Statuses

1 yr ago
Current "Grandad, tell us more about the 2020 Toilet Paper Famine."
10 likes
1 yr ago
Me, taking a shot everytime I hear the word "destiny" in the Witcher series: "Hmmm, fuck."
8 likes
1 yr ago
You ever stub your toe so hard you could literally hear the Scatman's voice in your head? Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub, yo da dub dub, ski-bi dibby dib yo BABABOBOBOBOBOBBO--
11 likes
1 yr ago
"Dear 2020, give me more hope and less worry." 2020: *Slowly looks up from the other side of the boxing ring* You'll be fine, cupcake, just drink lots of water.
11 likes
1 yr ago
Before cofee: "I hate you." After coffee: "I feel good about hating you."
5 likes

Bio


Give it up folks, Einstein over here has something to say. What's that buddy? Wha- A grammatical error?!? WHAT?!? B.. Bu... That can't be possible! Surely not! A GRAMMAR MISTAKE? IN MY SIGHT?!? What a great, absolute miracle that you and your 157 IQ brain was here to correct it! Thank you! Have my gratitude. Actually, what's your cashapp? I'd like to give you 20$... Know what? While we're at it have the keys to my car. Actually, no, scratch that. Have the keys to my house, go watch my kids grow up and fuck my wife.

Thank you for your work.

Most Recent Posts

<Snipped quote by Xandrya>

I let loose a front kick that hit my daughter square in the torso.


Father of the year.

I snore when I sleep. Occasionally, my wife complains about it. But she snores too. It seems to be a race to see who gets to sleep first.


"But she snores too."

LMAO, she can't complain then.
Following up on my last fact, I actually stopped going hunting after it became evident to me that my partner at the time was unstable. I ducked out real quick once they pulled a shotgun on their family. High school was wild. Ghost hunting is still cool and I do miss it though.


Good thing you dipped out, god knows what would have happened if you didn't.
<Snipped quote by Chasebloodcrest>

Coke is to acidic(?) for me. I dunno. It leaves my teeth feeling funny.

Pepsi is meh.

Dr. Pepper is superior, though my heart truly lies with Mountain Dew.


Pepsi is too sugary.

And correct, Coca-Cola nutritionally has a touch more sodium than Pepsi.
Coke is better than Pepsi.
When I have highs, I feel like I'm untouchable and I'm on cloud fucking 9, but when I have my lows, that's when it gets really bad.


*Adjusts his nerdy glasses like a pro therapist*

Annnnnnnnnnnnd how does that make you feel?
Fun fact about me: I like eggs.


Fried, boiled, or fertilized?
The wife asked me what I wanted for dinner. I respond with food item. She has dinner ready at the exact time I needed to leave. I had it today for lunch. Leftovers.


Tell me more about the married life. It seemed so fun.
Anytime I create a character that is blind I end up crying because of how sweet they are.


And then you think of a way to murder them.
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