Drache

OOC Gender Restrictions

I'll admit, there have been times I approached people who were looking for a partner that did not match my actual gender. A lot of the time they don't even actually ask to confirm. I guess they just assumed I read their rules and agreed to follow them to the letter. Joke's on them though, we had fantastic RPs and they never knew the truth. Which just kind of drives home the fact that even if you do have some sort of hang-up and only want to RP with a certain gender partner, you should get over it because there is no way to verify anyways so it's pointless to even put that in your interest check. Hah.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Inkarnate Way to cut out half of my message.

Never did I once say that it was "okay" for said people to "discriminate" against other genders/sexes. All I was saying(and am continuing to do so) is that people are free to choose which gender/sex they write with.

@Altered Tundra

In other words "I'm not saying it's okay to discriminate, I'm just saying it's okay to discriminate".

At the risk of being the one who sounds like a broken record "being uncomfortable" with RPing with a certain gender is NOT an excuse. "Being uncomfortable" is a reason people give that sounds better than the real reason they don't want a certain gender partner. I think my favourite part about this conversation so far is the steadfast inability of people to volunteer a real reason.

You're uncomfortable because...why? Because you're a dude and you don't like the idea of doing sexy RPs with another dude? This is some subtle way of adding #NOHOMO to your list of rules? Or is it because you genuinely don't think a female is capable of playing a male character (or vice versa)? That's not an excuse either, because now you're making assumptions about my abilities without even knowing me.

Would it be okay to add these to my preferences:

-No black or brown people, I'm only "comfortable" writing with white people. (Read: I'm racist and if you Skype call me my Nazi flag will be on the wall behind me.)
-No fags/lesbos. (Read: Sorry, I can't risk sexy times with characters played by non-straights because I need to know there's a possibility your jollies are getting off on our RP.)
- No Muslims or Jews. (Read: Once again, I'm racist and also a bigot.)
- No cripples or spazoid autistics. (Read: I'm an ableist fuck who can't handle the thought of my RP partner being neuro-divergent or blind or in a wheelchair or something.)
- No fatties. (Read: This actually matters somehow because I just hate fat people.)

Did you like all of those? Then why is "Male partners only" or "No dudes" okay?

-No dudes. (Read: Because I'm a dude and I don't want to think that my dick is smaller than yours.) <- This is pretty much what I put in the blank when I see people say "I'm uncomfortable with writing with other men."

((This also brings up an interesting point. Why is it only straight people who do this? I have never met a gay guy on here who was like 'No, I don't want to write with chicks for my MxM plot' or a lesbian who was all 'No, a guy can't write a F for my FxF'. Straight people, get your shit together.))

@Altered Tundra
I think you're being deliberately obtuse here. This argument isn't about whether people are breaking the rules of the forum by listing these restrictions in their Interest Checks. This isn't about whether or not people are physically able to be sexist on the forum. Of course they CAN do that. This argument is about whether or not that's morally acceptable. "Freedom of Speech" does not equal "freedom from consequences". Lol

You sound like one of those people who apologizes for and excuses Nazis who start spouting their hateful bile in crowded parks or street corners. This isn't about "freedom of speech". This isn't a request for the Mods to start banning these assholes. This is hopefully a wake-up call for the people who have been doing it so that they realize that they are inflicting their personal hangups onto others. This is hopefully a moment where people can do some soul-searching that will end up with them being better RPers/writers over all.

"People are uncomfortable with writing with certain genders because _______________________ "

I think Nemaisaire is the only one who gave a somewhat halfway reasonable excuse in that maybe someone who is a chick who has a real life dude partner might not want to RP with other dudes because their real life partner would get jealous, which isn't sexism on the RPers part, just some enabling of sexism in their real life partner. (And they should totally get out of that relationship because WTF!)

Fill in the blank. This is your homework assignment.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Altered TundraAs evidenced by this very thread, some people change their minds and are willing to let go of these kinds of restrictions. It's not like the discussion isn't worth having just because most people aren't going to flip sides.

OOC Gender Restrictions

I'm starting to wonder if being pan/poly is making it impossible for me to relate to this insane fixation people have. I basically entertain all offers and nothing really resonates more than anything else because I literally have no preference. Aha.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Drache I think the main difference is that I am just less likely to bite someone's head off over it. I still judge just as harshly, but I just add them to my shit list and move on. No point dwelling. Dwelling only makes me bitter and being bitter is not fun. I've been through that.

@Sierra

I don't think that's a fair assessment. I may be opinionated about it but it's not like I spend my time trolling through the RPs to find the shitty RPers so I can attack them. I only came to this thread because I was summoned. XD

In the end of the day, despite our disagreements and differences, we do actually have one thing in common. We roleplay, so that's a good thing yeah?

@Chasebloodcrest

Some of us better than others, it seems. XD

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Sierra

Thank you for saying this far more eloquently than I did.

OOC Gender Restrictions

I literally answered this exact question above. Are you expecting a different answer this time?

Here, I will quote myself for you:

<Snipped quote by NuttsnBolts>

Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.

@Drache

And I already addressed the issue of choice. At the risk of continuing to repeat myself to cover points that you're ignoring...

This is not about choice when your partner's gender DOES NOT AFFECT ANYTHING. Not a single person arguing for gender restrictions and exclusions on this thread has given a single reason why a person's gender should automatically be used as a method of exclusion when it comes to RP. If you can provide one then I would be very interested to hear it.

Also, this sentence is a gem: "that I must be restricted to every possibility and must take everything that comes our way".
a) Because having even more options than you would have if you weren't excluding people is somehow "restricting" and
b) You absolutely do NOT have to take "everything that comes your way" (because talking to chicks AND dudes is somehow SUCH a hardship!)

Why not look into actual legitimate methods of screening RPers, such as comparing RP styles, RP preferences, schedules, posting frequency, etc. Why not ask for a writing sample from one of their male characters if you are looking for a male character?

You are deliberately making it sound like gender is the ultimate deciding factor for picking a partner when in fact it makes absolutely NO difference. You can RP with practically anyone and their gender would be the least important factor. I bring up skeezy people because those are often the people doing this. I'll quote myself again:

The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.

This is sexism. My question for you is, is it okay to be sexist?

OOC Gender Restrictions

Some of what you're saying I already addressed. Look. I can count on one hand how many romances my characters have had in RPs, and I do not smut. I don't plan romances either. I am saying this as an unbiased party.

I am sorry you and your friends have been mistreated. Just don't turn that into a crusade against a group of roleplayers, the majority of which haven't bothered you, based on their tastes, when you can choose to stay away from them.

@POOHEAD189

Uh. Okay. *thumbs up*

OOC Gender Restrictions

<Snipped quote by Drache>

So then I ask, as a simple and basic question with no extra padding or information... Is it wrong for me to ask if I can write with another writer of a particular gender?

@NuttsnBolts

Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.

I think you misunderstood me when I said I was in agreement. I agree that RPing with a minor are legal issues. I agree that making weird and bad requests is a thing people can do without breaking the rules of this site. I did not say I agreed that those requests are reasonable, any more than I think it's reasonable for any other show of sexism or racism or any other kind of -ism that people are allowed to get away with on this site.

OOC Gender Restrictions

Sexual and cultural preference does not matter when you're RPing though. STILL not an excuse. You're not having sex with or getting married to your RP partner. They are simply a brain on the other side of the screen. You will probably never see them or even know for sure what their gender is. If you asked me if I was a female I could easily lie. Then you would never know. "Finding it weird" is not an excuse. It's not "gay" to RP a MxF romance if you're a dude and so is your partner.

The most dynamic, well-rounded and compelling female character I have ever had the pleasure of RPing with was played by a bisexual dude.

What if someone posted a 1x1 interest check with a plot premise I really liked. They seem to be the perfect partner and we agree on every single thing in their rules except one. Let's say I'm a chick and they are requesting a male player to play a male character. But I know I can play awesome male characters. I can match all their other expectations. So I offer to play anyways. I don't mention my gender. They don't ask, they just assume I'm a guy. We discuss the details. We start an RP. We play for months. We never explicitly talk about our real life genders and all my comments about myself could easily refer to a man or a woman.

Then like a year down the road they find out that I am actually a chick. They accuse me of lying to them and stop RPing with me, even the RP is going awesomely. Not a single other issue has come up.

Who is in the wrong here? What difference does my gender make?

Or what if the same thing happens but it's a guy who thinks I'm a girl but it turns out we're both guys? The RP is going great and is exactly what we were both looking for. Why does finding out I'm a guy ruin it for them?

The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.