Second Post:
I think you have a slight error where you describe Matt as the "Assistant Defense Attorney" instead of "District."
I still like your use of Matt's abilities as a method for exposition. Both allows your readers to become better immersed in the setting, as well as continue to display his prowess in a casual manner, as well as his everyday existence. And this post has a lot of introspection that I really enjoy. It's always nice to get into the heads of the characters we're following along with.
I do, think, though, that you have a tendency to let your paragraphs run on for too long without a break. They aren't
quite at wall-of-text levels, but they are fairly extensive, and it's a recurring thing. That being said, not saying you need to remove content at all, just find good points to separate the paragraphs. Just reading through I can spot a couple of natural breakpoints for each of these instances without you needing to edit the writing in any way.
As is usual with my reviews, I recommend proofreading out loud to yourself. I'm sure this gets annoying to read constantly, and it may seem like I'm just repeating myself ad nauseam, but there's a reason I keep giving this advice. Word choice, sentence structure, repetition, odd and broken flow, grammar and punctuation issues, etc.. These are all things that are mostly caught and avoidable with such a simple method. I proofread my own writing several times like this and it does wonders.
I'm interested to learn why your version of Matt is so angry all the time. Or, at least, has a short fuse and is quick to explode. Matt's always been a tightly wound individual capable of bursting with the right amount of pressure, but yours appears to be quite easily upset and I hope to find out why as I read more.
Third Post:
Very nice exposition in this post. I particularly liked your descriptions of the city almost being an extension of Matt, and how he felt every aspect of it.
Aw, man. Let the tragic love story of hero pushing away romantic interest begin. Damn these comic characters and their inabilities to communicate like mature, reasonable adults!
Fourth Post:
Don't really have many comments for this post, other than, again appreciating all of the introspection. And that you really like the word "heat."
Oh, and, also, wasting no time in just dropping that bomb. Here's to crossing my fingers that Karen isn't a secret pornstar with heroin addiction this time.
Fifth Post:
Hm. Have to admit, not where I thought Matt was going when the last post ended with him having already taken off. I figured he was instantly running to his friends, to ensure those threatened consequences were not their lives being forfeited. Not sure how I feel about Matt being so terrified and insecure that that wasn't his first instinct, especially since he ended up staying in his hideaway for twenty-four hours knowing they were possibly in grave danger. But, again, interested to see you explore why this Matt is different in these ways. He's clearly already more broken than he typically is when this early in his career.
I also won't lie, would have preferred to see more of Matt as Daredevil before near-instantly being introduced to an arc that just tears it all out from under him. Part of me feels like there was no real establishing plot before reaching this point, and so it feels sort of hollow, to me. I think, for me, at least, it would have hit much harder had we been with Matt in his Devil persona for a little longer, a couple of outings, perhaps, to demonstrate his confidence and show us the previous status quo. With just jumping straight into tearing it down without having first built up that foundation, it doesn't have the same effect I think that it would have otherwise. Like, as much as I appreciate the story you're trying to tell, this particular aspect of the plot is mostly flat to me as we barely got any time with him outside of the courtroom before his life was upended. I just can't find myself caring as much about the development because of that.
Sixth Post:
More well done exposition here.
The first half felt somewhat monotonous without breaks in the lengthier dialogue, but that's probably just me.
Seventh Post:
You keep mentioning this man in the other cell, giving him close attention in two or three different sections now, so something tells me he's not really a bum passed out. I'm guessing assassin sent by Fisk to 'suicide' Matt.
Hm. Now, having read the attack, I don't actually know if the ragged man was the one in the other cell or not. I don't think so? Guessing that was a red herring. Interesting that they sent an assassin with only one good arm, though. I guess the Hand take themselves seriously this incarnation: no plural 's' at the end of their name, so every operative only gets to use one single arm.
Would have liked to get just a moment's internal struggle on Matt's decision to go on the run now, after pledging he would stay and fight the charges. I mean, it's obvious
why, but I'd still have liked to get Matt's perspective on it, maybe see him debate the choices and the cons of both.
Eighth Post:
Matt likes to live life on the edge, huh? Letting blood from unknown men seep into his orifices. And this is after he lost out on his medical benefits upon resigning. Dude really is the Man Without Fear.
Speaking again to his aforementioned anger issues, your Matt is quite brutal. Just slicing off a dude's finger without any semblance of a chance. And his index no less. So cruel, Matt, so cruel.
Plus, this crazy motherfucker didn't even bandage and cut off the blood-flow after the guy went unconscious. Which, by the way, all those guys knocked unconscious would also be dead or have irreparable brain damage seeing as they didn't wake up after a few seconds. Matt Murdock: murdering menace. Forget Spider-Man, JJ needs to look at this red-suited vigilante.
Ninth Post:
Fisky-poo's monologue should probably be separated into a couple of paragraphs, especially as you intercede with exposition a bit.
As I've commented elsewhere, I'd avoid using capitalization to demonstrate annunciating or overstressing words. Italicize, preferably. Others may not feel this way due to this being a casual roleplay environment, but just, in general, that method is largely associated with being amateurish. I know you probably chose to do so here because Kingpin's text was already bolded, though.
Hm. So, I'll admit, I slightly spoiled myself on this moment due to Doc's awards mentioning this scene. So, maybe the surprise was tarnished for me as I was expecting it for the past eight posts. But, this didn't connect with me. Don't get me wrong, I completely appreciate the balls to off not only a major villain but one of the most prominent nemesis in comics. And to do so in such a public spectacle that there will be serious fallout. But the fight just felt off to me. Given how out of it, beat down, exhausted Matt already had been. Still coming off of being drugged. Given the brutal onslaught he had just received from Kingpin and how he could barely move, the sudden and immediate turn-around was offputting to me. Especially given there were two of Fisk's men there who didn't intervene to prevent their boss's murder. While I still really appreciate the end result, the journey didn't sell me.
Tenth Post:
<Snipped quote>
This comment from Stick definitely rings true with how I feel Matt's been operating this arc. Mostly just stumbling along a path everyone else paved for him.
I would have loved to get some exposition on Stick, who he is, what he did for Matt, etc. While I love seeing him introduced, without relying on comic knowledge, we have zero information as readers about him here other than he trained Matt at some point.
While I may not have always thought the path you took to get to this point was done the best, I do like where you leave things off. And it certainly manages to keep me interested to see what happens next season. The idea of Matt having an entire city, as well as different shadow organizations, against him is exciting. As is the power vacuum that will come of this.
I didn't want to continually say this for each post, so I'll just let you know that the comments I gave about flow, diction, syntax, repetition, and lengthy paragraphs persisted through all of them. The fourth post, in particular, suffered from the lack of breaks in paragraphs. Especially since that post was shorter in comparison.
Overall, I liked the opening post a lot. I enjoyed the exposition and introspective moments that filled the next couple posts. After that, though, I feel like everything was rushed. Especially for an arc as pivotal as the defeat of Kingpin and discrediting of Matt's civilian identity. And even more so for his complete outing. As I said before, there wasn't enough of a foundation built prior to it. The buildup wasn't there. And having all of these things happen in rapid sequences like this kind of stole what thunder there was from each preceding one.
Likewise, Elektra's betrayal. The moment didn't carry the same weight that it should have because we only ever got one previous scene with her, and then a brief phone call/audio message. If we're never really introduced to a character and don't get to spend time with them, then moments like these never have the full effect. I understand we're all comic fans here, and this moment was never going to be a complete surprise to us, but just because it's been explored in the comics doesn't mean we shouldn't still give these moments and events the full breadth of treatment that we would if they were original moments. It's all about making sure we build up and provide the proper amount of context and emotional leverage so that the big moments have the impact they deserve.
While I could still find enjoyment in pieces here and there, after the first few posts the rest of this arc just didn't land with me. Personally, I would have liked to see this be the second season arc after first experiencing more of Matt's regular life, and especially more of his Devil work. Especially with more of a tease for the conflict between Kingpin - as well as more exposition on him being Fisk - and DD being sprinkled throughout. Then, a story like the one you told here would have carried much more weight to it, I think.
I also felt like Matt didn't really achieve anything himself in this plot. Everything was pretty much handed to him. Even when he was going after Fisk's operation and interrogating his henchmen, it didn't really matter as Fisk/Silkworth gave Matt all the information themselves. It didn't feel like, to me, that he earned the 'victory.' There was no investigative work, no real following of clues, no steps taken between starting point and destination. I think that also affected how it felt rushed to me.
To me, it seemed like there was a place you really wanted Matt to be for you to write from, and you wrote an arc to quickly achieve that but didn't give enough attention to the journey along the way. So the payoff wasn't as substantial as it could have been. I think either more time should have been spent building up to everything, or the position you were setting Matt up for should have been where we started off.
That being said, solid exposition throughout the season. Quite a bit of interesting introspection. I want to stress how much I appreciate the effort you put into that.
And, I also have to give you a lot of credit for finishing the arc. I know you were very proud of this, and you should be. It's definitely an achievement in these games.
Given where things left off this season, I'm looking forward to seeing the transition into the next.
Lonnie Lincoln as new Kingpin, please?
webboysurf,
Qia,
Skai,
Fetzen,
Festive,
Alix,
Lord Wraith,
Izurich,
Supermaxx,
Lucid Dreaming
