Virgil

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

WOAH, that was a sudden explosion of activity! Regardless, it might take me a bit to get a good post up, but I'll have one out today.

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

Just out of curiosity: Is anyone else gearing up for the RP by writing out little segments of character dialogue and such, or is that just me and my anxiety?

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

The Knight Of The River

• Name: Druncarde "Of The River"
• Age: 27
• Gender: Male
• Race: Human
  - - -
• Appearance: At 5'6", it's more than fair to assume one might be unwieldy under the turbulence of war - yet what he lacks in size, the former farmhand makes up for in strength, carrying a deceptively muscular frame beneath modest attire; Heavy black eyebrows rest plaintively beneath a widow's peak of fuzzy, pitch-black hair, and a short, bushy beard covers the olive skin of his rounded chin. Lazy umber eyes greet the world with a placid reflection, as if to cut conversation down to a convenient minimal.
  - - -
• Personality: Still waters run deep, or so the saying goes - and if any man were to reflect this sentiment, it would surely be the Knight Of The River. Soft-spoken in nature, with a voice like a house cat and his mind a labyrinth of philosophical pondering, mellow musing and quaint quandary, he replies only when spoken to and never more than anyone else need care to know. Generosity he repays in small thanks, disrespect with suspicious absence of malice, and intelligence with equal parts honor and envy; Druncarde is only one to mind another if they mind him, and anyone unlucky enough to get stuck scouting with him would have better luck coercing song with the birds than idle, "useless" conversation from this warrior of whispers. His unofficial motto: Stoop to Conquer.
  - - -
• Brief Backstory: Druncarde is no one to judge; Born the third son to peasants, he was forced to seek his fortune fighting for the realm at an early age, entering into service as a Footman at 18. Over subsequent years of duty, he accrued prestige (Sergeant) and a reputation for integrity, modesty, and an ear like that of a well trained hound. When the War of the Red Flag broke out in full, Druncarde lost the remnants of his heritage to blood and fire - and lacking any proper place to call home, he declared himself nameless until such a time as he would make his own. As luck would have it, diligence in battle rewards even the poorest of souls, and Druncarde would gain his knighthood at the aptly named Red Crossing, a thin stretch of rocky river forded by several stone works, and over which he would strike down not one, not two, but three particularly exemplary knights of the Phoran rear guard. The battle earned him his title, but for the sake of humility, he refrained from any further glories; Time has only elevated a desire in him to return to humbled roots.
  - - -
• Equipment: Though modest of character, Druncarde's vanity is plastered in full over a head-to-toe set of steel plate, coated bright orange with paint and embellished with ocean-blue details of a crescent moon, twinkling stars, and more than a handful of "sea-goats" dancing about between them. In his left hand he prefers an ash spear with a long, narrow spike adorning its head - the better for puncturing gaps behind the knee, between the groin and the inner thigh, under the armpit, or through the visor or throat. In his right he touts a shield as garish as his harness - a towering kite layered in birch, hide and steel, before finishing with a coat of equally engaging orange and topped with three blue horns painted to look as if they curl about each other. Tucked neatly away at the small of his back lies a strapped pouch for less violent, but equally personal belongings; Attached to his waist dangles a smooth, aged shillelagh...as a backup in case his primary tool isn't persuasive enough for the particularly brazen foe.
  - - -
• Skills: Violence has taught Druncarde the boundless values of subtlety, and as such he is adept at paying close attention to the environment around him, allowing him to use the slightest weakness as his winning exploit. In combat, he prefers not so much to use the terrain as to become it - wearing down enemies from a distance, and only choosing to strike once he's persuaded them that they're winning. Lessons learned from a lifetime of internal solitude allow him to bend easily with the shifting of the wind, and his ability to blend in with his surroundings has saved him more than once from breaking to the metaphorical torrents of man-made storms. In his spare time he values art and craftsmanship, and enjoys woodworking scenes from life; small figurines may occasionally find themselves scattered about the premises wherever he goes, reflecting the lives and livelihoods observed there.

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

@Crimson Paladin

"The stone cannot know why the chisel cleaves it;
the iron cannot know why the fire scorches it.
When thy life is cleft and scorched, when death and despair leap at thee,
beat not thy breast and curse thy evil fate,
but thank the Builder for the trials that shape thee.
-The Hammer Book of Tenets"

Let the Mechanists curse themselves to fate for betraying that which is holier than themselves!!!...
...and coincidentally, out-of-vogue XD).

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

The Knight Of The River

• Name: Druncarde "Of The River"
• Age: 27
• Gender: Male
• Race: Human
  - - -
• Appearance: At 5'6", it's more than fair to assume one might be unwieldy under the turbulence of war - yet what he lacks in size, the former farmhand makes up for in strength, carrying a deceptively muscular frame beneath modest attire; Heavy black eyebrows rest plaintively beneath a widow's peak of fuzzy, pitch-black hair, and a short, bushy beard covers the olive skin of his rounded chin. Lazy umber eyes greet the world with a placid reflection, as if to cut conversation down to a convenient minimal.
  - - -
• Personality: Still waters run deep, or so the saying goes - and if any man were to reflect this sentiment, it would surely be the Knight Of The River. Soft-spoken in nature, with a voice like a house cat and his mind a labyrinth of philosophical pondering, mellow musing and quaint quandary, he replies only when spoken to and never more than anyone else need care to know. Generosity he repays in small thanks, disrespect with suspicious absence of malice, and intelligence with equal parts honor and envy; Druncarde is only one to mind another if they mind him, and anyone unlucky enough to get stuck scouting with him would have better luck coercing song with the birds than idle, "useless" conversation from this warrior of whispers. His unofficial motto: Stoop to Conquer.
  - - -
• Brief Backstory: Druncarde is no one to judge; Born the third son to peasants, he was forced to seek his fortune fighting for the realm at an early age, entering into service as a Footman at 18. Over subsequent years of duty, he accrued prestige (Sergeant) and a reputation for integrity, modesty, and an ear like that of a well trained hound. When the War of the Red Flag broke out in full, Druncarde lost the remnants of his heritage to blood and fire - and lacking any proper place to call home, he declared himself nameless until such a time as he would make his own. As luck would have it, diligence in battle rewards even the poorest of souls, and Druncarde would gain his knighthood at the aptly named Red Crossing, a thin stretch of rocky river forded by several stone works, and over which he would strike down not one, not two, but three particularly exemplary knights of the Phoran rear guard. The battle earned him his title, but for the sake of humility, he refrained from any further glories; Time has only elevated a desire in him to return to humbled roots.
  - - -
• Equipment: Though modest of character, Druncarde's vanity is plastered in full over a head-to-toe set of steel plate, coated bright orange with paint and embellished with ocean-blue details of a crescent moon, twinkling stars, and more than a handful of "sea-goats" dancing about between them. In his left hand he prefers an ash spear with a long, narrow spike adorning its head - the better for puncturing gaps behind the knee, between the groin and the inner thigh, under the armpit, or through the visor or throat. In his right he touts a shield as garish as his harness - a towering kite layered in birch, hide and steel, before finishing with a coat of equally engaging orange and topped with three blue horns painted to look as if they curl about each other. Tucked neatly away at the small of his back lies a strapped pouch for less violent, but equally personal belongings; Attached to his waist dangles a smooth, aged shillelagh...as a backup in case his primary tool isn't persuasive enough for the particularly brazen foe.
  - - -
• Skills: Violence has taught Druncarde the boundless values of subtlety, and as such he is adept at paying close attention to the environment around him, allowing him to use the slightest weakness as his winning exploit. In combat, he prefers not so much to use the terrain as to become it - wearing down enemies from a distance, and only choosing to strike once he's persuaded them that they're winning. Lessons learned from a lifetime of internal solitude allow him to bend easily with the shifting of the wind, and his ability to blend in with his surroundings has saved him more than once from breaking to the metaphorical torrents of man-made storms. In his spare time he values art and craftsmanship, and enjoys woodworking scenes from life; small figurines may occasionally find themselves scattered about the premises wherever he goes, reflecting the lives and livelihoods observed there.

Blades of Iron Roses: An Anime-Inspired Fantasy Knight RP

This looks interesting - I'll have a character post up in a little while if you'll have me.

Wee bit confused on this, so...do the Iron Rose Knights have any specific beliefs all members must show an affinity towards, other than the protection of the realm?

The Vestiges Of Krolm

@Shadow Dragon That's definitely a better attempt, but you've still got a long way to go before you really progress out of your older habits. I don't think it'll work here, and thus this is where the RP'll have to end, but I wish you good luck in all of your future RPs; G'day!

The Vestiges Of Krolm

Well alright then - give me another post to prove your word and we'll see where that puts us.

The Vestiges Of Krolm

Well I can't say they've influenced you for the better - I can see the direction that you're taking because of it, and frankly, your writing feels disconnected from the rest of the RP:

For starters, your mechanics feel stiff and unnatural, made all the worse by Socorro needing to be given a solid emotional connection in order for the reader to care about his otherwise lackluster motives. If I break the flow of the action. By splitting a sentence too early instead of fleshing it out and leading into the next. It hurts the reader's immersion in my story and my characters. Now obviously I'm no expert in this field, I'm practically a novice myself what with the ease with in which I lose interest in what I'm writing, the at-times strange grammatical decisions I make in trying new angles, or my simple inability to write more than a paragraph at a time before having to press the enter key and move on to the next line. Yet despite all that, I'm at least trying to make the flow of my stories feel immersive - I want you to imagine you're THERE, in the thick of it, observing craft and character alike in Real Time...and static writing doesn't give you that immersion.

Next...your character, man; Now yes, drama comes in many forms, but I think it's fair to say that as with any craft you really ought to grow past the basics beyond a certain point - and Socorro is as basic as they come. He's a cut-and-dry stereotypical JRPG youth with a dark and/or mysterious past, a strange feeling that he doesn't fit in and/or is hated by all (probably because the only emotions available to that type of character are angst, fear and apathy), and an overwhelming power that comes at the tragic price of bum-all. To top it off he's subject to the errors of Tell, Don't Show - exposition and internal monologues ram backstory into scenarios in which it has no right to be, and they take away from the other forms of development your character could be engaging in (talking with other characters via natural dialogue, showing through action/inaction, describing through allusion or subtle comparison).

Finally, in keeping with the terms of an immersive atmosphere, your style of writing seems to push everything else BUT your character to the background - and that's especially antagonizing BECAUSE he has nothing interesting to say or feel. This is an RP, and while every character has their own role to play, the general idea is for the players to work together in order to create an interesting, collaborative story. Socorro's role here mainly seems to be exposing/progressing a bland backstory in order to...focus on him; That's it, that's his ultimate role in the story - self-inflation. Yullar isn't exactly a saving grace, but at least his self-centered, carefree, battle-loving nature (and subsequent death...Spoiler) is supposed to be a symbolic and short-term bit of foreshadowing for the plot, in addition to progressing it through its first stages in the battle atop Krolm's Anvil.

As you can tell, I feel pretty damned serious about this...but with all that said and done, I'd actually like to continue to progress this setting and sharpen my skills through this RP, because I still think it can work - but I can't justify continuing it as two separate stories trying to merge into one. So the question that arises here is, "Can you change for the better on this?"

The Vestiges Of Krolm

@Shadow Dragon

...How many Anime/Soap-Operas do you watch?