Marks and Monsters
Zoe | Kusari
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Collab with...@Lasrever @Piercing LightIt was getting dark out by the time an exhausted Zoe made her way back to the mansion. The cuts on her knuckles had started to scab over, so after showering, drying, and a trip to the infirmary that had resulted in the bandages now wrapped around her hands, she decided she may as well explore the mansion itself. The luxury wasn't quite as jarring after their hotel in DC, but it still made her uncomfortable to see butlers and maids walking around as she made her way through the place. She didn't plan on asking them to do anything for her, anyway.
Luckily enough, it didn't take too long for her to stumble across the door to the cellar, which seemed far more interesting. And less likely to be haunted by servants, anyway. While she wasn't in the mood for a drink - she'd have gone somewhere else if she was - it wasn't like there'd be much harm in taking a look. Besides, she reasoned as the door closed behind her, she could at least take a bottle up to her room for convenience. Tired as she was, she barely even noticed that there was anyone else there, much less that the person who
was there probably wouldn't be pleased to see her.
Oblivious to her classmate's presence, Zoe began to look over the selection of bottles with a yawn.
"Zoe? Yeah, that's you." Kusari grumbled from her place in the corner of the room. She wanted to be somewhere quiet, her nerves had been acting as if they were hooked to a car battery. The annoying part was she didn't know why. She stood up, picking up a juicebox she'd taken from the kitchen. Was she about to say something to Zoe? She supposed she was, they weren't going back to the school any time soon anyway. Kusari didn't feel like thinking before she spoke however.
"There's a lot I wanted to say to you, but I'm guessing you've heard enough from everyone else, haven't you?" She said, calmly drinking from the juicebox. Her eyes drifted towards the stacks of assorted wine.
"I've never liked beating a dead horse.""What's that supposed to mean?"Zoe couldn't help but start slightly in surprise at the sound of Kusari's voice, turning quickly to look at her supposedly immortal classmate. Her memory of the last time they'd spoken was a little blurry, but she was fairly certain that Kusari wasn't about to offer to start her fan-club. Or at the very least, she was still hung up on Wisford. It didn't look like Zoe wanted to have this discussion, but at least she wasn't as outright aggressive as she'd been at the girls' night.
"Talk if you want," Zoe had turned away from Kusari, picking out a bottle with an irritated sigh.
"But try and get to your point some time today, raptor girl. I'm tired." Even if she knew that antagonising the arbiter probably wasn't the smartest move right now, Zoe didn't have the energy to be polite about it. The only reason she hadn't ignored Kusari entirely was because she respected the other girl's willingness to stand up to her.
Kusari sipped from her juice box again and looked down at her monstrous limbs. She was clanging her metal fingertips again. She wondered if she should try and cut them off. She'd only been able to restore a limb back to normal by keeping it and reattaching it, she hoped she hadn't lost her right leg and arm forever. She tossed the now empty juice box into a trashcan and let out a sigh.
"Again with that... At this point I'm more annoyed by your lack of proper anatomical knowledge." She was quiet for a short moment as she looked at the bottle in Zoe's hands. At this rate nearly all of them were going to develop a drinking problem.
"My point fire crotch, is that I'm not here to berate you for what you did to Callan, not anymore anyway. None of us have legitimate experience in combat, because of that stupid choices and mistakes are going to happen. Regardless, we can't..." Kusari let out a frustrated groan and ruffled her hair.
"We need to get better, work together. Compared to the things we'll be facing holding a grudge for what you did feels like it would be petty. So, I'm going to overlook the fact that you mutilated the girl I've been going after, as long as it doesn't happen again. If we start fighting each other our life spans are going to plummet.It took Zoe a moment to register everything that Kusari had said. Mostly because she definitely did not appreciate that nickname.
"Okay, if you want to get along with me can we leave my crotch out of the discussion? Besides, how do you even--" Zoe paused, realising that Kusari probably
didn't know anything about her crotch. With an uncomfortable cough, Zoe continued.
"Anyway." She placed the bottle back in the shelf after a brief glance over the label - she didn't really feel like getting drunk, and had mostly been trying to ignore Kusari.
"Much as I'd like to promise nothing like it'll happen again, I don't really trust myself to keep to that one. So if I'm gonna be honest with you, I can say I'll try, but that's all you're getting. Doesn't matter what you feel about Callan or anybody else."Perhaps this would have been easier with a little white lie. A bandaged hand gestured towards Kusari, Zoe's voice taking on a note that was almost taunting. Challenging, even.
"Besides, what're you worried about? Thought you were meant to be immortal or something."Suddenly Kusari was reminded why she was always so harsh towards people. She tried to be nice and she's mocked, taunted for it? And on top of that it seemed as if Zoe had no intention of promising to never attack her allies again. Kusari looked at Zoe's bandaged arm with a nonchalant expression. She wondered if Zoe could actually kill her. Oddly enough she wasn't frightened by the thought. Perhaps odd was the wrong word, it was disturbing actually.
"What are you doing?" Kusari asked her as if she'd just walked in on someone doing a strange interpretive dance in a clown outfit.
"Is this how you treat someone trying to bury the hatchet? You pick it up and lodge it in their back?""Oh for fuck's--" Zoe sighed, irritation sparking but trying to keep her emotions under control. No, it was fine, it was fair for Kusari to be annoyed, it--
Wouldn't even matter if this one got hurt, would it? Zoe gritted her teeth.
"I'm not trying to stab you in the back, Kusari. I just can't make that promise, like it or not. Would you rather I just lied to your face instead?""Oh don't get me wrong." Kusari said, looking Zoe in the eyes.
"I much prefer the truth, no matter what." Her tone had turned deathly serious, as opposed to the calm passive one she had been using.
"The thing is, just because you're telling the truth, that doesn't make the words coming out of your mouth any better. Honesty isn't much of a virtue when
the things you're saying make you look like an asshole." Kusari shook her head, as if disappointed.
"We're all a bit of a liability in some way, aren't we?" She let out low chuckle.
"I saw us online, saw myself. Conveniently the footage with me in it had no sound. I guess threatening regulars isn't exactly PR friendly." Kusari let out another sigh. The massacre that happened when a crowd attacked the evacuation team was also nowhere to be seen online.
Zhang must have a pretty good mop to clean up that mess. She thought.
"You don't need to tell me that," said Zoe, recalling her new nickname once more. Nice little permanent reminder that she was a terrible person, that was fun. No matter how many animi she helped to kill, it wasn't exactly going away.
"But you know what? You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not being an asshole, I'm knowing my limits. If it comes down to it, and the easiest way to finish things is for one of you to get hurt..."She sighed,
"I can't promise I won't give in. Especially after that evac shit, I'm not convinced any of you know what you're doing. It's not even the body count that annoys me, it's the fact that none of you can prioritise, and Wisford was the same." This was unfair. It wasn't Kusari's fault that Zoe kept thinking this way. Thinking about Wisford... How was she supposed to explain the smile that she fought to keep from her face?
"At least I achieved something with what I did. If you can't handle a group of regulars properly, then I'll probably have to cover for you guys for quite a while yet." Zoe looked oddly unnerved by the discussion, by thinking about DC. Because she wasn't sure if she was angry that they'd killed those people, or
jealous that she didn't get to take part.
"Learn how to finish your fights, and I'll stop having to do it for you." Kusari just looked at Zoe for a few moments, Her eyes hardly blinking. She suddenly broke eye contact and looked off to the side, ruffling her hair.
"Priorities... Learn how to finish a fight..." She repeated, then looking back to Zoe.
"You're talking about me, right? Zoe, the only thing that stopped me from tearing apart those assholes in Wisford was a few minutes of time and distance. If I hadn't been picked as Lily's body bag I'd... ugh. Next time they should just bring a damn pig.
As for D.C. I want you to picture something. Imagine you're sitting in the back of a semi's container, Sophia and Lily are behind you. Outside are countless people that want you dead. Not captured, not simply beaten. Dead." Kusari's voice began to tremble, she let out a cough and forced it to stabilize.
"Five people opened that container, and there was bloodlust in their eyes. I know it, I've seen it enough times by now. Are you telling me you could have handled that easily Zoe? Five people ready to kill you and two other innocent kids? Don't give me some bullshit about scaring them off. I cracked one's head open after grabbing him with something that looks like it came from the bottom of the sea and they still came. Her voice was trembling again, but instead of being able to calm it, her voice only raised in volume.
"I beat the others until they stopped moving, and even after that they still wanted to kill me. I had to throw their fucking bodies at them like some savage monster just for them to finally go away! I... I... Dammit!" She swung her right hand into an empty barrel, shattering it. She fell to her knees trembling, her eyes watering. She thought she was alright with what she'd done. She'd gone over it again and again and she kept telling herself she should just brush it off. But she couldn't. She'd killed people, human beings. Strangers that she didn't know, people they she was supposed to be protecting. None of this was right.
"We were there to help, why, why, why. Why did they make me do that? That's not the type of person I'm supposed to be, that's not what I saw in my dream. Fuck.. fuck..." Her breathing had become unsteady. She didn't know where this was coming from, she thought she had it all figured out, but like always she was just going forward like a blind bull.
Zoe didn't go down to comfort the girl on the ground, but instead stood and looked down at Kusari with a sigh. Yes, she'd been talking about Kusari. Kusari, and every other one of them that didn't do shit to help. It wasn't as though there'd only been one person she needed to cover for.
"It isn't as though there's no way to knock someone down non-lethally, you know." Because really, with a regular she'd have a chance to take her time. What Zoe would have done would have undoubtedly cemented her as a monster where most of the class were concerned.
"But yeah, there's every chance I would have..." Would have enjoyed it. A kind of hunger entered Zoe's expression, bloodlust that was never quite sated.
Must be different to deal with it without a stigma. Better, or worse? Zoe didn't remember well enough to compare.
"They don't think of subs as people. We're all the same, no matter what you're trying to do. They were scared, and they couldn't do shit against the ones that fucked up the city. You were the nearest ones to blame." Zoe spoke distractedly, expression still hungry as her mind got caught up in images of
exactly what she would have done in that scenario.
Kusari took deep breaths, calming her self. She looked up at Zoe ready to retort. She already knew why that crowd wanted her dead, but that didn't mean it made sense. She opened her mouth to speak but she stopped.
That look on her face... She felt a chill that went not only through her spine but down to the tips of her toes. If she had been meeting this girl for the first time she would honestly believe she was about to be attacked. Kusari got to her feet and backed away from her.
"I've been wasting my breath." She said with a hushed realization. She took another step back. She didn't feel as if her life was in danger, but she suddenly didn't want to be anywhere near this girl.
"That X on your throat is like a vice-grip, isn't it? You're more a slave to that mark than the cuff on your leg." Kusari didn't know everything about aberrations, but the longer she spent around them the darker her view of them became. She turned around and made her way for the stairs.
Kusari's statement was enough to snap Zoe out of her haze. Unfortunately, it was also enough to piss her off. The implication that she was nothing more than a slave to her mark, that she was something so pathetic when she spent so much time trying to fight it-- when she'd shed her own fucking blood to make sure that didn't happen? That was something she wouldn't just let slide, no matter how right it may have seemed to the others. It was wrong, it was so, so far from the truth. It was everything she'd been fighting not to be.
She turned to watch the arbiter's exit with quiet fury, fists clenched by her side. Screw it, if that was how Kusari wanted things then it was fine by her.
"If I was a slave to my mark, Callan would be dead. Ernie would be dead. Allison, Gregory? I'd have killed both of them in DC. And you? If anyone here could kill you, it's me."Zoe knew she should have stopped, should have let it go and moved on, apologised. But she didn't. Instead, she smiled, finally taking a step towards Kusari.
"You know the best part? I'd look back on it and laugh." A bitter chuckle.
"Trust me, you really don't know what you're talking about." Because no matter how much of a monster Zoe was right now, she knew she could be so much worse.
Kusari stopped in her tracks. For a split second she contemplated leaving now or saying something. It really only took half a second, she was too easily pushed.
"Do you want to be congratulated on holding back from murdering everyone? That you're just so good at killing things, even if your allies get hurt in the process? You know..." Kusari turned to face Zoe. "I've always wondered what type of person would choose the nightmare. I figured they may have made a mistake, or that it just looked different from mine, perhaps deceptive. Maybe that's true for some, but you... I don't know about you." Kusari walked back down the stairs and moved close to Zoe, very close. She grabbed her bandaged hand and placed it over her heart.
"Do you really want to kill me? You could do it you know, it's not like anyone would miss me, not really. I'd give it a week before they got over it." Kusari spoke in a quiet but ridged tone, her eyes glaring into Zoe's.
"Come on, show me how you really feel. Do what you want to do."Zoe's eyes widened, her breath catching.
What? No, this was wrong, it was twisted, it was sick-- But the thrill that ran through her at the thought was electric. It would be so easy, so simple to tear her apart and break her down into nothing. Would it be suicide? Maybe, though she wasn't sure her stigma would count it as such. A way out, and the fulfilment of everything monstrous that she wanted, served up on a silver platter.
The sheer want was unbearable - Zoe wanted to hurt her more than anything, bloodlust etched on the redhead's face. Part of her couldn't help but wonder why. Why would Kusari make that offer? It didn't matter, because the chance was too good to ignore.
Almost without realising she was doing it, Zoe began to break down the arbiter's flesh, locking blue eyes with red and relishing the agony that she knew would come with it. She wished she could say what she was doing was horrifying, wished she could hate the experience--
Bullshit. She couldn't do anything but love it, and it showed on her face, in the tension of her muscles, the heaviness of her breathing. It was so much better, more real than hurting any slime or monster. Nothing like the empty shells at Ground Zero. None of the urgency of Wisford keeping her from doing what she wanted to. For those few seconds, it seemed that Zoe had lost herself, ready to give in and destroy her classmate completely.
"Please." She could forget everything, lose herself, see how much this girl could
take.
"Please, just--"But just as she was about to reach that threshold, the black lines disappeared, the hand against Kusari's heart clenching into a fist as the rot stopped and Zoe's eyes squeezed shut. After a second, they opened and she looked at the rapidly-healing damage, slowly regaining control of her breath. The expression on her face was desperate, hungry, afraid-- torn between too many emotions to count. As Zoe finally spoke again, her voice was quiet.
"Don't."It was pretty obvious of course, but this was a terrible idea from Kusari. Her body felt as if it was being torn apart from the inside by scalding hot razor blades. It perhaps wouldn't have been quite as bad as is was if not for her magic. Her nerves should have died, nullifying some of the pain, but they kept stubbornly reforming. Kusari's body twitched uncontrollably, instead of screaming, she let out pained gasps and wheezed as she couldn't take a breath. Through her fading vision Kusari saw the look on Zoe's face. She really was taking a sick pleasure in what she was doing. She moved the claws on her right hand, she could barely move it, but if this continued for much longer she didn't know if she'd live through it.
But before she had to make that choice Zoe let her go. Kusari stumbled backwards, then falling to her knees. As her body healed it's self she took in deep breaths, waiting for her body to stop having minor spasms. Once the pain was gone she looked up at Zoe. The girl didn't seem to know what face to put on. Kusari let out a dry chuckle.
"So you really are being controlled by that mark." She said, standing to her feet.
"But at least you know how to rebel. I guess that counts for something."I'm trying not to be. The others were better than her. Stronger than her. If it had been anyone other than Kusari in this cellar, they would be dead. Zoe's words were shaky, her arrogance completely torn away for once. No, Kusari wasn't meant to be right, this wasn't how things were meant to go. Part of her wanted to run, part of her wanted to do it again. To keep going until Kusari was dead on the floor, watch every twitch, every gasp, every attempt to fight back.
It wouldn't be the first time, would it?
"I don't know." Zoe sounded frustrated as she looked at the floor, unable to meet the arbiter's eyes.
"I don't know how to explain it, I don't know how to fight it, but that doesn't..." Yeah, it couldn't be faced head-on like every other problem in her life, but that wasn't an excuse for her actions.
"It's not my stigma that makes my choices. I always know what I'm doing." Her stigma wasn't what made her a monster.
There it is. Kusari let out a sigh and her shoulder's relaxed. The look on Zoe's face was one she was hoping to see. It was a pitiable, remorseful, human face.
"Aberrations really did get a bad deal huh? Everyone has that side in them deep down, at least I think so." She looked at the shattered remains of the barrel she'd smashed.
"But it usually stays down..." She narrowed her eyes, thinking about the other aberrations she'd seen. They legitimately enjoyed giving in to their stigma, but why? What the hell was it about their marks that made them that way?
"Those marks, they're changing your minds somehow, trying to change you into creatures of base instinct." Kusari began pacing and rubbing her forehead with her fingers.
"The things that make us human, our ability to show remorse, to do things contrary to our base desires because we know it's the right thing to do." She wanted to make sense of this in spite of knowing next to nothing. She couldn't understand why they had these marks, but she at least wanted to understand her allies, to stop them from destroying themselves and others.
"But we only do what's right because it feels good. To be seen as a good person, to feel pleasure from making a loved one happy. That's... human nature, isn't it?" Kusari stopped pacing.
"What if those marks are inverting that? I'd always figured they were just devils over your shoulders pushing you to do wrong. But they're really pushing you to do what feels right. Am I wrong?" She didn't know where she was going with this, she just wanted to know that everything would be alright in the future, that there was a way out for them.
"Yeah, it's a shitty deal. You're not on the mark though. Not exactly."Kusari didn't really know what she was talking about, as far as Zoe saw it. But then, it was fair for her to see things that way without really understanding them. Zoe wasn't sure that anyone who wasn't an aberration would, when it really came down to it. Still, while normally the subject would make her go silent, she had just about murdered Kusari. Much as the idea made fear twist in her gut, she sighed.
"Do you want me to explain what it's like?" Zoe looked at Kusari, mentally trying and failing to prepare herself for the discussion. An offer she'd only made because-- because for all that she'd done before, this was the first time she'd tried to kill a classmate.
"Because the only one I can explain is mine. They're all... personal, I think, in their own little fucked-up ways.""If you can handle it yeah, I'd like to know." Kusari said.
"I was hoping you wouldn't say that, but... okay." Okay. Deep breaths. She'd never had to try and put it into words before.
"It's like... starving. There's a want-- a need that claws at me, and it makes my thoughts go bad. Imagining myself tearing people apart limb from limb while you're still alive and screaming. And I want to do it, more than anything. Especially to the people that I care about. It's always there, clawing and biting and wanting, until I hurt someone." Zoe was forcing herself to sound as detached as she could, but it wasn't quite working.
"It's all about pain.""Hurting someone, it's..." She paused, a light in her eyes as she imagined the sensation.
"Think about the most exhilarating, adrenaline-filled, pleasurable thing you've ever felt and then ten times that. That's what it feels like. And it's good. All that want, all those thoughts, my fears, everything gets lost in the rush. Whenever I remember it, it forces me to smile, even when I want to fucking vomit."There was bitterness as she laughed, gesturing to Kusari's claws.
"If you attacked me with that thing, I'd probably enjoy it. Being hurt's good too." While it was happening, at least - it did little to actually sate her stigma unless she did it herself. But it was better to do that than let herself kill any of them. Zoe sighed, eyes firmly fixed on the floor.
"Pretty disgusting, really."Kusari's expression turned grim as she listened to Zoe try to explain her stigma.
"Yeah, it is." She shook her head with a groan.
"Unbelievable, you shouldn't be here. Forcing you all to fight is like enabling an addict. I doubt they've even tried to find a way to help besides drugging you up like Hazel." This was beyond frustrating, helping Zoe was something she couldn't do.
"At this point the only thing I can think of that would help is killing Dreamcatcher. That thing started all of this after all. What kind of sick bastard would toy with people like this?""Not fighting doesn't help either. It's not just an addiction. I don't hurt anything for too long, and--" Zoe sighed, looking more exhausted than she'd almost ever been. There wasn't a way out, anyway. Not for her. This discussion wasn't much more than a reminder of things she'd already realised.
"I snap. Somebody dies. Probably slowly. If I wasn't here, I'd have killed a lot more people.""One little choice, and you're fucked in the head. I can't be sure, but I think most of the others have more control, or at least it's less dangerous when they lose it." Most. She could think of a couple who'd be worse to deal with than her, but overall death powers weren't the easiest thing to deal with safely.
"That being said, I've come to terms with it. I'm happy to be a monster, it really doesn't bother me. So long as I can make sure you guys come out alive."Zoe shrugged, seeming oddly calm. It had been the admission of her weakness that had been the problem - discussing it now didn't seem to get to the redhead. There wasn't really any reason for Kusari to feel the need to help her.
"If the rest of you don't have to, then I've used this for something worth doing."Liar. Kusari didn't believe Zoe was perfectly fine with how she was. Who was she trying to fool? She only accepted what she was because she had no other choice.
"You aren't a monster Zoe." Kusari grumbled and rubbed her right arm.
"Monsters are irredeemable, they can't possibly understand the value of a life..." She thought back to the people she killed in D.C. She didn't regret what she'd done, they had decided to take the lives of people for an indefensible reason after all. Even still she understood the impact it could have.
"You're still human for better or worse, just try and remember that. You could have killed me, but you didn't. Hold onto that part of yourself, because if you let it go you're damn sure to end up in a bodybag.""I can think of worse places to be." Zoe muttered under her breath. Dead girl wouldn't be able to hurt the others. Speaking up once more, she looked at Kusari with a frown.
"If anyone else had done what you did, they would be dead. You realise that, right?"It was surprising, really, to have Kusari of all people reassure her. Really, Zoe probably should have known not to judge everyone from first impressions.
"It's a nice sentiment, but I doubt most of the world would agree with you. Not even all of our classmates would." Callan sprung to mind. Sighing, she finally met the arbiter's eyes.
"I think I'd like to believe you, though. And I'm trying not to be one - at least, not towards you guys." That could be enough. As far as the rest of the world went, well, who really gave a damn?
Kusari shrugged her shoulders.
"As long as you try, that's all I'm asking. And of course I know that would have killed anyone else." She wiggled her metallic fingers.
"That was kind of the point. At least I didn't have to stab you to get you to stop..." She let out a grumble, remembering when Sander nearly drained her dry.
"As for what regulars think, forget them. Even if we didn't have superpowers they would still hate us. The magic just gives them an excuse to corral us." Kusari let out a yawn and rubbed the back of her neck. She could feel another anti-reg rant coming on.
"I'm gonna head to bed, call me if you need something... Anything besides someone to melt anyway."It was true - they'd already been singled out by the normal humans of the world. Nothing she hadn't already figured out. More interestingly, Zoe wasn't the only classmate Kusari had been attacked by before? Part of her wanted to ask, but there wasn't much reason to keep the girl here longer than she already had. The offer was something that Zoe couldn't help but be surprised by, although she wasn't sure what exactly she'd need Kusari's help with. Nonetheless, she appreciated it for what it was.
"Same goes for you, if you need me. And, uh--" Zoe paused looking at the other girl in silence for a long moment before speaking quietly.
"...Thank you. For trying to understand."
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