Avatar of Nevix
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    1. Nevix 8 yrs ago

Status

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2 yrs ago
Current PMing everyone on this website individually and asking “do you think my statuses are funny?” with an attached stock photo of a man (super buff) crying.
9 likes
2 yrs ago
The people who wrote the instructions for my sister's new printer failed to consider that I might be tripping balls while trying to help her set it up.
2 likes
2 yrs ago
I'm in the lab, cooking up a status that will make every mad at me, together. I can heal this website by being as wrong and annyoing as possible.
6 likes
2 yrs ago
Met a guy yesterday who looked and sounded exactly like Hank Hill. Made my week. Logged in today and realized yesterday was this accounts sixth birthday. The universe gave me a gift for the occasion.
4 likes
2 yrs ago
Finally getting to that age where I realize that I'm becoming my dad. Called some guy at work "old boy" because I couldn't remember his name. If I order any ww2 books just put me down like a dog, man.
3 likes

Bio

Most Recent Posts

Okay, so a bit of context here. Pat the Bunny is a retired musician who mostly did folk-punk stuff about how much he hates himself, rich people, the government, and cops. That's a gross oversimplification, he's an incredible songwriter, but that's sort of a crash course. Anyway, I just found about a side-project of his called Playtime Posse where he raps about Breakfast.

Drostan Welm / "Osmund Griff" - Dalenham, Ethora





Drostan didn't particularly like being back in Ethora. He supposed he didn't have much reason to be afraid. They were well away from the lands of House Welm, well away from anyone who might have seriously recognized him. And it wasn't as though his name was being spoken much, anymore. Doubtless, it had been months, even years since anyone had thought of Drostan Welm. But it wasn't just fear that had kept him out of Ethora for so long. The place was his homeland, and for all its flaws and depravity, it was a part of him. When he was away, he could pretend as though he'd always been Osmund Griff, as though he'd never before visited Dalenham with his uncle and his sister when he was a boy. But staying here, amongst the people who were once his own, brought back all kinds of memories.

"I'm getting to be too damn old for this, Varian." He said, mostly in jest as he took a seat next to his fellow mercenary. He said something to that effect after almost every job. It was funny, because he was only thirty-one and because Varian was barely younger than him. But, then again, he was sore and tired more often than not and sometimes his back popped when he sat down. He raised a hand and looked at the bartender. "Barkeep! I'll have some of that Raelus Ale you were whining about." Truth be told, he normally ordered Ethoran drinks in Ethora, just because they were a bit cheaper. They weren't as good, but he didn't mind. Alcohol was a means to an end so far as he was concerned. But he'd heard the barkeep groan about it and couldn't resist. Besides, after this job, he could afford to splurge a bit on some finer brew. It wasn't like he was saving for anything.

He'd changed out of his battle wear, trading his light armor for simple travel clothes and stashing away his shield and spear. His sword was still buckled on his hip, as it always was. The blade had a name once, not that it mattered much anymore. He'd worn down the identifying inscriptions on the blade and replaced its ornate scabbard and belt with simpler fare a long time ago.

"I'm never quite prepared for how... monstrous Orcs can be." He shook his head, taking a long draught from the tankard that the barkeep had brought him. "It's as though every time I see one, I forget about the last however-many times I've seen them." When he was a boy, he'd read 'Treatise on the Orc Dilemma,' by some Falkian philosopher he'd forgotten the name of. It was a long-winded essay that basically said that orcs were just of a different culture and that it was the responsibility of the other intelligent races to educate them, or something to that effect. Having never seen an orc before, he'd brought the paper to his father, interested to see what he thought. Robert Welm had torn it in half, and had the eleven-year-old Drostan fitted with armor and attached to a group of soldiers that were hunting an orc raiding party. What he'd seen had made him seriously question whether that philosopher had ever met an orc. Drostan wanted to believe there was good in the Orcs, as there was in all the other races, but he didn't want to be the poor bastard whose job it was to educate them.
Sorry for being so slow. Will have a post up within the next twelve hours.
Alekhine IV had been a beautiful planet, once, he was told. A wide variety of ecosystems, thriving plant and animal life, the whole nine yards. But, it had tons of mineral wealth below its surface and it became little more than a mining node to the various galactic empires and corporate conglomerates. Edwyn wasn't sure if the planet looked torched on account of the many battles over the years that had been waged for rights to the planet's resources, or if the extraction of those resources was what had done it. Either way, what was once healthy and normal had been made bare, stark, and ugly.

Where they were, anyway. Supposedly there were areas, in Alekhine's southern hemisphere where you could trick yourself into thinking that the rock was hospitable. Not here. Here, on some nameless continent where the 121st had been ordered to assault a well-defended drilling station, the soil had been made tough, sandy, and infertile. A number of trees still stood and even more lied flatly on the ground, toppled from their stumps, but they were dry and bare. The earth was jagged and broken in many places, as though the ground itself was out to get you. No signs of life beyond the 121st, the well-lit metallic drilling station in the distance, and the pockets of soldiers and anti-aircraft guns that were scattered on the ground between the two.

The typical per-mission casualty rate of the 121st hovered just around 20%, normally. Of course, that was an average. He could remember times where they had lost only a handful of people out of the whole division. He could also remember missions like this one. Eight dropships had carted them to the surface. Two had been blasted out of the sky, leaving no survivors, and two or three more had been damaged and crash landed. This was bad, but probably was a part of the plan. The mercenary company that owned the 121st, and all the soldiers in it, knew that they were cheap and expendable. Quite probably, they'd been sent ahead just to soften the defenses so that legions of better-trained, better-equipped, actual volunteers could finish the job. This was unfair, of course, the sort of robotic utilitarianism and profit-oriented policy that he'd fought a war against, once. Taking a stand against the injustice had just exposed him to more of it, and so he'd learned to keep his head down.

"O'Byrne!" A harsh, sharp shout snapped Edwyn out of his thoughts. He turned to look, and saw Sergeant Reyes waving viciously at him. Maria Reyes was in her later thirties and tough as nails, one of only a handful of people he really recognized from when he'd been forced to enlist, a little more than a year back. He'd heard she was a cop once, and that she'd beat a suspect to death with her bare hands. It might have been total horseshit, but he believed it. "Get your ass over here!" Edwyn raced over from where he'd been, just outside of the dropship's interior, past some makeshift tables where people were busy setting up comms equipment and the like.

"What do you need, Reyes?"

"I need you to take five people and go check for survivors at the south-west crash site, corporal." She said, turning around and not waiting for a response. Edwyn cocked an eyebrow.

"Er, Sarge, I'm not a-"

"You are now. Felix caught some shrapnel to the jaw when we took that AA round in the air. If you're that terrified of a little fuckin' responsibility we can make it temporary, but you're a big kid now, O'Byrne. Get a move on." She walked away before he could protest. He swore under his breath and ran to grab five people. New one's, people he didn't know. He wasn't expecting trouble, but he wasn't going to be responsible for getting a buddy killed.

As they hustled to the crash site, he caught a glimpse of himself in the small part of his rifle's metal reciever that was still clean enough to be reflective. Tired green eyes, and dark hair and stubble that were both long enough to get him reprimanded if there was an inspection soon, but there was never an inspection. He stood at least a couple of inches taller than even the tallest of his five companions, his fatigues just a little too short in the sleeves on account of the length of his arms. His attention was pulled away from himself, however, as they approached the smoking wreckage. He grimaced, the outlook for anyone who was inside wasn't terribly promising.

He ran over as he saw someone crawling from the wreckage. A soldier, a woman, one of their own. He helped her up and gave her a quick glance over to make sure that she wasn't bleeding profusely or that a bone wasn't sticking out somewhere, not that he was qualified to help if that had been the case. He didn't recognize her, but whether she was new or whether they had just never ran into each other, he couldn't be sure.

"I'm pri- er, Corporal O'Byrne, from Dropship 3. Are you okay?" He said, slowly, maybe a little too loud for how close they were standing. "Do you know if there are any other survivors in there?" He pointed toward the wreckage. He wasn't super confident that there would be, but if she'd made it out, maybe others had, too.

@TheLazarus



I didn't notice until after I finished the sheet that a Lord Robert Welm is responsible for the quote in the OP. I can change Drostan's house, if anything there contradicts. I also don't know if the whole coup backstory is too much, I tried to make it small and relatively easily snuffed out, so that it doesn't throw too much of a wrench in the established history.
I didn't know that Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark from Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch until, like, a couple of months ago.
This sounds pretty badass. I'm down.
We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.
Shevek


From Ursula K. Le Guin's The Dispossessed
Edric





Wimps.

Azamor's thought echoed in Edric's head, bitter, as the demons heading toward them evaporated. Edric knew that Azamor bore a special sort of anger toward his own kind, and he had seen it on display the handful of times they'd been attacked in their journeys. He assumed it had something to do with the reason he'd been sealed in the pendant, all those years ago. Edric didn't know the details, and he'd never asked. He figured Azamor would tell him, someday.

Edric was more relieved than disappointed by the sudden disappearance of the demons, but the feeling didn't last. Dread and curiosity took its place. The dread, he imagined, was natural. This attack had unnerving implications. Whoever had orchestrated it had, apparently, gotten away clean. He didn't want to think about the casualties, but he doubted it was a tiny number.

His curiosity was a little less abstract, more mundane. It was a result not of the monsters that had ravaged the city, but of the well-armed woman who'd he almost fought them with.

"How did you know I'm an Athalian?" He followed her to the bench she'd sat down on and stood beside her. "I'm not, ah, exactly wearing a name tag."

Face it, Eddy. You- no- we- have fans.

"I'm Edric, by the way." He offered a hand to shake and quirked an eyebrow. "But I'm getting the weird sense that you already know that."

@Driving Park




Dexter





"Oh."

Dexter looked around as the demons that had managed to surround him dissolved. He stood, alone now, in the middle of the street holding a fireman's ax. He took another look around, confirmed that he was no longer in danger, and opened his hands, letting the ax fall from his hands. It vanished before it hit the ground. He looked at buildings around him, saw one that looked suitably bar-like, and allowed himself. He'd need to be going soon. Doubtless, there was money to be made off of this. Rich people tended to get nervous, whenever something like this happened, especially if it was difficult to explain or understand. They'd be clamoring for guards, hired muscle. At first glance his resume, what with the police and military experience, was impressive, as was his magic.

But first, there was an unlocked bar, untended expensive liquor, and an empty flask he had to attend to.




Aileen





BANG!

Aileen poked her head above her stall and watched as the smoke created by the explosive she'd thrown cleared to reveal that the crowd of demons that had found their way into the medical exhibit area was entirely gone. The irritated intern from earlier stood up, brushing off his shirt. He'd been cowering behind a bench.

"Well, Ms. Deckard, that was some bomb."

"I don't think-" The explosive she'd created sounded and looked a lot more powerful than it actually was. She'd learned the recipe from a hunter while she and Edric had traveled. It was a lot more effective at scaring an attacker than it was at hurting one. She'd made a couple of the little bombs up before coming, just in case. She hadn't really expected it to do anything to the demons when she'd thrown it. She walked out from behind her stall and looked around. She couldn't see, hear, or smell any demons. "I think it's over."
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