Sierra

Tear the World Down

I might, but only as another character. I will not be donning the GM hat to advance the story further until we've gathered everyone. That is a prerequisite for how I plan to advance the story since things are going to start moving along pretty steadily at that point.

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@Isotope I figure I'll let everyone get into the same place, and once everyone has settled in and gotten cozy I'll throw a monkey wrench many sharp objects into the mix.

Tear the World Down

For everyone else regarding posting orders ...

I don't really do that even when we get to combat. Now I generally want everyone to maintain similar posting frequencies so we may get to times where we need to hold up for a person, lest they get too far behind (and I will be stricter with this when the party is embroiled in battle). However I will never say that we must go in X order. That's too rigid and inflexible for the inherently dynamic availability of players and causes a large number of avoidable holdups.

I'm glad things have slowed down a bit, as it gives me some breathing room to work ... and I'm about to run out too. For anyone who doesn't know (which should be everyone here because I've never said it), I am interviewing for an internship over summer this Friday and if I get it, that's 30 hours a week I'm working plus a long commute. Also in terms of my time availability I'm kind of a night-owl (as many programming majors are) so I may be GMT-5, but you can effectively treat me as if I'm a few hours behind that, GMT-7/8.

Tear the World Down

@Luin Angia So I have a good amount of mixed feedback for you (and an apology for taking over 24 hours for a CS review). Branwyn I think is pretty good. While my own leanings think she has an unrealistically high tolerance and probably would have snapped sooner, I do like her. Being blind I think is a really interesting aspect to the character however it comes with the same kind of concern I had about Matty. I don't want to see a character who's a drag on the party. The party's job isn't to babysit so she needs to be able to cut it with the rest of them (and trust me, there's gonna be a nice wave of enemies thrown at them real soon) in at least some capacity. To that end, I think the character's power level is currently insufficient, but I'll get to that.

Tollame however gets some less glowing feedback. I think he feels kind of flat, especially compared to how believably well done Branwyn's motivations are. (I suspect in writing the sheet you got to him and the creativity just burned out.) He's also where I think the power level problems come in. His illusion ability I think is quite cool, but ultimately is not going to win you any fights (and avoiding fighting will not always be an option). As I said above, I think the power level actually needs to get dialed up somewhat (either that or convince me that they have some alternate role they can serve which doesn't require upping their strengths).

There's two more-specific things that I need to specifically address too. You said that Tollame was killed almost a year before the other Legionnaires ... but per the already-existing history no one in Avalon can claim the feat of slaying a Legionnaire. Yes they were defeated and captured at the Nexus, but they essentially committed mass suicide in the process of forging the prophecy which guarantees their return. The other has to do with the null soul concept. It's possible I'm horribly misreading it but I get this impression that, at the battle of the Nexus one of two things should have happened given this: either Tollame is completely immune to the aetheric detonation in which case there's no reason they should have lost, or the surge would have destroyed him. The construct seems at odds with the notion that the souls of the Legionnaires survived half a millennium after their demise and I don't think it's a sufficiently worthwhile gimmick to potentially cause so many complications. In other words, it should either be clarified, expanded upon, and made more relevant, or you should consider dropping it. I think Branwyn is interesting enough even without considering that so don't feel bad about leaving it behind.

I don't particularly like to rip on a CS, particularly on someone new to the site, but I do want to see a revision pass before I will approve her.

Tear the World Down

It makes it easier to tell who is who when I get sparse with the non-dialogue text ... which I often do during dialogue-heavy bits (usually when the clarity is most needed). Hence I've adopted it as a standard practice when I write for others.

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I'm technically 12 minutes late, since it's the 15th already at the time of posting, but I did get one out for you guys so as to continue.

@MegaOscarPwn I'm gonna slap you with an APPROVED on that pass and tell you to get your butt to Silverwick!

@Isotope I did get the PM though a map is not high on my priority list right now. That's something I'll worry about when things are slower and more stable (right now I can barely think straight).

@Ferrocerium I think Armsael's personality filled in quite nicely. :) I still have the question/concern of how useful Matty is going to be to the party. They're not here to play babysitter. I'll trust you have a plan to play him that doesn't create any issues there so I'll give you an APPROVED.

@Whoami You and I still need to talk about some things: some plot-related, some not. I just didn't get around to PMing you back tonight. The really short, really vague version of what I'm gonna answer is "only if you work for it." Plus there's some plot stuff in that vein you've kinda made yourself relevant to so we need to be on the same page about it.

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Her money was gone, rations were low, and her horse was exhausted. Almost four days riding sun up to sun down took its toll, at her fierce pace nonetheless. The sky had gone black once more but tonight she kept pressing on, spurred by the tingling sense that what she came for was close at hand. The weight of exhaustion pressed upon her whole body like the weight of her armor after hours of training. Even in the darkness the oppressive warmth in the air offered no relief from the day’s exertion. Time lapsed as she slipped from consciousness briefly. She hated the feeling that she’d missed an unknown amount of time, this it marked the time for her to stop for the night.
“Carry on, child. We are close.”
She mustered the strength to growl at the voice in her head, “do not call me that.”
Perhaps it was the tired delirium, or perhaps she was in fact losing her mind. Whatever the case, her stupor made it far funnier than it should have been that here she was talking to some imaginary voice. It seemed to serve to wake her up a sliver which was enough to finally make it within view of Silverwick.

“Gods have mercy ...”
She knew the history of what happened here, but to see the devastation firsthand was nothing short of shocking. Much of the rubble had weathered to dust, flattening into an ashen soil half-burying what still stood. Nothing green lived here; everything was grey and black and charred. Various half-destroyed buildings stood like a scorched forest across the barren expanse. Yet the place felt ... alive. A burning energy permeated the very air. She was losing her mind. There was absolutely nothing living here, and she knew she didn’t have the aetheric training to sense anything. Perhaps more concerning was the sense of familiarity. She had never been here before, or had she? She left her horse and treaded carefully into the ruins.

“I always hated this place,” the voice spoke again.
This time she swore it came from one of the streets ... or what she assumed were once streets now buried in ash. “Who are you?” she called into the inky night.
“Do not be afraid.”
Adrianna could see nothing anywhere, and it kept changing direction whatever it was. Its advice certainly wasn’t helping to reassure her racing heart.
“Relax, child. I am only here in your mind.”
That was less than reassuring. It still didn’t answer her thousand questions. “I am Kassandra Malistare, the blade dancer. Forgive me for startling you.”
Adrianna pulled at her hair, convinced her own mind was betraying her. Seemingly knowing, “Do not be afraid, your mind does not deceive you, and you are not alone. We should find the others, before I teach you.”
‘Teach me what?’ Adi thought to herself, finally breaking the habit of speaking out loud to the voice in her head.
“Everything,” Kassandra answered, “All the power I once wielded will be yours to command, to right the wrong that I see tearing you apart, to shape this world to your will.”
‘... The power to take back my rightful crown,’ she fantasized.
“You are not meant for your father’s crown.”
“It is my birthright!” she seethed aloud.
“Your birthright is to rule far above your petty lordship. You will sit upon the throne of the Imperium itself and preside over half of the known world.”

Kassandra had her. Just like that she owned the girl. Adrianna coveted a throne and she was just promised the highest throne in all of Avalon. If she had a physical form, her telltale smirk would be all over it. ‘What would you have me do?’
“This world took from you what it promised and cast you aside. Here on the site of our fiercest victory, you too will learn the power to rewrite the world in your image.”
‘Gods have mercy the old legend is true ... you were a Legionnaire.’
Adrianna couldn’t even comprehend it. Shock and exhaustion took her legs out from under her. Kassandra was of the Shadow Legion, and she was among the chosen reincarnate.
“I am indeed, and you, Adrianna, will be my protégé.”

She remembered what Kassandra had said: that the others needed to be found. Adi remembered her horse, and led him through the city towards a flickering light near the fringe of the ashland. She thought she could see people around the flames but she couldn’t shake the thought this was all a hallucination. Rest would do her well. If the people were real, she only hoped that there would be no need for a fight. Her staff and armor were both stowed and she had neither the strength nor the dexterity use either at this hour.

Tear the World Down - Dark Fantasy Done Differently

@Ferrocerium I almost missed this being in the other thread. Most of the activity has relocated over to the OOC (there should be a large obvious link on page 2). In terms of feedback I'm a little weary to give final verdicts since it looks like you're still working on it. In any case, I do like it. I think being given nothing, and having everything taken is a great framework for his motivations, though my concern is how focused will he be? If he's too childlike and distracted to really be useful to the party then that's more of a problem since I won't be too keen on them having to constantly be babysitters.

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@MegaOscarPwn Do you want me to wait for a completely different CS or do you want me to review the one you gave me? Given a number of people from the int check haven't shown up yet, we're not exactly cramped for space.

@BurningCold I've considered it, but on the same notion I like having this fervor of activity here. It keeps the thread feeling very alive (even if a bit chaotic) rather than outsourcing all of that energy to a discord that's out of public view. There's something to be said for the appearance of a bustling thread on morale and recruitment, the same as there is something to be said for the convenience and rapid iterating of a real-time discord server.

@Whoami I promise that's coming today.

@Templar Knight Those two seem forceful and brutish. I like it. Gonna give you a nice fat APPROVED. Whether or not we get two strongmen depends on what MegaOscar wants to do.

Tear the World Down

I know I have a lot of catching up to do ... a sheet to approve, PMs to reply to, posts to read and comments to address. It's my first priority come tomorrow but tonight I need some rest. Being mothers day most of my day was spoken for.