DoomFlavored

Doom's Testing Thread

Rashiku Karata __________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________	________________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ ______________________________________ Every night of my life I watch angels fall from the sky Every time that the sun still sets I pray they don't take mine I'm on the front line Don't worry I'll be fine The story is just beginning I say goodbye to my weakness So long to my regret And now I know that I'm alive
______________________________________ Something was different with the company Rashiku was surrounded by. They were all seemingly more... rowdy, in some form. Even the ones that weren't talking seemed rougher somehow. Certainly none were as loud as his teammate Kimi, but he could imagine most of them being able to handle a pinch on the arm without trying to kick whomever was the source. He was generally staying away from others, preferring to eat in his own corner while he figured out what he should really be doing. Maybe he could go hunting later to bring the cooks more meat, or some other task that would be clearer than "Enjoy yourselves." Looking down while at his plate trying to think more on his next activity, he was suddenly called out to by one of the rowdy voices! 'Crap...' Rashiku looked up towards the rather large guy welcoming him, seeming friendly enough. That did make things easier, though his boistrous introduction was difficult to deal with. But it didn't stay difficult. A wave of relief came over Rashiku as he heard the challenge of a spar. That would... be easy! The boy opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by groans of other students and... Rikuto's stomach, instead getting invited to the table. "Rashiku Karata." He said as he moved towards the table, looking back towards his sword. He hadn't brought with him a non-lethal weapon to spar with, and it surely wouldn't do to accidentally harm a potential ally due to not knowing each other's abilities. A close battle made that all the more likely! "I'll use the flat side of my blade." He answered with a nod and light smile. His tone was relaxed and matter of fact, giving a solution rather than insulting an opponent. Finally sitting down, Rashiku spoke a bit more, going off of what Rikuto had said about his martial arts, coming from a clan. It'd be fair to share his own side. "Karata swordsman clan. We started in the Mist but they were too brutal, and there was a falling out. My family left and settled in the Clouds, Kumogakure. We left because... I don't know why. But I'm in the Leaf now. It's going well I think." Rashiku stopped there, finding the sharing of information sufficient! This was going better than he'd thought. Though, something odd caught the corner of his eye. Turning, he saw another young guy about his age and about his.... well everything. White hair, similar skin color, bright blue eyes, short... "Clone?" He blinked a few times, shaking his head realizing that he for sure hadn't used any cloning jutsu! Maybe... The boy leaned forward over the table and asked curiously. "Are you a Karata?"	________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ One push is all you'll need A fist-first philosophy We watch with wounded eyes So I hope you recognize I'm on the front line Don't worry I'll be fine The story is just beginning I say goodbye to my weakness So long to the regret And now I see the world through diamond eyes ________________ ________________

Ban the Person above you

@RubyBanned for sitting on my blanket at that beach. How dare you.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Dystopya Like the edits you did :3. Things look pretty much all good now.
Only thing is that in the bio there is some factors of him letting down his clan as a whole by becoming a shinobi, rather than just his immediate family. That can easily be altered though or explained, whichever route you'd want to go with.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Dystopya Sorry for the delay, life has been kicking me in the ass lately. But should be calmed down now. Anyway, I went over the character sheet and it is quite well-written. There aren't a lot of specific issues, however there are multiple big-picture / overall concept concerns.

Hider

To begin with, he doesn't read like a genin. He seems older, like a chunin. Around 15. From how structured and synced his abilities are, his picture, and personality. His personality in particular seems very mature for his age. It's quite developed, and I don't mean that as in written out, I mean it seems more well-formed than most 13 year olds would get. Very rationalized, and almost sculpted. Like he has learned enough psychology to work out his own mindset.

It seems odd for a clan with a specialized kekkai genkai to be so against their members being shinobi. Particularly since they live within a ninja village. Being against the violence in such a way makes it seem like the family would object to staying within a place that is inherently militaristic. Kekkai Genkai were also usually developed for the sole purpose of getting an edge in war.
I could certainly see family fearing for his safety and not wanting him to go into a dangerous career, but to be... what seems 'morally' opposed to it in their stance just is quite odd for them to be living in Konoha. The steam kekkai genkai is obviously very well-suited to battle, and has been developed within a shinobi village. I find it extremely unlikely for Juzo to be the only one using it in this way.

His clan elder (who seems to have obviously been a shinobi sometime) mentioned that the community at large would be against it. I don't think that would be true. Most people within the villages are very supportive of the ninja, as they provide a good deal of protection and economic benefits. Really those who dislike ninja tend to be the poorer folks scattered throughout the various countries. They often have the same opinion of the samurai as well. Too much unnecessary fighting (less so for about a full generation or two though) and collection of wealth compared to them.

While I'm not particularly against any individual power Juzo has listed, his moveset overall covers too many bases, as in all of them. He has two separate nintai modes that can overwhelm most taijutsu fighters, reducing visibility in the entire area except for himself, nullifying ranged attacks with reduced visibility and deflection, and enhanced ranged abilities himself with his inventions. Right out of the starting gate, he controls the entire battlefield at once.
His inventing seems very separate from his overall moveset. He's fighting like an up-close brawler focusing on his kekkai. I'm not sure if he should have both to such a degree.

I am also concerned about how versatile this kekkai genkai has been made to be for the purposes of growing it. All on its own it is providing enough power and utility to have every single one of Juzo's techniques based around it, and easily he keeps up with or surpasses the other genin profiles right out of the gate, with potential for it to grow even further. Currently this kekkai seems too catch-all, capable of covering all bases at once before Juzo even learns other moves.

His bio also doesn't support his prowess in his kekkai genkai, and for how much he was able to cover these bases. His family is against him being a shinobi, and he has received very little support. Very little in the way of figuring out how to truly be a ninja outside of the elder who passed away early on in his training. For him to form his kekkai genkai techniques into covering all angles on his own after that doesn't quite work, at least with how young he's supposed to be. I could see him doing much more with his inventing and such, but learning that amount of nintai and martial arts and jutsu application, while being mostly on his own, is a bit far fetched.

The overall point to all of these things is that he is too... well-formed. Everything syncs too much for a starting genin, leaving no openings for opponents outside of waiting for him to run out of 'steam', and also leaving a potential lack of fun advancement for you later. I can work with you to get him more focused and have more room to grow.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

Apologies again for being so busy lately. I've got a job interview tomorrow as well so need to head to bed early. I've been going through various character skeletons as fast as I can.

@Dystopya Yours is next up :). Delays will not be much longer.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Dystopya
Apologies for the delay, been quite busy. Not going to have much time tonight either as I have to prepare my apartment for inspection tomorrow.

Anyways, I'm having to consider some aspects of your character concept. Mostly with how the steam-based machines technology could change the setting I have. I'm going to have to think about whether or not I'd be comfortable with that sort of addition, in comparison to what tech I have already.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Helios J Mears lol glad you liked the vid. And just completed reading your profile ^^. Quite good overall. Just got a few things I wanted to mention that could be tweaked.

Critique things

Bio:
You mentioned his mother died when he was three years old, yet he vowed to become a ninja and was inspired by her. I think 3 may have been young for this. I recommend upping his age of when she passed away. Maybe he was in the 7-10 range. Same with the academy entry. I know that the canon tends to have a lot of super-younglings joining in, but I tend to step away from that a bit. (Cuz Kishimoto doesn't know what years are lol)

Powers:
The powers conceptually are fine, but a good number of them revolving his surge chakra are scaled up too high. Particularly in how long he can use said abilities. Such as Godspeed Shroud being able to be held for ten minutes before depleting his chakra. Especially at how high speed he is, that is a very, very long time for battle. Particularly if he can turn it on and off.
I think that a lot of his super fast techniques should be chakra expensive, as they offer a very significant boost, but could need to be used sparingly and strategically. Otherwise he'd likely mop the floor with the other jounin we have hah.

Exploding Flame Shot is missing a description, and if it is canon i am unfamiliar with the move.

Surging Phoenix Flower - Similar to exploding flame shot, unfamiliar with the technique, and not sure how much stronger his would be and in what way.

Overall a slight problem with some of his powers is that they rely on a bit of... slot-like limits. Like how in dungeons and dragons you have spell-slots, limited use per day, etc. This doesn't quite work since Naruto characters basically just have one big mana bar for their chakra that their techniques deplete heh.
The slots-like wording can be pretty easily shifted though. Such as (in example) "From full chakra reserves, Taka can only use this three times in a battle before it incapacitates him."

Sidenotes:
Would be good to title the themesong in the link :)
Image you have posted is quite large, before posting in the thread could we get a shrinked version of it somewhat? Maybe like half vertical size. Don't need a new drawing or anything of course just like, a resized copy.

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Helios J MearsNot quite finished reading your profile yet but.....



Fest

Is it possible to wrap text around a picture on roleplayerguild?

I do tend to use the image resizing outside of the site, but that was due to old habits of the past website I rped on having the text wrap function by default. This other way (or combining both) could be quite beneficial :3

Naruto : Cold Contention - Past A/U rp, Always accepting!

@Helios J Mears Sorry for the wait on your character sheet. Been working through other stuff first. Will get to yours soon :)